I wanna touch you.

As I walk into my next English lesson, I spot Ryan sat at the back like always. He seemed to be looking for someone but stopped room searching when he spotted me. I swallowed the lump that was in my throat and quickly made sure my face was blank and lacking any emotion before joining him.

“Hi.” I said, sitting down on the hard plastic chair. Ryan didn’t say anything back; he just twitched his nose in an annoying way and kept his eyes focused on my cheek. I subtly touched my face to make sure there wasn’t anything on it before glaring at Ryan.

A few more seconds past of total silence and him staring at me. I finally snapped. “What?”

He shrugged defensively but tore his gaze away. “What was wrong with you on Saturday?” He asked lacking any tact.

“Nothing. I was fine.” I said turning away. He scoffed beside me.

“I’m not an idiot Candy. You looked... I’m not sure if they’re words that even describe how you looked. You looked like a heroin addict who had just overdosed. Even Jem asked if you were okay which is weird because he never shows interest in my friends- especially female ones.” I turned back to him.

“Jem was asking about me?” He furrowed his eyebrows. I decided to quickly change the subject. “And you count me as one of your friends now?” He paused for a moment.

“Well, I guess. You can be okay sometimes.”

“Thanks.”

“Plus I sort of feel sorry for you. It’s not like you have a tonne of friends looking out for you and when I saw you on Saturday... You looked so vulnerable and sad.” He shook his head as if he was trying to stop his saying anything even mushier.

“I don’t need you sympathy. I have friends.” I said indignantly.

“Like Mia?” He had me there. I chose not to say anything else. “Do you have a thing for Jem or something?” Ryan suddenly blurted out. I tried my best to stop my cheeks from going red (which is weird because I never blush) and I tried to look innocent and bored.

“Why would you ask that?” I questioned as if the very idea of me digging his brother was ridiculous.

“Because your face lit up when I mentioned he had asked about you.” I quickly touched my face as if I could pull away all the emotions from it. Ryan was grinning at me triumphantly. “I didn’t think Jem would be your type.”

“He’s not.” I said instantly. Ryan was just becoming more amused by the second.

“You’re getting awfully defensive Candy.” He was winding me up and it was working. I dug my nails into my palm trying to release the tension that was building up inside of me.

“Has he said anything else about me?” I asked, as if the answer wouldn’t bother me in the slightest although I obviously wasn’t fooling him.

“Nope.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the answer I was looking for. “I thought you didn’t want me going anywhere near your brother anyway. Why are you so interested in my opinion of him?” He just grinned at me shrugging slightly.

“I’ve got nothing to worry about anyway. You’re not his type.”

“And what is his type?” I could feel my voice becoming louder. I couldn’t help it; Ryan was irritating me and suddenly the thought of Jem had my mind becoming all messed up and my stomach squirming in a way which I wasn’t totally sure was bad.

“The complete opposite of you.” He replied.

“Oh, so Jem wants one of those girls, who get perfect grades, likes all animals and children and cares for the environment? Her parents are still blissfully married and she’s too innocent and perfect to even have kissed a boy yet?”

“It’s what he needs.” Ryan said seriously, looking me straight in the eye. I noticed once again how his eyes weren’t as dark and deep as Jem’s.

“Jem’s a big boy, I’m sure he can look after him self.” I said flicking my straightened hair. It needed cutting and re-dying. Maybe I could just shave it off and start over fresh? I would very much like to do that to my entire life.

“It didn’t work out so well last time.” Ryan muttered. Before I had chance to ask what he meant the teacher walked in and told us to shut up.

***

I was going to Ryan’s again after school. Our project was coming along just nicely and we didn’t really need all these after school sessions but the thought of going home to an empty house just depressed me. On the walk home he told me about the music he liked even though I hadn’t heard of most of the bands. Music wasn’t really my thing anyway. I always read things about people saying music saved their lives but there wasn’t a song in the world that was going to rescue mine.

“I really need to pee. Just go into the front room as usual.” Ryan told me, unlocking the door. I wrinkled my nose at his over shared information but did as he said. The room was quiet as usual so imagine my shock when I opened the door to find Jem sitting on the couch covered in clay and looking like he was about to burst into tears.

“Um, hello?” My voice sounded loud in the silent room. Jem blinked his long dark eyelashes a couple of times before his chocolate eyes focused on me. I watched alarmed as his face crumpled up.

“It broke.”

“What?” My voice held confusion. Jem glanced back to the coffee table in front of him and I followed his gaze. “Oh.” On the table, on top of the sheets of news paper spread out, was an unpainted pot. Next to it laid the handle which had evidently snapped off. “I thought you liked to fix broken things?” I asked, repeating one of the first things he said to me which I still didn’t quite understand.

