In the End

I opened the door quietly, and walked into the back. I looked around for a moment, trying to see where he was, even though it was dark out. I was tired, and I didn't know why...

Except for dim glow from his cigarette, it was pitch black out, or maybe I just never noticed how dark it was there at night... Which might I add is pathetic because I had been living there for over2 years...

As quietly as I possibly could, I walked into the middle of the backyard. I was still debating wether or not to go up to him. I didn't know wether or not to go up to him, or just to go to bed. I knew he was gonna be pissed off either way... But probably even more if I went to bed.

I felt like I was on some secret mission, trying to sneak up on him. But I wasn't going to scare him shitless... That wouldn't help the situation at all...

I went to talk to him, but no words came out of my mouth. I figured to just talk to him, casually... Not like anything was wrong.

"Umm... Hey Billie Joe" I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets and sitting next to him.

Billie Joe continued to look at the ground, and then snapped his head up to look at me. He looked like he was going to say something, but instead he just took a long drag of his cigarette. I looked down at my fingers, and sighed.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked, killing the cigarette

"Out..."

"I know that, but where?! Why the fuck did you leave?!"

"Because... I don't know..." I lied

"So you just ran outta the house this morning, and didn't come back until now because of no reason?" He snapped

"Maybe..."

"This isn't the time to play fucking mind games"

"I went out of the house cuz of you, okay?" I snapped, not even thinking before I said it.

Billie Joe looked at me, confused and hurt.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing..." I sighed, I really hadn't wanted to tell him everything

"You just said it was because of me"

"I don't really want to talk about it"

"I do. You ran away for a fucking day, saying it's my fault. And now you don't want to talk about it? Bullshit"

I just looked at him, and then at the ground. I was trying not to cry. I felt horrible about it. But at the same time I felt pissed off for him being mad at me.

"You shouldn't be pissed off at ME for this, Billie Joe" I snapped

"Then who? Hmm?"

"Yourself..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?! I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, you did!"

"What?! What the hell did I fucking do to make you fucking leave?!"

"Because!"

He just looked at me, waiting for me to continue with my answer, but I didn't.

"Because...?"

"You know what I don't understand?! Why didn't you get back with her if you love her? Why do you even waste your time having me as a girlfriend, if you still love her?!" I blurted out

"What? What the fuck are you on about?" He said, confused and now sounding pissed off

"I'm not stupid, okay Billie Joe? As fucking stupid as you think I am-"

"What the fuck?! I never said you were stupid! Where the hell did you come up with that shit?!"

"It's only obvious-"

"How?!"

"Because! You act like you like me, and then you go telling people you still love your x-wife, and that you always will!"

Billie Joe just looked at me, like he was about to scream, but he just looked down.

"You're fucking losing it, you know that. Right?" He mumbled

"ME?! I'M Losing it?!" I yelled

"Yeah! YOU! You're fucking losing it!"

"I'm not losing it!" I yelled, getting more pissed off by the second.

"They why are you fucking yelling at me?!" He said, raising his voice

"Because! God-"

"You're the one that ran away this morning to god know's where-"

"You know where I went?!"

"Not really, if I did I would have fucking found you"

I wanted to shove it in his face that I was at Mike's, but in the end I couldn't bring myself to say I was there. It would have caused something between Billie Joe and Mike, because Mike had pretty much lied, because of me... But still, all that Billie Joe would probably pick up on is that his best friend lied to him about where I had been.

Billie Joe looked at me, expecting me to tell him where I was. I just looked down, once again and started fidgeting around with my belt loop.

"I... Umm... I got lost" I lied

"Tell the truth"

That was one of the bad things about Billie Joe and me... He knew if I was lying. Not that I lied a lot...

"I was..."

"Bull shit"

"Why don't you believe me?!"

"Because, I've lived with you for two fucking years! I know when your fucking lying. And right now your lying. Just tell me the fuckin truth!"

"It's not as easy as it sounds..."

"Why? Where did you go that it's so hard to tell me!?"

"Because, it just is! And I can't tell you where I went"

It was hard to not just say it. I was trying my best not to. Mike had helped me out, and now I couldn't get them in a fight by telling.

"I... Don't know where I went"

Billie Joe sighed, pissed off. He put his hand through his hair, and looked down at his shoe.

"Why won't you tell me? Who the hell are you trying to fucking protect by not telling me?"

"I just cant"

"Yes, you can"

"Mike..." I whispered

Billie Joe looked up at me, anger and hurt in his eyes.

"What?"

"I... Went... To Mike..." I whispered

Billie Joe didn't say anything, he just looked at me. He looked like he could have easily killed someone... And that someone at the moment was either me or Mike.

"Mike? You went to fucking Mike's?! He fucking lied to me, telling me not to freak out when you were fucking missing. Of course he didn't want me to fucking freak out! You were there!" He yelled

I felt new tears coming to my eyes. I just wanted to turn around and walk inside.

"He fucking lied to me! And you fucking went there, for the whole fucking day. Didn't you think anything after I called?! And you got Joey not to tell me! What the fucking hell?!" He yelled again, looking at me right in the eyes, not noticing the tears or look of hurt in them.

