Skin and Bones

“Are there any other witnesses?” the judge asks.

The court is silent.

“Alright. Then I would like for Frank to come to the stand, please?” she asks politely as she looks at me kindly.

My breath gets caught in my lung. I slowly let my eyes slide to the right and look at the stand. It looks so cold and lonely. The hard, dark wood looks uninviting.

Quietly, I get out of my seat and slowly walk towards the stand. I push open the wooden bar-gate and step closer to the stand.

I feel everyone’s eyes on me. They bore holes in my body.

I speed up and sit down on the chair and quickly look down at Gerard.

But he isn’t looking at me. He refuses to look at me, help me or even let me tell him it’s alright. He just stares down at his hands in his lap.

“Frank,” the judge says, and I slowly turn my face towards her. Then, I tear my eyes away from Gerard and look up at her.

My throat is so tight.

“Since you are 17, you are old enough to have a say in this case.” She stops talking and I quickly nod to tell her that I heard her.
“Frank, who would you like to live with?” My mouth falls open slightly and I stare up at her.
“Would you like to live with your dad, or with the Way family?” I keep staring at her.

I can’t believe she’s actually asking me this. She actually wants to know. Despite all the good things Mr. Alford keep telling her about Mr. Iero – how he had anger issues and left me and my mom because he was afraid of hurting us – and how many bad things he’s mentioned about the Ways, the judge actually wants to listen to what I want.

I smile. A smile grows on my face and her face gets blurry. I quickly blink away the tears to keep eye contact with her.

“I wa-“ I swallow.
“I would like to live with the Ways.” My voice is shaky, but determined. At least to me. I hope she doesn’t interpret it as doubt or insecurity.

She smiles briefly, and I smile back before I look down at Gerard. He’s still not looking at me, but his face has risen slightly.

“Alright. I don’t think there is any more to discuss,” the judge announces. Gerard’s head shoots up and he stares at her. I just stare at him.

No matter the verdict, I will still love him.

“My verdict is based on the reports of the social workers that have observed Frank, Mr. Iero and the Way family. My biggest concern in this case has been Frank’s welfare. Even though Frank is not related to the Ways, they have treated him as if he was. And while Mr. Iero does have a history mental instability, both before and after his anger management classes, he is after all Frank’s biological father, and I do feel that it would be wrong to take away his rights to his child.”

I tear my eyes away from Gerard and quickly turn my head to stare at the judge. My eyes are so wide that the tears leaning on the edge of them will easily fall once the verdict has been given.

“Therefore, I grant both parties legal custody of Frank Anthony Iero.” The tears fall over. They roll down my cheeks and fall off my jaw within a second. I close my eyes to focus on regaining my breath, but it’s lost.

I’m lost.

I will leave the Ways. I will have to leave Gerard. All that work Donna and Donald have put into giving me a room and all the hours spent on painting, decorating and fixing it up have been wasted. I won’t be able to stare at all the posters Mikey hung in my room to make it look more homey. I won’t be able to hear the floorboards creek or the furnace whine. I won’t be able to sneak down to Gerard’s room and cuddle up beside him.

I sob. My body is shaking already, and the sob only makes it worse.

“Frank?” the judge asks sweetly, and without a single thought as to how I look, I lift my head and look up at the judge.

She turns her head to the rest of the court.

“I’m not finished.” My breath keeps hitching in my throat, but I try to calm myself and my breathing to hear what she has to say.
“The shared legal custody means that both parties will have to agree with each other on Frank’s health, education, safety and welfare.” I look down at the floor of the stand.
I have to change school.
“Meanwhile, I give only the Ways physical custody of Frank.” It takes a while for the news to sink in. I stare at the floor as I slowly let the words enter my ears and then pass the information on to my brain. While my brain handles the information and tries to understand it, I lift my head.
“This means that Frank will live with the Ways.” I hear a woman sob out loud once. I think it’s Donna.
“He will live there until he finishes high school. After that, he may choose himself where he wants to live, but until then he stays in the Way’s household.” The judge turns her head towards me, and the smile in her eyes spreads onto her lips when she sees me.

“Thank you.” I didn’t even think before I said those words. My vocal cords decided to say that all on their own.
But I agree with them.

She smiles at me one last time, before she turns her head.

“Court is adjourned.” I quickly look down at Gerard and we both jump when the judge slams her gavel into the sounding block. But while I smile, Gerard’s face is blank.

I quickly get down from the stand and walk towards him. Donna suddenly blocks my view, but I don’t mind. It gives me a chance to hug her. Donald joins in by patting my back and Mikey throws an arms around me and his mom and pulls my head towards his.

“I’m so glad you get to stay,” Donna whispers, before she pulls away. I let go of her, but Mikey doesn’t. He instead hugs his mom once more – better than before. I hear him whisper a ‘thank you’, and I turn to face Donald.

“Thank you so much.” My voice is gruff from the tears that’s no longer pouring out of me. Donald smiles and then hugs me. I hug him back.

“We should celebrate,” Mikey says enthusiasticly, and I can’t help but giggle into Donald shoulder, seeing as I know Mikey will find any excuse he can to get his parent’s to pay for sushi.

I let go of Donald and turn to Gerard.

The smile on my lips fades quickly.

He’s just sitting there. He isn’t moving. He’s just staring ahead at the bar that’s between us with a blank look on his face. His hair is hanging softly down the sides of his face, strands of it poking his cheeks. His eyes are wide.
He looks afraid. And sad. Remorseful. Defeated.

I walk up to the bar so that it presses against my thighs.

“Gerard?” He blinks his eyes rapidly, before they slide over the wood and land on my feet. His eyes flicker and his jaw trembles, before he lifts his gaze and finally meet my eyes.
They might as well be bullets.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. His voice is thick with tears and sadness, and I almost begin to cry myself.
“I’m- I-“ His voice grows slightly in volume, but it also becomes more shaky.
“It’s all my fault,” he whispers quickly and lowers his head even quicker.

Even though it’s probably not allowed and some pissed-off guard might yell at me and insist that I pay the inexistent damages, I jump over the bar and sit down next to Gerard. I pull him into a tight hug and refuse to let him go as he tries to pull away while repeating ‘I’m sorry’.

“Gerard,” I whisper into his hair where I think his ear is.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. I hug him even tighter.

“I’m staying.”

-----

When Gerard calmed down and realized that I wasn’t leaving, we left together. He must’ve blacked out once he heard the judge’s first sentence – too shocked by guilt to pay attention to the rest.

I still don’t know if I blame him. I’m staying, which is the important thing, but I still can’t figure out if I blame him for complicating the trial and perhaps let the judge change her verdict. Maybe I could’ve cut off Mr. Iero completely if it wasn’t for him getting drunk and driven home by the police, but that’s all hypothetical.

She said she granted both parties legal custody because Mr. Iero is my biological dad. That can’t change. Gerard – luckily – had no way of controlling that.

But that doesn’t change the fact that he drank. And that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t there to support and help him. I was too caught up in my own shit that I forgot to look out for him.

I won’t let that happen again.