Skin and Bones

After having worked on our English project for a full 1½ hours, Mikey slams his book shut suddenly.

“That’s it! No more!” He gets up from the floor and walks over to his stereo. He presses two buttons and then turns a knob, before Anthrax blare out through the speakers.

I jump slightly at the sudden sound, but soon enjoy the music.

Mikey walks back over towards the bed and grabs the big bowl of candy on his way. He throws himself onto the bed, making the mattress jump up and down a bit – the springs creaking beneath us.

He shoves a few gummy bears into his mouth.
He then thrusts the bowl towards me, and I politely decline by holding up a hand.

I lie down on my back on the bed and close my eyes. I try not to think, but Gerard’s quiet voice and hidden eyes won’t leave my mind. Is he mad at me? Even after everything that just happened at school? Was it all just another way to mock me – to make me feel horrible about myself? But he kissed me.

“Why won’t you ever eat?” My eyes fly open as Mikey finishes screaming his question into my ears.
I frown up at his wide, questioning eyes behind thick glasses and chewing jaw.

“I eat!” He squeezes his eyes together and stares intensely at my lips. I frown deeper at him – moving my head back a bit.
Then he relaxes his eyes.

“What?” he yells. Oh, he was trying to read my lips.
I push myself up onto my elbows to be able to yell louder.

“I eat!” I yell again. This time he just frowns.

“Not at school, you don’t!” I scowl off to the side, before I look back up at him. He stuffs his face with a hand-full of chips.

“I eat big breakfasts!”

“What?” he yell – his mouth filled with half-chewed chips. I cringe and look towards the stereo.

“Could you turn it down?” I yell as loud as I can as I point to the noise-creating old monster of a stereo. He gets off the bed and walk over the thing and turn a knob. The music is still loud, but at least I can actually hear my own thoughts now.

“What did you say?” Mieky asks as he throws himself on his bed. I roll my eyes.

“I said I eat big breakfasts!” I still have to yell.

“But breakfasts can only get you so far.” I just shrug, lie back down on the bed and close my eyes.
I let the music flood my ears and my brain. All I think about are the lyrics.
You're always in the way, like a beast on my back
Were you dropped as a baby, ‘cause brains you lack

Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention

I suddenly feel a hand on my thigh – upper, inner thigh. My eyes fly open and I turn my head.
Gerard.
My eyes grow wide and my breath disappears.

Suddenly he leans down and covers my lips with his.
My eyes fall shut and I move my lips in his rhythm. Does he really like me?

His tongue slips out and flicks over my lips. I reach mine out to meet it. The tip of our tongues crash together.
He gasps – opening his mouth further. I push my tongue into his mouth – running it along his. It tastes so good that I can’t even describe it.

He doesn’t move – not his hand, not his lips, not his tongue.

I start pulling my tongue back, but he softly closes his mouth and closes his teeth around my tongue. I let my tongue run over them, and I can’t help the whimper that escapes my vocal cords.
He moans.
Then pulls away.
When I open my eyes, he’s gazing into them. I lick my lips to taste him again.

“You’re so hot, you know that?” Slowly my look falls – from his eyes to his lips, to his neck, to his chest.
I don’t believe him.

He removes his hand from my thigh, and I close my eyes. He’s rejecting me – finally telling me how he truly feels.
He still hates me. He’s still despised by me. I’m still a little, chubby kid in his eyes.
It hurts. It hurts so bad.

Suddenly he places his hand on my cheek.

“Why won’t you believe me?” His voice is so gentle, sweet and soft that I can’t believe he just said something like that to me.
“Why did you ever think you weren’t good enough?” I open my eyes and frown up at him. He doesn’t remember? He doesn’t remember how fat I was and how kind he was to point it out?

“You,” I whisper.
He frowns.

“What?” I feel bad. I’m blaming him. He’s not the one to blame for me having no self-control and staying fat.
It’s not his fault that I’m like this.
“What did I do?” He sounds so hurt. I hurt him.
But he hurt me too.
But…

“You said-“ No! don’t tell him! I can’t tell him! It’ll hurt him – crush him! I can’t do that!

“Please, baby. Tell me?” Baby?
I melt.
I comply.

“You said I was chubby.” He frowns deep – deeper than ever before.
I look away. I can’t face it.

“I did?” I don’t wanna hurt him, but I’m like putty in his hands – he’s got me wrapped around his little finger.
I nod.
“When?” His voice is nothing but breath passing his lips.

“2 years ago,” I whisper back.
He sucks in a deep breath.
I shouldn’t have told him. I hurt him. I never meant to hurt him. And now he’ll hate me again – for hurting him like that. For blaming him for something that’s completely my own fault. I was the one who was fat! I started this! He just pointed out the obvious.

“I’m so sorry, Frankie,” he suddenly says, before he wraps his big, comfortable arms around me and pulls me into his soft chest.
“I didn’t mean it. I never thought that. You didn’t hear it all. You don’t understand, Frankie.” He sighs.
“I always liked you. When I first saw you, I thought you were the cutest thing I’d ever seen. The first day I saw you, I told Mikey that I was gay.” I pull away from his chest and looks up at him. He’s gazing at something behind me.
“I told him I thought that you were cute, but he asked me not to do anything about it. He didn’t want to lose you as a friend if you turned out to be a homophobe.” He suddenly looks down at me – then smiles.
“I guess Mikey didn’t have anything to worry about.” I smile back.
He actually likes me.