In the End

"Oh my gaawwdd"

"Shut up, Billie"

"I think I broke a nail!"

"No one cares, Billie" I muttered

"My hair is too blonde! Do I look dumb?! Oh my gawd people may think that I'm a dumb blonde!! Oh my gawd!! My other nail!!!"

"Shut up!" I groaned, resting my head on the table, "This is why you can't watch reality TV with stupid people in it"

Billie Joe smirked, flicking something at me, making it bounce off my head.

"Get a life, Armstrong" I snapped

"I have one" He said in his annoying tone, "It's all about my nails, and teaching people that I am SO not just a blonde!"

"Okay Billie"

"It's not Billi-e!" He said, slurring the e, "It's Billi-a! It gives me a french sound"

I shook my head, resting it on the table, now laughing.

"You're pathetic, you know that...right?" I asked slowly

"Oh no you didn't! Don't make me bitch fight you!!"

"Won't you break a nail?" I replied lamely

"Oh my gawd! I probably would!!"

I sighed, "How much money do you want? Anything..I'll give you any amount of money...just shut up"

"How much does it cost to get my nails done? Cuz you know..I think I want that CUTE little design on my nail with the flower, you know...right here...see it? See the nail? Yeah, right here. And it could be in pink!! Pink, and white! You know, those cute little fuzzy colors! And then maybe I could go shopping..and get another skirt..."

I lifted my head, raising an eyebrow. He stopped talking, and watched me noticing the look on my face.

"What...?" He said slowly

"Would you really wear a skirt!?" I asked, leaning on the table now, smiling

"Oh no" He mumbled, "Shit...I shouldn't have said that...."

"Seriously...would you?" I asked, my face lighting up

"No.." He said slowly

"You've worn thongs on stage! Come on, I dare you...go wear a skirt"

"That's different!"

I rolled my eyes, "No it's not..well..it is..come on. I'll give you a dollar"

"Thanks, but no thanks Tre" He said sarcastically

"Tre offered me a dollar once...anyway..not my point!! Come on, Billie! Go wear a skirt!"

"No!" He squeaked, "Besides...I don't think there is any"

I nodded slowly, "Yeh there is...I know I have one SOMEWHERE...some that I've never worn"

Billie Joe started laughing his ass off.

"What...?" I asked raising an eyebrow

"You...wearing a skirt?!"

"Hey!" I snapped, "What's that suppose to mean!?"

"I could never picture that"

I sighed, stretching, "I've worn dresses before.."

"Against your will"

I nodded slowly, "That's true..."

There was a silence, in which I looked at Billie Joe smiling still.

"Pleeaassee...?"

"I'm not wearing a skirt!" He squeaked

"I'll paint your nails" I said wriggling my eyebrows, "Pretty pink and white"

"OoOh!" He squealed in his annoying 'female' voice again, "They'll look so preettyyy. Oh my gawd, I could show them off to all those bitches who don't believe that I have more in my life than just being a fake stuck up fuck tart who has too much nail polish stuck up my fat ass"

"Billie!" I squeaked out, laughing my ass off

"You're laughing at me!?" He said, pretending to me shocked, "Oh my gawd, how can you do this to meh?! You're hurting my feelings! That'll make my eyeliner run! Oh my gawd! I'll have tears streaks!! BITCH!!"

I was now leaning on the table, laughing my ass off at Billie Joe's little 'freak out' issue.

"Then I won't look as pretty!! Oh my gawd..but..but...you do think I'm pretty right?! I am, right!? Oh my gawd, tell me I'm pretty!! I didn't pay $99.99 for this fake piece of shit blonde hair for nothing!"

I kept laughing my ass off, watching Billie Joe.

My cell phone rung(the cell phone that now scared Billie Joe)

"That phone is possessed" He said, nodding

"No it's not" I argued

"It is, how else would it get up the stairs and under the bed? I mean, did you somehow find a way out of bed during the night, without waking me up, go downstairs and pick it up, fix the stupid thing, and then shove it under the bed?! I don't think sooo"

"Maybe the dog did it" I said, shrugging

"Yeah..." He nodded slowly, before giving me an odd look, "We don't have a dog!"

"Yeah we do" I said simply

"What? No we don't" He said scratching his neck, "I would have noticed"

"No you wouldn't have"

"Yeah...I would.."

