In the End

The Kiss

I woke up countless times during the night, thinking. Billie Joe had kinda gotten over ourselves... But then it hit me... How mad was he going to be when he saw Mike? Oh god, I had told him how I was at Mike's. But Billie Joe seemed better now. He wouldn't go yelling at Mike... Would he?

He would.

I knew Billie Joe would. After all, he had been pissed off on the phone... And Mike the whole time had me at his house. Okay, I had to stop thinking now.

Before I knew it, I started singing the lyrics of Brain Stew to myself, to keep myself occupied and to tune out Billie Joe's soft snores. The house was pretty much silent... And I hated silence.

"My eye's feel like their gonna bleed!" I started singing, staring at the ceiling.

At one point of the song, I think I lost it for a moment. I was tired, and singing a song, staring at the ceiling for 15 minutes... If you had walked in, wouldn't think I had lost it?

By the time I started to sing king for a day, I was slowly falling asleep. So each word was now coming out like "kingfordayprincessbydawn" The whole song ended up sounding like one, long, pathetic word.

"I really think you are losing it..." I heard Billie Joe whisper

My eyes snapped open, and I looked over at him. He was looking at me, with one eye open, and a smile on his face.

"I'm not losing it..." I said, not even convincing myself

"Kingforadayprincessbydawnkingforadayinaleatherthong" he mocked

"That's because I was tired"

"You sounded more drunk than tired, and staring at the ceiling slurring king for a day when your only "tired" may make people think your out there" He mumbled, burying his face into the pillow

"I am out there! Because I'm tired"

"People don't go crazy when their tired"

I snorted, and rolled over onto my stomach. "I do"

I was happy that Billie Joe and I were laying next to each other, not fighting. It made a lot more sense then screaming at each other.


The doorbell rung, causing me to jump up, hitting Billie Joe.


"Adrienne is at the door, get up, and open the door" I mumbled, sitting up, "I'll wake up Joey... And Jakob"

Billie Joe mumbled something, and then got up, and stumbled out of the room. I eventually got up, and walked into Joey's room. I shook him awake, and then after he'sitating, I quickly woke Jakob up. There was no way me and him were going to get along, even if I moved out of Billie Joe's house and never talked him again. We would never get along.

After Joey and Jakob got ready, and I had changed, we all headed downstairs, I was carrying Jakob and Joey's bags. Billie Joe was sitting in the kitchen talking to Adrienne, smiling the whole time. They were both smiling and laughing the whole time.

It was nice to see they were getting along, and smiling, and laughing... Wasn't it? I wasn't jealous, I was never jealous of Adrienne, even when they were married. Because jealousness leads to hatred, and it's stupid to hate someone because they're married to a famous guy you liked. I never hated Adrienne, or even had the smallest dislike. I envied her, I always thought she was prettier than me, hell, I still did.

Billie Joe leaned forward, still clutching on tight to the mug in his hand, and looking down at it. I didn't like where this was going. After our fight last night, he wasn't going to do anything... Was he?

I saw out of the corner of my eye Joey was looking up at me. He was seeing the look on my face, as I watched Billie Joe and Adrienne lean a little closer to each other as the moments passed.

I didn't care who it was he looked like he was going to kiss. I cared he was about to kiss someone while he didn't know I was there. I wasn't mad at Adrienne for moving a little closer. I was mad at Billie Joe. He knew what had happened last night. He was the one that I had told I loved. I had told him a loved him, and he was about to kiss someone while he thought I was upstairs.

'Please don't, Billie. Please don't' That's all I could think.

Even Jakob had a pissed off look on his face. Joey also did... But mine wasn't pissed off, it was hurt. Was he really going to kiss her?

I started to back away from the kitchen doorway. If he was going to kiss her, I didn't want to see. I had always known they were a great couple. And I had always known he loved her. But right now, after we had made up... I didn't want to see it.

My breath started to get even more shallow. I was still holding onto to Joey and Jakob's bags... Barely. I closed my eyes, and started to sing to myself 'Longview'

"Bite my lip and close my eyes, take me away to paradise" I whispered to myself, closing my eyes and refusing to open them for a little longer.

I didn't know which was worst. About to see him kiss his x-wife, or knowing he was going to kiss another girl, when he thought it was behind my back. Behind my back. He was doing this behind my back.

Billie Joe and her moved closer once again, their lips not even an inch away from each other. My heart snapped into two. Why had he cared so much about me yesterday, and now was going to kiss her? I would have been running, but I couldn't move. I was rooted to the spot.

Right before their lips finally touched, Joey made a move. He ran into the kitchen, yelling "Mom!"

