I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

“Hayley,” I heard Danielle’s voice break through my sleep. I pulled the covers tighter on me, it couldn’t be possibly be school time yet.

“Please come here,“ she called again, sounding desperate. I shrugged the blankets off of me and sat up, swinging my feet to the floor. I stood up, searching for the light switch, and slid a hoodie on over the tank top I was wearing.

I heard her footsteps make their way up the hall and to my door. I reached over and grabbed a ponytail holder, tying my hair up as her voice came from the other side. “Please wake up,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

I swung the door open to find Danielle wrapped in a blanket, standing in her pajamas, with dark, droopy bags under her eyes.

“Danielle,” I said, swinging her into my arms, “what’s wrong?” She moaned and laid her head on my shoulder.

“I don’t feel good,” she grumbled, turning her head to cough. I wrapped her tighter in the blanket she had thrown around her shoulders. I carried her into the kitchen and set her on the counter.

“Hold on,” I told her, searching through the cupboards for some cough medicine. I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and handed to her, then proceeded to measure out medicine for her.

I turned around and switched her water bottle for the teaspoon of syrup. She held it up to her nose, took a sniff, and turned her head away.

“Come on, Danielle, it’ll make you feel better,” I persisted. She pleaded to me with her eyes, hoping that I would tell her that she didn’t have to take it. “Danielle,” I set the medicine down and pulled her into a hug. She buried her head in my shoulder, sniffling and coughing. “Where else do you feel bad?” I asked.

She shrugged. “My throat. And tummy. And right here”-she pointed to her temple-”and everywhere,” she croaked, her voice fragile and weak.

“And you’re coughing. Please? Just take some of this. I promise, if you just down it, you can wash your mouth out and go right back to bed,” I attempted to persuade her. She sighed, then nodded ruefully.

“Thank you,” I said, handing the medicine back to her. She grimaced as she swallowed and I quickly handed her water bottle back to her. She quickly took a drink, screwed the cap back on, and set it down next to her.

“Ready to go back to bed?” I asked. She nodded with a yawn, and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, reaching to twirl my hair between her fingers. I carried her to her room and placed her gently on the bed, pulling the covers up and tucking them in around her.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep,” I told her, “don’t worry about getting up in the morning for school.”

She nodded and her eyes drifted shut. I slowly started making my way back to the door, but stopped when I heard her. “Hayley?”

I turned around to face her. “Yeah?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked tiredly. I smiled and walked back to scoop her into my arms.

I brought her into my room, rewrapping the blankets around her to stop her from shivering and turned off my alarm. She was asleep in minutes, and I was asleep soon after.

***

I wrapped the blankets around her tighter, in attempt to get her to stop shivering. She was sleeping soundly, though she shook violently. I tucked what must’ve been the tenth blanket around her, yet she still trembled.

I watched her for a few minutes, making sure she stopped. But, of course, she didn’t. Though she relaxed a little and tucked her tiny head farter into the blankets.

I shrugged and walked into the bathroom, washing my hands and face with tons of extra soap, trying to scrub off every germ. I brushed my teeth for about fifty times, before deciding just to take a shower.

When I came out, Danielle was shaking again, though she was still tucked in all the blankets. I pulled the comforter off her bed and carried it back to my room where I wrapped it, too, around Danielle, which seemed to help a little.

I walked into the kitchen, glancing at the clock and realizing it was already noon. I went back and cleaned up the cough medicine I had pulled out last night and scrubbed the counter, disinfecting any part that Danielle touched.

At this point, I was sure she got what Noelle had when she was here last week, considering she had all the same symptoms and hasn’t been at school a full week now.

I walked over and picked up the phone, dialing Noelle’s number. I went back to the kitchen and started doing dishes.

“Hello?” Noelle answered in a hoarse voice.

“Hey, feeling any better?” I asked, picking up a plate and scrubbing it.

“Eh, not very much. I’m just getting to the worst part of it,” she said, followed by her coughing; which seemed sound even worse now.

“What do you mean?” I asked, rinsing the plate and setting aside.