"I had to talk to him" I whispered. I couldn't yell...

"You had to talk to him?! You had to talk to him?! After two fucking years of living here with me, don't you know you can fucking talk to me?! Don't you?! It would have made everything better!" He cried, slamming his fist against the wall of the house

"I couldn't talk to you about this! I couldn't! You don't even know why I went to him!" I said, raising my voice a little

"Why?! Why couldn't you just talk to me, instead of going all the way there?!"

"How do you expect me to talk to you?! Hmm?! After what I had heard?! God, Billie Joe! I heard you tell Jakob!"

Billie Joe looked at me, confused and still pissed off.

"Tell Jakob what?" He asked

"That you love her! That you always will love her!"

Billie Joe bit his lip, and looked at the house.

"I KNOW you like her Billie Joe, I'd probably kill you if you didn't, because I like Adie, a lot. But I don't fucking understand why you're going out, with me, if you still, and always will love her! It wouldn't hurt so much if I wasn't with you, but hearing you say that kills me!" I cried, tears starting to stream down my cheek.

"You were listening?" He said, this time he was whispering and I was yelling

"YES! Okay?! I fucking listened! But I learned my lesson! Okay?! But I heard you! You fucking love her! How do you expect me to tell you I heard that?! How could I look you in the eyes and tell you that I heard you say you do, and always will love her?!"

"How do you know I really meant it? Huh? Tell me, how do you know that? You don't. So don't go saying that I love her and always will. I have a fucking place in my heart for her, of course I do-"

"So you lied to your own son, telling him you love his mom?"

"No, of course I fucking love Adrienne..." He paused at seeing the look on my face, as I leaned against the wall of the house, sliding down it, "But it's not like I use to. It will never be like I use to. We lost what we had. And Jakob doesn't believe that, he think's we'll still get back together... And he won't hear anything other than that..."

I still leaned against the wall, crouched down with my head in my hands. At this point I was barely paying attention to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because everything he seemed to say ripped a part of my heart out.

"Why does that bother you so much?" He asked, after a long moment of silence

Why does that bother me so much? Why does that bother me so much?! WHY DOES THAT BOTHER ME SO MUCH?! Oh my god. Did he just ask me why does that bother me so much?!

I thought I was going to explode. I looked up from the ground, to Billie Joe, giving him a dirty look which he seemed to notice. He should have known by now why it bothered me. The whole thing we were arguing about was because he said he loved her.

How thick was he?! I was so pissed off. I was about to punch him, or anything I could punch. I stood up, and clenched my fists, making Billie Joe slowly back away afraid I was going to punch him.

I could never have punched him though... No matter how mad I had gotten at him... I could never punch or do anything to him. It would kill me if I did. I could never hurt the man that took me into his house, and cared about me for 2 years...

"Why does it bother me so much?" I whispered, my voice cracking

"Yeah... Yeah, why?" He asked, taking another step away from me.

"How could you not know, Billie Joe?! How could you even ask that?!"

"What?! Why is that so wrong?!" He asked, confused, still walking backwards

"You should know! Tre knows, Mike knows! BUT NOT YOU!"

"Tre knows? What?"

"Knowing you love her bothers me because I fucking love you! I. Love. You! Hearing you say you love her hurts me because I love you!" I yelled

God, that was so not suppose to happen. I was not suppose to say that yet. No, this was not how it should be happening.

Billie Joe just stared at me, as I stood there. He opened his mouth to say something, but I just turned around and ran inside. I didn't want to face him after that. He would probably be like 'what the fuck? '

I ran inside, and went to go up to my room when Joey jumped up. Jakob looked at me, and if I wasn't so caught up in what just happened, I probably would have cared.

"What happened?" Asked Joey

I went to say something when I saw Billie Joe come inside. I just turned away from them, and ran up to my room. I didn't want to talk to him. I really didn't. I had just made myself look like a complete idiot.

"Wait, Mandy!" Billie Joe yelled, coming into the room where I was running from, which Joey and Jakob were in.

I just ran up the stairs, and slammed the door to my room shut. I heard footsteps coming up to the door, and then a knock.

"Mandy, open the door. Come on, please?"

At the sound of Billie Joe's voice I just backed away from the door farther until the back of my leg hit my bed, and I fell back onto it. I sat up, and just stared at the door, like I was trying to see through it to see if he was still there.

"You don't think I'm gonna give up, do you? You know me too well. I'll camp out here tonight, and then you're gonna have to hear me complain about how my back hurts from the floor" He said, adding a small laugh.

I smiled, and looked down at the ground. I don't think he realized how bad I had wanted to tell him that, and how embarrassed I now was. I heard him sigh, and everything fell silent except for more footsteps.

"Dad, what are you doing?"

It was Joey.

"Nothing"

"Oh, yeah, this looks like nothin. You talking to a closed door"

I held my breath in order not to laugh.

"Don't be such a wise ass, Joey"

"What does ass mean?"

"Joey." Billie Joe sighed before he mumbled somethingn else, then told Joey to go downstairs to his brother.

