Sequel: Vermilion ›
Status: Finished, with sequal.
Dazed and Abused
18
The silence of Billy’s truck was almost astounding as he pulled up in front of me, pulling my mind out of its sickening trance. His face was less then beaming to see me, but I could see in his eyes somewhere that he was very relieved to be picking me and taking me to his home. I closed the door tightly, the sound echoing through the trees that surrounded us and he sped off.
“Who helped you?” I asked him, and he knew what I meant.
“Embry and Quil. They are there with Jacob now.” My heart clenched tightly at the mention of his name, despite that my heart was already feeling like it was bursting with being so far away from him and then having his pain mixing with it. No wonder the tears are still falling even though I’m sure I can’t grieve over my father anymore tonight.
“I’m so sorry, Billy.” But there is no excuse for my actions, and everyone knows that whether they can hear it in the cracking of my voice and the weakness of my will or not. I can’t bargain happiness anymore with the acceptance from my peers that what I’ve done to myself is just who I am. For its not.
“I know you are. But we’ll see what Jacob says.” Billy’s voice was weak as he spoke as well, and my nerves were standing on end. I could sense that what happened to Jacob, though not as far worse as what I had done to myself, is still terrible.
The moon was still bathing me in her sweet translucent light, raining down upon me calm and peace to allow myself to get through this. I needed strength right now more then ever to face the boy that I, unconditionally, care for so much. And so it was the moon that allowed me that strength as the town of Forks disappeared and soon we’d enter the Quileute reservation, and then to see Jacob.
“I know right now is not the right time, but it is the appropriate time. Pull open the glove box.” Billy spoke, his eyes stuck to the road like glue. I did as I was told and pulled open the glove box, a white envelope, fat with its contents, flew onto my lap, as if it belonged there.
As my fingers touched it I could sense death.The mere smell of the envelope, though really like paper, was terribly foul to my brain and sent chills through my arms, my legs, my back. Absolutely everywhere. I could feel it.
Billy didn’t bother explaining what was held inside the envelope, I’m sure he wanted me to discover this all on my own. And so I did, allowing my trembling, skin and bone fingers, as pale as the envelope itself, tear the top with a struggle. It was unevenly ripped, but I could care less as my stomach tightened as my heart loosened (the closer we got to Billy’s house, but it still throbbed with Jacob’s pain). I just wanted to see what’s inside.
As I pulled the contents out of the envelope, I realize there were two letters, and two possessions belonging to both my parents. I didn’t bother with the items that I left, I just wanted to read the letters.
“There’s a flashlight in the glove box as well.”
I looked and saw it, sort of gleaming up at me with its shiny black skin, and I held it in my hands and pressed the rubber button. The flashlight was rather dim, running out of batteries I suppose, and I held it up to the first letter, my mother’s greetings, her handwriting.
Flipping it open I began to read:
“Dear sweetie,
I realized my departure was rather unfair to you, that my suicide would risk even your own sanity instead of just your father’s. I wanted to apologize for the way I felt for my step-brother, it was unconditional and my heart pulled to him. I love your father too, and I swear I wanted nothing more then the both of them to be in my arms, but your father made me choose…and so I chose death, when I should have chose you.
I’m also sorry for the bitterness that I left behind when my step-brother touched you the way he did, and the envy has no excuse. But it was wrong. All of it.
I wanted you to know that I don’t ever want you to forget your magick because I did a horrible job of parenting you and teaching you our ways as my life began to end, I hope you choose to forgive me.
I’ve left my silver ring with the Crystal quarts shining bright for you inside this envelope, for your general protection with the craft. I’ve also left my other stones in your possession, but will be in Billy’s possession until the perfect moment. When something other then my death, tragically happens to you.
Everyone tool you need, every book you need to go along your journey of life has been handed to Billy for safe keeping, and will be handed to you in due time.
I don’t want you to end up like me, and I certainly don’t want you to suppress your senses because of me.