“Oh well, the first week I’m only supposed to get cold symptoms, which I had. And then for the next two to six weeks, I’ll be coughing like crazy,” she said, making my hands tighten the hold on the plate I had just picked up.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked.

“No, I’m not. Why? You’re not the one with it.”

“No, but Danielle has it,” I said, setting the plate down and running a hand through my hair, “what exactly do you have?”

“Oh crap,” she muttered a few times.

“Noelle, what do you have?” I re-asked, considering she wouldn’t give me an answer.

“Don’t kill me, I swear. That would be a very bad thing,” she said, before taking a deep breath and continuing. “I have whooping cough.”

“And you gave it to Danielle?” I asked in a harsh tone.

“Hayley, listen, I didn’t know I had it. I’m sorry, just go get her some medicine for it,” she said, trying to help calm me down.

“Fine, but then what if I get it? Who will take care of Danielle?”

“Get the vaccination. Then you won’t get it and it’ll probably prevent you from developing it if you do have it,” she said in a relaxed voice.

“I’m allergic,” I said, leaning over the counter, “I’m allergic to the vaccination and the medicine for it.”

“Oh, you’re kidding,” she said, now sounding worried.

“Nope, I’m dead serious.” I laid my head in my hands. If I were to get this, I’d be sick for a ton longer than most, on top of Danielle being sick, and then who would take care of her?

“Okay, here’s what I know,” she began, “you can go get her some medicine, and if she takes it for five days, then she won’t be contagious. So maybe, if you aren‘t infected already, you can try to make sure you don’t get it, rubber gloves, face masks, maybe, other stuff that will keep you clean. And then by the fifth day you can relax a little.”

I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see. “I’ll get her the medicine, but what’s the likelihood I won’t get sick? It’s like 80% of family members will get it, or something like that.”

“That gives you a whole 20%. Don’t worry about it until you get it. Just keep everything sanitized, okay? Don’t eat finger foods, wash your hands, you know the procedures.”

“Okay,” I replied, taking a deep breath and pulling my head out of my hands. “Alright, I’m going to finish cleaning. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, take care of Danielle for me,” she said in her still very gravelly voice.

“Gotcha. Bye,” I said, hanging up the phone. I turned around to find Danielle standing, still wrapped in her blanket, staring at me.

“I’m cold,” she whispered barely audible. I reached over to her, picked her up, and set her on the counter.

“Still feeling icky?” I asked. She replied with a small nod and I wrapped her tighter in the blanket. “Are you tired?” She shrugged.

“Kind of,” she was still whispering, “but I don’t want to sleep.”

“Well, your sick, honey, and sleep helps make you feel better,” I told her, and she gave me a halfhearted shrug. “Do you just want to watch T.V.?” I asked, giving in. She nodded and a feeble smile made its way across her face.

“Can we watch the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie?” she asked.

“Of course,” I said, pulling her off the counter and setting her on the couch. I bent down to slide the DVD in and handed her the remote as she navigated her way to the movie. I smiled at her before going back to the kitchen to finish cleaning.

***

I ran past Danielle as she slept on the couch, hoping she didn’t wake up from whoever was knocking the on door.

“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” I said, reaching to the door handle, though they weren’t going to hear me.

“You don’t look sick,” Patrick said as I opened the door. I smiled and shook my head, opening the door farther for Patrick to see Danielle laying on the couch. “She’s sick?” he asked and I responded with a nod. I pressed my finger to my lips so he’d whisper and motioned him into the living room.

“I brought homework,” he whispered, handing me a bag full of textbooks and folders. “You know how long it took to track down all of your teachers?”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” I said, glancing at the contents of the bag. “Seriously, this was unnecessary.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he shrugged. “Really, it was nothing.”

“Well, thanks, anyway. I really appreciate it,” I said, setting the bag down.

“So she’s sick?” he asked, looking back over at Danielle, who was still sleeping soundly on the couch, wrapped in multiple blankets.

I heaved a heavy sigh. “Yeah, she is. So I stayed home with her.”

“And you’re wearing a coat?” he asked, pointing out the fact I had my jacket on.

