I wanna touch you.

“Did I miss anything?” I asked Ryan. It was Wednesday now and I had just missed most of our English lesson. My mother decided to go out again yesterday with her middle age friends. Apparently she needed to “get back out there” according to them, which meant I was left alone once again. My father came around to collect some of his things. He’s slowly moving into his whore’s house (still haven’t learnt her name) and to top things off Mia blew me off to hang out with her new boyfriend.

I spent most of the night getting drunk and trying to get high from the tiniest amount of weed I could find hiding in the corners of my room. This resulted in me coming to school with a huge hangover. Mia hadn’t bothered to turn up- probably spent her night at “Simon’s” getting infected by crabs or something. I really didn’t fancy spending lunch by myself so I headed over to the nurses office complaining I felt sick which I did.

Mr Harold nearly exploded on the spot when I turned up to his lesson with only ten minutes until school was out. He looked even angrier when I waved my sick note. He couldn’t tell on me to my parents after all.

“Just Mr Harold complimenting your idea for the play. He nearly had a heart attack when I told him it was you who came up with it.” Ryan grinned to himself. A smug smile found its way to my lips. I love proving people wrong.

“So I’m coming over to your house again tonight, right?” I confirmed. He frowned at me, confusion in his face. “For the project...” I explained. Actually we hadn’t arranged anything. I just couldn’t stand being in the house on my own again.

“My parents are home today.” He said as if that would put me off.

“So? It’s not like we’re having sex.” I stated bluntly. An image appeared in my head of me straddling Ryan’s bony body. I had to bite my lip to stop myself bursting into laughter.

He saw that I was trying not to laugh and his cheeks suddenly flushed. He looked outraged. “I’ll walk home with you again, okay.” I shot him a smile and he glared at me.

The bell suddenly rang and he grabbed his books and shoved them into his bag. I watched with amusement as he completely ignored me and headed out the classroom. Oh well, I’d catch up with him soon. He may be skinny but he sure as hell isn’t fit.

Sure enough I caught up with him just as he left the gate. “What’s your problem?” I yelled. Some people turned around to stare. “I was only telling the truth.”

“It was the way you said it.” He mumbled, still not looking at me. Ouch, my shoes were starting to rub against my feet. I wish he’d slow down.

“The way I said it?” I repeated.

“Yeah, like girls like you would never be with boys like me, cause of the way I look. You always look down your nose at us. At least when I do have sex with someone I’ll actually know their name.” Touché.

“I do not look down my nose at people. Anyway, I thought you said you had a girlfriend. Why are you so bothered that I don’t like you.”

“I’m not! Bloody hell, not everything is about you. Other people do have feelings you know. Girls always complain that boys put too much pressure on them but it’s the same with us. We’re too skinny, too ugly, too fat...” He trailed off and gritted his teeth.

“I know that everything isn’t about me.” I snapped. “I just don’t see why this is about me.”

“You just remind me of someone. A girl- she... she er made a bet with her friends that she could screw someone I know.” He paused and thought for a moment. “They must have thought that it was hilarious, to mess with his life.”

“Was it you?” I questioned curious. “Is that why you have so many issues?” He shot me a look.

“I’ve already said it wasn’t me. It was someone I know.”

“Oh,” I said. “Why do I remind you of that girl? I don’t make bets.” That wasn’t exactly true. Mia did bet me once that I couldn’t sleep with one guy. However, that was because he was really hot not the other way around. I won that bet, twice in fact.

“Because the way you said “it’s not like we’re having sex” was like the very idea of being with someone like me was a complete joke. Girls like you are all the same. You just break hearts without a second thought.” Yeah, because everyone knows everything about me. I’m so predictable.

“How do you know that’s its not the other way around? That I’m the one who gets their heart broken.”

“Because girls like you don’t get their heart broken.” He replied. “You’re pretty and you just use people to get what you want.” He sighed. “And that’s why...” He trailed off and I realised we had reached his house. Anger was bubbling through my veins but I took a deep breath to calm down.

“That’s why, what?” I questioned curious to what the end of his sentence was. He just shrugged me off, probably realising he had said too much.