I love you so very much. And I’m sorry for the way I’ve mistreated you.”
There wasn’t a good bye in her letter, which judging by how long I’ve certainly known her, means that she knows we’ll see each other in a different lifetime. She never says good bye. She absolutely hated to.
I looked towards the next letter, and realized that it wasn’t from somebody I knew, however the handwriting was similar to my mother’s, it was not.
It read:
“Hello,
Very few of our family (your mother’s bloodline) can sense the future, protect those around them, and those they will meet soon. This gift as, thankfully been bestowed upon you with the death of your mother and will begin to strengthen with the decay of your naivety to our craft after your father’s strange and illogical death.
I’ve only held you in my arms once, and its when your beautiful eyes had opened up to me and I sensed great power in you, as well as the comings of your future. So its alright to feel a bit irked that I wrote to you now, to tell you about things that you, in another person’s mind set, would reject.
You have done a great deal to yourself these past two years, and as the time ticks till three, you’ve done even worse to a certain male figure of your heart’s desire. He will forgive you. Reason with him the best you can, but do not pressure him to grieve as you do, you have done enough damage to the boy as anyone possibly could.
Be weary of your involvement with these creatures those, especially those named…oh it starts with a c. Anyway, your involvement with their world will create a deeper hole for you to bury yourself in, but strength is coming with you in the form of two. Your mother’s ring, and that boy of yours. Hold on to everything you find precious, as the looser the leash becomes the farther away they will be from your heart.
I have left, in my daughter’s hands, a single large Book of Shadows for your needs. I know you will use it, as I saw it in your eyes the moment I held you.
This letter was to be given to you, along with your mothers, the day you awake from your comatose state from the hospital, where you’ll journey with the boys father to the closing of this adventure for you.
Inside the envelope is a piece of paper with a very special ritual that I created and used only once before, and I give to you now with the secret of its doings locked in your heart and never revealed to anyone else, besides the boy. This is ritual is special for moving on, helping ease away the guilt that started two years ago, and has built inside of you.
Love. Grandmother”
The love of her letter smeared as my tears fell from my eyes and sprinkled across the letter, but even though I was practically ruining the letter I felt in my heart it shouldn’t matter. The reasoning for my grandmother and my mother to contact me this way was strange, a bit corny, but helpful. If my grandmother could predict my entire future from beginning to end by simply looking into my eyes, then certainly I could do great things as such as well.
I felt myself enlighten at the though, setting down the two letters and then open the envelope to reveal my mothers ring, the crystal quarts sparkling up at me. I reached for it, my fingers touching the cool surface of the silver band, the tip of my thumb running of the crystal quartz itself, and feeling a strange, but peaceful feeling inside, the throbbing in my heart worsening. My senses opening as I slipped it onto my ring finger onto my right hand.
Then I pulled out the ritual, complete with spell and potion, the potion an offering to the earth and Selene, the Greek moon goddess, for helping ease away my guilt and allowing me to move on with my life. The way the moon had already made me feel peaceful as I stepped outside of the hospital.
The tears will still spilling out of my eyes, and I felt that my lap would be in need of an umbrella the more I keep crying, as I read through the contents of the ritual in whole, finding the rhyme very easy to improvise to make the spell more heartfelt. This was, after all, just a backbone for an even greater spell to give me an even greater outcome to this ‘closing adventure’ of mine.
I felt the weight on my shoulders get heavier as I closed the truck door, giving Embry and Quil as sadden gaze as they passed me, without even turning their heads in my direction, to help Billy out of his truck. Making my way up the steps and into the home, it felt colder, more distant here then its ever felt before, worsening as I saw Jacob’s back to me, huddle over the couch. So far I could se that his arms were bandaged, as well as his legs, the bite marks from that vampire months ago still there over his bare back.
