Comparisons Are Easily Done
1/1
“It just feels like we don’t spend any time together anymore. We always seem to be on opposite sides of the planet…” I spoke quietly, sweeping my fringe from my eyes. I looked directly into his deep brown pools and tried to find any clues as to what was going on inside that mind of his.
“Well, that’s what promoting an album does, babe,” he said, his voice had an edge.
“I can’t believe your being this way,” I said, the hurt that I felt being conveyed all too clearly though my broken tone.
“God, calm down!” he said harshly.
“I will not calm down! We’re talking about our relationship here, if you aren’t willing to work at it…nor am I!” I said, fury rising inside me. The frustration taking over my rational thought, I ran into our room and grabbed a bag before stuffing it full of clothes. All the while, he sat there, just watching me, not making any attempt to salvage what was left of our so-called relationship.
After opening the front door, I looked back inside, the soft light perfectly framing his beautiful face. I shook the thoughts from my head before turning around and leaving the apartment.
“I love you…” I whispered, as a few tears slipped from my eyes.
“Katy, rehearsal in five!” the stage manager for the TV show I was performing on called out to me.
I acknowledged her with a small smile, arranging my kiwi themed outfit; the backstage crew bustled around me, looking busy and way too happy for my liking. I was still heartbroken about Travie, I missed him, but one thing stood in my way and stopped me from running back to him in a heartbeat. My pride.
Stepping into the harsh light of the TV studio, the host of the show asked me question after question. I answered very absent-mindedly, almost every interview I did consisted of the same questions.
“Your hit song ‘I Kissed A Girl’ has caused a lot of controversy, it that what you intended the song to be?” the brown haired presenter asked.
“No, not really. It’s about having fun, you know experimenting. It’s not meant to be taken super seriously, it’s become a much bigger hit than I ever could’ve expected.” I smiled at him, adding a girly giggle onto the end of my answer.
“It also brings up a lot of questions about your sexuality…” he began, looking at me hopefully.
Without even thinking, I answered, “No, I’m straight and in a relationship.”
As the words I spoke sunk in, my smile faltered. Three weeks I had been without Travis, and already I was miserable. I know it will sound unbelievably cliché, but everything was different without him, nothing was good anymore. I missed the phone calls we’d have for hours, just talking about anything that popped into our heads. I missed his cheeky smile, the way he feigned innocence when I questioned him about eating my last cookie.
===
You said move on,
Where do I go?
===
It was a cold winter night; I had a promo show in New York. As I waited to take the stage, I smoothed down my blue top and straightened my yellow mini-shorts.
“Come on Katy,” my tour manager and boyfriend, Jay said, putting a hand on my lower back and guiding me towards the stage. “You’ll be great,” he smiled warmly once he noticed the dark look on my face.
I looked up at him and forced a smile – it was the least I could do. He lovingly bent down and pressed a kiss to my lips. He was a great guy, but still, he wasn’t a patch on Travis. It had been almost six months and I wasn’t anywhere near getting over him.
===
He kissed my lips,
I taste your mouth.
===
“Thank you New York! Good night!” I smiled, looking out over the crowd before leaving the stage.
Seeing as the show was an early starter, it was only 7 ‘o’ clock. My feet felt as heavy as lead as I walked back to my dressing room, Jay on my heels like a puppy.
I wiped my face, cleansing it of the layers of make-up. It finally felt like my skin could breathe again, I hated make-up with a passion.
Letting out a groan of annoyance, I dabbed at my eye trying to get of the waterproof mascara.
“What’s up? Why don’t you like wearing make-up? I think you look absolutely beautiful.” He commented, watching me contently.
I forced yet another smile, “I don’t know I just don’t like it.” this caused me to think about why I didn’t like to wear make-up. Once I remembered, I smiled my first real smile in a long time.
Travis was waiting for me in my dressing room after I played a show; it was just before our first date. I was getting changed and he was flipping through a copy of Alternative Press which I left of the small wooden table.
His attention was elsewhere as I took of my make-up. Completely void of any cosmetics, I called him and grabbed my jacket. He looked up at me, his mouth slightly ajar.
“What?” I questioned him, “Do I have something in my teeth?” I grinned cheekily at him, baring all my teeth.
“No,” he breathed, “you look so beautiful.” His face softened into a smile and I couldn’t help but do the same back.
===
How do I get better,
Once I’ve had the best?
===
“You ready to go?” Jay asked me, holding his hand out in my direction. I took his hand and we left the building.
“Where are we going?” I questioned him, he was being super secretive about our date, and to be honest I just wanted to know.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” he chuckled.
At that moment, I felt awful. Jay was great guy, and he meant well, but I just didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about me. And it pained me to admit it.
We carried on walking through the harsh winds and we reached my favourite Italian restaurant in the heart of the city.
“Oh my god! How did you know?” I asked, I’d never told him about my love for the Rustic vegetable lasagne at the restaurant. In fact, I only knew about it because of Travis, it was where he took me for our six month anniversary.
“I have my sources,” he grinned, tapping his nose.
All I could do at that moment was think about what it would be like if I was with Travis.
