In the End

Always Going to Love

"Are you sure your okay?" Asked Billie Joe, after we sat on the couch for a while, with Joey and Jakob.

"Yeah... I'm fine. You shouldn't be talking, you look pale" I said, looking over at him.



"I feel fine..." He said, resisting the urge to put his arm around me, since Jakob was sitting next to him.

I smiled, and pecked him on the cheek. I didn't even bother to look if anyone had seen. Billie Joe smiled, and looked over at me. He grinned, and looked down at the floor. Do guys get shy about that stuff? Guess so...

Jakob looked over, and glared at me. So he did see me kiss Billie Joe... ON THE CHEEK. Whatever...

Jakob just got up, and walked upstairs to his room, still looking pissed off... I really wouldn't expect him to get so pissed off with just a kiss on the cheek...

Billie Joe sighed, and got up. Joey rolled his eyes at how his brother just walked off. I didn't know what to do... Why was I feeling guilty? For crying out loud! It was a kiss on the cheek! Billie Joe kisses people at concerts! Yeah, I know... Not a good point.

Billie Joe went up the stairs to Jakob, while I sat there. What the fuck was going on? Joey sighed, and stood up, walking over and sitting next to me.

"Don't worry about my little brother. He can be such a brat at times. Okay, well, all the time. He's not the sweetest person to girls my dad like... Just don't worry about it. He's in his mental state once again"

God, I fucking loved this kid. Joey was beyond cool. I could fucking kiss him! Okay... Well... Maybe not... That would probably be weird...

"Thanks, Joey" I said, looking down.

I was confused, and pissed off, and sad, and confused, and annoyed, and pissed off, and yeah... Like I said... Confused, pissed off, and sad... I didn't want Jakob to hate me. I didn't even do anything, so why was he so mad?

Joey smiled, and we both got up. I walked over to the stairs, Joey behind me. We both wanted to hear what was going on. I was never good at letting people have private conversations... Especially when I have the biggest feeling it's about me.

We both snuck up the stairs, and I listened outside of where Jakob and Billie Joe were. I put a finger over my lips, to tell Joey not to make a sound, and he just nodded.

"Chill out, Jakob. Come on. Nothing's gonna be horrible like you say..." That was Billie Joe

"It's not fair, dad! It's not fair! I hate Anthony, and I hate this! It's not fair! Mom still loves you, you love her!" Jakob cried

Now I'm not the one to say 9 year olds are stupid, but I don't think he knew the real meaning of love... But then again, who knows...

"Jakob, please, come on buddy. It's been 2 years-"

"I don't care! You know you still love her! Don't you?"

Oh fuck Billie Joe... This was not cool... I didn't want to listen... But I couldn't help it... I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder, it was Joey. God, he was like his dad, he knew how to comfort people, or at least help.

I heard Billie Joe sigh, and I knew he was running his hand through his hair. I didn't want him to stop liking Adrienne... But I just... I don't know... What would you be thinking?

"Of course I still love your mother Jakob... I'm always going to love her"

My heart stopped, and I could feel fresh new tears coming to my eyes. Oh my god. I looked over at Joey, who's mouth was slightly open, while he was shaking his head. I always knew he still had something for her, for crying out loud he loved this woman with all his heart... But hearing "Of course I still love your mother" coming from Billie Joe, killed me inside...

"It's not true" Joey whispered. "He's just telling that to Jakob to get him to shut up"

"No... It's okay, Joey... But thanks.. I'm... Umm... Going to go out for a little bit... Tell your dad I'm just around... Okay?"

"No, please. He's just lying. Come on, you don't believe that, do you?"

"You can't lie about love, Joey... It's almost impossible" I said, standing up, "I'll be back, just a little later"

"Please? Just stay?"

"I'll be back.. I swear. Don't tell your dad I heard that, because then he'll know we were listening" I said, forcing the best smile I could.

So this is what a heartbreak felt like. I knew I shouldn't have been feeling it, but I couldn't help it. I had been the one that had been dying to tell Billie Joe I love him... And right now I just heard him say his x-wife...

Joey knew by now there was no point in asking me to sit there and stay. We both went back downstairs, me still holding back the tears. I said good bye to Joey, and that I'd see him later and walked out the door. There was only one place I felt I could go when I was this down...

