Another Hospital Stay
Chapter 38
I started slowing my pace as I neared the door that lead to the room that my mother was in. Tears started forming in my eyes unexpectedly and started streaming down my face.
"Why are you crying?" Ray asked, brushing my tears away.
"I can't do this, Ray. I thought I could, but I can't," I say, starting to turn and walk away. He grabs my arm and pulls me back gently.
"Alexia, you can do this. Don't say that."
"What if she hates me?"
"Why would she hate you?" Ray asks, confused.
"What if the only reason she left was because she didn't want me, because she hated me, because I somehow reminded her of my father," I sob, burying my face against his chest. "What if she didn't love me?"
"Don't say that. Of course she loved you. She wouldn't have left you because of that. She had to leave. She had no choice," he says, running his hands up and down my back. "Now, are you going to let your imagination run wild with things that aren't true? Or are you going to go inside and see your mom?"
Taking a deep breath, I finally nod, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. "I don't know why I just did that. I'm ready to go in. I want to see my mom," I say, my voice stronger. I place my hand on the doorknob and slowly turn it, pushing the door inside. I look around the room, astonished.
One whole wall was covered in pictures. Of me! She really does care about me. I slowly step inside the room, holding onto Ray's hand tightly. I couldn't take my eyes off the wall. She had pictures of me and her together when I had been born. Pictures of me with my grandparents, pictures of me from school picture days. There was even a picture of me when I had lost my two front teeth and had a gap wider than the Grand Canyon, at least, that's what my grandmother had told me.
"Who is it?" I hear a sweet voice call out.
I froze as I recognized the voice. "Mami?" I ask questioningly.
"Alexia?" I slowly force myself to take a few more steps into the room. I froze when I glanced towards the window, where I found her sitting in an armchair, gazing out the staring outside. "Baby! I thought I would never see you again," she exclaims, standing up slowly.
I rush over to her, bursting into tears once again as I pulled her into a tight hug. "Mami, I missed you," I sob, burying my face in her neck. "I was so scared that something had happened to you."
"Mija, I'm fine. I'm so sorry for what I did. The hardest part of it was leaving you," she says, now crying herself.
"I thought that you didn't love me and that was why you left me at first," I explain, letting out a half cry and half laugh.
"Mija, why would you think that? Of course I love you! I never stopped loving you," she says, kissing my on my cheek.
"I realize that now, mami," I say, glancing over to the wall of pictures. "I also realized it when abuelo and abuela explained to me why you left," I add, hugging her even more tightly.
"Good. But I really do mean it. The worst day of my life was when I left you, darling," she said, kissing me again. "I missed you, mijita."
"I missed you, too, mami," I reply, pulling away from her. She looks down at me with a smile before glancing over at Ray, who had been quiet the whole time.
"Mija, who is that that came with you?" she ask, looking back at me.
I hold my hand out to Ray, who hesitantly takes it, glancing over at my mom first. "Mami, this is my novio, Ray," I explain, wrapping an arm around his waist.
"How are you, ma'am," Ray asks her politely, holding out his hand.
"Fine. And you," my mom replies, taking his hand and shaking it.
"Good. Alexia hasn't stopped talking about you since she found out," he says, smiling.
"Really? I haven't stopped talking about her since I left," she replies, pushing back a stray strand of hair from my face. "Guess what, mija?"
"Is it something bad?"
"No. The doctors have been talking with me a lot lately and they said that I've improved greatly. They have even been talking to me about letting me go home," she says, smiling.
"Really?! That's so great, mami," I exclaim, pulling away from Ray and giving my mom a tight hug.
"Yes, it is. I've talked to my parents and they are as excited as I am about this. They've already started talking with the doctors as well."
"Oh, I can't wait!" I say, starting to cry again.
"I can see what else you got from me. You're almost as bad as I am when it comes to emotional things," she says, shaking her head. "Well, darling, I really hate to say this, but visiting hours are almost over. Will you come back tomorrow, mija?"
"Of course I will. I'll be the first one here," I reply, kissing her cheek and giving her another hug. "I love you."
"I love you, too, sweetheart," she says, giving me a tight hug and a kiss before letting me go. She then turns to Ray and smiles at him. "Take good care of her. I may have just met you, but I think that you are good for her. Just don't hurt her, promise me that."
"I promise. I will never hurt her, don't worry," Ray replies, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," I say, giving her another kiss and hug.
"Okay. Bye, mija," she says, going to sit down in an armchair. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I say, heading towards the door and pulling it open. As soon as we step out into the hallway, I say, "I can't believe I thought all those horrible things."
"Don't worry about it. You were insecure about it all and you had to find a way to ignore the pain," he surmises.
"Since when did you become a guitarist slash shrink?" I ask, raising an amused eyebrow.
"Since I met you," he replies, grinning.
I playfully punch him and say, "So, you think you're funny, huh? Well, hate to break it to ya, but guess what? You're not."
"Way to make me feel bad. You know how to hurt people's feelings," he says, looking hurt.
"You know I'm just kidding. Of course you're funny. Hilarious, even," I reply without blinking.
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better. Why'd you stop? Keep going. It's almost working," he says, winking.
I let out a long sigh and shake my head. "You are so weird."
"Am not. Take that back."
"I think your head needs some fresh air. When was the last time you ever cut your hair?" I ask, burying my hand in his hair and watching it miraculously disappear.
