Silence Is a Virtue

I woke up insanely early the next morning, the moonlight streaking through my window. I groaned and rolled over, stretching. The sky was abnormally clear outside, and I could see a million and one stars blinking at me curiously. I sat up and switched my light on, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. I felt absolutely fine.

That is, of course, until I remembered yesterday's catastrophic events. My heart sank in my chest and I had to gasp a little from the sudden sensation, my hand snapping up to claw at my chest. I suddenly felt sick.

I sat there for a long time, trying to even out my breathing. I must have been there for hours, as sunlight slowly began to filter through my bedroom window. I shook my head and leant forward, burying my face in my hands.

"Bells?" Emmett's concerned voice said. I hadn't heard the door open, and I jumped.

"Mm?" I said tonelessy. He flinched as I looked up - did I look that bad?

"You okay? You've been awake for a while."

"How d'you know?" I murmured.

"Seriously? Bells, you were practically choking. You were breathing so loud, I was kinda scared." he looked even more worried now. Maybe he thought I was losing my mind.

"Oh." there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. "I'm fine."

"If you're sure. Want me to get you anything?" he mumbled. His voice softened and I felt guilty.

"No, Em, don't worry." I forced a smile and he flinched again. He nodded hesitantly and left the room.

I got up and, devoid of emotion, I slowly changed out of yesterday's clothes and put on whatever clothes my hands first reached. I stumbled downstairs, tripping on the last step and catching myself on the banister. I made a mental note to pay more attention.

I can't remember what happened between then and arriving at school, I think I may have blanked out. All I know is that the next thing I remember was Emmett's confused, pained face. He was so worried, I felt awful. Once he had explained to Rosalie, she wore that concerned expression, too.

Alice was in that day, and she forgot our little argument the night before as soon as she saw me. Her face paled and her glittery eyes began to water as she pulled me into a hug. I responded, loosely wrapping my arms around her thin frame.

I had the first lesson with both Alice and Edward - Alice sat beside me, Edward sat on the other side of the room beside Angela Weber. When I saw him, my heart began to pound, but he barely noticed I was there. I kept my head down for most of the lesson.

The one time I looked up, however, I instantly regretted it. Edward was pushing his notepad towards Angela, their chairs angled towards the other, a delighted smile across Angela's face. I should've known he liked the intelligent type. My stomach churned with jealousy and anger, but mostly just a deeper, harsher feeling that was unfamiliar. Was this heartbreak...?

The rest of the day dragged, but at the end of the day it seemed mere minutes since I had woken up. I couldn't remember a single thing that had happened, and several times I found myself asking Alice to repeat herself after she had said something.

I went home, did my homework, made dinner for my brother and my father, then went to sleep.

The next few weeks passed this way.

Edward and Angela were getting closer, that much was obvious even to someone who made no contact with either of them, like me. They never left eachother's side. The discomfort I felt when I saw them together didn't fade, like Alice said it would.

Rosalie knew what was happening, she knew I had fallen for Edward and she knew I was broken inside.

Emmett was terrified, he had no idea what to do or how to help me.

Jasper was at a loss of what to do - his ability to cheer anyone up in any given circumstance had failed for the first time, and he had no fallback.

Alice blamed herself. She said she had seen this coming, that she should've done more to prevent it.

Me? I didn't care what happened to me. I didn't care what people said about me, that I had changed and that it was clearly because of Edward. I didn't care that I was failing several classes. I didn't care that Charlie and Emmett were constantly discussing medication behind my back, suggesting anti-depressants and phsychologists.

All I cared about, all I wanted back, was Edward. The one thing I couldn't have.