I had a faint hint that I being able to “use anyone I wanted” was the reason he disliked me so much and didn’t want me to have anything to do with his brother. He had nothing to worry about; if his brother was half as annoying as Ryan was I would be staying well away.

Even though he said his parents would be home, the house was empty. It looked like it had been cleaned up a little since last time I came. “Shall we get started then?” Ryan asked without waiting for an answer. He tipped his things onto the coffee table and started organising them. I sighed and sank back onto the couch. I’ve decided I’m going to just forget about the conversation we had earlier.

The sound of the front door opening made me sit up straight again. In walked a man and a woman who I assumed were Ryan’s parents. They were each holding shopping bags and smiling at us.

The woman was a little shorter than me. She had shiny, dark brown hair which almost looked black and it hung in waves down the middle of her back. She looked Latino with her dark, tanned skin and amazing brown eyes. The only sign of her age was a few laughter lines circling her eyes and the slight plumpness of her body that comes when you have given birth to two children.

I felt my mouth fall open, how could someone as beautiful as her give birth to someone like Ryan? They looked nothing alike! My gaze switched from her to the tall, gangly male that was stood beside her. I assumed this was Ryan’s father. Now I could see the resemblance. He stood awkwardly next to his wife, with shopping bags weighing his arms down.

His hair was a sandy colour which was a little lighter than Ryan’s and his nose was probably a bit too big for his face. His eyes lit up as he grinned at me and suddenly I felt like a shy little girl. Not because I thought he was cute; hell no. It was because their kindness made me uneasy. People giving me dirty looks and glares I could handle because I could give them some back.

“Who’s this?” The women said, indicating towards me.

“This is Candy. She’s my partner for the project Mr Harold set.”

“Hello.” She said, gazing straight at me. I forced myself to smile back at her but it hurt my face and probably looked like I had indigestion or something.

“Hi.” I mumbled back. I heard Ryan sighing beside me but both of them ignored him.

“Ryan, does your friend want to stay for tea?” She suddenly asked. A look of horror washed over his face but before he had time to protest I interrupted.

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’ll probably have tea when I get home.” That was a lie but the idea of having to sit through dinner with two unbearable nice people and the most annoying boy in the world didn’t sound very appealing.

“Are you sure? I’m making spaghetti Bolognese and I always make too much. It wouldn’t be a problem. You could just phone your mother...”

I was about to make another excuse yet again but my stomach growled audibly. Spaghetti is my favourite and it’s been so long since I’ve had a home cooked meal. The triumphant grin on her face let me know she knew she had won.

“Only if it’s okay.” I mumbled. She beamed at me and carted off her shopping bags into the kitchen. Her husband shot me an apologetic glance.

“I’m sorry, my wife can’t take no for an answer.” I my lips curved into a weak smile and he followed his wife into the kitchen.

“Great!” Ryan exclaimed sarcastically.

“Hey, don’t blame me. Your mother practically forced me.” I hissed, scared she might hear me. Ryan rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

“Okay, whatever. Let’s just get on with this.” I felt my hands curl up into a fist but decided to stay calm. I knew Ryan thought he was better than me just because I have a reputation but he didn’t have to make it obvious.

Nearly forty five minutes we worked, or shall I say Ryan worked with me grunting in agreement at the suggestions he was making. The strong smell of tomatoes and garlic and all the other ingredients Mrs Kelley was adding to her Bolognese was making my stomach growl. As I felt too sick to eat this morning, I hadn’t eaten and I felt just about ready to pass out.

“Guys, dinners ready!” She called. I stood up almost immediately dropping the books off my lap. Ryan gave me a funny look but I just shrugged. We both walked into their dining area and the sight of my food made my mouth water.

“Yours is here, Candy.” She said putting a plate down at one of the places. I nodded and mumbled thanks before sitting down. I glanced around nervously waiting for everyone else to sit down. I don’t know how things worked in this family. Maybe they said grace or something.

Ryan sat next to me and immediately began to tuck into his food. I timidly took a bit of my spaghetti, twisting it around my fork before placing it in my mouth. The taste shocked my taste buds and I felt my stomach groan in satisfaction. I greedily shovelled another mouthful into my gob, savouring it. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate something so good.

