Adrift

Ianto sent Tosh and Owen home early. On Jack’s orders. The relief he felt when he received a call from Jack at two o’clock was greater than the relief water brings in a drought. Relief tainted with worry when he caught the slight break in Jack’s voice when he lied and said they were fine. Jack promised to be back by five and that only Ianto needed to stay after four. Judging by Owen’s smirk as he left, Ianto wasn’t the only one to get the implication of that sentence. Ianto smiled momentarily at what would come that night before returning to his usual professional self. Jack wanted him tonight.

So, at six o’clock, when Jack still wasn’t back, Ianto felt rejected. Not worried – he knew where Jack would be – rejected. Jack had chosen to get drunk out of his mind and fuck a stranger instead of returning to Ianto’s open arms. Today must have awfully if Jack was willing to throw away all that they had built together. Jack hadn’t turned to a stranger since he had been back from his Doctor. Fed up of wandering aimlessly in his suit that Jack loved so much, he went to the showers and changed into more casual clothes.

* * *

“Jack?” Ianto called. There was no response.

He had heard the door wind back whilst he was in the shower but couldn’t find his Captain. His hair was still damp, something very unlike Ianto, because he’d been so worried about Jack that he’d rushed his routine. A twisted feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that something had gone horridly wrong today. Ianto prayed that Jack wouldn’t be too angry with him. The shattering of a glass alerted Ianto to someone’s presence in Jack’s office. Shaking slightly, he held his hand over his gun in case somehow someone had got in to the base but the precaution was pointless for it was Jack. He could see the man slumped over his desk. He looked drained of life. But not drunk, Ianto thought, which has to be a good thing. Jack’s head rested on his desk besides his Doctor’s glasses. It didn’t look good. Mentally preparing himself for the worst (knowing that it still was likely to be worse), Ianto walked into the office. A broken whisky glass lay on the floor: the cause of the smash.

That should have told Ianto that something else was wrong, that something was wrong with Jack – Jack never broke his glasses (he had owned them since the 1940s) except when… But it was clear that Jack hadn’t invited Gwen back to the Hub. Jack wasn’t like that. Even with all the flirting. Ianto needed to trust him more.

But why was he acting so out of character? Why was he being the weak one?

“Jack?” Ianto called again, testing the waters before throwing himself into the storm. Once again, there was no response. It worried him to see the backbone of the team crushed in front of him.

“I bought you an industrial strength coffee. Just like you like it.” Ianto may not have been able to dry his hair and may have been panicking about an intruder but nothing ever stopped him from making his coffee. “Jack?”

Jack’s head popped up at the scent of Ianto’s famous coffee. His eyes were bloodshot. That was too much for Ianto. He knew something truly dreadful had happened. Placing the coffee on one of the few sides in the office not cluttered with papers, he moved to stand beside Jack’s desk.

“You’re not okay.” Ianto stated, seeing it pointless to ask when the answer was clear on Jack’s face but needing to fill the silence. “What happened?”

“Gwen.” Oddly, Jack’s voice had a hint of cold steel in it. Normally, when Gwen was involved, Jack struggled to speak harshly.

“Did she get hurt?” Ianto knew that would upset Jack. He hated seeing any of his team get hurt. When Owen had died, Jack had nearly reached this point. Gwen’s death, Ianto knew, would throw Jack this far over the edge. Ianto started thinking through what could have happened and panicked. He hid it well from Jack. It was Ianto’s job to stay calm. Unfortunately, there was no mention of emotion in Jack’s job description.

“No!” His emotion changed suddenly. “No.” He repeated, grabbing a handle on his emotions once again. “Nothing hurt her. At least not physically.” Before Ianto could ask anything, Jack continued. “But she wants to take Jonah’s mother to see him.”

“Oh.” But Ianto still didn’t understand why Jack had been crying. He wasn’t used to the weak side of the man. “You can’t let her do that.” Ianto felt the need to remind Jack.

“I don’t have a choice!” Jack was angry now but stayed lying across his desk. “Either she does it safely whilst I’m there or she sneaks behind my back to do it. It’s Gwen; she’s too stubborn for her own good.”

“Oh.” Ianto was at a loss as to what to do. Jack had panicked him with the words ‘behind my back’ which was exactly what he had done in order to tell Gwen. What did Jack want him to do? Apologise? Comfort him? Yell at him?

“Will you stop saying that!” Jack snapped and sat up fully. Clearly, ‘oh’ was on the list of things not to say. “Now get over here… Unless you don’t want me that is.”

Jack always gave Ianto the choice. Obediently, Ianto moved to the other side of the desk so he was resting on the edge nearest to Jack. Their legs brushed once, twice until, much to Ianto’s surprise, Jack reached out and pulled him onto his lap. He didn’t let go.

“Jack?” His behaviour was confusing Ianto.

The older man rested his cheek to his lover’s chest. At first Ianto thought he was listening to his heartbeat (something that he had done a lot since returning) but the water reaching his skin gave it away: Jack was crying. Jack rarely cried. Not in front of his team. It was a sign of weakness and weakness left you vulnerable to attack. Knowing the Captain needed support, Ianto put his arm around the man’s body and gently rubbed circles on his back.

After ten minutes Ianto was certain he was destroying all circulation in Jack’s legs and, despite how comfortable he was with how they were sat, they really should move.

“Jack?” Ianto spoke softly and moved away even more softly. “You can’t stay here all night. Let’s go to your room.”