I stood there, staring at Billie Joe who was looking at Joey. I wanted to run, again. But I couldn't. I was dead on the inside. I hadn't even noticed I had started to shake... But I was. Jakob looked up at me, with sad eyes. Why did he care? God, this kid hated me.

Once I had finally realized I was alive, I just walked away. Not out of the house... I didn't know where to go. I just slowly, and painfully walked into the lounge, Jakob coming behind me.

I sat down on the couch, still shaking, and putting my head in my hands. I couldn't cry, though. I don't know why... I just couldn't. Last night before Jakob had yelled dad, I thought he was going to say what I had told him... But thank god he hadn't... It probably would have hurt more.

Jakob hopped up on the couch next to me. He looked up at me, and frowned.

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled, looking at his shoes, "I really am"

Adrienne, and Billie Joe came into the room. I didn't even bother looking up at them. I still couldn't help but like Adrienne. It was Billie Joe who I wanted to leave. It was Billie Joe that fucked up.

Adrienne came over and sat down next to me, noticing how badly I was shaking. She put her hand on my back, rubbing it slightly.

"Honey, are you okay?" She asked, trying to see my face.

I took my head out of my hands, and looked at her. I just nodded, and sighed.

"I'm... Umm... Just not feeling very well" I lied, not looking at her in the eyes, and not looking anywhere near Billie Joe was.

"Maybe you should rest, you don't look very well" She said, smiling.

I forced a fake smile, and nodded. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna go lay down"

I went to get up when Jakob hugged me. "Bye Mandy"

I smiled, and nodded, hugging him back. "I'll see you around, Jake"

I got up, and went to go up the stairs, first saying bye to Joey, and saying thank you to him. He said bye and stuff, and walked over to Jakob helping him get up to leave.

I walked up the stairs, without even looking at Billie Joe. He knew I had seen. I had the biggest feeling he knew that I saw him.

Adrienne and the boys walked out of the house, and into her car. I sighed, and laid on my bed, locking the door first. There were two options I had... Run away again... Or stay there, but in the room and avoid talking to Billie Joe.

As soon as the car pulled out of the driveway, I opened the window. I could easily just leave. Go to Tre's, or Mike's again. I had done it the day before.

There was a knock at my door, followed by a long silence. I didn't open it. I couldn't. I couldn't face him. In fact, I had no idea what kind of idiot he took me as thinking I would open the door.

"Mandy? You have to be in there..."

Billie Joe's voice was like a knife to my wrist. I didn't want to hear it.

"I'm sorry..." He said, dropping his voice to a whisper, "I... Really am..."

If only sorry was good enough. I had just pretty much seen him cheat on me... Sorry wasn't good enough.

I grabbed my cellphone, and slowly walked over to climbed out the window. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to hear his voice or anything. There were two people in California that I needed right now.

I couldn't believe it. 2 days in a row I was running away from him. Both of those time's were his fault. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't...

"Please, open the door. We really need to talk"

Hell like we needed to talk. I wanted to talk, to sort out what the fuck was going on. I could have run away, right there and then. But I didn't... I needed to see why he was hurting me like this.

Before I knew what I was doing, I opened the door to my bedroom. Billie Joe was standing on the other side of the door.

"Oh, thank fuckin god" He sighed

"Thank fucking god what? That I didn't leave? Yeah, well, I should have" I snapped

He looked down in embarrassment.

"I know... I'm sorry... I really am..."

"That doesn't make anything better Billie Joe. Last night, we got into a fight. And then we got over it. Because I admitted how I feel about you! And today, I help get the boys up, while you answer the door... And I see you almost kiss her?! What are you going at, Billie Joe? What am I gonna find out next, you slept with her?!"

"I didn't sleep with her. I don't know what came over me today... I just... Really don't. We were just talking, and shit... I don't know..."

"I... Feel like I can't trust you..." I said, looking down, "Because the scary part is... I caught you this time... I don't know how you were on tour..."

Billie Joe looked up from the ground. He looked up at me, strait in the eyes.

"I would never do that to you-"

"You were just about to cheat on me downstairs"

He didn't say anything, he just looked back down at the ground again.

"You didn't so anything while you were on tour... Did you?" I asked, praying he would say no.

Billie Joe looked up at me, and frowned. Why was he frowning?

"I called you, every fucking day. Every. Day. And you know it. I fucking missed you. I missed you like hell! And you think I would go fuck some girl I met? First of all, I'm not like that, and second I barely met girls! Except for backstage! And you know what? Every single fucking concert I wished you would be one of the girls to was through the door so I could tell you how much I fucking missed you! All I wanted to do was be with you on tour! I would never hurt you"

I smiled. And for once it wasn't a fake one.

