Bang! Bang! Guns Go Bang!
I Can't Eat... Anything...
I sat on the linoleum floor, staring at the toilet blankly. My breathing was stressed and labored, as my vision blurred and faded in and out. I tried to keep it all down, but meals never stayed down as far as a day...about three hours at the most. I felt more of it start to rise in my throat and threw myself at the white bowl, releasing the bile and wasted food into the water. A knock on the bathroom door echoed slightly in the room. I answered with a groan.
"Ace, you sure you're okay? You've been in there for fifteen minutes now." I groaned again and the owner's voice came in. Jon's skinny legs were all that I could see, looking up made my head throb.
"Aw man, Sonny what the hell is wrong!"
"I-I don't... kn-know... really." I lied. I knew that it was withdrawal symptoms. Loss of Love Syndrome as one of my friends called it... I just can't remember which one, 'cause it hurts to think too hard.
"Come on, lets get you cleaned up now." he said hoisting me up onto the counter with very little effort.
"Damn, you hardly weigh anything at all!" he said, taking a rag and wetting it. I leaned on the mirror, eyes rolling in pain, and a new wave of it striking my brain directly. I groaned and he looked at me worried.
"Sonny you have got to stop doing this to yourself. It's not healthy at all, and we're all worried about you...." his voice drifted off. It's not like I do all of it on purpose! When I'm not feeling bad and shoving my fingers down my throat, it comes up on it's own!
I looked at him a little angrily, but he wiped at my mouth with a cold rag. When he was done, I got down and staggered to my room, Jon's eyes were drilling holes in the back of my head, watching me go back to my cave. I'm surprised that one of them hasn't moved out of their room into mine to make sure that I wasn't doing anything out of the way. Well, it would be retarded of them to. I don't cut. It's not like me at all to take it that far. I'm just bulimic is all....
"Sonny?" called Matt from behind my door. I had already flopped face-down on my bed. I grunted a responce and he came in. I lifted my head enough to see him, he had a glass of milk in his hand.
"Dude, you need to drink this. It'll help with your head and throat." He placed it down next to me, sitting on the bed and sighed,
"You aren't going to get her back by barfing up everything you eat. You really need to stop this, here and now." he said sternly, but it wasn't backed up good enough to sound that way.
"Matt... I'm not doing this on my own. It does it itself. I can't hold anything down for more than a few hours. And I haven't lost any weight. Don't worry about me... and I know... I'll never get her back now." It's been three months since I last saw her face. All I have is the pictures on my phone, and in our album we made... and the very few drawings and poems I've made when at the peak of my boredom. The album has been finished... for about a month now. People have been snatching them up like candy, and we've been organizing a tour schedule further.
"When we're on tour again, you know things are going to get a lot harder if you keep this up."
"I know. Just don't worry about me, don't let me hold you back. I'll still be able to sing, I swear it."
"I know Sonny, you never cease to amaze me like you do." at that he got up and left. I drank the milk slowly, and for some strange reason, random songs took turns playing in my head. The last one that had almost sung me to sleep was the very one I had written for Emily when we were still a new couple.
Smiles and her laughter,
Its the only thing that I've been waiting for, a time,
Regardless of our distance and our hope... grows greater,
Trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time;
The only thing that I've been waiting for.
I hope it's something worth the waiting,
'Cause it's the only time that I ever feel real.
Thunderstorms could never stop me,
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily
She's simple yet confusing,
Her sparkling eyes make me weak at my words, they tremble,
Days seem like years in this month of December,
The winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep,
And never will I give up trying because you're everything to me.
I hope it's something worth the waiting,
It's the only time that I ever feel real.
Thunder storms could never stop me
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily...
There's no one in the world like Emily!
It brought tears to my eyes to hear that song. It brought back so many damn good memories, and the only ones that seemed the most adult was that one time in the shower... and about three days from then, the bathtub incident. Yeah... I'll admit that she wasn't my first, but she was the only one that really deserved it. I had no doubt in my mind that I wasn't her first either. But I didn't care, nor do I still. The song was on repeat, and it soon lulled me to sleep.
"Ace, you sure you're okay? You've been in there for fifteen minutes now." I groaned again and the owner's voice came in. Jon's skinny legs were all that I could see, looking up made my head throb.
"Aw man, Sonny what the hell is wrong!"
"I-I don't... kn-know... really." I lied. I knew that it was withdrawal symptoms. Loss of Love Syndrome as one of my friends called it... I just can't remember which one, 'cause it hurts to think too hard.
"Come on, lets get you cleaned up now." he said hoisting me up onto the counter with very little effort.
"Damn, you hardly weigh anything at all!" he said, taking a rag and wetting it. I leaned on the mirror, eyes rolling in pain, and a new wave of it striking my brain directly. I groaned and he looked at me worried.
"Sonny you have got to stop doing this to yourself. It's not healthy at all, and we're all worried about you...." his voice drifted off. It's not like I do all of it on purpose! When I'm not feeling bad and shoving my fingers down my throat, it comes up on it's own!
I looked at him a little angrily, but he wiped at my mouth with a cold rag. When he was done, I got down and staggered to my room, Jon's eyes were drilling holes in the back of my head, watching me go back to my cave. I'm surprised that one of them hasn't moved out of their room into mine to make sure that I wasn't doing anything out of the way. Well, it would be retarded of them to. I don't cut. It's not like me at all to take it that far. I'm just bulimic is all....
"Sonny?" called Matt from behind my door. I had already flopped face-down on my bed. I grunted a responce and he came in. I lifted my head enough to see him, he had a glass of milk in his hand.
"Dude, you need to drink this. It'll help with your head and throat." He placed it down next to me, sitting on the bed and sighed,
"You aren't going to get her back by barfing up everything you eat. You really need to stop this, here and now." he said sternly, but it wasn't backed up good enough to sound that way.
"Matt... I'm not doing this on my own. It does it itself. I can't hold anything down for more than a few hours. And I haven't lost any weight. Don't worry about me... and I know... I'll never get her back now." It's been three months since I last saw her face. All I have is the pictures on my phone, and in our album we made... and the very few drawings and poems I've made when at the peak of my boredom. The album has been finished... for about a month now. People have been snatching them up like candy, and we've been organizing a tour schedule further.
"When we're on tour again, you know things are going to get a lot harder if you keep this up."
"I know. Just don't worry about me, don't let me hold you back. I'll still be able to sing, I swear it."
"I know Sonny, you never cease to amaze me like you do." at that he got up and left. I drank the milk slowly, and for some strange reason, random songs took turns playing in my head. The last one that had almost sung me to sleep was the very one I had written for Emily when we were still a new couple.
Smiles and her laughter,
Its the only thing that I've been waiting for, a time,
Regardless of our distance and our hope... grows greater,
Trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time;
The only thing that I've been waiting for.
I hope it's something worth the waiting,
'Cause it's the only time that I ever feel real.
Thunderstorms could never stop me,
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily
She's simple yet confusing,
Her sparkling eyes make me weak at my words, they tremble,
Days seem like years in this month of December,
The winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep,
And never will I give up trying because you're everything to me.
I hope it's something worth the waiting,
It's the only time that I ever feel real.
Thunder storms could never stop me
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily...
There's no one in the world like Emily!
It brought tears to my eyes to hear that song. It brought back so many damn good memories, and the only ones that seemed the most adult was that one time in the shower... and about three days from then, the bathtub incident. Yeah... I'll admit that she wasn't my first, but she was the only one that really deserved it. I had no doubt in my mind that I wasn't her first either. But I didn't care, nor do I still. The song was on repeat, and it soon lulled me to sleep.