“Jacob.” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling as he turned and faced me, his big brown eyes so sad. And I embraced him, though he did not embrace me, and no matter how much I felt I needed to cry and sob, and again feel sorry for myself. I swallowed the pity, knowing more then ever that I need the strength given to me by my mother’s ring, just to fight for his forgiveness.
“Who helped you?” I asked him, and he knew what I meant.
“Embry and Quil. They are there with Jacob now.” My heart clenched tightly at the mention of his name, despite that my heart was already feeling like it was bursting with being so far away from him and then having his pain mixing with it. No wonder the tears are still falling even though I’m sure I can’t grieve over my father anymore tonight.
“I’m so sorry, Billy.” But there is no excuse for my actions, and everyone knows that whether they can hear it in the cracking of my voice and the weakness of my will or not. I can’t bargain happiness anymore with the acceptance from my peers that what I’ve done to myself is just who I am. For its not.
“I know you are. But we’ll see what Jacob says.” Billy’s voice was weak as he spoke as well, and my nerves were standing on end. I could sense that what happened to Jacob, though not as far worse as what I had done to myself, is still terrible.
The moon was still bathing me in her sweet translucent light, raining down upon me calm and peace to allow myself to get through this. I needed strength right now more then ever to face the boy that I, unconditionally, care for so much. And so it was the moon that allowed me that strength as the town of Forks disappeared and soon we’d enter the Quileute reservation, and then to see Jacob.
“I know right now is not the right time, but it is the appropriate time. Pull open the glove box.” Billy spoke, his eyes stuck to the road like glue. I did as I was told and pulled open the glove box, a white envelope, fat with its contents, flew onto my lap, as if it belonged there.
As my fingers touched it I could sense death.The mere smell of the envelope, though really like paper, was terribly foul to my brain and sent chills through my arms, my legs, my back. Absolutely everywhere. I could feel it.
Billy didn’t bother explaining what was held inside the envelope, I’m sure he wanted me to discover this all on my own. And so I did, allowing my trembling, skin and bone fingers, as pale as the envelope itself, tear the top with a struggle. It was unevenly ripped, but I could care less as my stomach tightened as my heart loosened (the closer we got to Billy’s house, but it still throbbed with Jacob’s pain). I just wanted to see what’s inside.
As I pulled the contents out of the envelope, I realize there were two letters, and two possessions belonging to both my parents. I didn’t bother with the items that I left, I just wanted to read the letters.
“There’s a flashlight in the glove box as well.”
I looked and saw it, sort of gleaming up at me with its shiny black skin, and I held it in my hands and pressed the rubber button. The flashlight was rather dim, running out of batteries I suppose, and I held it up to the first letter, my mother’s greetings, her handwriting.
Flipping it open I began to read:
“Dear sweetie,
I realized my departure was rather unfair to you, that my suicide would risk even your own sanity instead of just your father’s. I wanted to apologize for the way I felt for my step-brother, it was unconditional and my heart pulled to him. I love your father too, and I swear I wanted nothing more then the both of them to be in my arms, but your father made me choose…and so I chose death, when I should have chose you.
I’m also sorry for the bitterness that I left behind when my step-brother touched you the way he did, and the envy has no excuse. But it was wrong. All of it.
I wanted you to know that I don’t ever want you to forget your magick because I did a horrible job of parenting you and teaching you our ways as my life began to end, I hope you choose to forgive me.
I’ve left my silver ring with the Crystal quarts shining bright for you inside this envelope, for your general protection with the craft. I’ve also left my other stones in your possession, but will be in Billy’s possession until the perfect moment. When something other then my death, tragically happens to you.
Everyone tool you need, every book you need to go along your journey of life has been handed to Billy for safe keeping, and will be handed to you in due time.
I don’t want you to end up like me, and I certainly don’t want you to suppress your senses because of me.
I love you so very much. And I’m sorry for the way I’ve mistreated you.”
There wasn’t a good bye in her letter, which judging by how long I’ve certainly known her, means that she knows we’ll see each other in a different lifetime. She never says good bye. She absolutely hated to.
