Skin and Bones

I cuddle up closer to Gerard, who kisses my cheek again. We just spent the past few hours talking about today. He’s so wonderful. He support my every thought and feeling, and though he can’t relate to half of them, he just nods his head and pulls me closer. He doesn’t bullshit me by saying he understands when he doesn’t, but he doesn’t try to change me either.

He’s always been like that. He’s never tried changing me – only curing me.

I hope I’ve only done the same.

“Are you okay?” I whisper out into the dark. It’s late and everyone have gone to bed, but Gerard and I weren’t tired. Even now, after we’ve already talked for at least 2 hours, we’re still not tired.

“I’m perfect,” Gerard answers dreamily. I smile widely and blush a little, before I focus back on what I meant.

“No, I mean- Well, I’m perfect too. I love you,” I ramble on, but meaning every word.
“But, are you okay?” I know I need to be more specific, but I can’t bring myself to just come out and ask him straightforward.
“You’re not…” I trail off. I don’t want to say that word. I don’t want to insult him.
“sad, are you?” I ask instead.
I hear Gerard sigh, and I hope it’s a sign that he understood my real question.

“I haven’t,” he whispers. There’s a slight tremble in his voice that I recognize as nerves. I pull him closer.
“Not since that day with Ray. I’m not even sure why I did it.” He stops talking, but I don’t say anything back. I know he just needs time to think. I can tell by the way his hand won’t stop making quick circles on my upper arm that’s lying on his stomach.
“I missed you.” He swallows and he shuffles a bit, but not so much that he pushes my head off his shoulder.
“Even though you were just upstairs in my old room, you were just… so far away.” He sounds so shy and ashamed. I can’t pull him any closer, even though I try, so instead I turn my head slightly and bring my lips to his clothed shoulder.

He sighs, so I guess he felt my kiss.

“I had one drink the first night.” I freeze a little at that, but quickly focus my energy on making him comfortable enough to tell me.
“Being alone just brought back so many memories. And…urges.” His fingers move faster and the circles become smaller.
“After one drink, I poured the rest out in the sink. But the urges wouldn’t go away.” He sniffles and I quickly kiss his shoulder again.
“Ray don’t know. I’ve never told him. He became my friend after I left Bert.” I frown briefly. He ‘left Bert’? Who’s Bert?
“When the police brought me home, I was so ashamed. I’d let you down.”

“No,” I quickly interrupt. I pull my face away from his shoulder and look up at him. He looks confused.
“You could never let me down. You love me.” He smiles sadly and reaches out to touch my cheek. His eyes shimmer as he strokes my face.
“I know you never meant to.” His smile disappears quickly to choke back a sob, but when it returns onto his gorgeous lips, it lights up his entire face. I smile back widely.

After a few seconds of smiling widely and goofily at each other, I lean in to kiss his lips, before I lay my head back onto his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me and just hold me – neither of us moving at all.

I hate to pry, but one question keeps nagging me.

“Who’s Bert?” I ask out of the blue. I suddenly feel uneasy and timid. I just spent several minutes before to think of a way to avoid being so blunt and hurtful. Now, I just spoke without thinking.

“One of my old friends,” Gerard answers, putting on a certain sarcastic tone for those last two words. I can tell that he’s carrying a grudge towards them, and while I don’t wanna dig into this and put him in a bad mood, I just can’t let one thing go: he talked about Bert as if they were something.

“Just friends?” I can’t believe myself. I keep being so straightforward without any regards for Gerard’s feelings. Why do I keep doing this? Why am I acting like this? It’s like I can’t control myself. Like my body is filled with this feeling that just wants answers – and many of them.

“We got a bit too close at a few parties, but we were both too drunk or high or stoned to make anything of it.” I feel a fire burn through me. I can’t help but frown.
“I regret it now, but back then it was just a pastime thing.” And those four words makes it better. I barely hear the rest of the sentence. Just the four words ‘I regret it now’ is enough to calm me down and fully regret demanding answers like that.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and kiss his shoulder.

“It’s alright,” he whispers back with an audible smile and kisses my nose. I giggle as his lips tickle my nose.
“I love your giggle,” he whispers and pulls me closer. I tilt my head up and away from his shoulder to speak.

“I love you,” I say and kiss his cheek. I then suck in a deep breath through my nose and get most of his scent into my lungs. Of course, this is an easy task, seeing as I’m in Gerard’s room, on Gerard’s bed and right next to the owner of all of this.
I love being here.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he whines quietly and pulls me closer. My nose gets pressed against his cheek and my lips lightly touch his jaw.

“I never will. I promise,” I whisper and kiss his jaw properly. I know it’s a weak promise since I have barely any control over the judge’s decision tomorrow, but I plan on keeping it as long as possible. If I have to run or hide to stay, I will.

Gerard turns his head and kisses my cheek. I move up to kiss his. He kisses mine again, but since I moved my face, he halfway kisses my lips as well. We lie still for a second, but when that still second has passed, we bring our lips together as if they were magnets.

