I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

I opened the door and threw my keys into the orange ceramic bowl that I made in third grade where I’ve stuck all my keys and extra change from my pockets. Danielle had already claimed her spot on the couch and was flipping through the channels on the TV.

“Danielle,” I said, grabbing the remote out of her hand, “you said you have homework,” I smiled at her.

“Ugh,” she groaned as she hoisted herself off the couch. I flipped the TV off and walked over to grab my homework also. The phone started ringing as I dropped my backpack on the couch.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, I didn’t see you after school,” Noelle, my best friend, said.

“Sorry, one of my stupid teachers made me stay after class, so I had to hurry to get to Danielle’s school,” I said, pulling out my language arts book.

“Oh, I haven’t seen Danielle in weeks. I’ll have to stop by sometime soon,” she said. Noelle was another person who absolutely loved Danielle.

“You’re welcome anytime,” I said, which was true, but very inconvenient for Noelle, considering she lived quite far away.

“Maybe someday after school,” she said. I heard a few people talking in the background then Noelle let out a huge sigh. “Crap, I’ll talk to you tomorrow at school, I have to go baby-sit,” she said. “Bye.”

“Bye,” I replied, hanging up and digging through my backpack for a pencil.

“What’s six times seven?” Danielle asked.

“I can’t do your homework for you,” I said. She groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Just this one, then I won’t ask you anymore, please?”

“Forty-two,” I sighed, giving in, “but I’m not telling you anymore. Got it?”

She grinned toothily at me and went back to writing on the paper in front of her.

Around 4:45, I finished my homework. Danielle was flipping channels again, considering she finished her homework quite awhile ago. I glanced at the clock and jumped up out of my seat.

“Danielle, grab whatever you’re going to take to Nicole’s,” I said, quickly sliding on my work uniform, which consisted of black pants and an off-white shirt that had my nametag attached to it.

Danielle came back from her room hanging onto her coloring book and a gigantic box of crayons. I smiled and quickly walked across the hall and knocked on our neighbor’s door.

“Hey Hayley,” Nicole answered, swinging the door open. Danielle ran in to meet Kellie, Nicole’s daughter who was in the same grade as Danielle.

“Hey,” I said, rushing my words out, “Danielle brought her coloring book, and a ton of crayons. Can you try and make sure she doesn’t forget any? And she hasn’t had dinner yet so-”

Nicole cut me off, “It’s fine. I’ve babysat her millions of times, so I’d hurry up and get to work so you aren’t late. It‘s 4:55. Don‘t you have to be at work in five minutes?”

I sighed, “Yes, thank you,” I waved, quickly said bye to Danielle, and ran downstairs. I usually just walk to work, but, to avoid being late, I hopped in the car that I rarely ever used, considering we’re walking distance to just about everything.

I shoved the key in the ignition and quickly drove the four blocks to the café I worked at.

As soon as I ran behind the counter the clock switched to 5:00.

Perfect.

“Almost late.” I jumped at the voice, spinning around to see Rebecca leaning on the counter, clicking her colorful nails against the granite. Rebecca was another good friend of mine, and, though we didn’t go to the same school, we worked the same shifts most of the time.

“Ha, well, I’m not,” I said, taking my place at the cash register as a customer came through the door.

“I’d be careful,” she said, fixing her nametag on her shirt. “Mr. Roberts will have your head if you’re late again,” she warned, referring to our boss. He was great, but didn’t deal happily with tardiness, and considering I’ve been late quite a few times, he wasn’t a huge fan of me.

I groaned, resting my head in my hands. She let out a small laugh, “Danielle keep you late again?”

“No, not today,” I replied, glancing over to her. “I lost track of time.”

A large man walked up to me and I stood up, straightened my shirt, and smiled. “Welcome to The Coffee Café,” I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the stupid name, “how may I help you?”

***

I trudged into school, complete exhausted. Danielle had thought it would be fun to stay up all night and prance around the room, pretending to be a ballerina. Her new aspiration of the week.

