Healing
Another Chapter.
I couldn't believe we were actually going.
I thanked them. More than neccessary, they said, because it was important to me. The first time in my life something mattered to someone else because it was important to me. I love these people.
I went back to my room, finding Julie knocking excessively on the bathroom door. She was yelling at Kyle to hurry up. I crawled onto my bed.
I was able to finish reading the diaries by twelve. I was almost sobbing by the end. The last diary was almost entirely cancer. Chemo. Drafts of wills. Depression. Useless attempts to find me. Her last day...
July 10, 2007
I'm laying in an uncomfortable hospital bed with stiff sheets. It sucks. They tell me my last day it drawing near.
I'm not afraid to die. All I'm abandoning is pain and sadness. But still also Lynn and Jenna. It saddens me that I can't see her. I need so badly to see her before I go. Yet it would take a miracle. I longingly look at a picture of my previously thee year old daughter; how old will she be now? I think 13. Her birthday is 5/26/95. No, maybe 12.
I don't look like myself. Dark circled eyes, lacking hair.
I made a final draft of my will, now that I stopped editing it every few minutes. I feel so tired now. I need a rest.
I'll write later on.
♥,
Niele.
That was it. She passed probably not long after the cancer engulfed her vital organs...
Bawling, I lay limply against a wall on my floor. My head resting on the pretty little diary.
The lights were off and someone pushed the door opened. I didn't expect the voice I heard.
"Jenna?" Leah said quietly. "You ok?"
Her dirtyblonde hair falling in front of her eyes as she sat down.
"What's wrong?"
I forcibly stopped my sobs and tried to make my breathing steady. "I finished the d-diareees and it ended ri-ght before sh-e died, in the hospital." I hiccuped slightly.
"I know how horrible it is. Our cousin, Bobby, died of cancer a few years back. It's watching someone you love fade away. And its close to impossible."
"I didn't get to meet her for real. Just the diaries and whatever I knew when I was a toddler..."
"You don't deserve so much pain," she interupted still quiet.
We sat there for a while just talking about random stuff until it effected my mind like novacane.But I didn't sleep at all.
I was simply in a weird zombie-like state. I couldn't operate my mind. I couldn't move (which sucked because after I while my bladder was stretched to the possible limit before it exploded and pee-toxins flood my blood stream and kill me.
Heh. I hope I don't pee myself. That'd be hard to explain...
I thanked them. More than neccessary, they said, because it was important to me. The first time in my life something mattered to someone else because it was important to me. I love these people.
I went back to my room, finding Julie knocking excessively on the bathroom door. She was yelling at Kyle to hurry up. I crawled onto my bed.
I was able to finish reading the diaries by twelve. I was almost sobbing by the end. The last diary was almost entirely cancer. Chemo. Drafts of wills. Depression. Useless attempts to find me. Her last day...
July 10, 2007
I'm laying in an uncomfortable hospital bed with stiff sheets. It sucks. They tell me my last day it drawing near.
I'm not afraid to die. All I'm abandoning is pain and sadness. But still also Lynn and Jenna. It saddens me that I can't see her. I need so badly to see her before I go. Yet it would take a miracle. I longingly look at a picture of my previously thee year old daughter; how old will she be now? I think 13. Her birthday is 5/26/95. No, maybe 12.
I don't look like myself. Dark circled eyes, lacking hair.
I made a final draft of my will, now that I stopped editing it every few minutes. I feel so tired now. I need a rest.
I'll write later on.
♥,
Niele.
That was it. She passed probably not long after the cancer engulfed her vital organs...
Bawling, I lay limply against a wall on my floor. My head resting on the pretty little diary.
The lights were off and someone pushed the door opened. I didn't expect the voice I heard.
"Jenna?" Leah said quietly. "You ok?"
Her dirtyblonde hair falling in front of her eyes as she sat down.
"What's wrong?"
I forcibly stopped my sobs and tried to make my breathing steady. "I finished the d-diareees and it ended ri-ght before sh-e died, in the hospital." I hiccuped slightly.
"I know how horrible it is. Our cousin, Bobby, died of cancer a few years back. It's watching someone you love fade away. And its close to impossible."
"I didn't get to meet her for real. Just the diaries and whatever I knew when I was a toddler..."
"You don't deserve so much pain," she interupted still quiet.
We sat there for a while just talking about random stuff until it effected my mind like novacane.But I didn't sleep at all.
I was simply in a weird zombie-like state. I couldn't operate my mind. I couldn't move (which sucked because after I while my bladder was stretched to the possible limit before it exploded and pee-toxins flood my blood stream and kill me.
Heh. I hope I don't pee myself. That'd be hard to explain...