The Night You Took Away a Little More Than Just My Breath

I winced as the bright, morning sunlight peered through the window and hit my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly and rubbed my throbbing head. I groaned, then turned to my side and pulled the covers back over me. I looked down, and noticed that the blanket that rested on me wasn't the same color as mine. Confused, I sat up slowly and pulled the blanket back to reveal my nude body, and pair of bare, smooth legs that didn't belong to me.

A huge feeling of guilt shot through my body as I pulled the blanket back even more, revealing a girls naked body. I pulled the blanket back quickly and looked round the room. Pictures of Jamie and Alexis filled the walls and clothes from the night before rested on the floor. "Oh. My. God." I muttered to myself in disbelief as I placed my face in my hands.

I looked over at the girl laying next to me. It was Jamie, who was sleeping soundly with a little smirk across her face. Shocked at the sight, my heart quickened and my stomach dropped. I looked around on the floor, searching for boxers. I got out of the bed when I spotted them and quickly put them on. By the door, I spotted the pants that belonged to my suit. I put them on half way and ran out of Jamie's room.

Tripping almost five times running down the steps while putting my pants on, I looked at the few kids that laid on my floor, passed out. I didn't see the person I was looking for so I rushed down to the basement, checking every room and every persons face. I winced at the sharp pain in my head and began to get dizzy from looking around so quickly. Annoyed, I rushed back up the steps.

I went for the kitchen drawer when I reached the top of the steps. I jumped over passed out kids, tripped over a few, and kicked some before I finally got to my easy destination. I scrambled around all of the notes, pens, and markers before I found the keys to my car.

I ran out of my front door, trying to catch up on my panicing breath. A kid was passed out on my front lawn, but I didn't bother to wake them up. I walked over to my car and went to go unlock it as I saw a hand, coming from behind the car. "Oh great." I mumbled to myself as I noticed the kid. "What a great fucking place to pass out."

I groaned out of anger and regret, then began to run down the street towards the house of the person I needed the most at that moment. The bright morning sun was still shining in my eyes as I jogged down the street. My light yellow shirt hung from my body and my light orange tie rested around the back of my neck. I bit my lip out of frustration. I could not believe myself at that moment. I was so upset with what happened, and so upset at myself.

My eyes began to water as I kept running, but not because of the wind. No, these tears were not caused by the hard, cold wind hitting my face as I ran helplessly down the street, they were because I was afraid, confused, regretful. Warm tears fell down my cheeks as slowed down to catch my breath. Wiping tears off my face I looked up, realizing that I wasn't really paying any attention to where I was going. But, I finally made it to the place I really wanted and needed to be.

I ran up to the house and knocked on the front door. A second later, a guy opened the door slowly and gave me a confused look. "Oh." The guy standing at the door said softly. "I'll go wake her. Come on in." He said, opening up the door more for me.

"Uh, dude. I'm sorry." I said, sniffling, as I sat down on his couch and put my head down so he couldn't see my tears.

"It's alright." He said, running up the steps and screaming her name. I sat there on the couch with my body shaking helplessly and my face buried in my hands, as I broke down and tears soaked their carpet.

"Sorry I'm not dressed, my brother said something was wrong." She said, her voice sounding like it was coming from the bottom of the steps. I looked behind me, and there stood Taylor in just a bra and some shorts. She came rushing over to me at the sight of my bloodshot eyes. "Johno?! What's wrong?" She sat next to me on the couch quickly.

"We fucked, Taylor." I said, letting my head fall in shame. "We had, we had sex and I didn't stop anything. All I did was lie there, drunk and let her take control of me. I lost my virginity to my fucking step-sister. I lost my virginity to my intoxicated step-sister." I said, quickly.

"Oh, god." Taylor muttered and looked down. "What happened? Have you talked to her?"

"No." I wiped my nose with my sleeve. "I woke up, laying next to her naked in her bed, and ran out. I paniced. I don't know what to do!" I raised my voice. "You're the first person I thought of."

"So, no one else knows but me?" She asked, as she rubbed my back.

