I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

“Knock, knock,” Patrick said, pushing the door open a little, revealing he still had his backpack with him.

“Come in,” I said, and he pushed the door open the rest of the way. “How was school?”

“Boring,” he let the backpack slide off his shoulder until it hit the ground. “How’s she?” he asked, motioning towards Danielle, “has she woken up yet?”

“For a little while,” I sighed, scooting over to make room for Patrick, “I had to explain to her just about everything. Then she kept saying her arm hurt from the IV, and that it was hard for her to breathe, so they had to come give her more medicine, which I swear is just Ambien times ten, since all she does is sleep.”

Patrick smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “And how are you? Did you ever get some sleep?”

“I did, in fact,” I said, just as a yawn escaped out of my mouth.

“Yeah, sure looks like it,” he chuckled, before yawning himself.

I laughed and pulled my knees up to my chest, laying my head down on them.

“Come on, let’s go do something,” he said, picking up my hands and pulling me to stand up with him, my feet dropping right back down the ground, “I’m sure you’ve not done anything today.”

I quickly glanced over at Danielle. “What if she wakes up? And I’m not here? Patrick, I can’t go.”

“We won’t leave the hospital, we’ll just go, I don’t know, walk around a little. Have you even left the room today?” He continued to attempt to pull me out the door, but I stuck my heels into the ground.

“No, I haven’t, in fact. Nor will I.” He instantaneously let go of my hands and sighed.

“I’m not going to drag you all the way out there, but come on, you can’t just sit here all day. You need to get moving. You only get more upset when you sit here doing absolutely nothing.”

I sighed, also, and shrugged, “Well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to go and be somewhere other than this pure white, over-sanitized, death-seems-like-a-given, never-ending, black hole.” I could feel both my hands twitch simultaneously at the mention of death. “Listen, let’s just walk around a little, you know? Move around. There’s a McDonalds right across the street, I mean, you can see it from the window here. We’ll just go get some food or something and come back. Gone, at most, fifteen minutes.”

Glancing back and forth between Danielle and Patrick, I gave in, stepping towards the door with a heavily forced sigh.

“Fifteen minutes, Stump, no more than that, sound good?” I smirked at him and he smiled back.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. As soon as it shut behind us, I turned around.

“Hold on,” I told him, making my way to the receptionists desk. “Hi, I’m Hayley Jones, and I was wondering if there was any way you could possibly, you know, call me or something in case my sister woke up,” I asked, leaning against the counter. Patrick walked up next to me and sighed, setting his head in his hands.

“Yeah, sure, room number 316, right?” she asked, her fingers striking against the keys of her computer. I nodded. “Okay, um, which phone number would you like us to call? I have a home phone here, but no cell phone.”

I bit my bottom lip, trying to think of a different way. I didn’t exactly have a cell phone, so that wouldn’t work. Maybe if she called my name over intercom or something like that, or if I could find the McDonalds number…

“…Six, eight, two.”

I looked up at Patrick as he finished telling her his cell phone number.

“Okay, so we’ll just call you if she wakes up. Thank you.” She smiled at us again as Patrick grabbed my hand and pulled me back the original direction.

“Thank you.” I pulled his hand forward a bit, hoping we’d speed up, but he stayed at his same pace.

“It’s no problem. Maybe I can get you to stay out longer? I mean, we’re just a phone call away now.” He smiled at me, obviously pleased with himself. I huffed and averted my eyes forward. Chuckling at my reluctance, he pulled his hand out of mine and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Please?” he asked quietly.

I looked up at him, narrowing my eyes at him. “We’ll see,” I murmured, “we’ll see.”

He simpered back at me. “I’m sure we will.”

We made it outside and I pulled my jacket tighter around my waist, glancing back up to the windows covering the side of the hospital, as if were I were going to be able to see Danielle’s room.

I quickly spun around to Patrick. “Is your phone on? Make sure it’s on high.” I could feel my hands become suddenly nervous and tense all over again.

What if his phone dies? What if something really bad happens and they don’t have time to call us?

“Relax, it’s right here,” he patted his pocket, “and it’s on as high as it’s going to go.”

What if the secretary entered the phone number wrong? What if his phone loses reception? What if they call the home number instead? What if McDonalds is too loud for him to hear his phone?

“Hayley?” he asked, snapping me out of my trance. I shook my head, hoping to erase every single thought, just for a few worry-free moments

“Yeah?”

“Would holding my phone make you feel any better?” he asked with a smile, holding his phone out to me. And though he may have been kidding, I took it anyway.

“Yeah sort of. Thanks,” I chuckled, almost relaxing a little. He gave my shoulders a squeeze and we entered McDonalds, the smell of grease overpowering everything else.

“So, what are you ordering?” Patrick asked as we stepped into line. I shrugged halfheartedly, and leaned into him, resting my head against his shoulder.

