Life on Banana Street
Terrible Lie
The Viper was the car of my dreams. Billie was the man of my dreams. My life was basically a fairytale. And I was Cinderella. But it’s the other way around. I was the one looking for the right size foot to put in the glass slipper.
-Flashback-
A few weeks passed and Gabe and I were always together, no matter what. I had bought my own apartment, nice and cozy. I was sitting home alone for a change, watching TV, when the phone rang. “Hello?”
“Ms. Hersh.”
“Yes?”
“This is Social Services.”
“I don’t have a kid…”
“Not not your kid, you.”
“What?”
“Your mother was found dead this morning. We’re taking you in and putting you with a foster family.” There was a long pause, me remembering my mom. I was left speechless for a few seconds.
“But I’m 21...I don’t need a foster family.”
“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can drive down here or you can get a police escort. Without coming here, but straight to jail. Do you know it’s against the law to be under 18 and live on your own?”
“I’m 21!”
“Now that’s a federal offence, lying about your age.” I hung up the phone and took it off the hook so he can’t call back, if it was a man. A few minutes later the doorbell rang.
“Shit! They do know where I live!” I looked out the peep hole and it was Gabe. Thank God.
Oh, that one made me laugh.
****
“Come on, Ads, we have to go to the hospital for your check up.”
“Oh, alright. You know that damn doctor doesn’t know anything. I’m probably not even dying,” I rolled my eyes and Billie put his arm around me, leading us to the Viper.
“Do you want me to drive or-” Billie asked.
“Hell no, I’m driving.” Joey followed behind us and climbed into the little backseat the car had. “Joey, you ready for Mommy’s speed-demon driving?”
“Yeah!” [for kia, this means “yeh foo’”]
“Seat belt, kid,” I said looking at him. He snapped himself in and I backed out slowly. THEN I KICKED IT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, BITCH!
****
We were at the doctor’s office in less than 7 minutes when it usually takes about…I don’t know. Around 20. “Hello Adeline, how have you been feeling lately?” the doctor asked when I was in the room.
“Uh. Ironically, better than ever.” He smiled and flipped through his clipboard.
“Alright, we have to run some tests today to figure out things like when it will happen and all that good stuff.” Good stuff? Give me 5 good reasons why I shouldn’t punch this mother fucker right now.
****
So I made it through my tests and I feel worse than I did before I waltzed into the office. “Okay, Adeline, have a seat. I’ll be right with you,” he said and sat at the small table on the other side of the room of the, as I like to call it, the seat of death. He looked like he was concentrating on the papers that lie in front of him like he was taking a math test. “I don’t understand,” the doctor said. Well, that’s when you know you need a new doctor. He doesn’t understand what’s written on paper. “Adeline, you were never in any danger,” the doctor said like something was bothering him.
“Huh?”
“You don’t have cancer.”
“What the hell, man? Where did y’all go wrong now?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Armstrong. I had the wrong papers.” Restrain yourself, Addie. You’d be discovered at the scene of the crime if you bust a cap in his ass.
“I am so…” I started, then thought of a word, or words, that fit how mad I was. “Fucking pissed. You had me so goddamn worried about nothing?” I yelled.
“I’m sorry Adeline. It’s a simple mistake.”
“THAT’S AN IDIOT’S MISTAKE! Didn’t they teach you in health school to read everything?” He flushed bright red and I knew I had won the fight. I got up angrily and threw the door open and stomped so hard down the hall I’m surprised that I didn’t make holes. I busted through the two push-both-way doors and Billie jumped up and came towards me.
“Hey hun,” he said then kissed me quickly. “How’d it go?” He tried to look sympathetic as he read the angry expression on my face. I was so mad, that I was crying.
“I don’t have cancer,” I said and Billie almost dropped Joey.
“What? Addie, they said you did,” he said.
“No, Billie. That damn doctor had ‘the wrong papers’.” I used quote fingers for the wrong papers. “And I yelled at him so bad I think he shit himself.” Billie was rubbing my arm and then he smiled. “That’s my girl. Always making the doctor’s shit.” I laughed and fell into Billie’s chest and he hugged me and rubbed my back. “Now, let’s go home and lead a normal life.” I smirked.
