Skin and Bones

I’m the first to wake up. I open my eyes and the first thing I see are Gerard’s eyelids. I can’t help but smirk at how cute he looks.

A glimpse from last night flashes through my head, and my smirk only grows bigger.
I can’t believe we did that. It was like a dream come true. It could’ve been a dream.

I reach down and feel my cold ass still hanging out. I lift up the sheets to see that both of our asses are hanging out – one bigger than the other – and that our limp members are just mere centimeters away from each other.
I’m blushing a bit when I look up at Gerard – my cheeks burning and stinging from the blood gathering in them.

He stays asleep. Even when I move around to pull up the sweats, he still doesn’t move one inch. He doesn’t even grunt.
I stay there and stare at him for a bit. He’s so gorgeous. His pale skin looks even paler in the dark – almost lighting up the room. The skin covering his eyes is slightly redder. It looks like he’s put on a layer eye shadow, just to look pretty. He hasn’t. And he doesn’t need to. He’s perfect. He’s perfect in such an unreal way – unreal since I’m the one lying here.
It all seems so unreal. These last few weeks have changed everything. I passed out; I talked to Gerard; I got beaten up; Gerard took care of me. And now I’m here – in a bed I never want to get out of.

But I have to. And once I’m out of the bed, I can’t get back in. I have to eat breakfast. I have to go to school. I have to have a social worker on my ass all day – judging me and evaluating me to see if I’m normal enough to live in the real world with real people who care about me.
I might never return to this bed.
I bite my lip and take another good look at Gerard.
I don’t want to leave this bed.
But everything is telling me to. Everything is begging me to get out of bed.
My bladder is aching. My stomach is growling. My entire spine is throbbing from laying in this position for too long.

The alarm clock suddenly goes off and I jump out of Gerard’s arms. He slowly starts moving around and whines. The loud noise keeps ringing. My ears ache, just like my bladder.

I slowly crawl out of bed and tiptoe towards the bathroom. I know Gerard’s already awake – the alarm clock still ringing – but I don’t want to wake him up further. I know that sounds weird, but I don’t wanna upset him by noising too much.

I shut the door behind me, before I turn on the lights. I look down at the lock, but there’s no key in it, so I guess it’s not meant to lock. I hate locks anyways. I hate being locked in a room – especially a bathroom with no windows.

I walk over to the toilet and relief myself. I look down at myself while I do.
I smirk. Gerard touched that. Gerard touched me down there, and he actually liked it.

A surge of blood rush dangerously close to my still-sensitive area, so I look up and try to focus on the white wall in front of me.
Gerard is right behind that wall. He’s probably still lying in bed, rubbing his balls like any normal guy does in the morning. I don’t even know why we do it. It’s most certainly not attractive. Well, when Gerard does it, it is. Anything he does is attractive. Even if he was a mannequin and just stood there with a blank look in his eyes, he’d still be fucking attractive.
I curse under my breath when my dick starts hurting. I curse once again when I notice that I’ve peed on the toilet seat.
I quickly clean up after myself, before I walk over to the sink and wash my hands.

“There you are.” Gerard’s sweet voice fills my ears. It’s raw from sleep, but it still makes me subconsciously close my eyes and enjoy it to the fullest. When his arms wrap around me, I can’t help but lean back a bit and feel his firm chest against my back. His breath tickles my neck and I shiver.
“You’re so gorgeous, do you know that?” I don’t answer. I lay my hands on top of his. His hands feel so tiny and fragile under mine.

A pang of guilt hits me in my gut. I could break him. My fat body could break him.
I pull my hands away from his and lean forward a bit. I find the sink and hold onto it. Though I pull away to give him some air, Gerard’s hold on me stays tight.

“Look at us,” he says softly – his breath once again tickling my neck. I exhale shakily. He want me to look at us in the mirror. I know it’s right in front of me – waiting for me to look up so it can show me how wrong I am for him. No matter how much Gerard wants me and I want him, the mirror is always gonna show me the truth: How wrong we are for each other. How wrong I am for him.
“Please, Frankie?” He kisses my neck and tightens his grip on me. I can feel the fat of my stomach bulge over his arms. I swallow down the bile that’s slowly rising.
“You’re so beautiful. Please just look up and see what I see?” He places a gentle hand on my cheek and lifts my head up. My eyes are still closed.
“Please?” His pleads are whispers – little gusts of air that dance into my ears and makes my brain respond.
I look. But not for long.

He sees fat. He sees my fat face and my bull-neck and all the waves of fat that bulges out from my entire body – my obese body.
My sight goes blurry from tears.

“Baby,” Gerard says comforting, but my sob makes it unheard.
I crumble. My legs give out and I fall onto the floor in a pathetic heap of sobs. Gerard rubs my back and holds me in his arms, but I want nothing more than to push him away from my corpulent body. I just don’t have the strength.

He rocks me back and forth in his arms, and every time he rocks back, I feel a pang of guilt surge through my oversized body, because I put so much weight on him.
He shouldn’t have to carry around my weight.
When my sobs die down a bit, his soft voice once again dances into my ears.

“You’re beautiful, baby. You’re so beautiful. I wish you could see that. I wish you could see how beautiful you are to me. It’s the world that’s ugly, not you. You’re so gorgeous. Please, see that?”
I calm down.
He kisses my forehead.
“I love you.”