In the Best Damn Dress I Own

Gerard’s P.O.V

Things had gotten far too heated far too quickly. In all honesty, I hadn’t meant to hurt Frank the way I had, I had simply meant to frighten him a bit more. However, my disgust and revulsion for what he had done had blinded me, making me into a maniac and sadist. I saw the fear and pain in his eyes, but somehow I couldn’t stop myself from plunging my nails deeper into his skin.

And then he had said what I suppose he’s been thinking all along. I am a girly man, and I have been selfish by making Frank go along with all my feminine attributes. But, I still couldn’t help the bile of resentment from rising in my throat, making me choke on my own silent tears. I wasn’t good enough, and I never would be, not in his eyes at least. Frank really did deserve a man, one who didn’t fuss over what heels would look good with what dress. He deserved someone who didn’t go cavorting in a beauty pageant, stuffing a bra with Kleenex constantly.

As I had dyed Frank’s hair to black again, I thought it over and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Frank’s fault that he had cheated; it was mine. If I had paid a bit more attention to him and less to my make-up, maybe he would have never been unfaithful to me. I was completely at fault; well, not completely, but mostly.

And I had been mauling over that idea for the past half week. Now, sitting on a bench in a room of twenty or more girls, my eyes glazed over as I stared blatantly at Erika. She looked confident, probably thinking that it was all over and done with and she had succeeded. But, she would be disappointed when I rose above her. I wasn’t going to give all of this up, not after come as far as I did.

One of the girls, Nicolle Benet, took a step or two towards me. Her platinum blond curls bounced slightly with each step she took, every one bringing her closer towards me. From out of my eye I saw her sit down on the bench next to me, and I began having flashbacks of high school where popular people would sit next to you just to get your guard down, then they’d attack. I waited, biting my lip, for some sort of snarky remark to come out of her bubble gum colored lips.

“You’re Genna Way, right?” I nodded, still biting my lips. What was all this about? “I’m Nicolle Benet.”

“I know. Did you want something?” She shook her head, her blond curls moving from side-to-side, hiding her face for a moment. When her expression was revealed again, she was smiling; not maliciously, but in a friendly manner.

“Not really, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I mean, you’ve been really distant from everyone the last few practices, even Evaleen. The other girls and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and everything.” She smiled again, and this time I smiled whole-heartedly back to her.

“Well, I’ve had a horrible past few weeks, if you must know.”

“Something about that guy you were with? Was he your boyfriend?” Wow, this chick was nosey as fuck.

“Yeah, but he sort of cheated on me. But, I forgave him and now we’re alright again, for the most part.” Nicolle gasped as I told her that Frank had cheated on me. She looked honestly shocked.

“He’s lucky you didn’t leave him after that. You’re so pretty, I bet you could pick up another guy right away. If you were a guy, I’d totally date you.” I chuckled inwardly at that statement. Oh, how little she actually knew.

“If I were a guy, I’d be gay,” I stated, not really lying but not telling the truth in its entirety either. She laughed slightly at that, not getting the real irony in it. But, she couldn’t really be expected to, could she?

We sat there a couple more minutes, conversing over our lives and our boyfriends. She had a baby girl last year, and her fiancé and she had named her Cadence Marie. I told her that that was a sweet name, and when she asked me if Frank and I had any children I responded with a prompt ‘no’. She wasn’t as much of an airhead as I had thought her to be, and I realized some of the contestants had some dignity and a heart.

Evaleen soon made an appearance, lining us all up and taking roll. Afterwards, we began working on our group choreography; kicks, taps, and lots and lots of smiling. My jaw has never hurt so much in my life. Not even the time I spent an hour in a half kissing Frank passionately on the couch, our bodies intertwined and our hands- Okay, I had to stop thinking like that when I was trying to convince people I was a woman.

It wasn’t long after practice that Evaleen rounded us up again in alphabetical order. For a moment, I could place why she was lining us all up. Usually after practice she just dismissed us, maybe saying a few words to me. And that’s when she said what brought excitement and apprehension into my chest all at once.

“Now girls, next Saturday is the pageant. Friday will be a dress rehearsal where we run through everything in our costumes and whatnot. The pageant will begin at nine o’clock Saturday, but I want you all to be here at six so we can work on anything you’re having last-minute difficulties with.”

All the girls began whispering to each other; all but one other than me. Erika. She simply stood there, a smug look plastered across her face. It almost screamed, ‘you’re going to fuck up, and when you do, I’ll be there laughing right in your face’.

Not exactly an expression that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. In fact, it was quite the opposite.