Skin and Bones

I could’ve stopped her.

I poke to a pea. It rolls into the mash potatoes.

If I’d taken all her booze and poured it out after she’d stopped the first time, it might not have happened. Maybe I would’ve been able to stop her and talk to her about it.
Then she’d never have slapped me. She wouldn’t had hit me or kicked me or hated me.
She hates me now. Wherever she is, she hates me.
She’s probably in prison. Or at least behind bars down at the station. Maybe they’re questioning her right now.

What if her explanation doesn’t match up to mine? What if she tells them that… That I did it. Maybe she’ll tell them that I have been yelling at her and kicking her, and that the bruises on my body really are from a gang or bullies at school.
What if they don’t believe me? What if they blame me and put me in jail?
It would be a youth facility. For troubled teenager, or something. I’d be beaten up for sure. I’d be the weakest link – at the bottom of the food chain.
I’d die.
And I wouldn’t see Gerard anymore. Or Mikey. Or any of the Ways. I’d be…alone.

I focus on the pea. I dig it out of the mash potatoes and clean it with my fork. The white stuff comes off and once again, it’s green.
Green stands for…jealousy.
Am I jealous?
Am I selfish?

Someone touches my forearm. I jump.
I look up to see Gerard’s scared and worried eyes. Soon, they’re only worried.

“Are you okay?” I stare at him for a little while, before my eyes start wandering around the table, where I find six worried and confused eyes staring at me.
My eyes burn. I look back at Gerard, who’s softly started rubbing his thumb against the underside of my forearm.
He smiles carefully and comforting. I smile back. He comforts me.

Suddenly his eyes disappear as his face quickly turns towards his parents. He suddenly looks scared.
He swallows visibly – his Adam’s apple jumping up and down – before he starts opening and closing his mouth.

“Are you-“ Mr. Way quickly stops his sentence. I slowly look up at him – trying to turn my head as little as possible. He’s frowning as he stares at Gerard’s hand, which is still on my arm. He looks confused – utterly confused.
I can hear Gerard shaking, yet deep, breath.

“Yes.” It’s as if he uses all of his breath on that one word, because immediately after he takes another deep breath.
I look over at him just in time to catch a last glimpse of his eyes before they disappear behind his eyelids.
“I’m gay and I’m in love with Frank.” His words tumble over each other as they come out – his lips seeming to move too fast – but somehow they’re so clear. At least to me.

For a moment, I can’t breathe. My lungs shut down completely. My throat cuts off all air supply. I even start hearing the sappy music of Air Supply in my head. I don’t remember the lyrics, but the music is enough to set the mood.

When I start breathing again, I can suddenly feel my heart thumping. The blood is rushing through my body – rushing past my ears so loudly that I’m having trouble hearing Mrs. Way.

“We love you, baby.” I look over and see Mr. and Mrs. Way holding hand on the table.
“We’re just glad that you can make someone happy.” At that moment, Gerard’s hand slowly slides down my arm and links with mine. I drop my fork and our fingers entwine as the fork still clinks and clanks against the porcelain plate.
When I look up at him, I barely see his eyes before they’re too close to comprehend.
I kiss him back.