I looked at the caller ID on my phone, and flipped it open, looking back to Billie Joe.

"I hid him in the closet," I said, "That's why you never see him. Go look in the closet, Billie"

"What? There's no dog in the closet!" He protested, "Do you really think I'm THAT stupid?"

I nodded slowly, "Why else would I tell you to look in the closet for a dog?"

"Because..I don't know" He muttered

"Exactly," I said, "So there is a dog in the closet"

"There is no dog in the closet!" He protested, stomping his foot lightly like a little kid have a temper tantrum

I raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on my face.

"Pretend I didn't do that..." He said slowly, running a hand through his hair

I started laughing, before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey"

I smiled softly, "Hey Rach"

Billie Joe sat there, his eyes narrowed picking at something in his hair. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Billie, there really is a dog in the closet...go look"

"I murder dogs" He snapped

My mouth dropped open, as I just stared at him while he smiled stupidly.

"That's great Billie....no, really...it is. But it is there...just go look.." I said

Billie Joe sighed, "Fine. But if there isn't a dog-"

"You'll have to live with that fact that you were a complete idiot and fell for the 'dog in the closet' trick"

Billie Joe narrowed his eyes, "I don't even know how to respond to that"

With that, he turned around, and headed up the stairs leaving me to laugh my ass off at him.

I turned back to the phone, "Okay...sorry. Hey Rach"

She started laughing, "What was that about?"

"Billie Joe thinks my cell phone is possessed, cuz this morning he woke up to it ringing after he broke it last night downstairs..or something like that, so I told him the dog did it...long story short, he's looking for a dog that we don't have"

Rachel kept laughing, "So he thinks he's looking for a dog?"

I sighed, "No...he knows it's not there"

She only laughed, not knowing what to say.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked

She sighed, "I've actually been cleaning...all day"

I snorted, "That's what I do..that's what I did for the past two days when Billie Joe and I weren't talking"

"I don't even like cleaning!" She squeaked

I shrugged, "Neither do I...But then again I have to because of Billie Joe..."

Rachel laughed softly, "I swear...I couldn't sleep last night, so I just started cleaning..and I've been cleaning ever since"

I smirked, "I seriously think it's like a cure for you and me or something..."

"Mhm, I agree. The neighbors have called me probably 15 times asking me to turn down my music"

I started laughing, "I just had my ipod on"

"My ipod's battery died...so I put on my stereo. Apparently the neighbors aren't Green Day fans.."

"THERE'S NO DOG UP HERE!!"

I groaned, while Rachel started laughing hearing Billie Joe.

"Yes there is!" I yelled back, "Just keep looking!"

Billie Joe came down the stairs, looking as if he had just got into a fight with something big and hairy, and lost. I started cracking up while he looked at me, not impressed.

"Woah..what happened to your head?" I asked my mouth slightly open

"That was so not fucking funny! I opened the closet, and like a thousand things fell on me!!"

I shrugged, "I'm scared of you're closet, Billie...why else do you think I have my own?"

"Cuz you have like millions of pairs of clothes"

I looked at him, narrowing my eyes, "No...it's because your closet probably has bugs in it-"

"NO!"

I could hear Rachel laughing in the background, listening to Billie Joe and I.

"I didn't even TRY to clean you're closet" I said in a matter-of-fact tone, "We all know that would be stupid"

Billie Joe sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Who's on the possessed phone?" He asked, changing the subject

"It's not possessed, and Rachel"

"Huh?" Rachel asked

"I was talkin to Billie...he was asking who was on"

"Aaah," She said slowly, "Okay"

"Hey.." I said slowly, "Do you wanna hang out today? I dunno...just a thought"

Billie Joe was now trying to see what was so messed up about his head in the microwave...which wasn't giving him a reflection.

"Sure," Rachel said softly, "I need to stop cleaning...this is getting pathetic"

"There's something in my hair..oh my god..is that a spider?"

I raised an eyebrow, looking at Billie Joe who's eyes were as huge as saucers looking in the reflection of the microwave.

"Oh god, please don't tell me that there is a spider in my hair" He mumbled, backing slowly away from the microwave

"I told you there was bugs in the closet"

Billie Joe glared at me while I smiled innocently.