I paused noticing the other three staring at me. I realised I must look like a pig. I swallowed what was in my mouth and smiled sheepishly at them. “This is really good. You can cook ten times better than my mum.”

Mrs Kelley beamed at me. “Don’t say that. Jas will get a big head.” Her husband joked. She opened her mouth to reply but the sound of the front door opening stopped her.

“Jem? Is that you?” “Jas” called.

“Yeah.” A familiar voice yelled back. I furrowed my eyebrows and Ryan frowned. I heard the jangle of keys than a figure appeared at the door. “Made enough for me?” He asked.

“Of course.” Jas replied standing up and heading off towards the kitchen. The boy undid his jacket and hung it up before sitting down at the table; opposite me. I averted my gaze and stared back down at my plate. The strands of pasta looked like worms covered in blood. I was scared to eat again.

Jas returned and put the boy’s plate down in front of him. “Thanks mum.” He grinned reaching over to kiss her cheek. My head snapped by up again. So this was Ryan’s brother?! I guess the reason I was so shocked was because they looked nothing alike.

“So, done anything good today Jem?” His father asked. “Jem” shrugged and spooned his food into his mouth. Everyone had resumed eating so I decided to do the same however I took more lady like bites.

“I went down to the garage and I and Sam tried to fix up this old car.” He said.

“Did you get very far?” Ryan asked. Jem just shrugged again. He either didn’t say much anyway or was just being shy because I was here. He ducked his head to take another bite and I took the time to study him just like I do with every male.

He looked very much like his mother with his tanned skin and dark hair. His hair looked like a birds nest resting on top of his head. Masses of black curls stuck up at odd angles and stopped just before his chin. His eyes looked liked someone had stuck two chocolate buttons there and left them to melt. That was one similarity between the two brothers, the colour of their eyes; however Jem’s were much deeper and darker.

His figure was normal although he had a bit more meat on him than his brother. But seeing as Ryan was built like a rake, that wasn’t hard. No, Jem Kelley definitely wasn’t my type. Ryan had nothing to worry about.

“This is great, mum.” He said.

“Thanks. Candy thinks so too.” His eyes flickered up to me.

“Candy.” He repeated. I nodded and waited for the lame “I bet you taste sweet” joke. “Is it short for Candice?” Okay, what is with this guy? He has absolutely no emotion in his face when he talks.

“No, it’s just Candy.” I answered. I could feel Ryan’s eyes flickering between us.

“I think your hair suits your name perfectly.” Jas said. “Purple; it’s a very interesting choice of colour. I bet your parents weren’t happy.”

“They weren’t bothered.” I replied.

“Oh?” She pressed on, clearly wanting to know more. I placed my fork down deciding I was finished with my food. I didn’t want to share my personal life with this family. I didn’t say anything for a few minutes and the silence became uncomfortable. All I could hear was cutlery scraping against plates and slurping. Eventually her husband started up another conversation which didn’t involve me.

I felt someone’s eyes on me and I looked up into a pair of brown eyes that belonged to Jem. Why the hell was he staring at me? I felt uneasy and started fidgeting. “Erm, may I be excused? I need to use the toilet?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jas said, smiling at me. I stood up and began clearing away my plate. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll do it later.”

“Okay, thanks. And thanks for dinner too.” I left before she would start talking again. I headed upstairs and used the toilet because I actually did need to go. When I came back downstairs I figured it would be pointless for me to go back into the dining room. I would just wait for Ryan in the living room and that way, I wouldn’t have to make awkward conversation and have Ryan’s weird big brother staring at me.

I sank back onto the couch and just placed my head in my hands. I could already feel a head ache coming on and I felt sick from eating so much and I actually just wanted to go home. “Are you alright?” Someone asked. My head shot up and I saw Jem stood at the other end of the room, looking at me with a weird expression on his face. Well, I couldn’t blame him. I was clutching my head, rocking back and forth and groaning.

“I’m fine.” I replied running my hand through my hair and not caring that I just messed it up. “Are you alright?”

I thought I saw his lips curl into a slight smile but it had to be a trick of the light because to do that, he would have to show emotion. “I’m fine as well.”

