Skin and Bones

The bell rings. Everyone quickly pack their books and stuff and storm out of the classroom as the teacher desperately tries to yell out the homework for tomorrow. I doubt anyone will do them. They’ll all say that no one heard what she said. I’ll just follow the flow, I think.
I’m the last to leave the classroom. I’m in no rush. It’s just lunch. And I’m not hungry. Not at all.

“Hey!” I jump a bit, before I look to my right to see Mikey smiling at me. He always sneaks up on me. I have no idea how he does it. He’s got some ninja-gene, I’m sure.

“Hey,” I greet back. My smile isn’t as wide as his though, which says a lot, ‘cause Mikey’s smiles are never big.
We walk through the halls and into the cafeteria. Mikey walks towards the lunch line and I follow obediently. We usually sit with his older brother and his friends at lunch, but I’m not comfortable sitting with them alone.
Mikey grabs a tray. I don’t.
Mikey picks up two sandwiches. I don’t.
Mikey takes a box of chocolate milk. I don’t.
Mikey takes an orange. I take an apple.
I grab a bottle of water.
We pay and walk down to the table where his brother and friends are at. I look down embarrassed and sit down next to where Mikey takes a seat.

“Hey bro’,” Mikey says and pulls off his half-ass smile.

“Hey Mikes!” His brother is much more cheery. Much more confident. Much more hot.
“Hi Frank!” His voice sounds disgusted. I know I disgust him.
I look up shortly and smile at him and his friends, before I look down and start picking at the stalk of the apple. I don’t really feel like eating it, but if I don’t eat anything then people will start complaining. ‘Is that all you’re having?’ ‘You need to eat some more.’ ‘You can’t live off that all day.’

“Hey Frank.” I look up at Bob – one of Gerard’s friends. He’s kind of an asshole at times. Other times he’s cool.
“Guess what we saw earlier today.” He’s being an asshole today. I just stare at him.
“Last period my man, Ray here, managed to ‘get a headache’. Me and Gee convinced the teacher that we both had to take him to the nurse, because he’s got a ‘rare condition’.” Bob stops for a second to think. Sometimes I wonder if he’s slow.
“Anyways, we got out of class just in time to walk pass the girl’s locker room while they were changing. And let me tell you, some of the girls at this school have got some nice knockers.” Bob laughs manically, and Ray and Gerard laughs with him.

I know he tells me this to mock me. He thinks I’m not getting any. And the thing is; I’m not. But not because of what he thinks. He thinks I’m not getting any – and therefore still being a virgin – because I’m too shy. He’s all wrong. That’s not the reason at all.

“Oh, cheer up Frank!” Gerard exclaims. He wraps an arm around me, and I have to seriously restrain myself not to shiver under his touch.
“You’ll get some at some point. Don’t worry. It’ll happen someday.” His tone is mocking. I stare down at the apple.
He pats my shoulder, before he withdraws his arm. I know he’s disgusted by me.
He goes back to his friends to have some random conversation. I’m not in the mood for listening.

Mikey suddenly nudges at my shoulder, and when I look up at him he takes a huge bite of a sandwich. He’s smiling. I smile back. He then looks back over at his brother and listens intently.
I look down at my apple. I might as well eat it. Even though I’m on a diet.

I remember when my diet started – why. I remember the exact moment. Some people might go on a diet because they’re fat or feel ugly, but I don’t. Not really, anyway. I think I look okay, but it doesn’t matter what I think.

Mikey had walked downstairs to get us some snacks. I was getting impatient. My sugar rush from the three ice creams I had at the mall was wearing off – I was losing my buzz.
I walked out of his room and to the stairs. I walked quiet and slow – I was a guest, I didn’t want to disturb anyone by making too much noise.
I was walking down the stairs when I heard voices. I followed them, until I recognized one of them. Then I stopped.

“Who? Your chubby little friend?” It was Mikey’s older brother. Gerard. The guy of my dreams.
And now my dreams were crushed.

“Don’t call him that,” I heard Mikey say. I looked straight ahead and into a mirror on the wall. I looked at myself. And I understood Gerard. I was chubby. Unattractive. Disgusting.

The others stand up and I snap out of my memory to follow suit. I’m only holding the core of the apple. I must’ve been eating it without noticing. God, I must’ve been looking even more disgusting when doing so. I must’ve looked like a fucking slob.
I throw the core into the first trashcan we walk by. I screw loose the cap of the water bottle and take a big sip. I need to wash the apple down. I need it to come out faster than it got down. If that’s possible.

“See you after school? We can work on our English project at my house,” Mikey says, before he turns and stops to face me. I stop with him.

“Uhm, sure. Let’s do that.” I really don’t wanna go to his house. He always brings a huge bowl of candy and chips up to his room, and when I leave he’s eaten most of it. I think he uses me as an excuse for eating those things on a weekday, but I never eat any of it. Yet I still feel like Gerard’s eyes are boring judgmentally into the back of my head when I leave. He thinks I’ve eaten the whole thing. The truth is I never really eat any of it – only if Mikey is persistent enough. But usually he’s more than happy to eat the whole thing by himself.

Mikey walks off. I don’t know if he’s said goodbye and gotten bored just staring at the non-responsive me. I suck at a lot of things. Friendships. Diets. Love.