He hunched over as if he was about to throw up, but instead ran his hands through his hair frantically.

"Get it out" He muttered to himself, flinging something out of his hair

Billie Joe jumped back, searching the floor, his eyes wide for the spider.

"Where'd it go?" He asked in a whisper, before looking at me

"Billie...I don't know where your pet spider went"

"Billie has a pet spider?" Rachel asked

"Now he does.." I said slowly, "There was one in his hair"

Rachel snorted, "Lucky guy"

I nodded, "Mhm..very lucky"

Billie Joe stared at the spider, crouching down.

"You," He muttered pointing at the spider, "Are a loser"

I sighed, and hopped down from the stool to see the spider that Billie Joe was now insulting.

"Billie...don't insult the spider"

"Can we feed him to Freddie?"

"What?" I asked, staring at him, "You want to feed a spider to our fish!?"

Billie Joe nodded stupidly, "Yeah"

"Fish don't eat spiders, Billie" I said slowly

"We could teach him to eat the spider"

I just looked at Billie Joe, not knowing how to respond to that.

I finished talking to Rachel, and looked at Billie Joe who was now poking the spider. I sighed, before going over to him, and stepping on it.

Billie Joe's mouth flew open as he stared at me in horror.

"You killed it!!" He squeaked

"Oh shit...did I really?" I asked innocently

"You killed the spider!!"

"You were all freaked out about it," I said, raising an eyebrow

"Oh no!" He snipped standing up, placing his hands on his hips like I usually did when I was pissed off at him, "Don't go making excuses!"

I folded my arms, "Fine, you wanna know why I killed the spider?"

"Yeah!"

"Cuz I didn't like his face! Okay?!"

Billie Joe stared at me, his mouth open, tilting his head to the side, "Well...yeah! Fine!"

I nodded, watching him look at me, and then slowly looking at the spider.

"We're gonna go hang out with Rachel for a while...cuz I dunno...she needs the company" I said after a moment

He nodded slowly, chewing on his lip.

"Oookay"

"And when we go over there," I said holdin up and finger and looking at Billie Joe, "Try not to be too much of a lunatic"

***

"Have you talked to Tre?" I asked slowly, not looking at Rachel

Billie Joe lay sound asleep on the couch, his mouth open while he snored lightly.

She looked down, "No"

"Have you called his house?"

"No"

I sighed, picking at my finger.

"Has he called you?"

She didn't say anything, before nodding.

"He needs to stop, seriously. I mean, it was okay the first 50 times he called me, but my cell phone is gonna break soon. I swear, he calls every day, trying to talk to me"

"And you've never picked it up?"

"I did once" she said softly, "But...I just hung up. I'm so pissed off at him for cheating on me. I would have been fine only being friends with him. It would have been better than him cheating"

I nodded slowly.

"Tre fucked up big time on that one...We all know that. I can't blame you for not talking to him...but don't you think you should some time?" I asked

"Why?" She asked, shrugging, "What's the use?"

"The guy likes you a reeal lot, Rach" I said nodding, "I don't think he called Steph"

She licked her lip, "I don't know...maybe I will talk to him...not any time soon. As far as I'm concerned, I don't want anything to do with him"

"Aww..Rach"

She smiled softly, "I know I'll end up talking to him. If he keeps calling even moment of the day like he has been, I know I'll end up talking to him"

I smiled, before looking at Billie Joe, who was still sound asleep after being threatened by both Rachel and I earlier.

As if on que, Rachel's cell phone went off. She rolled her eyes at it, and looked at it before showing it to me. On the little screen read 'Tre'

I raised my eyebrows as if to say 'answer it'. But all Rachel did was give me this pathetic look and shake her head.

I rolled my eyes, and grabbed the cell phone from her.

"Hello?" I answered

There was silence, followed by the sound of someone moving.

"Rachel?!" Tre asked after a moment

I frowned, feeling bad for him.

"No...but close"

Tre fell silent, "Mandy...?"

"Hey Tre"

Tre sighed, "Hey...where's Rachel?"

"Around"

"Can I talk to her?" He asked softly

"Tre...I really don't think she wants to talk"

Tre muttered something to himself, giving away the fact that he was drunk.

"Please?"

"Are you drunk?" I asked

He didn't say anything for a moment.

