I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

Danielle was talking a million miles a minute. The words were rushed and pushed together; making anything she was saying just a jumbled mess.

I glanced down at the clock; 12:46. Running a hand though my hair, I pulled her back down on her bed.

“It’s late; sleep,” I instructed her, interrupting her current explanation on why some kid named Jake was pushed off the swing by a fourth grader. She gave me a halfhearted huff, crossing her arms and pursing her lips in a hard, tight line. With a wave of my hand, I left her; sure as hell I wasn’t going to get anything by standing and watching her.

Instead, I collapsed on my bed, every bit of cotton that brushed my skin enticing my eyelids to close, which I had no problem obliging to.

***

Springing up out of bed, I was still trying to figure out what had woken me up first: the thunderous knocking or, perhaps, the incessant yelling of my name. Danielle was out, and the last goddamned thing I wanted was her to be woken up.

I swung the door opening, not wasting another second on checking to see who it was.

“Hayley!” Patrick jumped up, slurring the last bit. “Ah, man, buddy, I haven’t seen you in ages!”

I checked the clock behind me, then turned back to face Patrick quizzically. “It’s two fucking a.m.”

A giggle and a hiccup and Patrick was stumbling in, shoes kicking off and jacket sliding off his shoulders. Rubbing my eyes, I figured I’d be up for a little while at this point, might as well get used to it.

“What d’ya need, Patrick? I was kinda hoping for some sleep, tonight. Or some time.”

He beamed a smile at me and I caught a good whiff of him as he started giggling some more. A heavy cough caught in my throat when the stinging smell of alcohol drifted off him.

“Shit, Patrick, what did you do?” I grabbed his arm and directed him to the couch. I was tired and it was taking everything I had from not passing out.

Flashing his teeth, he slurred, “Pete had a party!” I hushed him quickly, glancing back at the Danielle’s door. “Oh, Danielle sleeping?” he whispered not-so-quietly. Dragging my hand down my face, I nodded and he hiccupped in response.

“Yeah, she is, so I need you to be quiet, you got that? Whisper.” I pressed my finger to my lips overdramatically, trying my best to make sure it registers in his mind.

His mouth formed the perfect ‘O’-shape and he nodded vigorously, for a moment, giving me a headache from watching him.

“Alright, so, what happened and why are you smashed?”

Oh god, he giggled again and I sighed, resisting the urge to face-palm myself. “Pete said I should.”

“Why did Pete say you should?” I had a feeling this conversation would be going for awhile.

He shrugged and leaned closer, once again, trying his damndest to whisper, but failing, far more so than he could comprehend, at the moment. “Because… he –uh-mmm– he said that it would be betterrrr.”

“Better?”

More giggles. Hiccup. “You know what? Mm really tired.” His last words pushed together and everything was just sort of a long slur. “Can’t go home. My mom’ll be maddd.”

I giggled this time, he may’ve been impossible, but at least it was humorous. “Here, I’ll go get you some blankets.” I motioned for him to lay down, but he tsk-ed at me, as if I’d said something completely outrageous.

“Yes?”

“You want me to sleep on the couch? It’s so uncomfortable.” I laughed as uncomfortable had only two syllables for Patrick.

“Fine, I’ll sleep on the couch, you can-“

I was cut off as he stood up and hooked an arm around me, directing us towards my room. “We can share.”

“Patrick? Patrick, no,” I warned, only to be dragged even more, his footing clumsy and awkward. I could’ve easily escaped with no fight whatsoever, part of me, though, I was sure, didn’t want to escape.

We crashed onto my bed, bobbing up and down against the springs. Turning to my side to face him, I sighed.

“Happy now?”

He nodded and let out a low hum, his bloodshot eyes half-lidded.

“Are you going to tell me why getting wasted makes things better?” I persisted. A prominent grimace spread across Patrick’s face; lips, eyebrows, and all contorting together.

“Claire… she said… Claire went to the party too. I said we should invite you. She said no. Really loudly.” He frowned some more, “She doesn’t like you.”

I bit back a laugh. Before, whenever I had asked Patrick if she liked me, he’d always give me a ‘yeah, of course.’ At this point, I was pretty sure I could work anything out of him.

“Why doesn’t she like me?”

He fully closed his eyes. “I don’t know; something about you being…saying…acting…” He buried his head into a pillow before he could finish. “Sleep now,” I barely caught the quiet, muffled words he said.

I wasn’t giving up that easily. “Something about me being…?”

He groaned and burrowed his head further into the pillow. “Pissy, bitchy, fucky. Something along those lines, some kind of profanity with an e sound at the end. I don’t even fucking remember.”

“So you got drunk?”

This time he flipped onto his side too, his eyes doing their best to burn a whole through me, which failed quite obviously. He could barely keep them open, and they were so far dilated, I partly wondered if he could even see.

“I told her I loved her.”

Thatcaught be off guard.

“You fucking what?”

His face was quickly buried back into the pillow. “Loud. See? Everyone’s so loud.”

I laid my head next to his and sighed, causing him to peek up at me.

“Sorry, just, kinda, you know, that’s a huge thing to tell someone. Especially after, you know, three weeks.” At this point, every inch of my body was craving for sleep, and sleep alone.

“Yeah.” And a few moments later, he added, “I lied.” Relief and anger pretty much started a fight-to-the-death battle in my mind. I wanted to be so pissed at him for lying to her like that; not even the worst of people deserved that. But I was relieved, she hadn’t won him over the easily, and I didn’t plan on letting her.

Things were silent for awhile, but I was pretty sure he was too drunk to take much of that into consideration. Instead, he laid his head back down against the pillow and whispered, actually whispered a sorryto me.

So I let it go. For the moment.

Instead, I pulled off his hat, then his shoes, and laid a blanket on top of him. He was out, along with, hopefully, Danielle.

I resumed my position next to him, and, before I could even think over the last twenty minutes, I was in the same state of mind as them also.