I'm Lost With You

“Okay, hold on a sec,” I said grabbing a hold of her wrist before she could walk any further.

“What the hell, Alex?” she said jerking my hand of her arm but I didn’t move it. She stopped and turned her whole body to me. I don’t really know why but she looked even more beautiful frustrated.

“I don’t get it. You have to explain this to me. I thought you said it was fine-”

“Alex, I don’t want to talk about this.” She stated but I didn’t listen to her. I forced it out of her.

“I want to talk about this and I want to talk about it now,” I said sternly and her eyes started to fill with tears and I couldn’t do anything about it. It sorta hurt knowing that I was the cause of her said misery but maybe I can fix it. Maybe I can make it go away but I’d need her help because as of this moment, I am completely clueless.

“I know I said that it was okay if you grew tired of waiting but you told me you didn’t want anyone else, Alex and that gave me hope. It gave me too much hope and I just didn’t see anything that might destroy the hope I had in me. But you went and stabbed it until it was dead and gone. I thought that maybe a little time would only make us want to be with each other more but you took the first train ticket to go and get yourself some filthy pleasure with some slut who probably swooned over you because you’re Alex Gaskarth. I thought I knew you and how you worked but apparently I didn’t. I thought that you‘d change because of me but I guess I was too high up in the clouds and unaware of the surroundings here on the ground. But all I really wanna let you know, Alex, is that it hurts to be the only one wanting something and getting crushed in the end. It just hurts too much,” she said just above a whisper as tears fell from her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I said in the same hushed tone. She shook her head and looked to the side – away from my face. “I guess I never really thought about it like that,”

“That’s because you never think, Alex,” she said angrily as she pulled my hand off of her arm. She caught me off guard so I couldn’t hold on to her.

I didn’t say anything and she stared at me as she waited for me to answer. I wasn’t really planning to say anything so I just stared right back at her. I was too embarrassed to even think about saying that maybe it’d all be okay now and that we could be together. Who’d want to be with a guy like me? If I had no fame at all, I’d probably be just another guy looking for a girl who’d want to be with me when no one in this world would even look at me twice if I was some infamous guy living his life like any other person.

I couldn’t really do anything about the situation anymore since clearly we were done and I’ve hurt her too much and there was probably nothing I could do to make it up to her. I had this urge to just walk away until I realized that she was right there waiting for me to answer to her. She was still here and that meant something. But did that mean that I had some twisted chance to be with her?

“Brooklynne, I really am sorry for hurting you and hopefully, you’ll find someone better than me in the future. Maybe once I’m out of your life, you’ll be able to see that there are guys out there who really do think about what makes you happy and what makes you angry. I’ve hurt you too much I guess to be that guy and I’m truly sorry for everything.” I told her and turned away from her. I knew that if I stood there, she’d probably never have anything to say so I’m sparing her the pain and I’m saving her time.

“Alex, wait,” her voice was softer this time as she grabbed my hand. She wiped a couple of tears using the back of her free hand and it pained me to have to see her like this. It made me even guiltier that somehow, I was the cause of all the pain she was feeling.

“Yeah?” I asked as I stared into her beautiful eyes that were still pretty even if they were bloodshot.

“I can’t,” she simply said.

“You can’t what?” I asked her as I raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t just let you go.” She said. “You’re the only person that ever really mattered to me and I just can’t let you go,”

“But you haven’t even been to several parts of this country and you haven’t lived your life long enough to say that,” I argued hating the fact that she has 0% hope in her.

“I don’t have to go around the country to find the right one for me. I don’t know but there’s this sick and twisted feeling inside of me that keeps telling me not to let you go no matter what. It’s like I like you too much to just watch you leave when I know that I don’t want you to,” she said and I breathed out a laugh.

“Well, that is pretty sick and twisted,” I told her and she smiled. I pulled her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around me.

“I don’t know if this really is the right thing to do but if ever we’d ever lose ourselves in this road we’re walking on, then I guess all I’ll be able to say that I’m glad that I’m lost with you,” she said into my chest.

“Me too, Brooklynne, me too,” I whispered into her ear as I held her in my arms knowing that this moment could last forever if I wanted it too. And I know I do…