Skin and Bones

We’re on the couch watching some random TV. Well; Gerard is watching some random TV – I’m watching him.
I’m cuddled up into his side – his arm protectively and comfortingly around my waist. I never thought I’d be this close to another person – and definitely not Gerard – but when his hand ran down my back and around my waist, I couldn’t help but comply as he reeled me in.
I’ve even dared putting a hand on his chest.
I never thought I’d be this comfortable being close to such a beautiful, perfect person.
I never thought I’d be allowed to.
I guess he doesn’t mind my pudginess – the extra flesh and fat that he’s currently holding on to.
I wish I could look good for him. Then we wouldn’t be an ‘odd couple’. We’d be compatible. We’d fit – and be fit.

“Hey Mikes!” Gerard suddenly yells. I look up and see Mikey’s shadow out in the kitchen. I hear him mumble something – his words completely incoherent.
“You wanna watch a movie with us?” Gerard yell, before he looks back at me.
“You wanna watch a movie?” he asks quietly. I’m about to nod when Mikey answers.

“I’ve got a paper.” I hear the distinct crunch of a bag of chips quickly moving away.
Gerard frowns at me – silently asking the same question I am.
Why is he lying?
I guess we both know Mikey too well. He hates lying. When he does, he never looks people in the eye – his first tell – and he always makes a lot of noise with things around him – his second tell. He’s too innocent to lie to someone’s face.

I glance over at the TV, before I look back into Gerard’s sweet eyes. I’d want nothing more than to sit in his embrace forever, but I know my friend needs me.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” I whisper quickly, before I reluctantly pull away from Gerard and get up. Gerard keeps a loose hold of my wrist while I walk away – his thumb tickling it quickly before he lets go. I smile back at him.

I walk down the hall towards Mikey’s room. I can hear the thumb of music playing, but it’s not loud at all – at least not for Mikey.
His door is slightly ajar, so I knock quickly before I push the door open.
Just like I’d predicted, there’s no paper in front of him and no pencil in his hand – only a handful of chips.
I smirk lightly.

He sees me, looks up quickly and then looks down into the bag that sitting in the middle of the circle his legs are making on the bed. Something flashed through his eyes when he looked at me – something along the lines of hurt.
What did I do?

I walk over to him and sit on the edge of his un-straightened bed. I carefully glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He still looks sad.
I wait a little while to see if he says something, but he doesn’t.

“Did I do something wrong?” I’m looking at the floor while I’m asking, but I still see him flinch and then squirm – like he doesn’t want to talk about it. My shoulders tense up a bit.

“No,” he says as he shakes his head.
“No, you didn’t.” He looks away from me – towards the window of his room. I consider a few options for my next question, and the only constructive, open one I come up with is;

“What’s wrong?” He shrugs. His response is so quick that I know something is wrong. I consider my next question.

“It’s just,” he says quickly, before he sighs deeply – struggling with himself.
“I’m…sorry,” he says slowly, “that I didn’t notice.” I look at him in shock. His eyes are flickering all around the room – looking at everything except me.
“I should’ve noticed that you weren’t yourself.” He lowers his head so far down that his face disappears completely.
“Best friends are supposed to notice stuff like that. I’m sorry.” My brain isn’t working. I wanna tell him it isn’t… that he’s not… I want to tell him! But I can’t find the words!
“I know you got thinner, but I didn’t think anything about it. I didn’t know what was going on.” He’s picking at the ends of his sleeves.
“And now I don’t know what to do.” I try to open my mouth and say something, but my mind seems to clamp it shut again – not ready to talk just yet.
“I wish I knew how to help you.” I defy my mind.

“It’s not your fault.” Mikey’s head snaps up and he looks me in the eye. He looks scared.

“I know,” he whispers. Of course he knows. I never blamed him. It was never his fault – how could it ever be?
“But I should have noticed. I really wish I’d noticed.” His voice is breaking, but his eyes are completely dry. Mine, on the other hand, are beginning to go wet around the edges – my sight getting blurry.

“I should’ve told you.” It isn’t until the words have passed my lips that I realize the truth of them.
“I should’ve talked to you about it.” A tear trickles down my cheek – leaving a cold trail behind.

It seems like the tension leaves me along with that tear and the rest of the tension in the room flies out the closed window – leaving me with a sense of relief. I guess Mikey feels it too.
He smiles – half of his half-ass smile. I grin back lightly.
We both just look at each other – fixing the slight break in our friendship with just a few looks and smiles. Mikey’s look suddenly turns serious, yet cautious.

“You wanna talk about it now?” I want to look away from his eyes and give my brain some time to think it through before I make my decision, but it seems that my subconscious has already made up my mind for me.
I nod.