“Nothing,” I murmured almost silently, knowing that he probably wasn’t going to let me do that. He looked down at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. Right.” He scoffed and we stepped forward in line. “How about a cheeseburger? Or a kid’s meal, if you aren’t that hungry. But, I promise you, you’re not getting just nothing.”

I chuckled, “Fine. I’ll get some fries. Happy?”

“A large fries, with a drink, and I‘ll be happy.” I nodded and waved him off with my hand as we arrived at the counter. “Hi, I’ll take a large fries with two drinks,” he said, his eyes scanning the menu hanging up on the wall.

“What size for the drinks?” the teenaged, very irritable cashier asked back sharply. Her black hair reached down past her shoulders in thick curls. I grimaced, almost, thinking of her hair in someone’s food. Wasn’t it a guideline or something here for your hair to be tied up?

“What size?” Patrick nudged me, and asked in a hushed voice; a lot less annoyed than the cashier sounded.

“Uh, medium,” I answered back quickly. She rolled her eyes and punched a key on the cash register.

Patrick paid, against my will, for both of our orders. “There’s no point in paying for just one pop,” he had used as an excuse, and part of me knew that I should just let him, it’ll save time, and, probably, some sort of argument.

“Thank you,” I said, tipping my Sprite towards him. He nodded and smiled silently before proceeding to take a drink of his Coke.

We found a booth and slid into it. I offered him some fries and he took a few as we sat silently for a few minutes.

Though, in the back of my head, I knew it was close to being fifteen minutes, continually, I pushed that fact farther back in my head. It was almost a relief to be out of the hospital room.

“So, you’ve done absolutely nothing all day?” he asked, taking another drink.

“Well…” I stirred the straw around in my Sprite, “Noelle stopped by, I had asked her to pick me up some clothes, so she did, but she was sick, so she stayed, oh, ten minutes.”

“And that’s all?”

“That’s all.” Avoiding eye contact with Patrick, I stuck another fry into my mouth, and continued to stir.

“Wow.” From the corner of my eyes, I saw him lean back against his booth and cross his arms. “You need to do something,” he told me, making me look up at him.

“Patrick, I know you’re trying to help, but I’m not going any farther than this. The only reason I came in the first place was because it was so close.” I offered him some more fries, but he shook his head.

“So you just want to go up there and do absolutely nothing for another eight hours? I mean, you can’t seriously tell me that was your plan.”

“That does sound pretty lame, doesn’t it?” I smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood, and he smiled back.

“So, you don’t want to go anywhere, do anything, at all? That can’t be healthy sitting up there for such long periods of time.” The smile on his face turned to a smirk, and he slowly took a sip of his drink.

“So, then, what do you want to do? You know there isn‘t much to do around here,” I countered, hoping he may give up, but, of course, he knew the answer. As always. How could I have possibly thought he didn’t?

“There’s a Dairy Queen the next street over. It’ll get you out and about more, and you’ll get ice cream.” I shrugged so he continued, “Oh come on, it’s ice cream how could you not want it?” He stuck his bottom lip out and shot me a desperate look, and I caved way too easily.

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes, “how do you always manage to convince me to do this stuff?” He laid his head in his hands and smiled cheekily at me.

“Because I’m adorable.”

Well, yeah, I knew that.

“Sure,” I replied, trying to sound sarcastic. “Come on, let’s go.” He stood up and reached over to me to pull me onto my feet.

“I win,” he whispered to me as we exited McDonalds. I was about to turn around and object when the phone in my pocket began buzzing. My hands, already stiff from nervousness, fumbled trying to pull out and open the phone.

Finally, I managed to answer it, almost dropping the phone a few times, as Patrick stood quietly, but was obviously amused.

“Hello?” I said into the phone, holding it tightly to my ear.

“Hi, is Ms. Jones there?” the same receptionist from the desk asked. I nodded quickly before noticing she wouldn’t be able to see me.

“Uh, yes, this is her.” Patrick put a hand on my shoulder and mouthed the word ‘relax’ silently, no longer looking entertained.

“Okay, well, Danielle’s awake now, so if you wanted to know-”

“Thanks, on my way,” I cut her off and quickly shut the phone, handing it back to Patrick. “Thank you so much,” I said, full heartedly. He smiled and put the phone into his pocket.

“So, that means no Dairy Queen, I’m presuming?” he asked still with a smile, though, it was obvious he was disappointed. I sighed and nodded ruefully, wrapping my arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Patrick, another day,” I told him.

“It’s fine. But, I’m going to have to head home, I’ll get wrapped up in stuff, and I’ve got a ton of homework. So, I think, I better go home and finish it.” He sighed and I pulled away to look at him.

“Are you sure?” I asked, not quite ready for him to leave just yet, but he nodded, and gestured to the parking lot with his head.

“Call me tonight if you get bored,” he said, walking over to where his car sat, “see you tomorrow.”

