In the Best Damn Dress I Own

To say I was merely nervous might, in fact, be the understatement of the century. To be quite blunt, I was sweating like a whore in church. And have you ever seen a whore in church? Let me tell you, they’re pretty fucking nervous. You know; the eyes of God on them and such.

We all walked onto the stage. Some of the girls, like me, were shaking a little. Some others, like Nicolle, seemed about as calm as a cat sunning themselves in the middle of July. Only one girl though, Erika, was grinning like she already knew she had won.

Standing in perfectly straight lines, waiting for Evaleene to tear open that envelope that was in her hands, we acted like we were patient. In reality, we all wanted to snatch the envelope and rip it open just to get it over and done with. However, that would be extremely unladylike and we would mostly likely get escorted off the premises. So we waited while music played and people clapped for us. Frank was still in the front but Mikey wasn’t standing alone in the back anymore. As a matter of fact, my little brother was nowhere to be seen.

The music ceased and Evaleene grabbed the microphone. “Thank you everyone for coming. Well, as you can see the girls have all worked awfully hard this pageant, but only three of them will go home with sashes. And those three girls are…”

My pulse quickened. I knew she would read the second runner up first, then the first runner up, and then finally the winner. The anticipation was enough to make me want to faint again. Just as I was starting to become lightheaded Evaleene’s voice cut through the air.

“The second runner up is…Nicolle Benet!” The crowd clapped, and I saw her fiancée stand up, his hands slamming together with impeccable force. Her own perfect smile stretched across her face as she stepped across the stage and Evaleene put a sash around her shoulders. She should have won.

“The first runner up is…Er-Erika Werner? I mean, Erika Werner!” Evaleene quickly composed herself, correcting her mistake. She seemed so surprised that Erika had gotten second. In honesty, she wasn’t the only one.

Frank was sitting in the front row, his mouth agape and his eyes seeming to bug out of his head. Nowadays, he hated her as much as I did, though I wasn’t sure right where I stood with her anymore. It was possible that she was trying to rekindle old friendships, but she could also be plotting my demise. The latter was the more likely of the two.

Erika frowned for only a brief second, and then she composed herself and was smiling like she must have practiced so well. I’m sure that in her fantasies she was winning though, not walking down the stage as the runner up.

It was official: I had lost hope in ever winning. If Nicolle and Erika hadn’t won, then I had no chance of ever winning. I looked like a man despite my best efforts, because I was a man. I had a penis, so maybe I should’ve start acting like it. Perhaps I should have gotten a job and started wearing men’s clothing. In any sense, I had lost hope completely. There wasn’t even a shred of it left.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen hold your breath, the winner of this year’s New Jersey State Beauty Pageant is…GENNA WAY!”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t hear. It all went numb as Evaleene said my name into the microphone. Surely someone must be playing a joke on me of sorts. This was probably all a set up because I couldn’t have won. Not me. Not ever.

Not until the other girls started patting me on the back and telling me that I had won did I come back into reality. And what a splendid and frightening reality that was. Everyone, the entire room, was clapping. I now saw Mikey and Frank, for they were right next to each other, clapping, yelling, hugging, and jumping. They looked so happy for me, I wanted to cry.

My feet felt like they were filled with lead as I walked as elegantly as possible toward Evaleene. She was grinning widely as she put my crown and sash on and handed me my bouquet of roses. I still couldn’t believe it. I had won, and nothing could do anything to change that.

Nicolle hugged me, but Erika did nothing but fake a smile at me. I saw the fury in her eyes.

“Well, that con-”

Erika snatched the microphone from Evaleene’s hands. “Genna Way is a man!”

There were a couple of gasps from the audience, Frank and Mikey both looking worried, but then Evaleene let out a laugh. The idea was too farfetched.

“It’s true! Look!” Erika pulled out a pocket knife. Where she kept it, I have no idea. She came toward me with the blade, and I backed away. However, I was not quick enough as she cut my dress all the way down to my waist.

The crimson fabric slid down to my ankles and I was exposed. My all but naked frame shook as I bit my lip and the audience gasped once more. Could their eyes be deceiving them, or were there Kleenex’s filling my bra? Was that a slight bulge in my underwear?

The tears began to brim in my eyes and I covered them with my hands. Everything was ruined and I was going to be the laughing-stock of New Jersey for the rest of my fucking life. No one would ever be able to look at me without thinking of me as a freak. Evaleene probably hated me. And what was to say that Frank wouldn’t leave me in embarrassment for dating such a freak?

I felt the pearls began to spill from my eyes and I turned to run. I needed to get away from the people of the pageant. I couldn’t stand them looking at me, jeering at me, any longer. They didn’t understand nor would they ever. At that moment, I wanted to die on the spot.

As I ran I collided into something, someone. I took my hands from my face and saw through the blur of my tears that it was Evaleene. Surely she would hit me for defiling her competition. A freak like me deserved to be hit at least.

She wrapped her arms around me protectively, shielding me from everything. I felt warm. I felt loved. Pathetically, I sobbed into her dress; her beautiful satin dress. She didn’t pull away, but instead embraced me tighter.

When she let go she did not shove me away and I was not tossed into nothingness, but instead into someone else’s arms. They were Frank’s arms, inked and protective. He held me lovingly, though I didn’t deserve it.

“It’s okay, Gerard. It’s alright. Evaleene and Mikey are taking care of it,” Frank whispered into my ear.

*****

I don’t remember anything else from that night at the pageant. I do, however, remember waking up in a hospital bed because I had fainted from being overly-stressed. It wasn’t anything severe, so everyone was there when I woke up; Frank, Mikey, Evaleene, and Nicolle. All of them had bright smiling faces and looked genuinely happy that I was alright. None looked disgusted.

There were reporters outside my door, but I didn’t let them in. They had already gotten enough footage from the pageant, which was all filmed and live. The fiasco was already all over the news.

After I had passed out, they had interviewed Evaleene, Frank, and Mikey. Frank had a rather lack of an interview. He simply told the cameraman to “fuck off”. Evaleene had told them that she had known I was a man a day previous. She had, however, decided to let me compete because “I had more heart than any girl she had ever met”.

Mikey’s interview, however, I would never forget as long as I lived. He had looked into the camera and answered the interviewer’s question “What do you think about your brother’s sexual preference and clothing preference?”.

“First of all, I hear the sarcasm in your voice and I know what you think of my brother. The thing is though, you don’t know a damn thing about him and you never will. When I first heard that he was gay, I admit that I snapped. I hurt him, and I vowed to never behave the same again. When I found out he was a transvestite, I was more composed, but we didn’t talk for weeks. Now though, seeing him up there, I can remember how we used to play. We used to just be two kids, him and I. Now, well everything’s changed. And if Gerard wants to dress like a woman, then I guess I have a new sister.”

It was simple, but you can’t imagine how it made me feel to hear him say that. He accepted me. He accepted what I was and how I was. I couldn’t be happier, because now people knew the real me and they didn’t shy away from the fact that I was a man. Everything was right in the world and I had lived my dream. And I guess that’s where my life is now. I’m elated every fucking day because of how everything worked out. So, that’s it.

Oh, but one more thing: I got to keep my crown.