Dazed and Abused

The paradox; devastation and the happiness I pursuit, were two single strands that ran every fabricated being in my life. They were ever so present and I could not always smell them, see them, but I could always feel them flowing swiftly through my red cold veins, as if someone had injected me with a substance that couldn't sustain or even stand itself. They burned together like the taste of the scar running across the inside of my cheek, without leaving as much as a reminder for my mistakes.

This was my fault.

I stared cautiously at the ring hugging my ring finger, all around it sparkling with glitters swimming in a pool of black. He said it was my reminder for the night sky, when I’d be able to hear him howl where ever his presence was welcomed. I had, with a feeble attempt to avoid, embraced him in my heart. It jumped every glance I stole to the ring.

Bella was sitting beside me, we were huddled close together as the cold had made the last resort our final promise for warmth. She was mumbling to herself about Edward’s safety, even sometimes wondering whether Jacob come back unscathed from the fight.

A flock of nomads of ignorantly attacked Forks, leaving not only the small town in danger, but also the Quileute reservation. My father and Billy were safe where they stayed in the cellar of Sue Clearwater’s house, but Bella wanted to stay with Edward, and she dragged me along. I was compelled to obey Jacob’s orders to stay with my father, but Bella thought it’d be more romantic if I was fussing over Jacob with her.

But I’d come to a disappointment. I wasn’t fretting, at least not for her to see, however some guilt and worry had found a way into my chest. To ache me with nervousness, and I was beginning to feel anxiety. I was pushing myself towards it, I could feel it, but I just didn’t feel strong enough to bring myself to calm down. I was falling apart again.

I was shaking, sweating but my temperature went lower and lower. The ache in my abdomen increased as I moaned and closed my eyes. My body convulsed as I laid against the soft, fluffy sleeping bags that the Cullen’s had leant us, my eyes closing without choice.

“Elaine? Are you alright?”

“N-o…” I stuttered, rolling over to my side, my legs bringing themselves to my chest as I inhaled a shaky breath.

“Is it Jacob?” I opened my eyes and wondered.

“Sometimes, if the connection is strong enough, you can feel his own anxiety. He’s scared, isn’t he?” Bella asked me as she came closer to me, her cold hand laying softly against my forearm for comfort.

We heard a howl resonate through the trees, entering our ears like a large tidal wave. It wasn’t a howl of greeting or a howl of warning, but one of fear and pain. I recognized it, and my abdomen shot me a sharp pain to remind me of Bella’s words. Connection? She’s talking about the imprinting, isn’t she? And if so, that means Jacob’s hurt.

Seth opened the tent from the outside, climbing in with a worried look written all over his features. I glared at him, because the news was bad, very bad.

I felt the devastation step ahead from the happiness I was unwilling to feel, and it moved like a ninja to my heart to create expressive images of Jacob’s hurt, maybe even death and despite what I had felt before my heart felt that pull. I finally understood it.

Love.

I was in love with Jacob fucking Black, and worried about his stupid safety.

**

The crack of his bone made the loudest snap he’d ever heard, the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt. It rippled through his wrist to his elbow, then on to his shoulder and to his head. He was howling in pain before the nomad he was fighting against kicked him hard in the stomach, forcing the large wolf to roll to his side and phase.

He was weak, vulnerable, scared.

**

“He’s badly injured, Carlisle is fixing him now…”

“What’s wrong with him?” Bella asked for me as I found I was not able for words. Her brown eyes seemed stricken with concern, like my stupid stomach was, that had me rolling and groaning and feeling like I was fucking constipated.

“I…Elaine’s not in the state to hear this…”

“Seth just fucking telling me!” I screamed loudly as I sat up quickly, the blood rushing to my head, my face, making everything go from colored to brown, pixilated, and sparkly dots that hung and moved in the hair in front of me. After the dizziness cleared, Seth answered me, giving me the most grimmest set of words I’d hear as of yet.

“His stomach was ripped open…after he phased back to human.” Seth spoke quietly, but he had ensured I’d be choking out and shaking my head. Yes, I was, in deed, falling apart as I felt the pull in my heart die slowly. Soon enough, I just didn’t feel anything at all as the ring swallowed me whole.