“Normal? I’d say the way it was before the doctor called you. This family is anything but normal.”
-Flashback-
A few weeks passed and Gabe and I were always together, no matter what. I had bought my own apartment, nice and cozy. I was sitting home alone for a change, watching TV, when the phone rang. “Hello?”
“Ms. Hersh.”
“Yes?”
“This is Social Services.”
“I don’t have a kid…”
“Not not your kid, you.”
“What?”
“Your mother was found dead this morning. We’re taking you in and putting you with a foster family.” There was a long pause, me remembering my mom. I was left speechless for a few seconds.
“But I’m 21...I don’t need a foster family.”
“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can drive down here or you can get a police escort. Without coming here, but straight to jail. Do you know it’s against the law to be under 18 and live on your own?”
“I’m 21!”
“Now that’s a federal offence, lying about your age.” I hung up the phone and took it off the hook so he can’t call back, if it was a man. A few minutes later the doorbell rang.
“Shit! They do know where I live!” I looked out the peep hole and it was Gabe. Thank God.
Oh, that one made me laugh.
****
“Come on, Ads, we have to go to the hospital for your check up.”
“Oh, alright. You know that damn doctor doesn’t know anything. I’m probably not even dying,” I rolled my eyes and Billie put his arm around me, leading us to the Viper.
“Do you want me to drive or-” Billie asked.
“Hell no, I’m driving.” Joey followed behind us and climbed into the little backseat the car had. “Joey, you ready for Mommy’s speed-demon driving?”
“Yeah!” [for kia, this means “yeh foo’”]
“Seat belt, kid,” I said looking at him. He snapped himself in and I backed out slowly. THEN I KICKED IT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, BITCH!
****
We were at the doctor’s office in less than 7 minutes when it usually takes about…I don’t know. Around 20. “Hello Adeline, how have you been feeling lately?” the doctor asked when I was in the room.
“Uh. Ironically, better than ever.” He smiled and flipped through his clipboard.
“Alright, we have to run some tests today to figure out things like when it will happen and all that good stuff.” Good stuff? Give me 5 good reasons why I shouldn’t punch this mother fucker right now.
****
So I made it through my tests and I feel worse than I did before I waltzed into the office. “Okay, Adeline, have a seat. I’ll be right with you,” he said and sat at the small table on the other side of the room of the, as I like to call it, the seat of death. He looked like he was concentrating on the papers that lie in front of him like he was taking a math test. “I don’t understand,” the doctor said. Well, that’s when you know you need a new doctor. He doesn’t understand what’s written on paper. “Adeline, you were never in any danger,” the doctor said like something was bothering him.
“Huh?”
“You don’t have cancer.”
“What the hell, man? Where did y’all go wrong now?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Armstrong. I had the wrong papers.” Restrain yourself, Addie. You’d be discovered at the scene of the crime if you bust a cap in his ass.
“I am so…” I started, then thought of a word, or words, that fit how mad I was. “Fucking pissed. You had me so goddamn worried about nothing?” I yelled.
“I’m sorry Adeline. It’s a simple mistake.”
“THAT’S AN IDIOT’S MISTAKE! Didn’t they teach you in health school to read everything?” He flushed bright red and I knew I had won the fight. I got up angrily and threw the door open and stomped so hard down the hall I’m surprised that I didn’t make holes. I busted through the two push-both-way doors and Billie jumped up and came towards me.
“Hey hun,” he said then kissed me quickly. “How’d it go?” He tried to look sympathetic as he read the angry expression on my face. I was so mad, that I was crying.
“I don’t have cancer,” I said and Billie almost dropped Joey.
“What? Addie, they said you did,” he said.
“No, Billie. That damn doctor had ‘the wrong papers’.” I used quote fingers for the wrong papers. “And I yelled at him so bad I think he shit himself.” Billie was rubbing my arm and then he smiled. “That’s my girl. Always making the doctor’s shit.” I laughed and fell into Billie’s chest and he hugged me and rubbed my back. “Now, let’s go home and lead a normal life.” I smirked.
“Normal? I’d say the way it was before the doctor called you. This family is anything but normal.”