Sunshiner

“I – um – “ I stammered. “Well that’s, uh…interesting.”

Her face fell and I knew that I had just said the exact thing she did not want to hear. “Interesting?” she breathed. She pulled away from me quickly and gave me a nasty glare. “I should have known you would have said something like that. You don’t react well to these sorts of things at all.”

Her voice was venomous and it sent shudders down my spine. I opened my mouth to speak, but she just rolled her eyes and turned away from me, muttering something about “this was a mistake.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said, my tone becoming just as sharp as hers. “I’m a mistake?”

“You weren’t at first,” she spat, “but now I think my opinion has changed.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked as I ran a hand through my tangled hair. “You just told me that you loved me – ” She winced, clearly already regretting the words she had uttered, “ – and now you’re fighting with me?”

“For your information, that’s not something I tell most people,” she seethed. “It’s…it’s special, okay? I don’t even tell my parents I love them. You’re the only boy – “

“Candace,” I said so quietly that it was almost a whisper. Although she had been yelling pretty loudly, the sound of her name on my lips was enough to calm the both of us down. I took her face in my hands and stared into her eyes. “I…I really don’t know what to tell you. I know it sounds mean. But you can’t even tell me what’s wrong with you, and – please don’t hate me for saying this – I’m not sure how much you can really love me if you can’t trust me. And it wouldn’t be fair for me to lie and say that I loved you too.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

“It would be a lie?” she asked. “So you don’t even like me at all. You’re just – “

“No!” I shouted, feeling quite exasperated. “No, no, no. You have it all wrong. I’m similar to you; I don’t say, you know, the L word to too many girls either. It’s not something I give away like a free gift. It’s just…it’s a big deal, you know? I have to be one-hundred percent sure about it before I say the words.” What I was saying was completely honest and I really hoped that Candace would be able to see that. I wanted her to understand.

She stared at me for a very, very long moment and I was sure that she was going to punch me or something. The intensity of her glare was making me shrink away on the inside (though of course I would never show it on the outside). Finally, though, her eyes melted into a warm but empty color, and she actually looked sort of…sad.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said morosely and turned away from me. “I’m being unfair.”

“Candace, I…. Ugh, shit,” I muttered under my breath, too low for her to possibly here me. This was just fucking great. Now she was making me feel bad. “I don’t want our trip to be ruined because of this. I think we should…um…” Mother fucking damn. How do I say this? I couldn’t just say that I wanted us to forget all of this happened – she would get even more pissed off.

“We’ll still have fun,” she spoke up and for a brief second I wondered if she had read my mind or something. “We won’t force anything. We’ll go on and do our thing and then see how we feel.”

A smile was already on my face before she finished, and before she could say the last syllable I had pulled her towards me and kissed her soundly. When I pulled away, she looked a bit surprised. “You are one hell of an amazing girl,” I said.



We left the motel early the next day. Any awkwardness that may have spawned from last night was nonexistent, and much to my relief Candace was in a very good mood. I, on the other hand, was exhausted. And it wasn’t because we slept together or anything (which was a pity). We had done a bit of, you know, stuff, but we hadn’t actually gone all the way. I knew Candace didn’t want to do it yet. But whatever. It was well worth the wait.

Candace wanted to grab as many souvenirs as she possibly could, and while I was checking out at the front desk with the creepy old guy (who had conspicuously stared at Candace’s stomach, as if he was making sure she wasn’t pregnant), she was running around like a hyperactive six-year-old kid, giggling madly as she grabbed every pamphlet and brochure in sight.

When we were back in the car, she was reading one of them, which was about Greek Myths. I wondered why the hell the motel would have a brochure about that, but I was too lazy to ask. “Did you know that, according to the Greeks, the universe was created from Chaos?” Candace randomly said while leafing through the pages.

“The Greeks obviously don’t know shit.”

“I just thought it was interesting,” she shrugged. “I mean, our ancient ancestors believed that the world was created from disorder and violence. It’s so different from a lot of the modern religious beliefs.”