"Yes"

"So why did you call?"

"Cuz I wanted to talk to her" He replied

"When your drunk..? Didn't you see what happens when your drunk with Billie Joe and I?" I snipped

"But you got back together" He said, slightly slurring his words

"After 3 days" I retorted

"You still got back together"

"So you getting drunk is gonna get you and Rachel back together?" I asked, getting up

"No...but it makes me feel better"

"Then your pathetic" I spat, "You should stop drinking, and try to make it up to Rachel or Steph...or both"

"They hate me"

I glared at the phone, before hanging up on him. I sighed, leaning against the couch in which Billie Joe was sound asleep on, his arm danging from it. I picked up his arm pulling it over my shoulder, more than thankful that Billie Joe wasn't like Tre, because I wouldn't know how to handle it if I had learned that he had cheated on me.

"What happened...?" Rachel asked after a moment

"If he calls tonight...don't pick it up" I said slowly, "He's drunk"

Rachel frowned, looking down, "What an asshole"

"No good comes from being drunk" I snipped angrily, "Tre should know that"

"But he doesn't" Rachel sighed softly, "He never will"

I rolled my eyes, "Which is stupid...because everyone knows that drinking doesn't make the problems go away..it only makes them worst"

She nodded slowly, looking at Billie Joe and smiling weakly.

"I hope he has a hangover tomorrow," Rachel muttered bitterly, referring to Tre, "A bad one"

I snorted, starting to laugh as Billie Joe started to wake up.

"I'm alive" He mumbled, still half asleep, with one eye barely open making him look like he was drunk, "Don't worry. I'm alive"

Rachel and I looked at Billie Joe, me raising an eyebrow.

"Okay Billie..."

He took his arm from my shoulder, rubbing his eyes, and yawning before looking back to Rachel and I.

"Did I fall asleep?" He asked

I shook my head, "Naah.."

He raised an eyebrow, before laying back down on the couch, but this time giving me room to sit.

"I had a dream that I was in the mafia" He said slowly, "With Mike and Tre and Jason and some other fuck heads...and we took you," He said, motioning to me, "And Rachel for hostage...and at the end of it you somehow tied me up and threatened me with a squirt gun..."

I started laughing my ass off along with Rachel, while Billie Joe was trying to remember the rest of the dream.

"And then I told you not to shoot, but you didn't care...And Rachel tied Tre to a pole outside, and it was like -3 degrees...and then..." He ran a hand over his head, "And then you shot me...with the water gun...in the head..so I thought I was dead, and you laughed because you knew it was a water gun and I didn't..."

Rachel smirked, liking the idea of tying Tre to a pole in cold weather. I laughed at the look on her face, before looking back to Billie Joe, who was now poking the side of my head lightly.

"Yes Billie," I said nodding, "I AM real"

Billie Joe snorted, pushing my head lightly. I looked at him, biting my tongue.

"What are you doing?" I asked

Billie Joe smiled innocently, "Nothing"

"Stop poking me"

"But you're so poke-able"

"That's great Billie...now stop poking me"

"No"

"I'm gonna hurt you"

Billie Joe smirked, "Oh please, be my guest"

I groaned, and rolled my eyes, "Never miss an opportunity" I muttered

He nodded, "Exaaccttllyy"

***
"This is what happens," Billie Joe mumbled into my neck, "When I get some fucked up thing of fucked up energy. I jump around, freak out...and then I'm able to sleep for 3 days"

I laughed softly, shaking my head.

Billie Joe lay next to me, slowly falling asleep. I lay next to him on the couch, being pushed up against the back of it, while he lay with his arm around my waist and his leg wrapped around mine.

He snored lightly, pretty much telling me that he was asleep.

"You're...squeezing me..." I muttered to Billie Joe, who was still asleep

He mumbled something in his sleep, only pulling me closer.

"Why is it..." I said slowly, "That whenever you fall asleep next to me, you tend to make it so I can't breath?!"

"Merfhem..."

"Yeah...exactly...Merfhem" I mumbled, trying to un-attach myself from Billie Joe

Billie Joe mumbled something, only to pull me back against him.

"Billie" I whined quietly, "You're gonna make it so I can't breath"

Of course, it had no effect on Billie Joe..who only hugged me closer to him.