I spun the dial on my locker, quickly entering the numbers, throwing my bag in my locker, and pulling out the few books I needed. The locker door slammed shut with a kick of my foot, and I was off to my first class.

English is always a bad way to start out the day. I like it, don’t get me wrong, but honestly, it’s an extremely boring class.

I walked in and dropped my books on the desk in front of the one closest by the door. Slowly and tiredly, I slumped into my seat.

I kicked my feet up onto the desk across the aisle from me, where Noelle’s supposed to sit. The seconds ticked on, and yet, she didn’t show up. When the final bell rang, the desk still sat, open and empty.

I sighed, pulling my feet off the desk and back under mine. Behind me, I heard the door squeak open, barely noticeable. I spun around in my chair, hoping to see Noelle, only to find some kid that sits behind me. She has bright pink hair, rings sticking out all over her face, and very, very skinny jeans that match her hair. She slowly slinked into her seat, hoping to go unnoticed. But the teacher caught it.

It was quite easy to spot a pink fur ball walking in on a class silenced by the boring monotone of a lecture.

Pinky behind me, always tries to walk in late, and it was pretty obvious the teacher was fed up with it. He quickly told her to gather her stuff and move to the desk closest to him. He ended up switching a few people around. And, to my surprise, Patrick got stuck behind me. I had totally forgot he was even in this class until he was mentioned.

I heard his stuff ’plunk’ onto the desk behind me and him lean forward to me. “Long time, no see, stranger,” he whispered before shifting back in his seat. I turned around so my feet were in the aisle again. I smiled and waved a little inconspicuously so the teacher wouldn‘t noticed and move me away. I was quite content here.

He smiled and gave a small wave back.

“Hayley!” the teacher barked, and, instantaneously, I was faced forward, my feet were back under the desk, and my pencil was pressed to the paper as if I was going to take notes. He pursed his lips together before nodding and continuing to blab on about something that most the class had used as their lullaby.

***

“Oh, that’s a fun class,” Patrick said, catching up with me after the bell rang.

“Definitely,” I said, with a roll of my eyes. We maneuvered the hallways, swerving around screaming teenagers, couples making out, and the football players who huffed down the hallway like they owned it. Oh, the pleasure of being in high school.

Patrick followed behind every step I took, and I found myself gravitating to follow him when he stepped off my path. We didn’t talk much, but we were side-by-side; which was good with me.

Somehow, we made it to chemistry, dodging the paper airplanes and basketballs being thrown around in the hallway. We made our way to the table in back where we sat.

“Today,” Mr. Hollie said, taking the front of the room, “we’re going to turn a penny silver.”

A few people in the class hollered with joy and a few groaned, knowing that this would require them actually participating in class.

“Not really, but it will be shiny and it will resemble silver,” he said, a few more people groaned. “At your table, you will find a penny,” he picked up a penny, showing the class, “they are all older than 1982 so that makes them solid what?” he asked.

A few hands shot up in the air, but he ignored all them and focused on me. “Hayley, what are these pennies made out of?”

“Copper,” I said, my voice cracking. There was a reason I barely passed speech class.

“Correct!” he said. The few hands slinked back down. “Now, I did the annoying work for you. They have all been cleaned. So now, all you have to do is turn them silver.”

I picked up the penny from the center of the table, running my thumb over the shiny surface a few times before turning it over in my hand.

“Everyone, pull on safety goggles and follow the instructions on the board,” he pointed to the white board with words scribbled on it with green Expo maker, “and have fun!”

I pulled the strap of the safety goggles back around my head as a few people in the class complained that it would mess up their hair. I rolled my eyes, glancing up at the instructions.

Step 1: Light the Bunsen burner.

I looked over at Patrick as he looked back at me. “I’m liable to burn the school down if I light it,” I said bluntly.

He chuckled a little before picking up the sparker, “Not even the easy way?” he asked, lighting the burner in no time at all.

“Not even.”

