Hotel Bella Muerte
Confessions
"I'm a fucking whore." Myra says when she's pretty sure Gerard would hear her.
"Uhh, what?"
"You wanted to know what's really going on, I'm a fucking whore." Gerard adjusts the pillow under his head and stares at her for a moment.
"Like red light district, mini-skirt, street corner whore?" He asks as he feels his stomach turn queasy.
"No," she sighs, "Well, you know I said I had a boyfriend, Jeff."
"Its complicated means he's your pimp?" Gerard chortles, "That's a first."
"No," Myra says sitting cross-legged at his feet, she picks uneasily at the chipping nail polish on her fingers, "He gave me the bottle of pills. But you can't get something for nothing. A bunch of us went swimming and he came up to me and fucked me. It wasn't rape. It was like an understanding. Selling myself off for a bottle of fucking pills."
"Wow." Gerard says quietly, "The most I've ever had to do for the good stuff was steal some cash from my bandmates."
"Yeah."
"So like, you did it once, its not like you're a whore, whore." Gerard says trying to be optimistic.
"Its the third fix I've fucked for." Myra mumbles, feeling extremely ashamed, "It was all with Jeff though. Then there was one other time, I gave one of his friends a hand job for a fix. Chris."
"I haven't had sex in a year." he responds bluntly, "but I guess I don't have to tell you, with all this crap running through my system sex doesn't even cross my mind anymore."
"About a year before I started doing this shit I had this one boyfriend," Myra smiles through the pain of the present with sweet memories of the past brewing in her, "I mean, he was the first guy, well actually the only guy I ever really loved."
"Mmm love." Gerard says cynically, "Loved ones die, what's the point." Myra barely acknowleges his comment.
"I remember the sex was great." she says giggling, "We had such a drive for each other."
"Wish you could have it back?" he asks pulling at the dead skin around his thumb, "If you had to choose between the best hit, and being with him again."
"I don't know anymore." she whispers.
"That's exactly how I feel." Gerard says carelessly, "Love to thy drug, love to fellow person."
"The drugs won't cheat or lie."
"Know your dealer and they won't." he agrees, "People lie, people cheat, and people change."
"Not long now." Gerard states looking at his clock, "I can feel it coming already."
"Hmm?" Myra says looking away from her nails.
"When the pain of detoxing really hits you."
"Hey guys." someone says bursting through the door.
"Hey Frank." Gerard says sitting up ever so slightly, "This is Myra."
"Hi." Frank says to her. Myra looks over the figure, all in black, only colour is radiating from his tattooed arms and his toothy grin, "how are you holding up."
"It hasn't left our systems yet." Gerard says carelessly, "Give us two hours tops and we'll be fucked."
"So you're our new guard." Myra says somewhat comically, the guy standing in front of them was at least two inches shorter than her, "Afro-guy, uhh Ray, seemed a hell of a lot more threatening than you." she pauses, "No offence."
"Ray is a fucking lamb compared to Frank." Gerard says pulling his knees up slightly.
"So are you in the chemical dependance band too?"
"Yes, I'm in My Chemical Romance too." Frank states rolling his eyes, "I play guitar if you give a damn."
"My god, don't you guys have an effin drummer?" Myra says exasperated, "Guitar, guitar, bass, singer."
"That would be Matt." Frank says yawning, "But he's been a fucktard lately."
"Uhuh." Myra says nodding."
"Frank!" Lea calls from up the stairs.
"Later." Frank says heading back from which he came.
"So your boyfriend," Gerard starts, "If you guys were in love, where is he now."
"I started becoming depressed," Myra says calmly, "he couldn't handle what I'd become."
"Why didn't you get help?" Gerard asks.
"Why didn't you get help?" Myra replies.
"Some people don't want to be helped." he says cocking an eyebrow, "I have trouble dealing with reality."
"Mmmhmm."
"I came to the conclusion at an early age that everything you love will someday die." he mumbles, "I became depressed. I started cutting, then I got addicted to perscription drugs, moved on to other stuff."
"All this happened when you were in the band?" Gerard nods, "Didn't your brother take notice?"
"Well it was common knowledge on to my bandmates and the people touring with us, Gerard drinks." he says bluntly, "Nobody really cares if you're an alcoholic. I mean, half the time Frank was drunk too."