"I promise... I would never do that. I care about you way too much" He whispered, taking a step closer to me.

I smiled, and looked down, thinking about the time I surprised him at the beginning of the tour by getting back stage passes...

~*Flash back*~

Billie Joe had left for the tour 2 weeks ago, and I was already missing him more than words could say. The best part was, that I had gotten back stage passes a show... So I figured to show up, without telling Billie Joe. Tre knew, since when they were leaving he of course found the stupid passes, but I made him promise not to tell Billie Joe, or Mike.

As soon as the concert started, I got butterflies. It was the best to see him again, even if I wasn't close to the stage(on purpose of course)

I had met some people there, girls, who were really cool. They knew who I was... Which to me was odd, but they did and they came up and started talking to me. I ended up being friends with them...

As soon as the concert was over, I made my way into the group of people to go backstage, with a couple of the girls I had met that had also had back stage passes. When we walked in, Tre ran over, squeezing me until I felt like I was going to burst. My friends stared, amazed as me and Tre talked. I introduced them to Tre, and then looked around for Billie Joe.

He had been on the arm of a couch, talking to a group of what looked like 13 year old girls, while drinking a beer. I smiled to myself, it had only been two weeks and it felt like it was forever ago that I had seen him.

Before I went over to Billie Joe, I snuck up on Mike, who seemed more than happy to see me, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I talked with him for a while, every once in a while glancing at Billie Joe who was still talking to the girls. God I had wanted to go up and talk to him again.

Mike had gone off to get something, and I slowly walked up behind Billie Joe. He was laughing at something the girls said. The girls all looked like they were in heaven.

"Erm... Excuse me? Billie Joe Armstrong, can I get an autograph?" I asked, faking some accent.

"Ugh yeah, sure" He said, turning around to look at me.

Within a second, he jumped up, and threw his arms around me.

"Holey fucking shit, how did you get here?!" He said, smiling cheekily

"I got backstage passes from my friend. So Tre didn't tell you?" I said

"Tre didn't tell me? He knew?!"

I started laughing at the look on his face.

"Yeah, he knew. He found the stupid passes before you guys left, and I made him promise not to tell you"

"Jeez, I miss out on every fucking thing"

I laughed, and looked around the room. The girls who were talking to Billie Joe looked confused, pissed off, and something else... I just dunno what.

He sat down on the arm of the couch, and I sat next to him, talking to one of my new friends. When it had gotten late, and most of the people had left... Well, all of them except for Mike, Billie Joe, Tre, and me, I went to get a drink down the hall way. I walked out, and closed the door behind me, and walked down the hallway.

When coming back, the door opened, and Billie Joe slid out of the room, closing it behind him carefully, obviously sneaking out. I giggled at the look on his face as he carefully closed the door behind him. He looked up at me, and smiled, suppressing a laugh.

"You don't know how much I've missed you" I said, whispering for some reason

Billie Joe smiled, and nodded. "Yeah, I've missed you, too. It's the worst part about the tour"

My heart swelled as soon as he said that. I don't know why... But it just did.

I leaned against the wall, and folded my arms, looking at Billie Joe, who smiled devilishly, making me smile. He walked over to me, and leaned against the wall, his nose inches away from mine. We both didn't like kissing in front of Mike and Tre. I didn't know why... We just didn't.

He pulled his head back a little bit, before we had kissed and smiled at me. I bit my lip, and put my arm around the back of his head, pulling him closer to me. I kissed him softly on the lips, before pulling away, smiling.

"That's just mean" He said, before doing what I had done, putting his arm around the back of my head, and pulling me closer to him.

It seemed like we had been there for hours, but I'm sure it was only minutes. Billie Joe had started to undo his trousers, and I smiled.

"You're a sex crazy man" I giggled, breaking away from our kiss

"What?" He asked, confused

"We're in the middle of the hall way, that people go by every once in a while..." I pointed out

"What? Oh... Shit" He said, smiling, turning a light shade of pink

I laughed, and looked down at my foot. Why were we both embarrassed? God, 2 weeks felt like forever.

Once again, after a moment of staring at each other, our lips closed on each other's, and we got started into a deep kiss.

I heard the door open, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Mike walk out. Shit.

Billie Joe hadn't heard Mike, apparently. I didn't want to look at Mike, I felt guilty... But yet I don't know why I felt guilty. Maybe it was the look on his face.. Yeah... It definitely was that.

~*End of Flash Back*~

"Mandy... Are you okay?"

I snapped back to the present time, to see Billie Joe looking at me, waving his hand in front of my face. And then everything came back to me in how he had almost kissed Adrienne, and all that.