I raised my eyebrows. I’ve met many boys in my sixteen years of living but not one quite like Jem. I haven’t met one who didn't blush when I spoke to them, or who didn’t fall over backwards trying to talk to me, or who stood the furthest away from me as he could as if I have some highly contagious disease.

“What is with you anyway?” I suddenly asked. “You make pots, you fix cars. Are you some sort of weird mechanic?”

He shook his head and then seemed to look straight at me with his expressionless gaze. “I like to try and fix broken things.” I felt my forehead frowning again but before I could say anything Ryan walked in.

“Hey, what are you guys talking about?” He asked anxiously. Nothing, but your brother’s a freak.

“We were just discussing the dangers of STD’s and the best way to prevent them.” I told him monotonously. Seriously, did Ryan honestly think I was going to go for his brother?

“Okay..?” Ryan said, flickering his eyes between me and Jem. He looked at Jem for reassurance that I was joking but Jem just shrugged once again and left the room, I presume to go to his own room and fix more broken things.

“He’s weird.” I stated.

“That’s what makes him so special.” Ryan grinned. His smile faded when he saw my confused expression. “He used to say that. When people called him weird, he said it’s what made him special.”

“Oh, gotcha.” I replied. Inside joke, ha.

“So, em, are we gonna carry on with this?” He motioned to the pile of books that lay untidily across the floor.

“Actually,” I said, clutching my stomach. “I don’t actually feel that good. I might just head off home.”

“Oh,” He said, actually looking a little happier. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I replied immediately.

“Do you want my mother to drop you home?”

“No, I’m fine. Really.”

“What’s up?” Jas asked, walking into the room. She had a worried expression on her pretty face, probably from me clutching my stomach in pain.

“I just don’t feel well. I’m gonna head off home. Thanks for dinner again.” I replied hurriedly, scared she was going to keep me talking again. I quickly scanned the room for my bag.

“I hope it wasn’t my food?” She asked, concern shining in her eyes.

“No, I’ve been feeling unwell all day.” I reassured her. Mostly because I spent last night trying to get drunk and high and now I’m in your house and you really don’t know anything about me.

“It’s true.” Ryan added. “She spent most of the day in the nurse’s office.”

“I’ll drop you off, Candy.” She said picking up her car keys.

“No, you don’t have to.” I practically begged. But like her husband warned me, she doesn’t take no for an answer. Ten minutes later, she was pulling up outside my house and commenting on what a lovely area this is to live in. Yeah, right.

“Thanks again.” I said forcing myself to smile at her. “For everything.”

“No problem, Candy.” She grinned back. “I’ll see you soon okay. And I’ll cook more food. All three of you teenagers need fattening up.” I was confused at her last statement. Okay, Ryan definitely does need a few extra pounds but I’m a decent weight. And Jem seemed to be, too. Maybe it was just a mother thing thinking that everyone younger than her is in dire need of a good meal or they’ll die of starvation.

I said my goodbyes and made my way towards my house. She waited in her car in case I got abducted on my short path to the front door. She only drove off once I was safely inside. I sighed and fished my phone out my pocket noticing that I had three missed calls from Mia. I frowned and dialled her number wondering what could be so important.

“Where the hell have you been?” She shrieked nearly piercing my ear drums.

“Ryan’s; was working on the project.” I answered rolling my eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re actually taking it seriously.” He snickered.

“Well, I don’t want what’s his face to ring my parents.” I said, getting annoyed at her.

“Okay, whatever. Chill. So, there’s a party tonight. Are you coming?”

“I don’t know...” I hesitated.

“Aw, come on Candy!” I could almost hear her pouting. “It’s Friday night. I told the guys you’re up for a laugh and they are dying to meet you.” Great. “Up for a life” is usually slut talk for “easy”.

“Fine.” I sighed. “Come get me in like an hour.”

“See you then.” She said before hanging up. I glanced at my watch. It was already half past six. I mentally went through all the processes I do to get ready and realised I didn’t have time for most of them.

