Bang! Bang! Guns Go Bang!

Sonny

That. Bus. Is. So. cramped! I swear, it's nice and all to be with the guys, dog, and my lovely girlfriend, but I swear... it gets so crowded at times! And it's not like I can jump out of a window to get some air in the middle of a highway or interstate! I sighed as I walked down the sidewalks of the neighborhood I lived in with Matt before I joined the band as lead vocals. It's nice to remember all the nice time I had here, but I do miss L.A. sometimes. All my friends, my adopted parents...

I cringed thinking about it. It hurts. I'm eighteen... it's harsh to find out you've been lied to all your life... at eighteen. I sighed again, shoving my hands into my pockets. I cast the thought aside and continued the walk. I was told by Emily to get out of the bus for a while. So I did. Walking was always a non-destructive way to get things off my mind and relax, and in this case, escape the cramped-ness of a bus.

Breathing deep, I looked up at the sky, it was about an hour before Dusk, the perfect time of day. The sun's starting to set... the birds and small animals are scurrying back to their homes... no one's outside... it's just you... and the silence. Eh, but there's usually that lawn nut or gardening freak that's working outside, and it's awkward being around there... none of that here... but there was a girl playing with her puppy.

It was a little Rottweiler puppy, and she was playing with it, blowing bubbles while it ran around and jumped up to snap them out of the air, to find that it popped. I smiled and went along my way. The bubbles slowly sifted through the air my way... and a few popped on me, they smelled like peanut butter, oddly.

I was about three feet past the yard, when I heard sniffing from behind me. I stopped abruptly, to feel a small figure knock into my ankles.

"Hello there little doggy! And what's your name, buddy?" I checked the tags, but I heard someone shouting it's name before I got to read it.

"Matty! Matty get back here! You leave that man alone! I -- " She stopped as I picked up little Matty. He was definitely a male dog. And his owner seemed to know who I was... seeing how she's staring... and the jacket with the From First To Last "Heroine" logo on it. She must have stopped by one of our shows here late last year.

"You... thank you... Mr.... Mr...."

"It's Sonny. And no problem. Adorable puppy you've got here. Matty's his name?" she nodded slowly, mouth gaping.

"I'm... I'm... I'm so sorry. I've trained him better than this! This is so unexpected! I'm a huge fan Mr. Moore!"

"Please, it's Sonny. Just Sonny. Mr. Moore's my dad." I laughed casually. People who freak are just making the situation more and more awkward. "Here's yer pooch. He sure is a cutie!" I said childishly, smiling. She laughed uneasily, smiling into her jacket. Unexpectedly, a cold breeze blew by, causing me, although I tried not to, to shiver awkwardly.

"Are you cold? I could make you some hot chocolate... that is, if you wanted it...." it took a second to two to register past the cold, but soon it clicked nicely in my mind.

"You have hot chocolate?! I love hot chocolate!" I squealed. Why am I acting so kid-like? It's a little natural, but I mean I don't want her to get the idea that I'm a freak like that... whatever. She's got Hot Chocolate! I thought happily. The little puppy named Matty followed us in tow as we walked through her yard to the house. Once inside, I instantly felt a little warmer, not too much, just a little. Just right! Heh heh.

"You like marshmallows right?"

"Nah, just extra milk will do me good, if you don't mind."

"It's perfectly fine!" she smiled, getting back to the cocoa.

"I have to say, Matty really likes you!"

"Well, he's certainly very friendly!" the puppy, several times actually, tried to jump up into my lap. I think he got a little put out when I had to pick him up, but he returned to the happy puppy who licked my face repeatedly, and occasionally nipping at my cheek... ironically like Emmy did... sometimes. Oooo... naughty memories! So many of them too... speaking on Emily, I wonder what she’s doing right now....