I just shoved my hands in my pockets, of the clothes I had had on since the day before, and walked down the street. I had finally began to cry, letting it all out. I looked like a mess. I had put my hair up quickly, and my eyeliner was all smudged. I had Billie Joe's converse on, which were a size to big... I had put them on right before I left quickly... I looked how I felt... Like shit...

I think I had been walking at least 3 hours by the time I got to where I had wanted to be... But I didn't care about the time by then...

I slammed my fist against the door of the house I needed to be at. This was the only person I could think of going to at first. The first named that popped into my head.

"Please be home... Please don't tell me you've gone out... I walked here... And I can't walk all the way back" I sobbed, slamming on the door.

I pressed my ear against the door, to hear the door unlock. Within a moment, the door opened to reveal Mike. He was home.

"Mandy? Are you okay?!"

"I... Don't even know why I'm crying, Mike! I don't know why!" I sobbed, looking down.

"What? What the fuck? Did you walk here? From Berkley?!"

"It makes no sense why I'm crying. It just means I'm weak, and I can't handle the truth..." I whispered, still looking down.

Mike looked at me, confused. He had no idea what I was talking about, and why I was crying. He put his arms around me, and pulled me into the house, closing the door behind us.

"Okay, listen hun you're gonna have to tell me what happened"

"Wouldn't you be over her?!" I yelled, crying into his chest, "Wouldn't you!?"

"Be over who? What?"

"I thought he would have been! I thought he would have been! But he's not... He still loves her... I knew he did... But why? He said he would always love her, and that he still did!"

"Mandy... What happened? Who loves who? Why are you crying? Just tell me"

"All I did, was kiss him on the cheek. ON THE CHEEK! And Jakob ran away, because he got mad. And Billie Joe went after him, and Joey and I went after them... To hear what was going on. And he still loves her Mike... He. Still. Loves. Her!" I cried, holding onto the back of Mike's shirt like it was the only thing keeping me from falling.

"Billie Joe still loves her?" Mike mumbled to himself.

"Yes! He said he loves her, and he always will..." I sobbed

Mike was silent, before it finally clicked what I was talking about. He pulled me closer to him, and rested his head on my shoulder, while I continued to cry into his shirt. He was the only one, except for Billie Joe, who made me feel like... I don't know... Just some feeling that I loved...

"Aww, hun, don't worry. He's going to like Adrienne, their friends. He had a place in his heart for her, they've known each other most of their lives. But you're the one that's there with him now. You. And you know it." He said, running his hand through my hair.

"Then why is it that we're a couple and he admitted he loves someone else?" I sobbed

Mike sighed, "He was talking to Joey?"

"No, Jakob"

"Oh, well, it makes sense then. Jakob just wants to hear that. He wasn't those two back together... And you know Billie Joe, he loves his sons... He's gonna tell them that..."

Everything he was saying was going in one ear and out the other. I was half there, and half in another world of my own. That was, until the phone rung. Mike he'sitated, before letting go of me and getting the phone. He said, hello, and then put it on speaker.

"Mike! What the fuck are you doing home?!"

I closed my eyes, and held my breath to keep me from making any noise. I couldn't let him know I was there... I didn't want Billie Joe to know I was there...

"Why can't I be home?" Asked Mike, like he had no idea why Billie Joe was going crazy

"She's fucking gone! And you know fucking what?! Joey won't tell me a goddamn thing!"

Mike looked over at me, and I just shook my head violently. "Don't tell him" I mouthed to Mike.

"Who... Who's fucking gone?"

"MANDY! Where the fuck is she?!"

He was apparently freaking out...

"How the fuck would I know, Billie Joe?"

"Not the fucking time to get smart-ass like with me! I'm gonna call the fucking cops if I don't find her fucking soon!"

"NO! I mean, no, don't call the fucking cops. She'll be back, you know her. You live in the same house, you know she'll be back"

"Why the hell did she leave?! I went up to talk to fucking Jakob, and I came back down after a while, and Joey was there by him fucking self, watching TV. He said he hadn't noticed she'd fucking left! WHAT THE FUCK?! AND HE WON'T FUCKING TELL ME ANY GOD DAMN OTHER FUCKING THING!"

"She's probably... Around"

"It's been 5 fucking hours, Mike! 5 GOD DAMN HOURS!"