I thought for a moment. I had a shower last night to try and sober myself up just in case someone came home early. I still looked a little pale but nothing a bit of make up couldn’t fix. My hair was messy from me running my fingers through it but I could tame it with a pair of straightner’s. Okay, I was good to go.

It had nearly approached half past seven when I stood in front of the mirror to assess myself. The transformation was amazing. I had a pair of tight black jeans on which clung to all my curves. I also managed to steal a top from my mum’s wardrobe she bought just after her and my dad split up. It was way too small for her but just right for me. It was low cut which showed off quite a lot of my cleavage.

My eyes were big and dark with eyeliner and my bright hair flowed freely past my shoulders. Applying a final coat of lip gloss to me completed the look I was aiming for. No one would be able to resist me tonight.

After writing a quick note to my mother explaining I would be sleeping at Mia’s (which of course was a complete lie), I headed outside to wait for them. I placed a thin, white cigarette between my lips as my body realised just how much it had been craving one. My mother isn’t the brightest bulb, I could easily convince her the smell of weed was this weird herbal remedy I was trying out, but even she can detect the smell of smoke in her daughter’s room.

Of course Mia was late. I was waiting in the cold for nearly ten minutes when she turned up with her boyfriend Simon. “Slut!” She screamed down the street, letting me know she was way past drunk. She ran up to me and through her arms around my neck.

“Right back at ya, bitch.” I replied attempting to pry her hands off me. She gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek before dragging me towards her boyfriend who in this light really wasn’t that good looking. He had two spots on his chin just dying to be squeezed.

“So we heading to this party or what?” I said, realising that if I didn’t say anything, we would be stood here all day.

“To the party!” Mia declared. We were walking for about ten minutes with Mia babbling and me and Simon just grunting in reply. She was rather talkative when she was drunk. The house were the party was supposedly held at didn’t look promising. No loud music could be heard and no people were spilling out into the front garden.

Inside was equally as dead. There were six other people in total; two girls and four guys. Both the girls and one of the guys were completely high on something I hoped to take later. Mia giggled loudly before shouting “This is Candy! She’s a hoot!”

“Candy Cane!” One of the guys shouted. I felt my fist clench. I really needed better friends. “Come sit down here.” I looked to who was shouting me. Two guys sat on a rather frumpy bean bag smirking at me. One of them had alcohol.

I made my way towards them watching their smirks as I did so. They both scooted over so I had room right in the middle of them both. One had naturally red hair and a light sprinkling of freckle across his pasty skin. He leered at my chest which actually made me feel sick.

The other guy wasn’t quite so obvious. He was blonde and rather plain looking however he did have pretty, blue eyes. “Candy.” He repeated reminding me of Jem earlier on. “I’m Shane. This is Robbie.” I smiled at them both. They both wanted me.

“Can I have some of that?” I asked pointing to his vodka. He handed it to me straight away. Of course, trying to get into girls pants is so much easier if they are drunk. I took a greedy gulp.

“Candy Cane.” He said slowly again. “Do you taste like Candy?” Ah, a slight twist on the usually chat up line.

I leaned in towards him and I could see it took him a lot of effort to keep his eyes attached to mine. “I taste like all the good things in the world but mostly strawberries and vodka.” I slurred. He grinned at me.

“Can I taste those sweet lips then?” He asked. I nodded and he lunged in towards me, tongue first. I don’t know how long we were making out for but soon enough he was dragging me upstairs. I followed simply because I was drunk and because I knew he was going to love me for a few minutes.

I don’t know whose room it was but the sheets hadn’t been changed in a long time. I leant back on the bed with my nose wrinkled in disgust as he fiddled with the button on my jeans. With one swift movement they were down and he was thrusting inside of me.

The wallpaper on the ceiling was damp. I could tell because there was mould growing on it. I wished the curtains were open so I could stare at the moon and the stars. I liked them because people are always convinced they are good things. When men write their lovers poems they always compare them to the stars. I think it’s nice.

I gripped the bed sheets in pain. It was almost over. I could hear someone throwing up in the toilets. I could hear Mia’s high pitched giggle. In and out. In and out. “Ooh, baby.” He moaned and I started to cry. He didn’t notice.

I didn’t deserve the moon or the stars. I didn’t deserve any better than this.