“Oh, I was about to grab Danielle and get her some medicine,” I said, taking a seat at the table. “But that can wait. How was school today?”

“You’re sister’s sick and you’re worrying about school?” he asked. “School was fine, what’s Danielle have?”

I shrugged, “Whooping cough, I’m guessing.” That fact hit me all over again and I slammed my head into my hands, resting my elbows on the table.

“Whopping cough?” he asked. I felt him pull the chair out next to me and take a seat. “Holy crap, how’s she feeling?”

“She didn’t sleep much last night, and then this morning she slept until noon-ish, was awake for about an hour, then fell back asleep and has been asleep since,” I said, “she can’t be feeling good.”

“Dang,” he said, looking back over at Danielle. “You were going to take her out?”

“Well, she needs the medicine, and I’m not just going to leave her here.”

“I’ll watch her, you go get medicine,” he offered. I shrugged. “Come on,” he persisted, “you won’t get her any more sick. Plus, you don’t have to worry about waking her or carrying her.”

“But, I-I mean, what if-if she,” I stuttered trying to find some excuse. He just held up his hand.

“Just hurry, and you’ll probably make it home before she wakes up.”

“But, I really don’t want to impose. I’ll just wait ‘til she wakes up to go, how ‘bout that?”

“And then she won’t be feeling well, and then you’ll still have to drag her outside and make her feel worse. Come on, I have no issue doing it, I wouldn’t have offered if I did,” he persevered.

I sat silent for a minute, thinking it over. I’ve known him long enough, and he’s been nothing but nice to me. Why not?

“Fine,” I said, sighing. “If she wakes up or starts shivering, there’s tons of blankets on bed. Um, if she’s hungry, there’s all kind of food in the cupboard, and-,” I started but he put his hand up again.

“You’re going to be gone twenty minutes tops,” he informed me, “I’m sure I don’t need the whole rundown of the house.”

“Yeah, but, just in case. Band-aids are in that cupboard, as are the cough drops. Cups are in the one across from it.” I told him, pointing out each area. “Feel free to watch T.V. If she wakes up, she’ll probably want to watch the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, which is in the DVD player. Just switch the T.V. to ‘Component 2.’”

“Okay, okay, okay,” he said, “I got it. Hurry up. I’m sure you want to be back before she wakes up.”

“Okay, thank you Patrick, I owe you big time.”

He shrugged, “It’s nothing.”

“Well, thanks anyway,” I said, before pulling my shoes on and opening the door. I turned around to glance back at Danielle one last time. Patrick stood up and walked over to me.

“I promise, I’ll take care of her,” he assured me. I nodded before mouthing ‘thank you’ for the last time, and made my way out the door.

***

I pushed open the door and stepped back into the apartment, taking my shoes off. I glanced up to find Patrick with Danielle sitting in his lap, wrapped in tons of blankets. Danielle’s eyes were barely open, struggling to stay awake as Patrick watched the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.

He looked up at me and smiled at the same time Danielle’s eyes shut completely.

“She wake up?” I whispered, and he nodded carefully, trying not to disturb her.

I put my bag of medicine and whatnot onto the counter. Pulling out some more cough drops, cough medicine, children’s Tylenol, and anything that may help her feel better.

I walked over to Patrick, slowly picked Danielle up, and moved her over to the other side of the couch. Patrick thanked me then stood up.

“She was trying to stay awake to see you,” he whispered to me as I stood over her, making sure she didn’t wake up.

I sighed and walked back over the kitchen to wash my hands. “Thank you again, Patrick, seriously, the homework, Danielle. Thank you,” I told him. And he just shrugged.

“Seriously, it’s nothing.” He motioned to everything piled on the counter, “What all did you get?”

“Anything that could possibly make her feel better,” I said, wiping my hands on a towel.

“Did you get that five-day stuff, or whatever it’s called?”

I laughed in spite of everything and ran my hand through my hair. “No. I tried, but they were out. Apparently, the middle school outbreak was that bad.”

