Billie's Inspiration

Billie had woken early and had decided to go for a walk. Once more he found himself in central park. He sat on a bench for a while watching the joggers running past him and various assortments of dogs being taken for walks.

It was going to be a different day he thought, not as windy as yesterday, the sun was peeping through the white fluffy clouds and he felt good. He’d called up Adrienne and she was OK although he sensed some negativity in her voice. But there was nothing he could do, he was here to do what he had to do and she’d have to put up with it.

He thought back to his conversation last night with Amelie, he’d felt awful for her, how dreadful that must have been losing someone like that, when they had their whole lives ahead of them. Poor girl, he thought, no one deserved that.

When he’d got back, something she’d said to him reminded him of a song he’d written some time back about his father dying and the devastation it had caused in his life. He’d got out the song and read it over, changing a few words here and there but he wanted to show someone what he’d changed, he felt excited suddenly and decided that he’d show Amelie a little later on, may be he’d knock on her door and invite her in for a coffee at Tre’s.

Yeah, he’d do that.

It was lunchtime and his stomach started growling, he could also smell the smells of food cooking coming from outside in the street. He could smell hot dogs being made on the sidewalk. He hadn’t had one of those in years, Adrienne always refused to by food from street vendors for some reason, but Adrienne wasn’t here to stop him he thought grabbing his baseball cap, sunglasses and the keys to Tre’s place then left the apartment.

Amelie was just coming out of her apartment as he passed.

“Hi,” she said, “you look happy.”

“Do I? Must be last night’s good company, the fact I think I’ve managed to finish a song that I started on years ago and that I’m off to get a hot dog from that street vendor.” He said, his grin wide and boyish.

“So you’ve finished one of your songs? That’s fantastic,” she said locking up her front door. “Can anyone take a look?” She asked.

”Um…not sure, maybe you could have a look. Want to join me for a hot dog first?” He said.

”Actually, I know a better place for lunch, its just down the street, its an Italian Restaurant, they do the best pasta there and….they may even rustle you up a hot dog if you’re lucky. How about we go there and you show me your song?” she said her dark eyes gleaming.

“OK,” Billie said shrugging, “wait here and I’ll go get it.”

She watched the best looking guy she’d seen in months head back to Tre’s, watched his baggy jeaned butt as he disappeared behind the door, her heart quickening.

He was back before her heart had slowed, the smile still on his face, looking proud of himself and she felt pleased for him.

They headed down the stairs as she watched Billie roll up the papers in his hand, the two attractive people heading out into the sunlight together.

**

The café wasn’t all that busy and Billie couldn’t understand why, the food was exquisite. He’d foregone the hot dog for pasta with a rich tomato and garlic sauce and had practically asked for another bowl it was so good.

”So, what’s this song called?” Asked Amelie as she wiped a napkin across her mouth. She too had ordered the same as Billie.

“It’s just called September,” said Billie. “Here, what do you think?” He said taking out the papers and passing them across to Amelie. They were slightly crumpled.

He watched her face as she read his words, she looked so young and innocent he thought as her eyes darted across the page, expressionless. Her skin was flawless and he wondered again how old she was. She must be in her twenties he thought but he knew he was crap at guessing anyone’s age.

She handed him back the papers and looked at him square in the face. “That was amazing. You must use it on your next album, its…oh my god are those words true, did you lose your father?” she asked.

“Yeah, many years ago now,” said Billie shoving the papers into his back pocket. “I was only ten. Sometimes I get scared because I can’t remember him. I can’t remember his face or what his voice sounded like. I’d give anything just to meet up with him one more time and tell him that I love him, hear his voice, feel him hugging me.” Said Billie, bowing his head as his eyes had filled up with tears. What was he saying? He’d never even said that to Adrienne. She knew he missed his father, she knew he’d half written a song about him but to say that he’d give anything to see him one more time. Why had he said that?

“I’m sorry but I know what you mean, Joe has only been gone for a couple of years but I’m frightened I forget him. Sometimes I want to move on and sometimes I feel guilty for thinking that and moving on without him. Its hard sometimes.” She said.

Billie put his hand out on top of hers, his hands had a few tattoos on them, a couple of stars and she wanted to rub a finger across one, just to feel his skin. His hand was hot and firm and she felt a flush rise up in her face as her thoughts began to run away with her.

He’s married. He has kids and he’s not here for that.

“It does get easier, I promise,” he said. His green eyes were showing such kindness towards her, it took her back but he didn’t seem to notice that she’d lost her voice and he’d caught her breath.

“Thanks,” she managed to muster up and glancing away from his gaze.

“Anyway I’m not sure if I’m going to put that on the album, its been hanging around for years now. I’m not sure what Tre or Mike would think,” he said.

“I’m sure they’d love it, did they not see your rough version previously?” She asked surprised that he’d not shared this song with anyone else.

“Only Adrienne has seen it. She loved it,” he said suddenly remembering his wife when she’d read the song. She thought it was wonderful and had told him that it should be heard by the world.

“Tell me about her,” said Amelie, intrigued as to what Billie’s wife was like.

“Who?” said Billie but knowing who. He was stalling for time, not sure if he wanted to talk about Adrienne.

“Your wife, Adrienne of course,” said Amelie, her smile widening, straight white teeth with heart shaped lips surrounding them. Adrienne didn’t have lips like that, hers were fuller and wider.

He loved his wife.

But he didn’t want to talk about her right now.