I waved, walking backwards towards the hospital for a few steps, before fully turning around head rushing towards the doors. They opened automatically and I ran up the stairs, too impatient to take the elevator, and to Danielle’s room.

The door was open as I approached it and Nevada was standing at the foot of Danielle’s bed.
“…Because I just had someone call her, and, here she is now,” she said to Danielle as I walked into the room.

I muttered a ‘thanks’ before walking over to Danielle.

“Hey, Dani,” I said quietly as I approached her bed. “How’re you feeling?” She shrugged and reached her tiny arms out to me.

“I want to go home,” she whispered as I gently pulled her off the bed and into my lap.

“Me too,” I sighed into her hair, holding her tightly to my chest and rocking her back and forth softly. “How are you feeling?” I asked again.

“My head hurts,” she laid her hand on her head, “and my tummy too.” I pushed the IV out of the way and laid her back on the bed.

“Still?” I asked and she nodded back, her eyes drifting shut. “Are you hungry?” She continued to nod as her eyes pulled back open again.

“Yeah, a little,” she smiled faintly at me and I told her I’d be right back. I walked out over to the receptionist’s desk again.

The petite, redhead stared intently at the computer screen, typing away at the keyboard. In attempt to grab her attention, I cleared my throat and she immediately stopped typing.

“Oh, hi,” she said, putting on a fake smile, “sorry about that, how can I help you?”

“I was wondering when they sent up the dinner,” I gestured towards the room, “my little sister was hungry and I was thinking that if they didn’t send it up soon then…” I stopped my rambling and sighed as the redhead stared blatantly at me.

“They send it up around six-thirty. But I can have you fill this form, and, well, we’ll see if we can get you in around six, but there’s no promises.”

“Yes, please, if you could try, that‘d be great.”

I filled out a sheet for what I figured Danielle would eat, which included Macaroni and Cheese and mashed potatoes, plus some fries. I almost felt bad making her eat hospital food, and, as I walked back to the room, I promised myself I’d run out and get some actual food tonight for her.

“Six-thirty,” I said, as I retook my seat next to her. She smiled and stared up at the ceiling blankly. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

She shrugged with a sigh. “I really want to go home, please?” she asked, her voice weak and desperate, and part of me almost died, I couldn’t stand doing this to her.

“We can’t. You’re still sick, and when you’re all better, then we can.” I took her hand in mine and pushed some of her hair out of her face. She sighed and looked over to the doorway, a smile suddenly appearing on her face.

“Patrick!” she exclaimed, or at least tried. Her fragile voice barely carried throughout the room.

My head shot up, almost not believing that Patrick would be there, but, sure enough, holding a bag, was Patrick. He smiled widely and walked in, hugging Danielle then leaning over to me.

“I lied,” he whispered into my ear, before pulling up a chair and sitting next to me. He set the bag he was holding in his lap, then looked up at Danielle. “So, how are you feeling? Any better?”

She shrugged, “Kind of,” she said weakly, causing Patrick to frown.

“Well, let me try and cheer you up some,” he said, pulling out a Dairy Queen cup from the paper bag, which automatically brought a smile to my face. “I wasn’t too sure what you’d like, so, is an M'n'M Blizzard good?” He handed her the cup as she nodded vigorously, pulling herself so she was sitting up.

“And, Hayley, based on the day you attempted to steal my Butterfinger Bar,” he said, making me bite my lip to stop from laughing. He shook his head at me, but chuckled also, “I got you a Butterfinger Blizzard.”

He handed it to me and I set it aside. He looked at me oddly for a moment before I sighed.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” I asked. He nodded and I told Danielle to hold on a moment as I grabbed Patrick’s hand and pulled him quickly into the hall. He shut the door behind us and stared at me.

“What’s up?” he asked innocently.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, leaning my back against the wall, “I mean, I hugely appreciate it, and I think it’s amazing that you did it… but… you didn’t have to.”

“I know I didn’t.” He leaned against the wall next to me.

“Then why? Like I said, I hugely appreciate it. But, it doesn’t make much sense, really, I mean, I’ve never really done anything for you, I just don’t understand, is all.”

He chuckled, “I’m just trying to help, really. I mean, you have enough to deal with having Danielle and school and work, I thought I’d just help out a little.”

“Well, I thank you so much, I don’t think you realize how much I appreciate everything. You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

He shrugged and looked over at me, “It’s no problem, really.”

“I don’t think you realize it helps out though,” I breathed quietly. He smiled at me, and, at that moment, my brain shut off. Slowly, he leaned forward, as did I, and, right as our lips touched, every worry slipped off my shoulders. Any part of me that was nervous, or scared, or doubted things would turn out right silenced, and I was left with peace, for the first time in months.

Patrick’s warm hand gently brushed my cheek and I smiled into the kiss, enjoying the fact everything seemed so perfect.

Seemed.