Sunshiner

Sometimes, in order to find yourself, you must first get lost. You cannot try to move on from your previous life if you cannot fully let go of it. You need to forget it, abandon it, leave it all behind. For me, that it meant I had to physically leave Dayton and drive hundreds of miles until I couldn’t even tell north from south.

It had been six hours and I still hadn’t found myself, and I don’t think Candace had found herself either. But we had taken the first step: We were lost as fuck.

And that simple “we” was the beauty of it all. A trip like this one was meant to be taken solo since it’s supposed to be self-discovery, whatever the hell that truly means. But Candace and I broke the rules and we went together. And it wasn’t ruining the trip at all; we just fit so naturally together, like the clouds and the wind, or the flowers and the sunshine. Maybe if we got lost together, we could find each other instead of just finding ourselves. Maybe I would find her and she would find me and then we could teach each other our flaws and learn about love.

No matter how lost I ever got, no matter how dark everything became, at least I would always have her. And that was enough for me. I could be sure that she could guide me through the darkness because she was my sunshiner, and that’s what sunshiners do.

And so the adventure began.

Adventures aren’t as glorious and fantastic and magical as the movies make them out to be. Some parts of them absolutely suck – especially the driving part. And there was a lot of fucking driving.

Candace and I took turns, switching every fifty miles or so. I was thankful she knew how to drive a stick shift. We lost count of how many times we switched; therefore we lost count of how many miles we had driven. And I had been dumb enough to not look at my mile counter before we took off, therefore it was impossible to know the exact distance we had covered. All we knew is that we had gone really fucking far. Numbers didn’t have much meaning to us anymore; the only thing we were aware of was that we were getting further and further away from Dayton, away from the people we knew, away from all familiarity…and that was all that was important to us.

By this point neither of us cared where we ended up. We had no destination and no expectations and therefore anything that happened along the way would be a nice surprise. Besides, whatever we did, I knew we would enjoy it. If we had been able to entertain ourselves in the small boring town of Dayton every summer for the past twelve years then, well, we would be able to find fun in absolutely anything.

When the sun had set Candace had immediately fallen asleep, and instead of waking her up when we were supposed to switch, I decided it would be okay if I kept on driving throughout the night. I now sincerely regretted this decision. It was almost one in the morning and I was tired as shit. I knew I had to pull over soon or else I would fall asleep on the road and probably end up killing the two of us – but as I continued to drive and drive and drive, there were no signs for motels that were coming up. The nearest exit was another thirty-two miles away.

“This is just great, dumbass,” I growled to myself. “One day away from home and I’m already lost. I don’t even know what route this is.”

I cursed at myself for another few minutes before I finally decided that it would be blatantly stupid – and possibly life-threatening – if I continued to drive. My eyes were starting to droop, and even though I was talking to myself like a crazy person to keep myself awake, sleep was overpowering my mind. Sighing in defeat, I gently applied the brakes until the car was going slow enough to pull over. The Mustang rumbled unhappily as it bumped over the grass, and I managed to find a relatively flat section that would be safe to park on before cutting the engine.

Candace must have awoken from the rough ride because suddenly she was sitting up strait and with wide eyes she asked, “Where are we?”

“I have absolutely no fucking clue,” I admitted in the middle of a jaw-cracking yawn. “We can spend the night in the car. There’s enough space in the backseat for you, I think.”

“We’re going to sleep in the damn car?” she asked incredulously.

“Well, if you’d like to drive us to the nearest motel, feel free.”

She thought about it and shook her head. “I’m too tired,” she stated glumly.

“Me too.” The situation we were currently in absolutely sucked, but at least we were both smart enough to know when it wasn’t safe to drive.

She twisted around and stared at the back seat, as if deliberating whether it would be comfortable enough for her. Then, with a devious grin on her face, she turned back to me and said, “I’m on top.”

Before I could say anything she had clambered into the back. “This is niiice,” she cooed like a four-year-old kid who had been given a new toy.

“When I said there was enough space in the back for you, I meant only you,” I said. “I’ll be fine sleeping up here – “

“Oh, shut up,” she snapped and suddenly grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me into the back with her. I don’t know how it happened, but after awkwardly stumbling and practically falling into the seat, I managed to land on top of her and suddenly our lips were connected.

I was a little surprised but at the same time I was too caught in the moment to really care, and without even breaking the kiss I had pushed her underneath me so that we were sprawled out across the leather seat. She sighed into the kiss and I felt encouraged to go further, but as my hand began to slide under her shirt she broke away with a laugh.

“I said I wanted to be on top, idiot,” she smiled.

Of course, being a guy, I immediately interpreted this in the most perverted way possible. With a wave of excitement I hastily switched positions with Candace so that now I was the one under her. But she did not kiss me again; instead, she let out a content sigh and rested her head on my chest.

“What the hell is this?” I blurted out.

“What?” she asked, looking a bit worried.

“We aren’t…I mean, you know...Are we just going to go to sleep?”

She let out a short laugh. “Yes. I’m not going to hook up with you in a car, Kasey Ray.” And then she nuzzled her nose in the crook of my shoulder.

I let out a frustrated stream of profanities but it only made her laugh. Finally, I let out a long sigh, accepted my defeat, and closed my eyes. I was on the brink of sleep when –

“Can we put the top down?”