"Uhh, what?"
"You wanted to know what's really going on, I'm a fucking whore." Gerard adjusts the pillow under his head and stares at her for a moment.
"Like red light district, mini-skirt, street corner whore?" He asks as he feels his stomach turn queasy.
"No," she sighs, "Well, you know I said I had a boyfriend, Jeff."
"Its complicated means he's your pimp?" Gerard chortles, "That's a first."
"No," Myra says sitting cross-legged at his feet, she picks uneasily at the chipping nail polish on her fingers, "He gave me the bottle of pills. But you can't get something for nothing. A bunch of us went swimming and he came up to me and fucked me. It wasn't rape. It was like an understanding. Selling myself off for a bottle of fucking pills."
"Wow." Gerard says quietly, "The most I've ever had to do for the good stuff was steal some cash from my bandmates."
"Yeah."
"So like, you did it once, its not like you're a whore, whore." Gerard says trying to be optimistic.
"Its the third fix I've fucked for." Myra mumbles, feeling extremely ashamed, "It was all with Jeff though. Then there was one other time, I gave one of his friends a hand job for a fix. Chris."
"I haven't had sex in a year." he responds bluntly, "but I guess I don't have to tell you, with all this crap running through my system sex doesn't even cross my mind anymore."
"About a year before I started doing this shit I had this one boyfriend," Myra smiles through the pain of the present with sweet memories of the past brewing in her, "I mean, he was the first guy, well actually the only guy I ever really loved."
"Mmm love." Gerard says cynically, "Loved ones die, what's the point." Myra barely acknowleges his comment.
"I remember the sex was great." she says giggling, "We had such a drive for each other."
"Wish you could have it back?" he asks pulling at the dead skin around his thumb, "If you had to choose between the best hit, and being with him again."
"I don't know anymore." she whispers.
"That's exactly how I feel." Gerard says carelessly, "Love to thy drug, love to fellow person."
"The drugs won't cheat or lie."
"Know your dealer and they won't." he agrees, "People lie, people cheat, and people change."
"Not long now." Gerard states looking at his clock, "I can feel it coming already."
"Hmm?" Myra says looking away from her nails.
"When the pain of detoxing really hits you."
"Hey guys." someone says bursting through the door.
"Hey Frank." Gerard says sitting up ever so slightly, "This is Myra."
"Hi." Frank says to her. Myra looks over the figure, all in black, only colour is radiating from his tattooed arms and his toothy grin, "how are you holding up."
"It hasn't left our systems yet." Gerard says carelessly, "Give us two hours tops and we'll be fucked."
"So you're our new guard." Myra says somewhat comically, the guy standing in front of them was at least two inches shorter than her, "Afro-guy, uhh Ray, seemed a hell of a lot more threatening than you." she pauses, "No offence."
"Ray is a fucking lamb compared to Frank." Gerard says pulling his knees up slightly.
"So are you in the chemical dependance band too?"
"Yes, I'm in My Chemical Romance too." Frank states rolling his eyes, "I play guitar if you give a damn."
"My god, don't you guys have an effin drummer?" Myra says exasperated, "Guitar, guitar, bass, singer."
"That would be Matt." Frank says yawning, "But he's been a fucktard lately."
"Uhuh." Myra says nodding."
"Frank!" Lea calls from up the stairs.
"Later." Frank says heading back from which he came.
"So your boyfriend," Gerard starts, "If you guys were in love, where is he now."
"I started becoming depressed," Myra says calmly, "he couldn't handle what I'd become."
"Why didn't you get help?" Gerard asks.
"Why didn't you get help?" Myra replies.
"Some people don't want to be helped." he says cocking an eyebrow, "I have trouble dealing with reality."
"Mmmhmm."
"I came to the conclusion at an early age that everything you love will someday die." he mumbles, "I became depressed. I started cutting, then I got addicted to perscription drugs, moved on to other stuff."
"All this happened when you were in the band?" Gerard nods, "Didn't your brother take notice?"
"Well it was common knowledge on to my bandmates and the people touring with us, Gerard drinks." he says bluntly, "Nobody really cares if you're an alcoholic. I mean, half the time Frank was drunk too."