"Fine" I muttered bitterly, laying down next to him, "Suffocate me...but tomorrow morning, when you wake up to find that I can't breath, YOU
will be the guilty one"

I looked over my shoulder at him..which was a mistake

"Or not," I said quietly, "Because as of now you look too innocent"

Damn him. I hated it when he looked innocent..He looked too innocent for his own good.

"The world is lucky," I mumbled, "To only have one of you...because more than one of you would be impossible to handle"

Billie Joe mumbled something, burying his nose in my neck. I grinned, looking at the beck of his neck.

"I know you heard me," I said nodding, "And it's 100% true"

***

"Oh my god...my back"

"You're turning into an old man" I said simply, looking at Billie Joe, who was now pissed off because of the way he slept, and the way he woke up...by rolling off the couch.

"No I'm not!" He protested, "You just want me to so you can annoy the shit outta me with it"

I laughed, "That's actually true..."

Billie Joe narrowed his eyes, looking at me making me laugh even more. He stuck out his bottom lip, before smiling stupidly, "Can you move oveer?" He asked, his voice in a high pitch

"Why?" I asked innocently, cocking my head to the side

Billie Joe got up, and slid onto the couch gently pushing me over, "That's why"

"You're sitting on my hand" I mumbled

"Look at the bright side" He said nodding

"Which is...?"

He shrugged, "I dunno...but when I do know I'll tell you"

I sighed, trying to get my hand out from underneath him.

"You're gonna suffocate my hand"

Billie Joe laughed, "You're giving me more motovation to sit on it"

I just looked at him, trying to get my hand out from under him.

"Billliiee...geett off my hand"

"Nah ugh...not until you say the magic words"

"Are you kidding me?!" I asked, "I'm not admitting that you're better than me"

"Admitt it and you get your hand back"

"How 'bout I don't admitt it, and you don't get shoved off the couch" I snipped

He nodded slowly as if he were thinking, before eyeing me. I raised an eyebrow, mocking him.

"What?" I asked slowly

He smirked, causing me to edge away from him, making him laugh.

"Hey" He said after a moment, "Did you ever find out who called yesterday, while you were sleeping?"

I shook my head, "Nope"

He bit his lip, "mmmk"

"I figure if they really wanna talk, they'll call back"

"True" He agreed, nodding, before sliding down on the couch...still on my hand.

"Billie...get off my hand"

He shook his head, "Nope"

"Get off my hand, Armstrong"

"No"

"Plleeaassee? My hand is falling asleep"

Billie Joe smirked, "Good"

"Oh come oonn!"

Billie Joe started laughing, before I shoved him over, making him get off my hand and nearly fall off the couch.

"Hey!"

I smiled, rubbing my wrist, "I'm sorry, did that bother you?"

"No..." He said slowly, before standing up on the couch, before sitting back down...

on my hand.

"Billie!!" I groaned, "Come on!!"

"I'm sorry, did that bother you?" He mocked, folding his arms across his chest

I glared at him, trying to get him off my hand.

"Wait! I found a bright side!" He nearly yelled

I raised an eyebrow, "Which is...?"

"You can feel my ass"

I just looked at him, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Yeah...if you had one" I reorted

Billie Joe placed his hand on his chest, "Oh...I'm deeply hurt now"

"I can tell," I grunted, "Now get off my hand"

"Nope...because now I was insulted"

I sighed, pushing Billie Joe, making him roll off the couch. He landed with a thud and a groan, while I jumped up.

"BOO FUCKIN YEAH, ARMSTRONG!!"

"Shuutt uppp"

"NOW WHAT?!"

"I'll sit on your head" He muttered

I started cracking up at that, still standing on the couch, before jumping down.

"You wish you could" I said rolling my eyes playfully

"No...actually...I wish that I didn't just fall off the couch"

I shrugged, "Same difference"

"Not really"

I laughed, before heading upstairs and into his bedroom looking for one of my sweaters..only to find the room a complete mess, the closet wide open.

"BILLIE!"

I heard footsteps before Billie Joe appeared in the doorway, scratching his neck and smiling.

"What did you do?!" I asked, looking around the room that had clothes thrown all over it

"Well...You see...ugh..." He paused, licking his lip, "The dog did it?"