"I miss that..." I whispered, looking down

Billie Joe had a worried look on his face, trying to get my attention, and now I was talking crazy.

"Miss what?" He asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I shook his hand off, and looked up at the hurt expression on his face, which made me feel horrible.

"I miss when we didn't have this problem..." I whispered, looking back down, "When we were at the concert... In the hall way... I don't want it to be like this, Billie Joe"

"I don't either. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm fucking sorry"

"But you went to kiss her. Why?! Why did you do that?!" I cried, "Why? We were fine this morning! Why can't it be like before the other day? Why can't we be back to when..."

But I hadn't finished my sentence. I knew I was losing it, god was I losing it. I was losing my mind. Billie Joe looked confused, worried, and hurt.

"I need to get out of here" I mumbled to myself, but loud enough so Billie Joe could hear, "I'll be back later"

I pushed past him, but he grabbed my wrist. I tried to pull out of his grasp, but he only tightened it, not letting me go.

"Let me go" I mumbled, still trying to get away from him.

"Please... Don't... I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry. You know I wouldn't do that to you! You know, I know you know..."

I looked into his eyes, and fell onto my knees. I may have been over reacting, but after the argument last night, me telling him I love him, and him almost kissing her if it wasn't for Joey... I was a mess...

He walked over to me, his hand moving from my wrist into my hand. He bent down, and wrapped his arm around me, kissing me on my forehead. I shook my head, wanting to push him away, but I couldn't.

He pulled us up against the wall, so he was leaning against it, while I was in curled up in his right arm, while his left hand held mine. I hated him, yet I loved him.

"Please..." He said, resting his head on the wall, "I'm so... Fucking sorry..."

I laid down next to him, resting my head on his lap. This is how it was suppose to be, except for the fact I was upset, and he was trying to tell me he was sorry.

"Billie Joe?" I asked, staring up at him


"Remember in the hallway, when I got backstage passes, and well... You know..."

He smiled, and put his hand through my hair. "Yeah, I remember"

"Do... You... Erm... Remember anyone in the hallway?"



"Why, was there someone there?"

"Erm... No... Not that I can think of, just wondering..." I lied


I laid like that for a while, my head on his lap, while he sat propped up against the wall.

"Billie Joe?"


"I'm sorry... "

He stopped running his hand through my hair, and looked down at me.

"What? Why?"

"For how I acted... I just don't want to go through something, finding out that you were doing something behind my back... I'm really sorry... "

He smiled, and began to run his hand through my hair again.

"Don't be. Don't be sorry. I wouldn't hurt you like that... I don't know why I did that this morning. I don't feel much for Adrienne anymore, it's over with us, and we both know it."

"Then lets just forget about this... " I whispered, starting to play with his sock, for no reason.

He smiled, and nodded. "I will... If you will"

"I will"

I closed my eyes, and before I knew it I had drifted to sleep, my head still on Billie Joe's lap.


I woke up with a start, to see Billie Joe still sitting there. He was looking into the other room, his eyes slowly closing and opening.

"Oh, shit... Sorry" I mumbled, sitting up.

Billie Joe opened his eyes, sleepily, and looked over at me.


"You must have been bored while I was asleep"

"Nah, I'm fine. I was trying to make out some weird designs from the walls"

I blinked at him, and then looked at the wall, starting to laugh.

"The wall? There's nothing that looks like pictures on there"

"When you stare at it long enough, there is"

I giggled, and stood up, helping him up. The phone rang, making us both jump. He smiled, and went to get it, as I went into my room to change. I walked out after a couple minutes, wearing black jeans with some random sweatshirt.

When I had gotten downstairs, Billie Joe came out of the kitchen, yawning.

"Who was on the phone?" I asked

"Tre, he wants us to go hang out... Claudia took Frankito out for a couple days, so he thinks this is an opportunity to-"

"Get drunk and not have her yelling at him for doing that?"

Billie Joe smiled, "Yeah, pretty much"

I laughed, and leaned on the arm of the couch, closing my eyes.

"I said we'd be there in a couple hours"

I nodded, and looked down. "Kay"


When we got to Tre's house, something crossed my mind. Mike was gonna there.

Billie Joe turned off the car, and opened the door.

"Come on" He said, going to step out of the car

I turned to Billie Joe, and grabbed his arm. He turned around and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked

"Don't say or do anything to Mike... Because I went there, and he didn't tell you..." I said, looking at him in the eyes

"Okay, I promise" He said, smiling and nodding

"Thanks..." I said, before opening the door and climbing out

It made me feel a little better that Billie Joe promised not to say or do anything to Mike...

But the drunk Billie Joe was nothing like the sober Billie Joe...