"Yeah." I sniffled, and wiped away more tears that were falling down my cheek. Taylor sat there and thought for a second as I caught up on my heavy breath.

"You need to go back and talk to her." Taylor said after a few minutes. "Come on, I'll drive you." She said, getting up and throwing on a big hoodie that rested on the arm of the couch.

I nodded and got up slowly. My vision was blurred from all the tears in my eyes that I was holding back. I wiped them on the sleeve of my shirt, soaking it. As we walked out the door, Taylor grabbed her car keys off the kitchen counter. "What should I say?" I asked, as we approached the car.

"What ever you're feeling." She said as she unlocked the car. "Speak the truth. Tell everyone the truth."

"Even Kennedy?" I asked, as I got in the passenger seat.

"He deserves to know." She said as she started the car. "I don't know him that well so I really don't know what his reaction will be."

"He's going to be pissed." I said, as I looked to the floor and rubbed my bloodshot eyes.

Taylor didn't say another word the whole car ride, but I knew she understood how helpless and reckless I was. I looked at her and her eyes were full of sadness for me. She looked back at me and frowned. "It hurts to see you like this." She said.

"It hurts to feel like this." I said and sighed.

As I saw my house come into view, my heart skipped a beat. I didn't even feel like myself. It wasn't like me to freak out, or even cry like this. I am never this upset, it took a lot to make me this upset. But the fact that I lost my virginity and don't even remember it, killed me. Especially that it was to my step-sister.

Taylor pulled up into my drive way behind my car and made sure she didn't run over the kid. "Do you want me to come in?" She asked.

"No." I said, confidently. "I'll try to handle this by myself." I said, as I opened the door.

"Hey," Taylor said before I stepped out of the car. I looked back at her and she leaned over, then kissed my cheek. "Good luck." She said as she messed up my hair.

I gave her a sad smile and stepped out of her car. I walked up to my front door, and took a deep breath. I put my hand on the door knob and went to go open it. Before I even turned the knob on my own, someone from inside was turning it for me.

The door was fully open and my bloodshot eyes fell upon a raging Kennedy. Before I could even speak one word, his hard fist met the side of my face. I fell backwards, down my front steps, and onto the concrete sidewalk. Hitting my head on the ground, from inside I barely heard someone scream, "Kennedy, no!"

I sat up on the sidewalk with my blurred vision and winced in pain as I grabbed the side of my face. "Johno!" Taylor screamed as she got out of her car quickly. I pulled my hand away from my face and used it to pull myself up off the sidewalk. As I stood up, Kennedy stepped down the front steps to face me.

"Kennedy, stop it!" Jamie yelled as she came from behind Kennedy and held him back. She was only wrapped up in her bed sheets, since she probably didn't have time to put on her clothes.

I looked at Kennedy and shook my head, pleading for him not to hit me again. He shook his head right back at me and pushed me back onto the ground. Taylor came rushing over to me and helped me up. "Hey!" Taylor yelled. "Leave him alone, and let him fucking talk." She scolded.

Kennedy didn't even say one word and walked back into the house. Jamie stood there as he walked passed her and she frowned at me with tears falling down her face. "I was drunk." She said as I walked passed her.

"I was drunk too." I muttered as I walked into the house, with Taylor by my side. "Kennedy!" I called out for him, as a sharp pain hit my jaw from where he had hit me.

"Ugh, shut up dude." A kid that laid on the floor groaned as he rubbed his head.

"Kennedy!" I yelled again as I ran downstairs. Taylor and Jamie followed close behind as I looked around for Kennedy so I could talk to him. "Did you see where he went?" I asked them.

Jamie shook her head as silent tears fell down her face. "Hey." I whispered as I walked over to her and put both of my hands on each side of her face. "It's going to be fine." I whispered. "Don't cry anymore." I whispered and kissed her forehead.

I pulled away and looked right back into her eyes. She nodded and gave me a sad smile as I wiped away her tears with my thumb. "I think I hear him upstairs..." Taylor said, looking up the steps.

I listened for a second and heard someone rummaging around upstairs. I ran up the steps and saw Kennedy coming down from upstairs. "Dude." I said. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked.