It took me a moment to figure out that she was talking about my car. “Ugh. No,” I mumbled. Although I had just been very eager for some physical activity, I was now overwhelmingly exhausted and just talking was difficult.

“Please? I’ve never been in a convertible with the top down,” she begged and softly kissed my neck. Shivers rushed down my spine and I felt her smile against my skin. She kissed me again, in the same spot, and repeated, “Please?”

“You’re a tease,” I groaned.

“I just want to see the stars,” she whispered.

“You romanticize everything,” I told her. “You dream way too big and you always overlook the most basic facts. Let’s be realistic: If we open up the roof, a psycho axe murderer will steal all of our money and kill us.”

“Not a single car has passed us since I woke up. We are in the absolute middle of nowhere,” she retorted. “There’s not a single human being anywhere near this high way.”

“Except for the psycho axe murderer.”

“But that’s not even – “

“Hey, Candace?”

“What?”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”



The heat pouring down let me know that morning had arrived. I slowly opened my eyes and expected to see the smiling face of Candace…

But instead I saw the smiling face of a police officer.

Only he wasn’t exactly smiling. It was more of a snarl.

“What are you two kids doing out here?” he asked in a steely voice. I’ve always hated cops, but this guy was tall enough and muscular enough to strike some fear into me. I knew better than to slip in a snide comment, which happened to be a bad habit of mine when it came to dealing with the police.

I nudged Candace awake, who had still been sleeping soundly on my chest. With a grumble and a very unattractive snort, she slowly gained consciousness. As soon as she saw the officer towering over us, however, she jolted awake and immediately sprung into a sleeping position.

“I, uh, we were just…um – “

“We were tired while on the road, and we pulled over because we knew it was the safe thing to do,” I interjected suavely before Candace could make too much of a fool out of herself. Unlike her, I had a lot more experience when it came do dealing with the law, which meant I knew how to be a total suck-up.

I had expected something along the lines of, “That was a good decision, kids,” and then he’d let us be on our way, but the cop just stared at us gravely and didn’t say a word. “You know there’s an Amber Alert out right now,” he finally stated, squinting his little black eyes at us. “Supposedly two teens went missing yesterday night, from a little town down south. A boy and a girl. About your age.”

“It can’t possibly be us,” Candace said cheerily and I squeezed her side to get her to shut up. Her usual strategy of flashing a smile was not going to work on this guy.

“We’re heading home right now,” I informed the cop in a very serious voice, hoping I sounded a lot more mature and responsible than I really was.

The man made a humming sound and stroked his moustache. I could tell he didn’t believe us. “I’m going to be right back,” he said and then walked past our car, back to where his cruiser was sitting only a few yards away.

“We’re fucked,” I said once he was out of ear shot.

“He’s going to check your plates,” Candace whispered, fully aware of the shit hole we had dug ourselves into, “and then he’ll know exactly who we are.”

“We are so fucked.”

“Go, Kasey!” she shouted at me.

I blinked. “W-What?”

“Go, go, go!”

Startled, confused, and definitely frightened, we both scrambled into the front seat. With shaky hands I started the car and revved the engine – in the review mirror, I saw the angry cop jump out of his car and start running towards us.

“Idiot,” Candace said, watching him as well. “Why would you get out of your car if you know we’re about to drive away?” Suddenly she realized I hadn’t moved yet and she turned to me. “Well, drive the hell away already!” she yelled.

“Oh fuck, oh shit, okay!” I shouted and slammed down on the gas pedal. Amidst a swirling cloud of dust and smoke from burning rubber, the Mustang sprung away in a streak of midnight blue.

“Ha ha!” Candace shouted gleefully. “He’ll never catch us!”

I hardly heard her. “We’re fucked. We’re fucked. WE’RE SO FUCKED.” I couldn’t believe I had just run away from a cop. I had gotten caught for drinking and things like that, but avoiding justice…that was a felony, wasn’t it?

“Lighten up, Kase. He’s not even bothering coming after us. He just sort of shook his head and decided that we weren’t worth the time.”

I looked at the review mirror and sure enough, the cop car had turned around and was driving in the other direction.

Hell yes.

All of my fears had disappeared and a stupid-looking grin spread across my face. I suddenly became aware of how warm the weather was, how nice the wind felt in my hair, and –

“Wait.” And suddenly the grin was gone. “How the hell is the top down?”

Candace gave me a devilish smirk. “I waited until you were asleep. The stars were fantastic, by the way.”

I shook my head and I couldn’t help but to let out a laugh. I was just so idiotically happy. We had just escaped a police officer…I still couldn’t believe it. I could hardly imagine what would have happened if Candace hadn’t pressured me to take that risk…we would probably be on our way home right now. And everything would have been ruined if we had done what the big bad cop told us to do, and if we had just sat there, peacefully and quietly, and not done a thing while our fate was basically decided for us.

It wasn’t that big of a deal and when I looked back in the future I knew I wouldn’t feel all that impressed with myself, but for now, it felt like the most awesome thing in the world. Maybe it was because the adrenaline rush hadn’t gone away. Or maybe it was because I felt so incredibly free. Candace and I and this blue Mustang were unstoppable.

“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” she asked suddenly.

“Nope. Do you?”

“No,” she admitted. She actually looked a little concerned.

“We’ll just keep driving, then.”

“What if we get lost?”

I smiled and reached for her hand. “We’ll find our way.”