Sunshiner

It stopped raining after a while. I couldn't tell if it was still cloudy out, since the sun had long set, but judging by the lack of stars it seemed that the thunderheads had yet to disappear.

I didn’t stop looking for her. I stopped searching – I had decided long ago that running about the town aimlessly wasn’t helping at all – but I never stopped looking. Instead, I just waited. I sat on my front porch, staring across the street at her house; she had to come home at some point, right? When she did, I would be here to catch her.

But apparently I was wrong about that, too. It was two forty-seven in the morning and she had yet to come home. I had made certain that I did not fall asleep (I pinched myself in the arm every few minutes or so), so there was no chance that I had somehow missed her on her way in.

So where could she be, then? I began to ponder the possibilities. I had checked every place in town twice, so unless she was very skilled at avoiding me and psychically knew where I was, she wasn’t at any of those places. I was running out of ideas…

Suddenly a ruby ember glowed above Candace’s house, flaring to light and then dying out quickly like a firefly. I smiled to myself. Of course. The rooftop.

Climbing up the side of Candace’s house was a lot more difficult than it was when I was seven, but that was probably because it was dark out and I now weighed more than twice as much as I did when I was little. But my memory was acute and I distinctly remembered the gnarled vines growing up the side of her house. I was surprised that the ivy was strong enough to hold my weight, but then I remembered that the Harlow’s had not been to Dayton in three years and no one had been able to tend to the weeds, thus allowing them to grow wildly until they were nearly four inches thick on the side of the house.

Grunting lightly, I tried to make as little sound as possible as to not wake up Candace’s parents. Mrs. Harlow would throw one hell of a temper tantrum if she caught me scaling the side of her house like a ninja. I couldn’t be caught sneaking around like this, especially since I had kind of called myself a stalker in front of Mrs. Harlow only a few hours ago.

I stumbled up onto the rooftop, and I dearly hoped that Mrs. Harlow and Bear’s room was not directly underneath my thundering feet. Bear was Candace’s father; his full name was Bearfield (though I had no idea what sort of parents would name their child that), but he was so tall and burly and his mop of curly brown hair made him resemble a bear, and therefore the name stuck. I liked Bear. Unfortunately, I knew that if I was caught right now, the beating I would receive from that man would greatly resemble a real bear mauling.

He was referred to as Bear by all of the parents and even by the kids. He was the only adult who had a nickname. And he did not mind; unlike Mrs. Harlow, he was much more easy-going and didn’t require people to address him as ‘mister.’ Although I had only met the man a few times, I knew that Candace was much more like her father than her mother. The only difference was that he was loved by all throughout the town, whereas Candace was a renowned mischief maker and people had learned long ago to steer clear of her path.

Unfortunately I seemed to have forgotten this fact. If I had thought that I could go right up to Candace and say sorry without getting the shit beaten out of me, I had another thing coming. And that other thing happened to be her tiny fist in my face.

BAM! Who knew such a little girl could throw such a punch? I hadn’t even seen her walk up to me, but then again I suppose she could have heard me climbing and then stood at the edge of the rooftop, waiting for me to finally get up before slugging me.

I willed myself not to get mad as I rubbed my sore jaw. “I guess I deserved that,” I mumbled, even though it hurt to speak.

I finally forced myself to look her in the eye and I immediately cringed. The short blonde girl standing in front of me had a glare on her face that was so furious and so fiery that even the devil would be afraid.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Her voice was bubbling with fury despite the fact that she was whispering; she didn’t want to wake her parents up.

“I came here to apologize,” was my blunt reply.

“You’re too late,” she hissed. “It’s been a week. You should have apologized days ago. You’re too late, Kasey Ray.”

“Sit down,” I said, ignoring every word that came out of her mouth. I may have seemed like a confident asshole right now, and I may have been way too upfront, but I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t care if Candace wanted her space and I didn’t care if she never wanted to see my face for the rest of her life. I didn’t even care if she punched me again. I was going to make her accept my apology. I knew I couldn’t actually force her to forgive me, but I could at least force her to hear me out. I wasn’t going to deal with any of this guilt bullshit any longer and I needed to get it off of my chest. “I want to talk to you,” I added.

“Fuck you,” she spat. “Get the hell away from my house, you stupid son of a – “

But I just rolled my eyes and then forcefully grabbed her by the waist, encircling her small body in my strong arms. As powerful as she was, she was no match for my own strength, and despite the fact that she was kicking and scratching like a madwoman I was able to pull her into my lap.

“I hate you – “ She elbowed me in the ribs. “ – you’re such a stupid fucking jackass – “ Her knee collided with my shin. “ – I wish you would roll over and die, Kasey fucking Ray!” She continued to struggle, but my grip on her tightened and I endured, I endured.

Eventually she stopped trying to murder me and I thought that she had finally succumbed to my strength. That proved to be another grave mistake on my part: Candace never gave up so easily.

A searing pain ripped through my forearm, and I remembered the cigarette that Candace had been smoking. I stifled a cry of pain but nonetheless a choked, guttural sound escaped my throat and I squeezed my eyes shut. The scent of smoke and burning flesh floated in the air. But I endured.

“Let me go,” she commanded in a steely voice.

“No.”

The burn worsened as she dug it further into my skin. “Let me go.”

“No.”