“Dang, when do they get more?” he asked, helping me put things away to the best of his ability. Considering he hasn’t been here much, he had to continually ask me where stuff went.

“Wednesday,” I said, shaking my head.

“Well, that’s not bad. Only two more days,” he shrugged.

“Well, that’s two more days that I, honestly, don’t want to have to deal with.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, “but it’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Sure,” I replied sarcastically. “Oh crap, it’s 4:30. Your mom has to be worried,” I said, now noticing how late it was.

“Nah, I called her and told her I’d be here for a little while,” he said, “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

“Oh, of course. I’m glad you’re here,” I said truthfully. I’d been by myself pretty much all day, it was nice to have someone to talk to.

“Okay, cool,” he said, taking a seat at the table.

“How was she feeling when she woke up?” I asked, motioning towards Danielle with my head.

“She wasn’t feeling good at all. She was shivering, like, extremely violently,” he said, looking back over at her. She was still sleeping soundly on the couch. I wondered how much she could sleep before she wakes up and has to face the coughing.

“Dang,” I shook my head, “this is going to be a long few weeks.”

“Wait,” he said, his head quickly snapping back to look at me, “how long is she going to be sick?”

“At least a couple weeks.”

“I thought you said you were going to get the medicine Wednesday…?” he half-asked, now looking confused.

“Well, I was talking to the pharmacist and he told me that the medicine doesn’t actually help people feel any better or speed up the sickness duration, it just makes them so their not contagious.”

“Then why are you so worried about getting the medicine if she’s going to have it anyway?”

“So I don’t get it,” I slid into the seat next to him, “because that would be very bad.”

“I have the vaccination,” he smiled and pointed to his arm. “Hey, why don’t you go get one tomorrow or something? I can watch her again.”

“First of all, no, because you watching her was just a one time thing; I‘m not using you like that. And, second of all, there’s no point because I’m allergic to the vaccination.”

“Allergic?”

“Deathly,” I laid my head back, letting my eyes trace the pattern on the ceiling, “the vaccination and most medication that might help.”

“Crap,” he said, “that would be bad if you got that.”

I sighed, “Very, very bad.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Hayley,” Patrick now whispered.

“Yes?” I asked in a whisper also, keeping my eyes closed. A warm hand barely touched my arm. I quickly opened my eyes and looked down to find Danielle with her blanket, still, and holding onto my arm.

I immediately picked her up and set her in my lap. She laid her head against my chest and closed her eyes again before coughing.

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked. She responded by slowly shaking her head back and forth.

I glanced up at Patrick who had his lips pursed and was staring at Danielle.

“Do you want anything?” I asked Danielle. She nodded slightly before taking a deep breath.

“Water bottle?” she asked. Before I could even consider how to get it, Patrick was already standing up, asking where it was.

“Fridge,” I told him, “thank you.” He nodded, disappeared, then came back in seconds holding Danielle’s water bottle. He handed it to her as she grabbed it weakly, and brought back to her, not even taking a drink.

“Aren’t you going to drink it?” I asked.

She shook her head again, “No, it’s too cold.” She slowly reached over and set it on the table before pulling the blanket back around herself and laying back against me again. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Patrick and I said at the same time. I hugged her tighter as she began to shiver again.

Patrick sighed, “I better get going home,” he stood up, “call me if you need anything, okay?”

“’Kay,” I answered, standing up and setting Danielle on the couch as I walked Patrick to the door.

“I’ll come by tomorrow, probably with more homework.” He slid his shoes and jacket on and stood back up straight to face me. He smiled at me and I did my best to smile back, which was weak and barely counted as a smile. He sighed and, unexpectedly, pulled me into a hug.

“It’s going to be okay,” he told me. I nodded, not sure I believed it, and hugged back. He pulled away and turned towards the door. “Bye,” he said, waving at Danielle who was too engrossed in keeping herself warm to notice anything, and smiled, once again, at me.

“Bye,” I replied. He opened the door and left as I walked back and pulled Danielle back in my lap. She laid her head against my shoulder and sniffled a few times. I hugged her as tight as I could without hurting her, praying to God that she was going to be okay.