Emily

“Travis... are you sure I did the right thing?” I asked nervously from the passenger’s side seat. I know what I did was against my own will, and his for that matter. I sent him away to face Ryan alone... well, actually with Travis with me. I just didn’t want him to be hurt by Ryan... or targeted in any way. Plus, Ryan can be very violent when angry; his lack of self-restraint can vouch for him.

“Emily, you did what you could to inconspicuously get rid of him so you could get this settled. You did what you had to do.”

“Thank’s Travvy.” He smile over at me from the driver’s side, his thin lips curving in a way that made me feel slightly better about this whole thing. Travis looked back to the road, and the warmth went with his gaze. He’s like my older brother in many ways, the biggest one being how he treats me. He’s much more than an older brother than Ryan has been lately. He’s been more of a father figure... a very violent and overbearing father figure just like my last. But, even though I’ve got Travis here to help me, I’m terrified of what all might happen. I looked out the windshield to see a brick house drawing near. As we got closer and closer, I say Ryan’s old beat-up car sitting in the driveway, flaccid and limp in the tires as it leaned ever so slightly to one side as it always has. We both exited the car, myself being extra careful to not slam the door. Travis walked ahead, and I followed slowly in tow, staring downward. After what seemed like forever and a day, we stopped in front of the door. My heart raced. Please be out.... Please be somewhere... anywhere but – But my prayer went unanswered, and my heart took a plunge. He opened the door, greeting us as if it were his worst enemy and best friend standing in our skins.

“Hello Travis. Hi-ya Emily...." he said. My heart fell farther into my being, landing on my knotted stomach trying not to fall off the slippery edge. Teetering on the brink of exploding and fainting in pure terror of what may or may not happen, we stepped inside. Straight to the livingroom, and sitting down on one of the couches, which I believe was the love-seat.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call first... but uh, yeah.” Travis said weakly, but in a calm manner, with a calm face. He glanced my way, Ryan followed his eyes and let them fall on me. I swear I got colder.

“It’s fine, I knew you were coming sometime this week. I checked the tour schedule, you’re off this week and up until Wednesday of next, right?” Travis nodded. I saw that Ryan was still flicking his eyes over in my direction, and subdued the urge to tell him to stop. Keeping my mouth shut seemed to be the wisest thing to do with my stomach and nerves as they are....

“So, where is he. I wanted to talk to him.” it stung that he wouldn’t even say his name. Maybe I should have just brought him along for support after all... Travis doesn’t deserve to be yelled at, even though none of the sort has happened yet, I’m positive it will sooner or later, and this isn’t his fight! Oh, I messed up so bad! So, so bad! I thought miserably, trying not to cry. I could even feel the prickly sensation in my nose you get before bursting into tears....

“He actually went for a walk before we came, so he couldn’t come with us here.” Travis defended calmly. Please don’t call Sonny a coward... it’s my fault he’s not here.... Please Ryan, have some self-restraint for once in your life! I plead, closing my eyes and praying some more.

“A bit cowardly don’t you think?” Damn you boy... damn you so bad.

“No. Not cowardly, it was Emily’s decision to send him off on a walk, not a play of cowardice.”

“Well, it’s not your battle to fight now is it? This is between me and him, and you, Emily!” he shouted. I looked up fearfully, my bangs in my eyes, shrouding them so he could not see the tears about to fall. “What’s going on between you two huh? First, you love him. Then, he hurts you severely,” Not severely, just badly... just badly.... “You move all the way to Rhode Island, and then you claim to have been ‘beaten’ by this Mark character! How he fuck do I know that it wasn’t Sonny who did this to you?!” this echoed in my mind. Resounding off the walls of my skull making it enter and exit my cerebrum over... and over and over again making it click harshly in my mind. Until it struck something. All the fear and weak nerve that I held onto so strongly, so desperately... evaporated in my head. What it had struck:
Fury.

I stood upright, flashing him the nastiest look I could muster in all my rage, and lifted my shirt to reveal my abdomen.