He turned the switch on the burner and the flame disappeared. “Here,” he said, handing me the sparker, “try.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head. “There’s no way. Something bad will happen,” I said.

“Oh come on,” he persisted, “it’s not hard. You just turn the gas on, and then quickly light it with the sparker. Simple.”

I just continued to laugh and shake my head incredulously at him. He pushed the burner closer to me. “I’ll switch the gas on, you spark it,” he said. I held my hand above and slightly sideways from the burner. “Ready,” he said, his hand on the gas switch, “go.” He quickly turned the handle and I squeezed the sparker quickly, a flame shooting up at the same time Patrick quickly pulled his hand away and covering it with his other hand.

“Oh, God, sorry,” I said, assuming a spark had hit his hand. He shook his hand back and forth, muttering ‘ouch.’ “I told you! I told you I shouldn’t be allowed near fire and whatnot.” He stopped all movement and stared at me in the eye. Slowly, a smile spread across his face.

“You so fell for that,” he said, his smile on his face growing wider by the second. He held out his hand and there was nothing.

I let out a breath, sighing with relief. “You,” I said “are mean. Of course I fell for it. Jesus.” I smacked his arm with the back of my hand; my heart still beating furiously.

“Ouch, now that hurt,” he rubbed his arm where I had hit him.

“Good,” I muttered.

“Oh, don’t be like that. I was just messing around. See?” he held his hand out again, “I’m fine. Promise.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, acting as if I was mad. He just smiled back at me, and I sighed, loosening my eyes and giving up the charade. He smiled again, looking back towards the board.

***

“Look at that,” Patrick said, holding up our final creation, “a silver penny. Huh.”

I held my hand out as he tossed the penny to me. “I wonder how much it would sell on eBay,” I said, turning it over back and forth in my hands. “Actually, I’m pretty sure this is illegal. Wouldn’t it count as defacing?”

He chuckled as I threw it back to him. “Call it, head or tails,” he said, propelling the penny into the air.

“Tails,” I called, watching it land in his hand. He flipped it over onto his arm, pulling his hand back.

“Ah, heads,” he said, smiling. “I win.” I scrunched my nose up at him.

“What’re you doing after school?” I asked randomly. He furrowed his eyebrows before answering.

“Walking home,” he said, still looking like I had just asked him something crazy.

“You’ve got a promise to keep,” I said, pulling my feet up onto the table I was sitting on and wrapping my arms around my knees.

He thought about this for a minute before looking at me sideways.

“Danielle,” was all I had to say and his face washed with realization.

“That’s right,” he said. “I’ll walk with you to pick her up.”

“Sounds good,” I replied.

Patrick walked over and sat next to me. “So tell me,” he said, “how’d you end up as her guardian at seventeen?”

“Well, my mom was the one taking care of us, since my dad, you know, passed away. My mom pretty much fell apart after that; my dad supported the whole family. Anyway, she turned into an alcoholic and a gambler and she’d stay out until 4 a.m. then come home drunk and with empty pockets. Four years later, after being forced into rehab, my mom lost custody of us. And since she had no family, and my dad’s family had come to hate my mom, they had no choice left other than to stick us in foster care. A couple months and a few interviews later, we were adopted by this family who cared, but left us to fend for ourselves. Either way, I was taking care of Danielle. So I got emancipated, which wasn’t hard with my record. And quite a few weeks later, I somehow worked it out to get Danielle too,” I sighed, reliving the years in my head. I glanced up at Patrick who was still slightly nodding.

“I had heard,” Patrick said, “something about you. Last year. Your mom losing custody of you apparently was pretty big news. So you’ve been taking care of Danielle…” he paused, calculating it in his head, “almost a year?”

I nodded, hugging my knees tighter.

We sat silent for a moment before the bell rang. I released my knees, hoisting myself off the table. I gathered my stuff in my arms turning around and almost slamming into Patrick. “See you after school?” he half-asked.

I nodded and smiled, “Of course.”