His soft, sensual lips makes me lose my breath as they touch mine ever so lightly. I kiss back gently and hear him struggle to breathe as well.

I pull away and we both gasp for air. Our eyes quickly find each other and we gaze at each other. As if a silent agreement is made between us, we suddenly smash our lips back together and kiss. This time, the kiss is rough, sexual and lustful, and I don’t try to divert my thoughts as I feel a heat build in my crotch.

Gerard suddenly pulls away and I’m left feeling cold. When I open my eyes, I see his swollen, red lips for a split-second before his t-shirt gets in the way. But I don’t mind. His bare chest is just as perfect; flushed, smooth and shiny in the soft light.

His lips are back on mine in a flash, but only for just as long. He pulls away immediately after and turns around to rummage through his nightstand. After a few seconds of scrambling, he turns back to me. He shoves a condom and a tube of lube in my hands, before he takes the piece of cloth himself and wraps it around his head.

He’s having trouble though, so I let the items drop onto the small bit of mattress between us and reach out for him. I take the cloth out of his hands and away from his face. I stare into his eyes for a few seconds, then kiss his nose and bring the cloth over his eyes. I tie it behind his head gently, careful not to bring any of his hair into the knot.

I lean down and kiss him briefly, but he won’t let me pull away. He wraps his arms around me and keeps me in place, while his lips keeps moving over mine.

I have no strength to resist.

Our lips roughly rub together in a heated kiss. Meanwhile, Gerard’s hands stay just as still as his lips. His hands dip into my boxers and settle on my ass, and I moan into his mouth. He gasps and pulls me closer to his bottom half and I once again moan when I feel his hip bump against mine.

And then my boxers come off. I’m still wearing a t-shirt, and though the duvet is over me and Gerard is blindfolded, I still feel suddenly exposed. I’m therefore quick to find the waistband of Gerard’s boxers and pull them down to join mine at the foot of the bed.

Gerard suddenly pulls away from our kiss.

“Take me,” he gasps out, before he sucks in a deep breath and starts panting. My cock twitches painfully – lustfully.

“Okay,” I whisper back, slightly taken aback at his sudden demand, and reach between us to search for the condom. When I find it, I rip the wrapper open and pull the rubber out. I trail down Gerard’s stomach and easily find his hard cock. Suddenly, I want this a lot more.

“No,” Gerard gasps as I place the condom over the tip of his dick. I look up at him confused.
“I want to take. I want you in me.” My eyes widen at his words. An ‘oh’ crosses my mind, but quickly followed by an ‘I’m scared’.

“I-“ I tear my eyes away from his covered ones and look down. I’m panicking slightly.
“I’ve never done that.” I feel a pressure similar to one of a scream build up in my stomach. I’m nervous. I’ve never…fucked someone.

“Please?” Gerard begs in a highly sexual way, and my cock throbs, telling me to just do it – for the both of us. Or three of us. Or four- Stop.

“Okay,” I whisper nervously, and then take the condom over to my own cock and slowly slides it down over the tip. Even though I’ve never had sex before, I have tried on a condom. I had to use those free condoms from health class for something, and a cum-catcher was a good way to do so.

“You want to prep me, or should I?” Gerard asks quickly, and I have to swallow to keep the nervous scream down. I don’t want to run – never – I just want to scream.

When I don’t answer, Gerard finds the lube that’s lying between us and spread some out into his hand. He wraps his hand around three of his fingers and starts stroking them.

Out of pure impulse, I reach out and place my fingers next to Gerard’s. When his hand runs down over what he thought was only his own fingers, it also runs over mine. He moans. I moan at the thought of him doing that to my cock.

When my fingers – and his – and all lubed up, he spreads his legs. The duvet pokes up into the air and I can easily see his entire body lying beneath it. I feel like coming just from the sight.

With Gerard’s hand still around all our fingers, he brings it down between his legs. He presses my fingers against his asshole and we both moan at the thought and feel.

When Gerard lets go of my fingers, I feel nervous again. I’ve never done this before. I’ve only had it done once.

Just do what he did.

That’s what I tell myself as I push one finger inside of him. His tight warmth runs through my body and settles in my cock in such a pleasurable way that I accidentally moan loudly. Gerard gasps a giggle.

I move my finger around, adds another and wait for him to get used to it. When I push in the third, I see pain on Gerard’s wonderful face. His features contract and he stops panting. I quickly lean down and kiss his neck sloppily to help him through the pain.

After about a minute or two, he slowly starts panting again. Even when I move my fingers around and push them in and out a little, he still pants.

“Go. I’m ready,” he gasps and moves his hips slightly.

I take my fingers out of his warmth and get up from where I’m lying on the bed. I crawl in between his legs and make sure the duvet stays on my back, before I lean over him. When I look down, I can’t see his dick because of my t-shirt.

I freeze. If I take it off, I probably can’t avoid looking at myself. But I’m not fat.

‘I’m fatter than you.’

I quickly take my t-shirt off. I once again make sure the duvet will stay on my back, before I lean down and kiss Gerard. He moans when I attach my lips to his.