“This is how you know Ryan! This is how! Read it! M-A-R-fucking-K! Mark! This is what he did to me the very first time I tried to stand up for myself. He carved his name into my stomach to remind me of how insignificant I was to him! Mark did this to permanently remind me for the rest of my time here on earth that he was the master, and I was his slave. Mark was a tyrant and you can’t be fucking happy for me for finding Sonny and Travis and Derek and Matt? For finding a haven from the hell-hole hotel room I was trapped in for days at a time?” I screeched at him, fuming so badly I felt my face heat up.

“You told me that you never saw me smile after I was two until that night at the hospital. And now, that I’ve fallen in love with a man who loves me back ten-fold, and I smile and laugh and love when he’s around, you can’t be happy for me? Is it so hard to understand that I would die for him? That it’s been hell for me to live without him? That I’ve had such a shitty life in the past, and finding someone other than you who loves me for who I fucking am instead that I get all the coolest CD’s for free? Tell me Ryan. Tell me all that you think of us, because I’m here to settle this here and now.” I seethed, finishing my speech. Travis looked away from me, my state of ravenous mind slipping from my grasp. I knew that soon I would be reduced to a shivering and nervous form again, but in a totally different sense: Restraint.

“What have I done...? You were such a sweet girl until you got beaten by Sonny! You stayed in your room for days only coming out to shower at two in the morning! You were destroyed Emily! You couldn’t walk right because you were so skinny and frail, you couldn’t breathe after walking up the apartment stairs! How could I not blame him for doing this to you? You’ve hardened so harshly since then, yet softened to anyone who will let up into their arms!”

“I told you that I was overreacting! I swore to you that I wouldn’t go back to him if he were to hurt me! I told you just before that I would gladly die for him, and like you would know what that feeling’s like!”

“I do know what’s it’s like! I’ve bee where you are!”

“No you haven’t! You haven’t been raped repeatedly because you’re curves set off a maniac with murderous intent!” How could he say that?! I’ve been through so much more than he has!

“I’ve been in love before! I’ve gone through more bad love cycles than you!”

“No Ryan, you haven’t Amanda was one of the only girlfriend than you’ve had for more than two minutes! Ryan, don’t you stand here and say that you’ve been through more shit than your sister has! I’ve seen this man with my own two eyes! You didn’t see the fresh cuts that he had put on her body when we came to her rescue! Ryan, you have to think before you say! She’s loved him so badly since she was gone! When he goes away for more than five minutes, she freaks out because she thinks Mark or her father’s gonna jump out and grab her and kill her! You haven’t seen the damage that’s been left after those two! Sure, Sonny was drunk as fuck when he hit her over and over that night! But you know what? He’s punished himself for it! He became bulimic and seriously depressed! He’s changed so much, you wouldn’t believe that he was the same man!” Travis screamed at him, his arms moving so it was very clear that he was extremely angry.

“Ryan... you know that promise that you made me when I first moved in with you?” I stopped him before he could explode in Travis’ face. He looked at me, his eyes widened temporarily, then looked from me to the floor, he fell back to the larger couch behind him, his face exhausted and worn, remembering the words I recorded in my head.

“I promise you Emily, I’ll never be like Mom and Dad. I’ll never hurt you like they did with words, never will I hurt you like they did. I’m nothing like them, nor will I ever be.” I recited, the words burned as my ever swelling heart decided to stop and jump back to at least my liver’s depth. I could taste the acidic bile in the very back of my throat as I whispered my final words. Travis took the closure and followed me to the car, where we drove back in silence as a fog settled in my head. We were in the driveway when I realized that Matt and Derek were standing outside, waiting for something? The moon in the sky shining down on them eerily.

“What’s wrong guys?”

“Sonny hasn’t come back yet... he’s still outside and it’s darker than hell out here, we’re really worried about him....” Derek said, squinting and looking out into the distance. My stomach, heart, and every other organ in my body dropped to my feet.

“He-He didn’t c-c-come b-back?” I stuttered, my eyes growing wide, and the same thing rolling through my head, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.