“Let me see,” I said, reaching for the pamphlet. As soon as she handed it to me, I threw it out the window.

“Why would you do that?” she asked in horror, turning around in her seat to see the pages flapping in the wind before hitting the pavement.

“It tells you lies,” I said with a theatrical voice. She was about to argue with me, but I added in a more serious tone, “We have more important things to focus on than old myths.” Neither of us wanted to think about any philosophical crap, anyway.

She couldn’t deny that I was right, and so she just shrugged and sat back in her seat in silence. She turned on the radio and began fiddling with it, and just as she had settled on a classic rock station (“Good choice,” I had approved heartily as Last Dance with Mary Jane began playing), she suddenly switched it off. “Oh my god, look!” she shrieked and pointed out the window.

“What?” I asked, startled, not seeing anything besides a few fields and a little pond.

“That’s a hot spring!” she exclaimed excitedly, bouncing up and down in her seat.

“How do you know? It just looked like a puddle…”

“It says right here,” she said and pulled out yet another pamphlet. “We’re in Highway 108, right? Well, it says that there are a bunch of hot springs around these parts. There isn’t anyone else on the road, and besides, most of the springs are located over that little hill over there, so no one can see us. Can we go in one of them? Please, please, please?”

I gave her an incredulous look. “Did you have caffeine this morning?”

“Maybe.”

I sighed. “You know what happens when you have caffeine.”

“Oh come on. Be spontaneous,” she groaned. “Besides, the bath was too gross at the motel and so I didn’t shower…”

“That’s actually really gross. I can’t believe I touched you.”

She hit me. “Shut up. The springs will be nice and relaxing.”

“And disgusting.”

“The hot temperatures kill the bacteria,” she countered smartly. “I really want to go, Kasey.”

I rolled my eyes. “So?”

“So, let’s go in it. Right now.”

“Candace, I don’t think – “

“If we go in it, we can go naked.”

With a shriek of tires and a billowing cloud of dirt and smoke, I screeched the car to a stop at the side of the road. “Go, go, go!” I shouted, jumping out of the car. “To the hot springs!”

“Wow. You are such a typical guy.”

But I ignored her. I had already run to her side of the car, opened the door for her (which was very gentlemanly of me, if I didn’t say so myself), and then grabbed her by the hand and practically dragged her out of her seat (gentlemanliness gone). She didn’t care, however; she was giggling idiotically and pretty soon she was running in front of me, shouting profanities over her shoulder and daring me to a race to see who could get there first. I took her up on her challenge and after we had trudged over the hill and to the hot spring, we were both out of breath.

“I won,” I panted triumphantly.

“No,” she countered. “The winner is the first one with their clothes off.”

I grinned. Candace was definitely my kind of girl. I hardly had time to watch her undress before she jumped off of the little ledge we were standing on and splashed into the water. “Oh my god,” she gasped as she surfaced. “It’s freezing!”

“I told you it was just a pond,” I laughed.

“Shut up and get your stupid butt in here!”

I more than happily obliged and my world became a zooming mass of azure bubbles as I plummeted into the water. The bottom of the pond was, thankfully, not disgustingly grimy and as far as I could tell the water was pretty clear. The only other thing my mind could comprehend was how goddamn freezing it was – but then I suddenly became aware of a pair of hot lips being pressed on mine. Smiling slightly, and trying my best not to get water up my nose, I kissed Candace back while we were still underwater and I relished the feeling of her warm body on my icy skin.

Eventually we had to come up for air, but we hardly allowed ourselves to catch our breaths before we were at it again. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I pressed her up against the rock face that bordered the pond. Her hands were running down my chest slowly, her fingers keeping pace with the droplets of water that rolled down my skin. I shivered.

“Candace,” I gasped against her lips, finally pulling away from her. “I lied. I can’t wait anymore and I don’t care if you tell me your secret. I’m just going to say it.” I pressed my lips against hers once more before breathing, “I love you, too.”