From the Wreckage We All Rise.

I was walking down a corridor, my heels tapping on the wooden floor. The walls were paint in a cream colour, with mirrors hanging on the walls with dark wooden frames. Suddenly, the sound of my heels was damped by a red carpet. I kept walking at a regular pace, passing the mirrors. There was a huge double doors right ahead. Music was coming from behind those doors. I kept walking until I reached the doors and pushed them open. I was now standing in a huge ballroom, with a very high ceiling and a crystal lustre. I was amazed by the beauty of the room. I couldn’t even describe it. The walls were the same colour as the corridor but instead of mirrors hanging there were windows. Huge windows on my left and right. The music started again, and I saw a piano on a platform, someone was playing.

People were gathered in this room and they were all standing around someone. I couldn’t see who it was but I walked in its direction. People were stepping out of my way. Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of the room, with the person standing right in front of me. The music had stopped. The man, who was wearing a dark suit, put his hand on my waist and took my hand in his other. I placed my other hand on his shoulder. The music begin, a music I knew too well since it was the one I had always imagined it playing at my wedding but it wasn’t the typical wedding march or anything.

We stared dancing, it was a waltz. We were twirling around, and I looked over his shoulder, trying to see the faces of the people gathered in this room. They were quiet a few. Some faces look familiar when others were completely unknown to me. They were forming a huge circle around us, watching us waltz. I looked at my left hand and saw a silver ring on my left hand. A wedding ring…

Could it be?

I looked at my clothes. It as a white dress, a wedding dress. Panic over took me as I tried to see the man’s face but for some reason, I couldn’t move my head to look at him.

Slowly, the faces in the crowd became more distinct and I was able to remember the names.

Benji, Joel, Paul, Dean, Jimmy, Ash, Johnny, Jess, Matt, Val, Zacky and Cha. Ash, Jess, Cha and Val were all wearing similar dresses. We kept dancing. The music didn’t stop but I was finally able to get a closer look at the pianist and my heart just about stopped beating when I saw Billy playing.

The music stopped, we stopped dancing and I took a step back as my partner took my hand and brought it to his lip, kissing my knuckles lightly before he looked up at me, flashing me a dazzling smile. My hazel eyes met his chocolate brown ones…

BEEP_BEEP_BEEEEP

I sat up in my bed and slammed my hand on the alarm clock while I brought the other to my heart. My eyes were wide open, my breathing shaky and my heart was pounding in my chest.

Fucking dream…

I had been having the same dream for the past month. It was a change from the last one I had, I was standing in the airport and… I shook my head forcefully. Let’s not think about that. I looked at my left and saw that he was still asleep, the annoying sound of the alarm clock didn’t wake him up. I got up and stretched my arms above my head. I headed for the bathroom that was right next to our room to take a quick shower. Then I headed back in the room and got dressed in jeans, one of his black T-shirt and then walked out of the bedroom.

I walked down the corridor and to the living room. Our apartment here in Baltimore wasn’t the biggest, but it was okay for five persons. I made it to the kitchen and decided that I was going to make breakfast for everyone, since it was Sunday. I looked at the clock and saw that it was not even 8 o’clock yet.

I had never been able to have a full night of sleep since that day in New York City. Sure, I slept, but never more than 4 hours straight and it wasn’t much for me, I used to sleep 10 hours straight and could take a nap the afternoon. Sleep was banned from my life now, and it was better off this way, I had too much things to do…

I decided to make scrambled eggs with bacon and pancakes.

I opened the fridge and sighed in frustration when I saw that it was nearly empty. I decided not to make breakfast and took the cereals box out of the cupboard. I poured some in a bowl, poured some milk and grabbed a spoon before heading back to the living room. I sat on the couch and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. I flickered through the channels for a while before I heard a door opening. I turned my head to see Celia, my youngest child, walking out of her room, her fluffy kangaroo in her hand. I smiled at her. She smiled back and made her way towards me.

“Hi mummy!” she said as she hopped on the couch and snuggled close to me, hugging her kangaroo.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked, kissing her hair.

“Yeah, I dreamt that Cashdog was running after me but I jumped on Kanji’s back and we started flying…” she explained, hugging her kangaroo closer to her. I chuckled. Celia’s imagination always amazed me. Kanji with her kangaroo’s name. I think it was mix between kangaroo, obviously, and Benji, since he was the one who bought it for Celia.

