Skin and Bones

I keep staring up at the white ceiling. It’s grey in the dark, but I can still see a slight bit of clear white over by the window where a bit of light streams through the blinds from the streetlight outside.
I stare at random parts of the ceiling – my eyes carefully scanning the white surface. Gerard must’ve stared at one of those parts at some point. It used to be his room. I wasn’t told when he moved, but since he was old enough to beg, I guess he must’ve lived here for at least 4 or 5 years.

I miss him. I feel alone without him.

I pull my duvet up closer to my chin before I turn over on my side.
I feel stupid lying here alone. I feel like someone is gonna come through the door and start laughing at me for sleeping alone in this bed instead of sleeping in Gerard’s – in his arms.

Don’t get me wrong; I love what the Ways have done! This is my room. I have my own room in a house that feels like home to me, and I have my own bed now that’s very comfortable, but Gerard’s bony arms are just better – warmer.

I can hear Mikey’s music playing. It’s low, but I can tell it’s something classical. I never knew he listened to that kind of music.
I know I’ve kinda neglected him for a while now. These past few weeks have kinda faded together, but I know for sure that I haven’t spent as much time with him as I used to.

The tempo of the music changes. It becomes faster and…cheerier. I pull my duvet away and sit up in my bed. I can’t sleep, so I might as well catch up with my best friend.

I put on a pair of slippers – which Donna bought for me – on my cold feet and walk out of my room. As I walk the short distance to the next door, I grin at the fact that my slippers are dragging along the carpet no matter what I do. I guess slippers are meant to do that – especially in the morning.
But it’s night, and instead of sleeping to gather strength for tomorrow, I knock on Mikey’s door.

He doesn’t answer. I hear the floor creak, and then the music stops. And then nothing.

I knock on the door again, but when nothing happens, I turn the handle and poke my head in.
Mikey’s lying on his side on his bed with a big pair of headphones on that are connected to his stereo with a long, thick cord. I smirk at how outdated those headphones are, while I step inside his room and close the door behind me – finding it safe to enter, since he’s obviously not jacking off.
I knock the thought out of my head as I approach him and his laptop; both on his bed. He still hasn’t noticed me, even though he’s facing me. I wonder if he’s searching for porn, considering how occupied he is.

His head jerks up, and since an easy, relaxed smile quickly comes onto his lips, I’m guessing he’s not ‘busy’. He pulls his headphones off.

“Hi,” he says quietly, yet welcoming. I plod down on his bed next to him.

“Hey.” I look at the screen and see the online conversation he’s having.
“Alicia?”

“Yeah,” he says proudly, but still with a hint of embarrassment.

“Are you together?” Mikey looks down at the keyboard, but I can still see the smirk on his lips. I smile at that. He’s obviously happy.

“Yep.” He tries to sound confident, and almost pulls it off if it wasn’t for the fact that I know him, and he’s always insecure when he’s not looking you in the eye.

“How long?” I ask and nudge him lightly. He giggles and bats my hand away. I grin silently at him.

“About a week, I think.” I don’t know why, but I’m shocked by this. I don’t think I actually thought about what kind of answer I expected, but the answer I got just makes me realize how long it’s been since I talked with my best friend – too long.

A feeling I’ve come to know as guilt settles in my stomach. It feels as if I’ve eaten a brick – the weight of it not only dragging my stomach as far down as it can stretch, but also pulls my throat along with it. A dull pain settles from my Adam’s apple all the way down to the roll of fat that’s currently making my t-shirt fold outwards.

I look up at Mikey to stop that thought.

“I’m sorry for leaving.” Mikey looks up at me, utterly confused. I look down at t-shirt again. I stretch it so it doesn’t touch my stomach.
“For being with Gerard so much. I feel like I’ve neglected you.” I tug at the t-shirt while the brick seems to tug at my throat, trying to sink my uvula along with it.

“It’s alright,” Mikey says happily, and when I turn my head to look at him, he’s smiling.
“I’ve been busy with Alicia.”

My first feeling is relief. My first thought is ‘phew’. My first reaction is to smile.

But my seconds are different.

My second feeling is shock. My second thought is ‘busy?’. My second reaction is to cock an eyebrow.

Then I break into a fit of giggles. I would be laughing loudly, but since it’s late, I stick with an uncontrollable giggle that makes my stomach cramp and my eyes water.
Mikey pushes me and mumbles something I don’t hear, and I drop to my side and continue giggling.

It feels incredible.