“Not the things I’ve made.” He replied. He looked so sad and defeated. I guess it wouldn’t work asking him to try and find the funny side. I slipped my bag off my shoulders and placed it on the floor before taking a seat next to him on the couch. I did my best not to sit close to him- I didn’t want to freak him out again. I gently picked up his clay pot always flicking my eyes to Jem’s face to make sure this was allowed. He didn’t start screaming at me so I guess I got his permission.

On closer inspection, I realised it wasn’t a pot Jem had made but a mug. He had made it so it looked like a snake was wrapping itself around. I picked up the handle and discovered this was the snakes head. I was sat next to an eighteen year old boy who was nearly crying because of a freaking cup.

“We can fix this.” I said.

“I’ve tried to glue it together but it keeps on slipping.” Jem informed me. I bit the inside of lip trying to think of another plan.

“Why don’t you glue it whilst I hold it together?” I suggested. His face twitched as he thought it over before nodding slowly. I edged my self closer to his body, waiting for him to go all weird like he did last time. Apart from his body stiffening as my knee gently brushed his, we were good to go.

He got the tube of superglue and squeezed some onto the broken handle. His front teeth gently bit his bottom lip as he concentrated and I wondered whether he knew that he was drawing attention to his mouth and whether he knew that I itched to close the gap between just to find out what he felt like. “Candy?” His voice startled me, and I realised that instead of holding the pieces together like I was suppose to be doing, I was staring at him. I could feel my cheeks burning. I had blushed twice today now.

“Sorry, I was day dreaming.” I mumbled. I pressed the handle to the mug and looked up to see Ryan stood in the doorway. He had a smirk plastered across his face. I itched to ask how long he had been stood there watching us.

“Wow, the mugs looking good Jem.” Ryan said walking over to us. “Budge up.” There was already enough room for Ryan- he could fit anyway, he was skinny enough- but he nudged me with his backside so I had to move a little closer to Jem. Ah, this was part of his “wind Candy up” game.

I could feel Jem freeze up again and I felt bad. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. I thought of something to say but nothing entered my mind. Shaking my head, I slowly let go of the handle and a feeling of relief flew through me when it stayed.

“Here.” I said, handing him the mug. “It’s as good as new.” Jem examined it closely letting his dark curls fall into his face.

“You can hardly see the crack.” He said, delighted. I smiled and he looked up with a huge smile on his own face. He hardly ever shows emotion and here he is actually grinning at me. I felt my stomach flip and yeah, maybe Ryan was right. Maybe I do have a tiny crush on his big brother.

***

“Where have you been?” My mother’s voice burst my happy bubble as soon as I walked through my front door. We decided not to do any work today seeing as though Jem had occupied the table we usually lay our books on. Ryan had put on MTV and we watched that whilst Jem sat next to us painting his mug. Well, I should say Ryan watched MTV whilst I watched Jem painting his mug. His concentration face was just too adorable. Okay I had to stop being all soppy.

“I’ve been at my friend’s house.” I replied. I walked into the kitchen where she was standing with a face like a slapped arse. She frowned at me whilst I rolled my eyes. “I have my school stuff with me. Where else do you think I would go?” Her eyes flickered to my bag and her frowned smoothed out, signalling she believed me.

“You could have called.”

“I didn’t think you’d be home.”

“I cooked tea.” I glanced at the plate of food on the side, actually shocked. “It’s cold now.” I don’t know why I felt guilty but I did. She was the one who always left me on my own to do her own socialising. When I hang out with my friends it’s suddenly the worst crime on Earth?

“I can warm it up in the microwave.” I reassured her. She smiled at me although it didn’t completely reach her eyes.

“So what were you doing at your friend’s house?” She asked leaning back on the counter as if she takes an interest in my life all the time. I inwardly cringed. I hate when she asks me questions like this and tries to be my best friend.

“School work.” She actually scoffed at my reply. I noticed she sounded a lot like Mia at that moment.

“I’m not an idiot. There’s a boy isn’t there?” I tried not to smile, I really did. “Come on, tell me...” She whined. I took the plate out of the microwave, flinching as it burnt my fingers.

“I’m off to my room.” I heard her sigh as I exited the kitchen.

“I hope to go clean it. It absolutely stinks in there.” I ignored her last remark.

Once in my room I thought back of Jem. Oh my God, I actually had a crush. I hadn’t had one of those since I was twelve. When I wanted a boy I got him. But lusting after Ryan’s brother? I was pathetic. I just wanted the one thing that I couldn’t have.

I leant back on my bed, a dopey smile forming on my lips. There was a weird sensation in my stomach- the same feeling I get before I go on a roller coaster. My insides were turning themselves inside out. I thought of his big, soft lips, his coffee coloured skin that I wanted to run my tongue across. I thought of his fingers that clutched the paint brush so delicately. I wanted him to hold me like he held that brush.

Ten points for guessing who I dreamt of that night.