“Take me,” Gerard whispers against my lips and a shutter runs through my every bone.

I take a deep breath and then look down. I focus on Gerard’s hip, cock, balls and opening as I grab my dick and press it against the latter.

“Wait,” Gerard suddenly says, and I freeze. Even though I know he can’t see me, I look up at his blindfold anyway and wait for him to speak.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his still lubed-up hand around my cock and strokes it gently. I moan. When a pleasurable burn starts building up in my lower stomach and groin, he pulls away.

“Go.” And I do immediately. I place myself at his entrance and quickly push into his warmth. He whines and moans all at once, and I fight to stay still and wait for him to get comfortable. I hate doing it, but I start thinking about old men in the showers at the local swimming center. I hate swimming.

Gerard suddenly moves his hips, and without even doing anything I slide all the way into him. We both moan loudly.

Without any delay, Gerard starts moving his hips again and I copy him quickly. I slowly start pulling in and out of him, and an electric feeling overflows my body that I just can’t stop verbalizing. As Gerard’s moans grow louder and louder, I slowly build up more and more speed.

It feels amazing. I’ve never- This- This is nothing like jacking off. This is bliss. This is heaven.

“Move, Frankie,” Gerard whines and I pull out of dreamland enough to focus on him fully.

I am moving.

“Huh?” I ask – sounding incredibly stupid.

“Angle your thrusts. Move around in there.” I’m a bit taken aback by his words, but they turn me on even more. I can feel my blood grow hotter and scold my veins as it rushes through my body.

And so I do what he says. I lower my hips to thrust into him at a different angle. While the bliss is still there – perhaps more intense than before – I focus hard on angling my thrusts until I find that spot Gerard found in me.

When Gerard doesn’t react, I move around some more – side to side, up and down.

With each thrust, I lose more and more of my own bliss. I start feeling frustrated. Annoyed. Confused.

But worst of all; I feel like a failure. I suck at this. I can’t pleasure someone. I can’t pleasure Gerard – the man I fucking love. I’m fucking hopeless.

My thrusts become weaker and my entire body starts feeling heavier and heavier.

I’m so fucking heavy.

“Fuck!” Gerard suddenly screams. I’m startled by his sudden outburst. My startling is apparently a good thing, since Gerard suddenly screams again.

He hums out a moan, grabs my ass the best he can and pushes me forward. I pretty much fall into him, but I guess it’s good for him anyway. He moans loudly.

I start thrusting back into him, and each time, he moans loudly. My thrusts quickly grow in speed and intensity, and soon I’m back to the point where I can’t control myself. My hips keep moving fast and my vocal cords keep vibrating as my head spins and my groin burns.

“I’m close,” I moan out between two thrusts, and between the next two Gerard repeats my last word.

I look down at him. A need I didn’t know I had is suddenly satisfied, and on impulse I choose to give that to Gerard as well.

As the burning in my groin keeps intensifying, I place a hand on Gerard’s cheek, run a finger underneath the blindfold and push it up.

As soon as Gerard’s eyes open, they close again.

“Frankie!” he screams out as he cums. His cock spasms and shoots his load all over the both of us, but it isn’t his cock that suddenly draws my attention. As he cums, his asshole clenches around me and I have no time to draw in a breath before I cum.

“Gee!” I moan loudly as I feel my dick explode. I can’t stop moaning as my cock keeps spilling my load, sending shockwaves of pleasure through my entire body. My brain drowns in signals from all over and even though I’m pretty sure my cock and entire sack is completely empty, my hips keep moving. It’s like my brain can’t send out a signal to stop them.

Suddenly, it all stops. I drop onto Gerard, but roll off of him and land next to him. At the same time my spent cock slides out of him, which causes us both to wince and moan and just feel the aftershock of it all.

We lie next to each other, and as much as I want to just cuddle up into him and hold him so close, I just can’t move. All I can do is lie there panting, and barely hear Gerard because of that.

When my body finally starts waking up, it aches. But it’s a good ache. It’s a pleasurable ache – an ache I’ve never really felt before. I love it.

Lazily, I roll over onto my side and throw a very heavy arm over Gerard’s stomach. I open my eyes to look up at him, but his are still closed.

“I love you,” I whisper up at him. If I could, I would kiss him. But I can’t move.

He smiles lazily.

“I love you too.” His voice isn’t so struggled, so he’s probably able to open his eyes. Yet; they’re still closed.

“Can’t you open your eyes?” I ask happily. He smiles wider.

“I can, but I can’t look at you.” My smile quickly fades and a rush of sadness and self-disgust comes over me. I feel a terror take over my body and my mind is flooded by sorrow.
“If I look at you, I’ll just get another boner, and that would hurt really bad.” I look at him confused.
“Frank Iero, you are hot.” The fear and sadness slowly melts away and is replaced by a heated blush.
“You look so hot that one glance is enough to make me cum harder than I’ve ever cum before. No bull.” I blush even more, before I pull myself closer to Gerard’s limp body and cuddle against his neck.

“You’re hotter,” I whisper, before I’m suddenly overtaken by sleep.