"Come on, pleeeaassee come out. Don't make me beg" Billie Joe continued once Joey had left

I didn't move from my bed. I really didn't want to talk to him for tonight. I was embarrassed, really embarrassed for yelling that... And here he was begging me to come outta my room.

"Jeez, you're makin me sound like a 3 year old..." he paused, "3 year old's can talk... Right?"

I knew exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to laugh and forget everything, and open the door. I was trying not to let it work, but I wasn't doing a good job.

"Well, you're making me sound like a 5 year old, then. Cooommeee ooonnn" He begged, again, "Fine, ya know what? I'm going down stairs, cuz there is no way in hell I'm sleepin on the floor. But I'm still gonna complain tomorrow"

And with that, he walked down the stairs. I quietly got up, and walked over to the door, opening it. I wasn't going to go downstairs, but I just wanted to look around for moment.

As soon as I opened the door, someone tackled me, making us both fall on the floor. I looked up, to see Billie Joe smiling, leaning over me. What? Hadn't he gone down the stairs?!

"How did you do that?" I asked, looking at him

"Some things you will never know" He said, smiling

I sighed, and looked up into his eyes. God, they made me feel like I was in a whole different place... I had been living there with him for two years, and yet I could never seem to get over his eyes. I always felt weak, and lost myself when I looked into his eyes..

"Now, you see. You ran away... Before I could say anything" He said, tapping his pointer on my stomach lightly

I didn't say anything, I just waiting.

"And you made me sound like a 3 or 5 year old"

I giggled at that, not erasing the smile from my face.

"But, like I said, You ran in here before you let me answer you. I was going to say that-"

"DDAADD!"

One word was going through my head right now... Actually, no... More than one, and every single one of them weren't "nice"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Billie Joe mumbled, pissed off.

I looked up at him. By the look on his face, he was thinking the same things as me.

"DA-"

It was Jakob who was yelling. God, I give up. That kid manages to fuck everything up! Especially when it comes to me and Billie Joe. We both heard Jakob's yell get cut off, and a loud thump on the floor.

"DON'T LISTEN TO JAKOB! WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, JUST DON'T LISTEN TO JAKOB!" Came Joey's voice.

I wanted to marry this kid. God, I loved Joey. He was just... Too awesome to put into words. He was like the kind of kid everyone wanted to have.

"DA-"

But once again Jakob's voice was cut off by another loud band, causing Billie Joe to wince in thought of what the bang was.

Billie Joe rolled off me, so he was now laying next to me. I felt like we were both teenagers, outside just staring at the sky.. I don't know why... It's just how it felt to me.

"You know what sucks about reality?" Billie Joe asked, sitting up

"A lotta things suck about reality" I said, also sitting up.

"Well, the fact that it's reality is the number one thing that sucks. And number 2, nothing happens the way it's suppose to"

I looked at him, thinking about what he said as he stood up. He was right. Nothing happens the way it suppose to.

He got up, and helped me up. It had only been about 10 minutes since he laid next to me. We both walked downstairs, to see Jakob on the floor, sleeping, with Joey next to him, his hand over Jakob's mouth, also sleeping.

I giggled at the sight of them, and looked down at my shoes that suddenly got my interest. It was weird. A couple hours ago we were yelling at each other, and now we were standing in the lounge, next to each other, actually not wanting to kill each other at the moment... Which by now was an improvement considering what had happened earlier.

I walked over to Joey, and shook him awake. Adrienne was coming tomorrow morning to get the boys, if she walked in, in the morning to see Joey and Jakob on the floor sleeping, she wouldn't be too happy.

"Mhfehm..." Joey mumbled, slowly waking up.

I giggled, helping him up, and Billie Joe picked up a still sleeping Jakob. Joey stumbled, his eyes still closed. I helped him up the stairs, and into his room. He fell onto his bed, face first.

"G'night" He mumbled, his words muffled by the pillow.

I smiled, and walked out of his room. At the same time, Billie Joe walked out of Jakob's room, trying not to wake him up. He kept backing out of the room, until he slammed into me, making him jump.

"Oh, god, you fucking scared me" He said, turning around to face me

I smirked, and headed into my room to change. Thing's were still a little weird between me and Billie Joe, so I decided not to go ahead and sleep in his room.

After a few minutes, I had changed and laid down in my bed. It had been the first time I had slept in my bed it what felt like ages. I turned onto my side, deep in thought about when I had told Billie Joe that I loved him... And right before Jakob had interrupted whatever he was going to say... What was he going to say?

I started to close my eyes when the bed sunk next to me, and an arm slide over and around my waist, pulling me closer to the person next to me. I didn't say anything, I just laid there.

They nuzzled their nose into the back of my neck, and sighed. It had to be Billie Joe... I had known that already, but now it was just obvious.

"I couldn't sleep alone... I hate that feeling" He whispered, pulling me closer against him.

"I didn't know that"

"Course you didn't, cuz I never really slept alone"

I smiled, and turned around, so I was now facing him. I looked into his eyes, and smiled. He looked so innocent... Or whatever you want to call it. He looked so different from when we were busy yelling at each other before.

I opened my mouth to say something, but it ended up as just a wam smile. I didn't need to say anything, and neither did he.