Kennedy walked over to the couch and sat down. I decided to sit down next to him and try to talk. "I didn't mean to." I said. "We were both drunk, I didn't know what to do." I told him.

"Yeah, right." He said. "And I'm guessing it was all Jamie's fault?"

"I was a virgin, Kennedy." I said. "Give me one good reason why I would want to loose my virginity to a drunk step-sister."

"You wanted- excuse me, you want her, and it was the perfect chance to take advantage." He said.

"That is so not true." I heard Jamie say from behind us.

"Look, you need to get over this whole 'no sex before marriage' thing." He said, completely ignoring what Jamie said.

"And it looks like you need to get over the fact that Jamie and I made a drunken mistake." I said. "It didn't mean anything. I swear." I said. "I was drunk, and didn't know what to do."

"Stop making up excuses." Kennedy said as he got up. "I'm going home, to cool off."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jamie asked.

"No." He said coldly, and walked out of the house, slamming the door.

"Jesus." Taylor sighed as she sat on the couch next to me.

"I knew he would be pissed, but not raging pissed." I said as I rubbed my jaw. "What doesn't he fucking understand?" I asked.

Taylor just shook her head as I heard Jamie sob from behind us and run up the stairs. Taylor and I both turned to see her running up the steps, holding the sheets close to her body. "Go talk to her." Taylor said, as we heard Jamie slam her bedroom door.

I sighed and got up to go talk to Jamie. With every step my feet took, I thought of what I wanted to say. But then, I was reminded of what Taylor had said to me. Speak the truth. And that's exactly what I planned on doing.

I stood outside her door for a second and heard her muffled sobs come out of the cracks of the door. I tapped on the door with the knuckles of my fingers. Jamie didn't respond, so I cracked the door open a little. "Jamie.." I whispered.

She was laying face down on her bed with just her sheet covering only her waist and below. I walked over to her after closing the door and sat on the bed next to her. She kept her face buried into the pillow as I placed my warm hand on her bare back. "Hey." I whispered softly and rubbed her back lightly.

She began to sit up, revealing her top naked half. Her eyes were bloodshot, her make up was smeared down her face and on the pillow. "Oh Johno." Jamie cried and wrapped her arms around me. She held me tightly as I felt her bare chest pressed against mine.

I rubbed her back with my right hand and grabbed her hair with my left. Her forehead rested on my left shoulder and my shirt was getting soaked with her tears. "It's okay." I told her, "We'll get through this."

Jamie sat still for a moment, stopped crying and became silent. She pulled away from me slowly, but not far away from my reach. "Did you use a condom?" She said quietly.

"Uh." I said, with wide eyes. I honestly didn't remember, and I honestly didn't think I used one. I looked on her floor to search for a condom wrapper, but the only things that were down there were her clothes and empty bottles of alcohol. "I-I don't remember." I stuttered, terrified. With all the drama that went on in just an hour, never did I stop and think about Jamie being pregnant.

Jamie's eyes were wide as well and more tears formed. "John, you have to remember." She said.

"I don't remember!" I raised my voice. "The only thing I remember is you ripping all my clothes off and crawling on top of me."

Jamie glared at me and shook her head. "You have to remember."

"I was drunk as shit, Jamie!" I said, irritated. "What, do you want me to remember the night perfectly like it just happened a few seconds ago? No." I said, answering the question for myself.

"Johno, you don't have to yell at me." She said, giving me the saddest eyes.

My heart dropped at the site of her terrified and helpless look. "Do you know what else I remember?" I whispered.

"Don't be a dick." She said.

"I'm not. Listen..." I said, as I wiped a tear away from her cheek. "Last night, all I wanted to do was hold you. That's all I wanted to do." I said, running my hand through her hair.

"Then why didn't you stop me?" She asked.

"I-I don't know, I was drunk an-"

"Stop using that as an excuse, Johno." She said, swatting my hand away.

"Then what would you like me to say? That I really, really wanted to fuck my step sister and that was the perfect chance? No, Jamie. It's all wrong, I was drunk, a virgin, and had no idea what to do."