We went inside and were allocated a small table near the window. Jay sat down with his back to window and I sat facing the great window which overlooked the bustling streets of the city.
Travis would’ve pulled out my chair for me, I thought.
We gazed over the menu in relative silence, the only noises coming from the other customers and the soothing piano music which was being played from the overhead speakers.
The waiter came over to take our orders, Jay placed his and then looked over at me as I placed my own.
Travis would have known what I wanted. I sighed, I couldn’t get him out of my head. I kept thinking about all of the good times we’d had. I didn’t realise how easily he’d consumed my thoughts until Jay coughed loudly.
===
Comparisons are easily done,
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
===
“Are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself today.” Concern filled his eyes as he waited for my answer.
“I’m fine,” I lied, instantly regretting it. He didn’t deserve to be strung along like this.
Our meals came and went, and before I knew it, we were walking home together. After reaching my apartment, he stopped and gently pulled me around so I was looking into his eyes, I’d been avoiding direct eye contact with him all night, so I wasn’t tempted to tell him everything.
“Okay Katy, what is it?” he asked, in a serious tone.
“What’s what?”
“Don’t bullshit me, I know there’s something wrong I’ve known you for almost four years.” He said softly, placing a hand on my cheek,
I tried to hold myself together, but I couldn’t. Tears began to spill from my eyes. “I’m sorry Jay, I can’t do this anymore.” I sobbed.
I expected protests, but he did nothing of the sort, he just watched me carefully and waited for me to go on. He really did know me better than I realised.
“I still haven’t gotten over Travis, and I thought that by getting together with you, my feelings would deflate and go away, but they never did. I feel absolutely terrible; I hope you can forgive me.” I pleaded.
“It’s okay,” he soothed, smoothing down my hair. “I understand, I knew it was coming. You and Travie were great together.” He smiled at me.
I sniffed at him, unable to form any coherent response to his maturity over the subject.
===
How could I let myself,
Let you go
===
I pressed a light kiss to his cheek before going inside. I watched as he walked slowly down the road, I felt like a poor excuse for a human being at that moment.
Slowly and shamefully, I walked up the three flights of stairs to my apartment, feeling I didn’t deserve the luxury of an elevator.
I unlocked my door and dropped my bag to the floor. Turning around to close the door, I let my head rest on the cool surface of the wood.
Trying to calm myself down, I flicked on the light.
My breath caught in my throat. It wasn’t possible.
“Travis?” I exhaled.
He got up slowly from the armchair and just looked at me. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I ran at him and wrapped my arms around his strong shoulders.
“I love you Travie.”
“I love you too Katy-bear. I’m willing to work at this, I need you too much to let you go.” He
whispered into my hair.
“I need you more than I ever could’ve imagined.” I spoke back to him.
===
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay
===
“Well, that’s what promoting an album does, babe,” he said, his voice had an edge.
“I can’t believe your being this way,” I said, the hurt that I felt being conveyed all too clearly though my broken tone.
“God, calm down!” he said harshly.
“I will not calm down! We’re talking about our relationship here, if you aren’t willing to work at it…nor am I!” I said, fury rising inside me. The frustration taking over my rational thought, I ran into our room and grabbed a bag before stuffing it full of clothes. All the while, he sat there, just watching me, not making any attempt to salvage what was left of our so-called relationship.
After opening the front door, I looked back inside, the soft light perfectly framing his beautiful face. I shook the thoughts from my head before turning around and leaving the apartment.
“I love you…” I whispered, as a few tears slipped from my eyes.
“Katy, rehearsal in five!” the stage manager for the TV show I was performing on called out to me.
I acknowledged her with a small smile, arranging my kiwi themed outfit; the backstage crew bustled around me, looking busy and way too happy for my liking. I was still heartbroken about Travie, I missed him, but one thing stood in my way and stopped me from running back to him in a heartbeat. My pride.
Stepping into the harsh light of the TV studio, the host of the show asked me question after question. I answered very absent-mindedly, almost every interview I did consisted of the same questions.
“Your hit song ‘I Kissed A Girl’ has caused a lot of controversy, it that what you intended the song to be?” the brown haired presenter asked.
“No, not really. It’s about having fun, you know experimenting. It’s not meant to be taken super seriously, it’s become a much bigger hit than I ever could’ve expected.” I smiled at him, adding a girly giggle onto the end of my answer.
“It also brings up a lot of questions about your sexuality…” he began, looking at me hopefully.
Without even thinking, I answered, “No, I’m straight and in a relationship.”
As the words I spoke sunk in, my smile faltered. Three weeks I had been without Travis, and already I was miserable. I know it will sound unbelievably cliché, but everything was different without him, nothing was good anymore. I missed the phone calls we’d have for hours, just talking about anything that popped into our heads. I missed his cheeky smile, the way he feigned innocence when I questioned him about eating my last cookie.
===
You said move on,
Where do I go?
===
It was a cold winter night; I had a promo show in New York. As I waited to take the stage, I smoothed down my blue top and straightened my yellow mini-shorts.
“Come on Katy,” my tour manager and boyfriend, Jay said, putting a hand on my lower back and guiding me towards the stage. “You’ll be great,” he smiled warmly once he noticed the dark look on my face.
