Infinite Memory

A crush is a peculiar thing, if you’re not careful, it can turn into something literal. Something has to come of it, or this infatuation you are so convinced is love begins to crush you.

You see her, your heart stands still, taking time and space along for the ride. The butterflies in your stomach burst to life, fluttering as her smile catches your eye. Your body stiffens but your mind is racing, pursuing memories buried so deep in your mind, you’d forgotten them, until her beauty overwhelmed your eyes once more. Memories so bright and favourable, yet memories so merciless, they haunt your soul. You reel back the tape, searching the images until you find the exact moment your heart tore into two insignificant pieces.
The moment she broke away from your grasp.

You can’t handle the pain at this precise moment, so you reel back further, to the time you were happiest. You find yourself eye to eye with her, confessions spilling, secrets flowing from soft crimson lips. ‘The truth is I love you’ those words resounded through your ears for weeks, maybe months. You were on an infinite high, oblivious to the world around you. You thought nothing in the world could hurt you, especially when you felt the velvet caress of her crimson lips against your own. No such thing as regret tackled your mind at this point, only devotion.

The moment passed with the heavy stroke of time, but could never be taken away or replaced. The emotions shared, and the objection defeated, something so convincing could never be ruined. Whenever the fingers of your mind retrace these instances, your breathe hitches in your lungs and the edges of your lips express the tenderness of your reminiscence. You were in love; there was no doubt about it. Her essence took over your mind, your thoughts. Your heart.

The pendulum swings and the enchantment fades as the moment you didn’t want to recollect consumes your entire attention. That one instant that brought you to the realization, that it was too good to be true. She was just too perfect, a fairytale. Something had to go wrong. ‘I’m sorry’ her famous last words are a repercussion of heartache in your chest.

Immediately you’re brought back to reality, tears overwhelming your eyes, daring to fall. You push the heartache away as she approaches you; your eyes meet with hers in a furious battle of questions. Her eyes match yours and immediately you want to swim in her deep pools of hazel, grasping for at least a hint of regret. She closes in on you. Suddenly, her eyes connect with yours and you see a silhouette of regret and upset in her bright orbs. A smile spreads across her face. Mutually, you smile back.

The rain begins to pelt her skin as the heavens open; the cold overwhelms her and her body shivers. You offer your jacket, it kills you to see her so weak and vulnerable. She embraces you in her arms sharing your warmth. Replenishing that emptiness inside of you, you feel whole once more. You close your eyes as she rests her head in the crook of your neck. Your arms become fixed, clinging to her figure and pulling her so close to you that the feel of her body against yours awakens the butterflies in your stomach again.

Her memorable crimson lips brush against your cheek, leaving a burning sensation on your face as a blush falls over your cheekbones. ‘I miss you’ and your heart melts. In a moment that could be infinite, sense doesn’t kick in; the reasoning behind her comment bypasses your train of thought.

Suddenly she is gone, the road you had trodden together forms a crossroad and finally you take your separate paths. Your heart shatters, memories flying loose, moments passing by. Footsteps tread on foreign ground in your mind, new ideas emerge, what is the difference between love and infatuation? The only logical answer in your mind was her. This wasn’t infatuation, whatever it was burned so much deeper within your heart, it was almost impossible to explain. Only one word was befitting for such a measure, love.

Now, a blank canvas covers all of your memories, all but one. You never forget your first love. The person you will always love; the person who took your heart and has it to this day. The person you could call your infinite memory.