"Stop blaming me!" Jamie said, getting up.

"I'm not blaming you! I'm just saying-"

"No, you know what?" She scolded, getting out of bed and standing in front of me naked as I sat on her bed alone. "I'm done with all this shit. This is just too much for me." She said, bending down to put on her panties.

I sat there and watched her scramble around for a hoodie and some shorts. With her disheveled appearance and bloodshot eyes, she stopped at the door and turned back to me once more. "If I'm pregnant, I'll call you. Until then, fuck you." She stormed off, slamming the door behind her.

I got up off the bed and rushed after her. She was picking up her moms car keys as I got to the last step. "What the fuck did I say or do to make you say those awful words to me?" I said, walking up to her.

She said nothing. Instead, she just gave me the finger and walked out of the house. I ran over to the front door as I heard her moms car start. I hit my head against my front door as tears of anger and sadness fell onto my living room carpet. I screamed out of confusion hit the door. "Duuuude." The same passed out kid groaned. I turned around and looked at him. "Shut the fuck up." He continued.

"No, how about you get the fuck out." I said as I opened the front door. "Everyone!" I yelled, waking everyone up.

As the last of the kids made it out of my house, I sat down on the couch. Looking over and noticing that Taylor was no longer there, I saw a little blue post-it note laying on the couch. I picked it up and read I followed Kennedy in Taylors cute, small handwriting.

I sighed, crumbling the blue post-it note and throwing it at our big screen TV that was attached to the wall. I laid down on the couch, running my hands through my hair and letting warm tears run down my face. I felt horrible as I let myself cry and turned to my side. I adjusted the pillow that went with the couch and felt it getting soaked with my tears. I wiped my nose, and shut my eyes tightly as I cried myself to sleep.

- - - - -

I woke from feeling the pillow under my head being replaced. My eyes fluttered open to see Taylor standing above me with a sorry look on her face. "Sorry." She said when she saw me wake, "I didn't mean to wake you."

I sat up, wiping my wet eyes and scratching my head. "How long was I sleeping?"

"Well, I was gone since eight and its ten thirty now." She said, looking at the clock. "So I guess two and a half hours." She sat next to me. "Lay back down." She said, "You don't look so good."

"I bet." I groaned as I laid back down.

Since our couch was big enough for two people to lay side by side, Taylor laid down next to me and pulled the blanket she brought down from upstairs over us. She turned to her side to face me and ran her hand through my thin hair. "You'll be fine." She said.

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. Taylor was soothing me as she kept running her hand through my hair. I opened my eyes again and smiled at her. "I'm not going to be fine." I said.

"You are." She said in the most convincing voice. As she said that, I remembered our conversation we had under the willow tree about how she is always right. Hopefully, she is always right.

I wrapped my arms around her thin body and pulled her closer to me. I kissed her forehead and she smiled as she laid her head on the pillow next to me. "You followed Kennedy?"

"Yeah." She said. "I stopped him in the park."

"What happened?"

"He's not as pissed now, but he's still upset with you." Taylor said as she ran her finger down my bare chest. I sighed and closed my eyes once more, not wanting to even think about the whole mess I was forced into. "Where'd Jamie go?" Taylor whispered.

"She basically told me to fuck off and stormed out of the house." I said. "The reason, I don't know."

"Oh." Taylor said in a saddened tone.

"And since god knows if we used a condom or not, she said she'd call me when she finds out she's pregnant. So, I have no idea where she went."

Taylor didn't respond with words. Instead, she began taking of my unbuttoned collard shirt and rubbed my shoulders as I slipped it off. Feeling the soft couch on my bare back, Taylor wrapped her arms around me. "Go back to sleep." She said. "And I'll be here when you wake."

I listened to Taylor and closed my eyes again. I held Taylor tightly but opened my eyes again to look at her. "Taylor," I whispered. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "You're such a great friend."

"Yeah." Taylor said in a confused tone and closed her eyes again. Confused by her response, I just shrugged it off and kissed her forehead once more before I fell asleep for the second time.