I looked up at him and forced a smile – it was the least I could do. He lovingly bent down and pressed a kiss to my lips. He was a great guy, but still, he wasn’t a patch on Travis. It had been almost six months and I wasn’t anywhere near getting over him.
===
He kissed my lips,
I taste your mouth.
===
“Thank you New York! Good night!” I smiled, looking out over the crowd before leaving the stage.
Seeing as the show was an early starter, it was only 7 ‘o’ clock. My feet felt as heavy as lead as I walked back to my dressing room, Jay on my heels like a puppy.
I wiped my face, cleansing it of the layers of make-up. It finally felt like my skin could breathe again, I hated make-up with a passion.
Letting out a groan of annoyance, I dabbed at my eye trying to get of the waterproof mascara.
“What’s up? Why don’t you like wearing make-up? I think you look absolutely beautiful.” He commented, watching me contently.
I forced yet another smile, “I don’t know I just don’t like it.” this caused me to think about why I didn’t like to wear make-up. Once I remembered, I smiled my first real smile in a long time.
Travis was waiting for me in my dressing room after I played a show; it was just before our first date. I was getting changed and he was flipping through a copy of Alternative Press which I left of the small wooden table.
His attention was elsewhere as I took of my make-up. Completely void of any cosmetics, I called him and grabbed my jacket. He looked up at me, his mouth slightly ajar.
“What?” I questioned him, “Do I have something in my teeth?” I grinned cheekily at him, baring all my teeth.
“No,” he breathed, “you look so beautiful.” His face softened into a smile and I couldn’t help but do the same back.
===
How do I get better,
Once I’ve had the best?
===
“You ready to go?” Jay asked me, holding his hand out in my direction. I took his hand and we left the building.
“Where are we going?” I questioned him, he was being super secretive about our date, and to be honest I just wanted to know.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” he chuckled.
At that moment, I felt awful. Jay was great guy, and he meant well, but I just didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about me. And it pained me to admit it.
We carried on walking through the harsh winds and we reached my favourite Italian restaurant in the heart of the city.
“Oh my god! How did you know?” I asked, I’d never told him about my love for the Rustic vegetable lasagne at the restaurant. In fact, I only knew about it because of Travis, it was where he took me for our six month anniversary.
“I have my sources,” he grinned, tapping his nose.
All I could do at that moment was think about what it would be like if I was with Travis.
We went inside and were allocated a small table near the window. Jay sat down with his back to window and I sat facing the great window which overlooked the bustling streets of the city.
Travis would’ve pulled out my chair for me, I thought.
We gazed over the menu in relative silence, the only noises coming from the other customers and the soothing piano music which was being played from the overhead speakers.
The waiter came over to take our orders, Jay placed his and then looked over at me as I placed my own.
Travis would have known what I wanted. I sighed, I couldn’t get him out of my head. I kept thinking about all of the good times we’d had. I didn’t realise how easily he’d consumed my thoughts until Jay coughed loudly.
===
Comparisons are easily done,
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
===
“Are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself today.” Concern filled his eyes as he waited for my answer.
“I’m fine,” I lied, instantly regretting it. He didn’t deserve to be strung along like this.
Our meals came and went, and before I knew it, we were walking home together. After reaching my apartment, he stopped and gently pulled me around so I was looking into his eyes, I’d been avoiding direct eye contact with him all night, so I wasn’t tempted to tell him everything.
“Okay Katy, what is it?” he asked, in a serious tone.
“What’s what?”
“Don’t bullshit me, I know there’s something wrong I’ve known you for almost four years.” He said softly, placing a hand on my cheek,
I tried to hold myself together, but I couldn’t. Tears began to spill from my eyes. “I’m sorry Jay, I can’t do this anymore.” I sobbed.
I expected protests, but he did nothing of the sort, he just watched me carefully and waited for me to go on. He really did know me better than I realised.
“I still haven’t gotten over Travis, and I thought that by getting together with you, my feelings would deflate and go away, but they never did. I feel absolutely terrible; I hope you can forgive me.” I pleaded.
“It’s okay,” he soothed, smoothing down my hair. “I understand, I knew it was coming. You and Travie were great together.” He smiled at me.
I sniffed at him, unable to form any coherent response to his maturity over the subject.
===
How could I let myself,
Let you go
===
I pressed a light kiss to his cheek before going inside. I watched as he walked slowly down the road, I felt like a poor excuse for a human being at that moment.
Slowly and shamefully, I walked up the three flights of stairs to my apartment, feeling I didn’t deserve the luxury of an elevator.
I unlocked my door and dropped my bag to the floor. Turning around to close the door, I let my head rest on the cool surface of the wood.
Trying to calm myself down, I flicked on the light.
My breath caught in my throat. It wasn’t possible.
“Travis?” I exhaled.
He got up slowly from the armchair and just looked at me. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I ran at him and wrapped my arms around his strong shoulders.
“I love you Travie.”
“I love you too Katy-bear. I’m willing to work at this, I need you too much to let you go.” He
whispered into my hair.
“I need you more than I ever could’ve imagined.” I spoke back to him.
===
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay
===