Skin and Bones

I lie perfectly still and wait for sleep to overtake me.
It doesn’t.
I’ve been lying here for hours. Every now and then I turn my head to look at the clock. The minute hand never moves more than 20 minutes.

I keep hearing voices. It’s no one unknown, just voices from the people I’ve listened to today. I can hear each voice loud and clear – all the time. I can’t make it stop.

Dinner!

Donna’s voice. It’s so sweet and soft – even when she yells. The only time her voice hasn’t been like that, was right after I collapsed. I could hear her voice faintly, but I couldn’t see her or respond in any way.

Frank!

Her voice was filled with panic. It screeched like a broken record.

Today, we’ll be talking about taxonomy.

Urgh. I hate biolog-

C2H5OH!

I hate that voice. I really do hate that voice. It’s not Gerard’s. It’s drunk-Gerard’s, and that’s not Gerard. That’s not my Gee.

I can’t sleep without you.

I can’t sleep.

I hear someone open my door. I haven’t heard a knock, even though I’m wide awake. I guess there was no knock.
Someone enters my room and closes the door behind them.
And then nothing.
I turn my head to look at-
Gerard.
He flinches when I catch his eyes through the bright dark. It’s still early.

“I’ll go,” he whispers and turn toward the door.

“Don’t.” He stops. His hand is around the handle, but he’s standing perfectly still.
I don’t want him to go. Even though he lied to me about what he was doing with Ray, I don’t blame him. I caused it.
“Stay,” I whisper and scoot over to make room for him. I even pull my duvet back so that he can get into my bed faster, but he still doesn’t move. He just sands there – frozen.
“I want you to sleep,” I whisper softly. My stomach is churning and spinning with nerves and worry that he might reject me, but I keep looking at him. I can’t stop looking at him.

Suddenly he sobs. A loud, heart-wrenching sob escapes past his barely parted lips.
He doesn’t let go of the door handle as his knees become weaker and weaker and makes him sink lower and lower. Within seconds, he’s on his knees, sobbing as he leans his head on his forearm that’s leaning against the door.

I quickly jump out of bed, fall to my knees and wrap my arms around him. I pull him away from the door and into my arms. He’s reluctant to do so, but I’m not. I pull at him hard until he falls onto his side and buries himself into my chest.

“I love you,” I whisper into his hair as I wrap my arms tighter around him and protect him from everyone and everything – even himself.