“What are you watching?” she asked, looking at the screen.

“Nothing I was trying to find something interesting to watch, do you want to help me?” I asked. She nodded and grabbed the remote.

I find myself watching ScoobyDoo…

Celia was smiling while eating my bowl of cereals, sitting on my lap. I wasn’t hungry anyway.

“Mum? Are you up yet?” asked Angelina, coming in the living room. I looked away from the screen to look at my daughter.

“Yeap! I’m watching ScoobyDoo!” I said, smiling. She shook her head at me but went to sit next to me on the couch.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked me.

“Hmm… and you?” I asked.

“Yeah…” she whispered, looking at me. I knew what she was thinking.

“I’m fine…” I assured her as I focussed on the screen once again.

“Have you seen my T-shirt?”

I raised an eyebrow and turned around to see Billy walking out of the room with nothing but a pair of dark pants on.

“Were you speaking about this one?” I asked with a small smile, pointing at the T-shirt I was wearing. He sighed, a small smile on his lips before heading back to our room, in search of an other T-shirt.

“Morning…”

I said we were five persons sharing this apartment, you met four of them, including myself. Now it’s time for you to be introduced to Aiden, Angelina’s twin, Brian’s son.

“Morning.” I said, smiling at him as he let himself fall on the couch next to me.

“Aiden!” squealed Celia as she handed me the nearly empty bowl and went to sit on her older brother’s lap.

“S’up munchkin?” he asked with a small smile as he kissed her forehead.

“I had a dream last night…”

I zoned out, I had already heard about her dream, I had already seen this episode of ScoobyDoo and I needed to see Billy.

I got up, putting the bowl on the coffee table and heading towards our room. I pushed the door open and saw him looking through the closet, trying to find a T-shirt. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, turning round and wrapping his arms around me. I didn’t say anything, I simply wrapped my arms tighter around him and rested my head on his chest. He kissed my forehead.

“I don’t want to go…” I whispered, almost afraid to say it aloud.

He didn’t say anything, he just started rubbing my back.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Why should I?” he asked, pulling away from the hug and looking at me.

“Because every time you suggest it I just back off… I’m a coward…” I whispered.

“Listen Lyn, I can’t force you to do something you do want to… Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?” he said, kissing my cheek and then turning around to grab a T-shirt on the shelve, put it on and headed out of the room.

I sat on the edge of the bed. His patience always amazed me. His patience with me was amazing, but his patience with Aiden had no comparison…

Aiden and Angelina both knew Billy wasn’t their father. The only difference was that Angelina respected Billy and called him Dad from time to time, whereas Aiden was in the ‘you-have-no-authority-since-you’re-not-my-father” kind of phase. Every time Billy was asking him something, Aiden snapped, then I’d started arguing with him with the oh so famous sentence “Don’t talk to him like that!” I was saying that at least a dozen times a day if not more. Then, there was Celia. She was Billy’s daughter and Aiden wasn’t really nice with her, sure he had his moments, like earlier in the living room, but sometimes he would just ignore her because she was his daughter and shit of the kind which made no sense to me whatsoever. Billy loved them like his children. Aiden was just pissed off because Billy was nice to him when he wanted the whole world to hate him. His mood swings were wearing me out…

That was part of the reason why Billy insisted that we go on holiday, the five of us. If it was just going on holiday, it would be okay for me. The only problem was where he wanted to go…

He was supposed to go back to the studio in a week or so and wanted us to take a flight to Los Angeles, spend a few days with Joel and Nicole before heading to Huntington so I could spend a few days with my parents as well before heading back to Baltimore.

I had no problem going to Los Angeles, really, the only thing I was unsure of was going back to Huntington… It’s not like I didn’t came back… I did. For Ash and Jimmy’s wedding, for Jess and Johnny’s wedding, for Matt and Val’s wedding and for Cha and Zacky’s wedding, I didn’t stay long though…

But this time it was different, it wasn’t about going to a wedding, it was about spending time with my parents and trying to relax a little which was nearly impossible with Aiden and Billy around…

My mind drifted back to that day at the airport, Billy had never left my side since then, except when he had no other choice like when he was touring and all…

Without him, I don’t know where I’d be. He had been nothing but patient with me, the twins and Aiden’s behaviour. Going to L.A with him was the least I could do, right?