He shrugs and looks at me. "I can't even remember. A long time ago," he says, putting his arm around my waist.
"Why are you crying?" Ray asked, brushing my tears away.
"I can't do this, Ray. I thought I could, but I can't," I say, starting to turn and walk away. He grabs my arm and pulls me back gently.
"Alexia, you can do this. Don't say that."
"What if she hates me?"
"Why would she hate you?" Ray asks, confused.
"What if the only reason she left was because she didn't want me, because she hated me, because I somehow reminded her of my father," I sob, burying my face against his chest. "What if she didn't love me?"
"Don't say that. Of course she loved you. She wouldn't have left you because of that. She had to leave. She had no choice," he says, running his hands up and down my back. "Now, are you going to let your imagination run wild with things that aren't true? Or are you going to go inside and see your mom?"
Taking a deep breath, I finally nod, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. "I don't know why I just did that. I'm ready to go in. I want to see my mom," I say, my voice stronger. I place my hand on the doorknob and slowly turn it, pushing the door inside. I look around the room, astonished.
One whole wall was covered in pictures. Of me! She really does care about me. I slowly step inside the room, holding onto Ray's hand tightly. I couldn't take my eyes off the wall. She had pictures of me and her together when I had been born. Pictures of me with my grandparents, pictures of me from school picture days. There was even a picture of me when I had lost my two front teeth and had a gap wider than the Grand Canyon, at least, that's what my grandmother had told me.
"Who is it?" I hear a sweet voice call out.
I froze as I recognized the voice. "Mami?" I ask questioningly.
"Alexia?" I slowly force myself to take a few more steps into the room. I froze when I glanced towards the window, where I found her sitting in an armchair, gazing out the staring outside. "Baby! I thought I would never see you again," she exclaims, standing up slowly.
I rush over to her, bursting into tears once again as I pulled her into a tight hug. "Mami, I missed you," I sob, burying my face in her neck. "I was so scared that something had happened to you."
"Mija, I'm fine. I'm so sorry for what I did. The hardest part of it was leaving you," she says, now crying herself.
"I thought that you didn't love me and that was why you left me at first," I explain, letting out a half cry and half laugh.
"Mija, why would you think that? Of course I love you! I never stopped loving you," she says, kissing my on my cheek.
"I realize that now, mami," I say, glancing over to the wall of pictures. "I also realized it when abuelo and abuela explained to me why you left," I add, hugging her even more tightly.
"Good. But I really do mean it. The worst day of my life was when I left you, darling," she said, kissing me again. "I missed you, mijita."
"I missed you, too, mami," I reply, pulling away from her. She looks down at me with a smile before glancing over at Ray, who had been quiet the whole time.
"Mija, who is that that came with you?" she ask, looking back at me.
I hold my hand out to Ray, who hesitantly takes it, glancing over at my mom first. "Mami, this is my novio, Ray," I explain, wrapping an arm around his waist.
"How are you, ma'am," Ray asks her politely, holding out his hand.
"Fine. And you," my mom replies, taking his hand and shaking it.
"Good. Alexia hasn't stopped talking about you since she found out," he says, smiling.
"Really? I haven't stopped talking about her since I left," she replies, pushing back a stray strand of hair from my face. "Guess what, mija?"
"Is it something bad?"
"No. The doctors have been talking with me a lot lately and they said that I've improved greatly. They have even been talking to me about letting me go home," she says, smiling.
"Really?! That's so great, mami," I exclaim, pulling away from Ray and giving my mom a tight hug.
"Yes, it is. I've talked to my parents and they are as excited as I am about this. They've already started talking with the doctors as well."
"Oh, I can't wait!" I say, starting to cry again.
"I can see what else you got from me. You're almost as bad as I am when it comes to emotional things," she says, shaking her head. "Well, darling, I really hate to say this, but visiting hours are almost over. Will you come back tomorrow, mija?"
"Of course I will. I'll be the first one here," I reply, kissing her cheek and giving her another hug. "I love you."
"I love you, too, sweetheart," she says, giving me a tight hug and a kiss before letting me go. She then turns to Ray and smiles at him. "Take good care of her. I may have just met you, but I think that you are good for her. Just don't hurt her, promise me that."
"I promise. I will never hurt her, don't worry," Ray replies, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," I say, giving her another kiss and hug.
"Okay. Bye, mija," she says, going to sit down in an armchair. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I say, heading towards the door and pulling it open. As soon as we step out into the hallway, I say, "I can't believe I thought all those horrible things."
"Don't worry about it. You were insecure about it all and you had to find a way to ignore the pain," he surmises.
"Since when did you become a guitarist slash shrink?" I ask, raising an amused eyebrow.
"Since I met you," he replies, grinning.
I playfully punch him and say, "So, you think you're funny, huh? Well, hate to break it to ya, but guess what? You're not."
"Way to make me feel bad. You know how to hurt people's feelings," he says, looking hurt.
"You know I'm just kidding. Of course you're funny. Hilarious, even," I reply without blinking.
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better. Why'd you stop? Keep going. It's almost working," he says, winking.
I let out a long sigh and shake my head. "You are so weird."
"Am not. Take that back."
"I think your head needs some fresh air. When was the last time you ever cut your hair?" I ask, burying my hand in his hair and watching it miraculously disappear.
He shrugs and looks at me. "I can't even remember. A long time ago," he says, putting his arm around my waist.