Jack nodded in response and let Ianto take his hand. Leading Jack like you would a small child, Ianto walked over to the hatch and slid down the ladder. Jack followed quickly. The pair walked over to the bed (Ianto had made Jack change the military bed to a more comfortable double) and lay down together. Ianto knew that tonight was a night that Jack would need him instead of want him for a change.

For all of Jack’s brave front, he was human at heart too. And like anyone, he needed someone to lean on. Normally, Jack wouldn’t let Ianto see him like this even though he had seen Ianto’s vulnerable side more that once. Normally, Jack would just withdraw into himself and rely on himself to recover.

Jack rolled over at that point so he was facing Ianto. He stretched out his hand and stroked the Welshman’s jaw. When he rested his hand on Ianto’s chin and leant forwards, Ianto tilted his lips up to reach Jack’s. Lips touched gentler and sweeter than ever before. When he pulled away, Jack spoke again.

“It was her reaction.” Something about the petite room made them always whisper. “She was horrified. Blamed me. Said why didn’t I stop it from happening.”

“It’s not your fault Jack. We can’t control it.” Jack had moved his hand away from Ianto, wallowing in self-hatred, so Ianto reached out to him instead.

“But these people are still my responsibility.” Jack’s talk of responsibility had only started after returning from his Doctor. It still sounded odd to Ianto. “I’m supposed to help them.”

“And you are.” Ianto felt it was his job to stop Jack’s self-loathing. “Think of all the improvements you’ve made to how they’re treated. Flat Holm is miles better than the vaults. Think of how much longer they’re able to live for.”

“Living longer to scream. Not really living at all. Their screams Ianto, you can’t imagine.”

“I don’t have to.” Ianto admitted and felt Jack tense beside him in anger. “I’ve heard them. Primal: pain in its purest form.”

“When was this?” Jack didn’t remember ever sending his Ianto into that Godforsaken place. He would have remembered if he had. It was deliberate that Jack kept his team unaware of Flat Holm. As their Captain, it was his duty to keep them from suffering. Flat Holm was unadulterated suffering. It was by mistake that Ianto had found out.

Jack and Ianto’s relationship was strengthening. It was still in it’s early stages but Jack had known after seeing Ianto so close to death (by cannibals no less) that he felt more emotion then he would have felt if it had been Owen, Tosh or Gwen held at a knife’s edge. Ianto found it strange to watch Jack’s behaviour towards him change. From playful flirting it had moved to trust and – though Jack still didn’t fully understand the term and would never admit it to anyone but Ianto – sexual fidelity. So Ianto felt much more willing to question Jack about things. Things that didn’t always add up for example.

“Sir?” Though Ianto trusted Jack enough to begin to question things, Jack still had the tendency to be unpredictable and scare him a little. To reassure Ianto that he was in a good mood, Jack nodded at the other side of his desk. “I’ve been looking at the accounts and something’s not adding up.”

“Okay.” Jack thought he’d covered up everything that would have made the accounts suspicious.

“For some reason the total output is not equal to the sum of the outputs. There’s a five thousand and eighty-nine pound difference.” At this revelation Jack got worried. “Also, your personal expenditure cost three thousand pounds less.” Jack made the link.

“Flat Holm.”

“Pardon sir? What’s the island got to do with Torchwood accounts?”

“It’s more than an island. It’s a facility for victims of the rift. Torchwood funds it. I set it up.”

“Victims?” Ianto asked incredulously.

“Come on, you’re smart. Haven’t you realised that if all this stuff falls through our way, our stuff must be taken back the other?”

“But if the rift takes them away, why do we need a facility for the victims? Surely they’re not here anymore.”

“These people don’t fit in with time and the rift senses a mistake. So it sends them back to us. And, when he finds them, a travelling friend of mine pops them back our way.”

“So retcon them and put them back into society.”

“It’s not that simple.”

Jack had told Ianto the horrid truth but there was no way he would take Ianto into the misery of Flat Holm.

“When you weren’t here,” Ianto explained. “I had to check the place. I didn’t know exactly what you did there so I went and checked. I was there when Jonah was bought back. Do you know what they thought I’d want to know?” Ianto decided to lift the mood. “They said you always checked who had brought them in. To see if they were good-looking enough for the amazing Captain Jack Harkness.”

“I was checking if it was my Doctor.” Jack replied solemnly. Ianto had suspected as much.

“And was it?” Jack’s Doctor was a touchy subject for Ianto. To be fair, Jack had left him for the stranger. Jealousy was to be expected.

“Sometimes. He never stuck around for me. Apparently he was travelling alone. I didn’t think he ever travelled alone.” Jack saw Ianto’s expression and lust filled his blood. “Are you jealous Jones, Ianto Jones?” He teased, using the introduction Ianto had used when they first met.

“Well, we do all know you’re never alone.” As if to evidence his point, Ianto moved closer to Jack. Sometimes Jack’s one-track mind could be good; there were times when he needed to forget the horrors he’d seen.

“Nope. Never alone.” Jack agreed and draped his arm around his lover, pulling him towards him sharply so the small gap between them was diminished. “But never as loved as I have been by you, never as committed as I am to you.”

Ianto was slightly shocked. He’d never told Jack outright that he loved him, though he was sure he did. And Jack had always seemed like the kind of person who was loved wherever he went: lose one lover, pick another up.

“Well I think that maybe its time that I remind you how much I love you.” Ianto walked his fingers down his lover’s chest. And the night continued where the morning had left off.