Then the cigarette was removed and I relaxed. “Fine,” she sighed, and then she slumped against me and now I was finally sure that she had given up. I felt relieved and satisfied and happy all at the same time, but simultaneously I wondered if it was worth the excruciating throbbing in my arm that I knew would continue for the rest of the night and probably the following day. And then I decided that yes, it was worth it.

I looked at my arm and saw the crimson circular wound that would soon swell and eventually develop into a scar. I exhaled through my teeth as I blew on it softly, trying to dispel the tiny bits of ash that were stuck in it. Nice, I thought to myself, my internal voice grim and sarcastic. Battle wound.

“I deserved the punch, but I’m not sure if I deserved this. I’m going to have this scar forever,” I said softly after a minute or two. I had suddenly realized how quiet it had gotten between us and I felt the need to shatter the silence. I was here to talk, after all.

“Good,” she replied. “Now you’ll always remember what you did to me.”

“I would have remembered it forever anyway,” I replied morosely. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I am sorry, I am so sorry for what I did. I was stupid and inconsiderate and…”

“And a total prick,” she finished for me.

“Yeah,” I said. “That too.”

We were quiet again, and Candace went to take another drag of her cigarette, but then remembered that she had kindly put it out on my arm. She flicked it off the side and shuffled through her pockets for another one.

“Those things can kill you,” I told her.

She snorted. “No they can’t.”

I looked at her incredulously. “Of course they can. Haven’t you ever heard of lung cancer? It kills hundreds of people – “

“Kasey, I already told you. I’m going to live forever,” she said very matter-of-factly and then lit up another cigarette. I watched as the lighter illuminated her face, making her freckles practically glow against her tan skin.

“You were going to tell me something,” I suddenly blurted out.

She gave me a confused look. “What? No I wasn’t.”

“When we went cliff jumping,” I explained. “You were going to tell me something, but my phone went off and then we had to go.”

She frowned. “I remember that,” she said slowly. “But how do you remember it? You didn’t even seem to care.” She didn’t try to hide the accusatory tone underlying her words.

I shrugged. “I’m curious, that’s all,” I said. I had no idea why I had suddenly remembered something so random, but now it seemed like it was the most important thing in the world. How could I have let such an opportunity pass me like that? It had seemed like Candace had trusted me…and then I fucked it all up.

“Well,” she said resolutely and shifted in my lap. I still hadn’t removed my arms from around her waist, and I wasn’t planning on doing it any time soon. “I don’t want to tell you anymore.”

I sighed, feeling deflated, though in all honesty I couldn’t have expected anything different. “Why not?”

“You need to earn it now.”

“And how do I earn it?”

She snorted. “Surprise me,” she said sarcastically. I was suddenly under the impression that no matter what I did, it would never be enough for her.

“I did promise you to take you out on a date…” I said slowly. But I knew what her answer was going to be before I even said it. My charm didn’t work on her, not anymore.

“Keep dreaming,” she said and I could hear the smirk in her voice.

The strangest thing was, though, even though she was pissed at me – less pissed now, but nonetheless pissed – she was still sitting in my lap. And she wasn’t punching or scratching or burning me with cigarettes anymore. She could hate me with every particle of her being and she still felt fine with sitting in my lap. And I was fine with her sitting in my lap. I rarely even let my girlfriends do that (I wasn’t much of a touchy-feely guy, believe it or not, especially in public), but with Candace, everything felt so natural. We were so comfortable around each other, even during the times when we didn’t even want to look at the other in the eye. We had one seriously fucked up relationship.

“Are we friends?” I asked out of the blue.

She shrugged. “Sure.”

“Oh. Okay.”

A brief silence ensued, but she broke it before a full minute had passed: “I don’t forgive you, you know.”

“That’s okay,” I sighed. I wasn’t happy, but surprisingly I wasn’t too sad about it either. “I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“By the way,” she said, twisting around to look at me, “you can’t tell anyone that I’m being nice to you.”

I thought she was joking until I saw the grave glint in her eyes. “And why not?” I inquired.

“I promised Chad that I would never talk to you again,” she said simply.

“Ha. And since when do you care what Chad has to say?”

“Since he became my boyfriend.”

Numbness. That was the only word that could describe the sensation that suddenly took hold of my body. “W-What?”

“We sorted of began dating…” she said slowly, and I was surprised to see her fiddling with the hem of my shirt, almost bashfully. “A few days ago.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I nodded. That’s all I could do. Nod.

“Okay?” she asked, turning around again to make sure I was all right.

“Okay,” I finally croaked out.

She smiled a smile that suddenly made me feel a lot less like shit. I had Candace back now, sort of, and that’s all I could really ask for. She was right when she said I needed to earn it. I was a spoiled brat when it came to girls; I got it whenever I wanted and I got it all. No one said no to me – no one except this conceited, bossy, and frustratingly beautiful girl sitting on my lap right now.

I could keep our friendship a secret. I had done it before, back when we were in middle school, when we had privately been the best of friends before she disappeared from the face of the planet for three consecutive summers. Doing this all over again was manageable; living in the past would be easy. It would be like another shot at childhood.

Of course, now I would have to take hormones into account, but I could deal with that.

I finally smiled back at Candace, and the gesture made her face glow. She bit her lower lip – a habit of hers that made my stomach to a back flip – and then gently flicked my nose.

“You’ll be my favorite secret, Kasey Ray.”