I looked towards the next letter, and realized that it wasn’t from somebody I knew, however the handwriting was similar to my mother’s, it was not.
It read:
“Hello,
Very few of our family (your mother’s bloodline) can sense the future, protect those around them, and those they will meet soon. This gift as, thankfully been bestowed upon you with the death of your mother and will begin to strengthen with the decay of your naivety to our craft after your father’s strange and illogical death.
I’ve only held you in my arms once, and its when your beautiful eyes had opened up to me and I sensed great power in you, as well as the comings of your future. So its alright to feel a bit irked that I wrote to you now, to tell you about things that you, in another person’s mind set, would reject.
You have done a great deal to yourself these past two years, and as the time ticks till three, you’ve done even worse to a certain male figure of your heart’s desire. He will forgive you. Reason with him the best you can, but do not pressure him to grieve as you do, you have done enough damage to the boy as anyone possibly could.
Be weary of your involvement with these creatures those, especially those named…oh it starts with a c. Anyway, your involvement with their world will create a deeper hole for you to bury yourself in, but strength is coming with you in the form of two. Your mother’s ring, and that boy of yours. Hold on to everything you find precious, as the looser the leash becomes the farther away they will be from your heart.
I have left, in my daughter’s hands, a single large Book of Shadows for your needs. I know you will use it, as I saw it in your eyes the moment I held you.
This letter was to be given to you, along with your mothers, the day you awake from your comatose state from the hospital, where you’ll journey with the boys father to the closing of this adventure for you.
Inside the envelope is a piece of paper with a very special ritual that I created and used only once before, and I give to you now with the secret of its doings locked in your heart and never revealed to anyone else, besides the boy. This is ritual is special for moving on, helping ease away the guilt that started two years ago, and has built inside of you.
Love. Grandmother”
The love of her letter smeared as my tears fell from my eyes and sprinkled across the letter, but even though I was practically ruining the letter I felt in my heart it shouldn’t matter. The reasoning for my grandmother and my mother to contact me this way was strange, a bit corny, but helpful. If my grandmother could predict my entire future from beginning to end by simply looking into my eyes, then certainly I could do great things as such as well.
I felt myself enlighten at the though, setting down the two letters and then open the envelope to reveal my mothers ring, the crystal quarts sparkling up at me. I reached for it, my fingers touching the cool surface of the silver band, the tip of my thumb running of the crystal quartz itself, and feeling a strange, but peaceful feeling inside, the throbbing in my heart worsening. My senses opening as I slipped it onto my ring finger onto my right hand.
Then I pulled out the ritual, complete with spell and potion, the potion an offering to the earth and Selene, the Greek moon goddess, for helping ease away my guilt and allowing me to move on with my life. The way the moon had already made me feel peaceful as I stepped outside of the hospital.
The tears will still spilling out of my eyes, and I felt that my lap would be in need of an umbrella the more I keep crying, as I read through the contents of the ritual in whole, finding the rhyme very easy to improvise to make the spell more heartfelt. This was, after all, just a backbone for an even greater spell to give me an even greater outcome to this ‘closing adventure’ of mine.
I felt the weight on my shoulders get heavier as I closed the truck door, giving Embry and Quil as sadden gaze as they passed me, without even turning their heads in my direction, to help Billy out of his truck. Making my way up the steps and into the home, it felt colder, more distant here then its ever felt before, worsening as I saw Jacob’s back to me, huddle over the couch. So far I could se that his arms were bandaged, as well as his legs, the bite marks from that vampire months ago still there over his bare back.
“Jacob.” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling as he turned and faced me, his big brown eyes so sad. And I embraced him, though he did not embrace me, and no matter how much I felt I needed to cry and sob, and again feel sorry for myself. I swallowed the pity, knowing more then ever that I need the strength given to me by my mother’s ring, just to fight for his forgiveness.