Skin and Bones

Gerard and I walk hand in hand down the hallway. Mikey’s walking next to Gerard and he won’t stop talking about how Pantera is better than Anthrax on so many levels. I don’t even need to look up at Gerard to know that he’s annoyed with hearing Mikey go on and on about this. I’m just glad he’s walking next to Gerard and not me. That way, I can focus on what’s ahead of me.
The school counselor’s office.

I’m about to tell someone about everything that’s happened to me within the last two and a half years – and believe that she understands me.
Sometimes I don’t even believe it – how far out I am. I’m so far out and I know it, but I just can’t get back. I’m so far off the track that it’s completely out of sight by now.
I wonder if I’ll ever find it again. Or if I’ll just stay out in the dark and be like this forever. I’ll never be able to eat right or forget the fact that my body is bigger in front of the mirror than anywhere else. I’ll never be able to stop myself.
It could kill me. The starvation. The vomiting.
The fear.

Gerard suddenly lets go of my hand and before I can even process a single thought I see him push Mikey, full-force, off to the side. The poor guy loses his balance and tumbles off to the side – right into a girl. The girl gets slammed up against her locker as Mikey torpedoes into her.

Gerard grabs my hand again and pulls me along. I glance up at him – seeing his smirk – before I look back over my shoulder.
Mikey is holding both of his hands up in front of him, as if to keep the girl away from him.
But the girl is smiling.

I look back up at Gerard. He’s still smirking – looking ahead at nothing in particular as if he enjoys imagining what’s happening behind him.

“What was that for?” I ask him – utterly confused. He giggles. My knees spas out for a second, before they regain their strength.

“He likes her,” he says in a a-matter-of-fact tone of voice.
“I was sick of hearing him talk about her, so I gave him a little nudge.” I raise my eyebrows.

“A little nudge? You full on pushed him!” I grin.

“Well, he is kinda slow.” I roll my eyes and shake my head as I keep grinning. I look down at my shoes. I wonder how Mikey has been able to spot my crush, but I haven’t spotted his.
Good thing he’s got Gerard.
I look up at the gorgeous boy that’s holding my hand.
Good thing I’ve got him.
I squeeze his hand and he smiles down at me.
Then he stops.
“Well, sweety. This is me,” he says and throws a thumb over his shoulder to point at the door behind him.
“See you after detention.” He leans down and places his lips softly and sweetly on mine. My eyes fall shut and all I can think about – all I can feel – are his lips and how soft they are and how their movements make my body stop completely and turn off my brain.

When he pulls away, I’m still dazed.

“You probably have to wait in the car,” he says as he looks down at his pocket as he pulls his keys out.
“Mikey will probably be busy for a little time longer.” He glances down the hall to look at Mikey. He smirks to himself as he takes my hand and places his car keys in them.
Then he looks me in the eyes.
“See ya.” He pecks my lips – if it can be defined as a peck when it lasts longer than two seconds – before he turns around and disappears behind the door.

I turn and walk a few steps further. I stop in front of the counselor’s office. Gerard doesn’t know I’ll be in here. Hopefully I’ll be done before him, so I don’t have to tell him. I know boyfriends are supposed to tell each other everything, but-
Is he even my boyfriend? We haven’t established that yet. I mean, we act like it, but… I don’t know.
I clench my hand into a fist and stare at the door.
Then I knock.