"Billie Joe, chill the hell-"

"I'm not gonna fucking chill out, Mike!"

"Stop yelling at ME, Billie Joe! God! Did you say anything to her?! Why would she fucking leave?"

"I don't KNOW why she left! Why do you think I'm fucking freaking out?! It's been 5 HOURS and she just fucking left, and NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!"

"Bill, chill out, you sound like you're gonna have a fuckin panic attack"

"That's the least of my worries at the moment!"

Panic attack? Oh god. I forgot about those... They scared me... I'd only seen it once when Billie Joe was going crazy over something... Shit, I didn't want to cause that for him.

"Yeah, but if you have a fuck-"

"I'm not gonna have a fucking panic attack, Mike! God!"

"Dad! Calm down..."

My head shot up from looking at the ground. Joey? Oh god, I forgot that he knew why I was gone. The only thing he didn't know was where I was. Half of me didn't want Joey to tell him what was going on, and the other half of me did.

Billie Joe turned silent, which amazed me as I heard a voice in the background... Joey... What was he telling him? Why had Billie Joe stopped yelling? It was like one of those horror movies, where there's a huge amount of noise, and then it goes silent and somebody's killed by the murderer. Except there wasn't a murderer now...

"Mike, you gotta help me fucking find her-"

"Relax, hasn't she run away"

Glad to see Mike knew that... I always needed people knowing I run away... Wait, I didn't run away! My parents fucking took me!

"No, her father came and fucking got her"

Told you...

"Right... Yeah... 2 years ago..."

"Yeah, 2 fucking years ago... Please-"

"I'll help you look, Bill. Just don't do anything stupid"

"What do you mean do anything stupid?! What the fuck would I do that's stupid?! I'm out looking for my fucking girlfriend, who's run away Mike, and what? You're telling me not to do anything stupid?!"

"Bill, chill out... I'll call you... I swear..."

"Okay, thanks Mike... Please, just help"

"I will, Bill..."

I felt guilty... Here Billie Joe was, freaking out because I ran away, and I was sitting in Mike's house...

Mike and Billie Joe hung up, and Mike sat down next to me. He looked down at his hands, and then to me, raising his eyebrow.

"You heard him... He's going crazy..."

"Why?" I mumbled, looking at the floor

"You can't honestly be asking that after what you just heard"

I sighed, "I guess your right... I just don't wanna go back now. It still hurts... And I don't feel like getting screamed at by Billie Joe like he's my father because I ran away"

Mike shook his head "He won't... He's gonna be more happy"

I smiled, still looking down, "I'll go back... Later..."

"I'll take you back. I still can't believe you walked here"

"I couldn't think of anywhere else to go"

Mike didn't say anything, he just smiled. I sat back, and crossed my arms. I could tell Mike felt guilty about lying to his best friend... And that only made me feel worst, for bringing him in it.


Mike had dropped me off at Billie Joe's house. It felt like when he had gotten me from San Fran Sisco. I went to get out of the car, before turning to him.

"I'm so sorry... And thank you... So much" I said, opening the door.

"It's okay, and no problem" He said, smiling

Before even thinking, I leaned over, and kissed him quickly on the lips... He just looked at me, and I got out of the car, shutting the door, and waving to him.

I walked up to the house, and just opened the door, not even bothering to knock. I walked in, to see Joey and Jakob playing video games, but Billie Joe wasn't around.

Joey looked up, and saw me. He jumped up, and ran over to me, flooding me with questions like "where have you been?" and all that crap.

"I went to Mike's.. Okay father?" I said, sarcastically

"Uncle Mike?"

"Yea, he just dropped me off..."

"Really? So you were there when my dad called earlier?!"



I looked over at Jakob, who wasn't glaring at me or anything. He was just looking at me, no expression on his face...

"Speaking of your dad... Where is he?"

Joey sighed, "Out back, smoking"

"Oh... How long has he been out there?"

"I don't know... 10 minutes... I had to beg him not to call the cops to find you"

I smiled, weakly. "Thank's Joey... You have no idea how much I owe you, and I will pay you back"

Joey just smiled, and nodded. I walked past Jakob, and to the back of the house. It had been easy talking to Joey, but I felt as though I was going to puke when I thought how it would go with Billie Joe.