Dear Frankie, Join Me in This Love You Call Hate

My hands were trembling as they snaked up his chest, pulling his shirt up his soft stomach. His hands were shaking too, but not from fear, probably just from being so drunk. Every now and then his tongue would flicker out to meet mine and every time it happened I almost buckled at the knees.

"Tell me to stop" I choked, through the lump that was stuck in my throat. Carelessly, I through his shirt far across the room and left my trembling hands to wander over his chest slowly. Gerards hands pressed firmly on my hips and moved me backward until my back thudded against the sink. I whimpered a little bit when the pain surged down my spine but it was magically taken away when his lips scattered kisses down my neck.

When I coughed then, a few tears started to spill down my cheeks. "I-" Words were failing to form into sentences. It was hurting my head so much, like an unimaginable headache just ripping away at my skull.

"Shh Frankie" He hushed into my ear before taking the lobe into his mouth and sucking it. A small squeak uttered from my lips and all I could do was grip onto the brim of the sink with my right hand. My left was occupied, tracing around his back and feeling each muscle as he moved. I sniffed heavily, trying to rid of the tears but they seemed invincible, unwilling to go away.

I hated crying.

"Tell me you love me" Gerard whispered now and cupped my cheeks with his hands. My eyes couldn't find his, they darted everywhere else in the room. Outside, the low beat of music pulsed through the doors and oddly, it seemed louder to my ears now than it did when I was out there. My bottom lip quivered when I felt him breathe heavily again. "Frankie" He pulled my chin to the side so I had to look at him. "Tell me you love me"

"I-" I paused. What was I supposed to say? My girlfriends out there somewhere distraught that I hadn't done what she wanted. Why hadn't I? It would have been so much easier, for her to just please me the way she wanted and everything would be fine. Gerard wouldn't have pulled his sympathy card out and we wouldn't be in this situation. I love my girlfriend. Not Gerard, I would have to kill him if I told him those three words, he would spread them round that quickly.

It was when he cleared his throat that I realised I still hadn't answered him. "I hate you" I grumbled and finally managed to look him right in the eye. I narrowed them, so tiny that everything around him was a blur. My eyes only saw him and his piercing eyes, his perfectly shaped shoulders and his sleek chest-

"I fucking hate you" I spat, tearing away from his grip and pushing past him. My head hurting and the pain in my back wouldn't disappear. I couldn't seem to get away from this man it appeared, when his hand snatched mine back into his, refraining me from getting any closer to the outside world.

"I know you don't mean that" He growled and wrapped one strong arm around my waist from behind. I could feel his hot breath making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, shivers rippling all over my body. He had the most venomous breath I knew. With one, quick and sharp movement, he had me against his body again, trapped. My stomach churned when I felt his erection rub against my ass.

Why did I always feel claustrophobic to the world? Continually I was being held back by someone, like a little guinea pig kept in a square metre cage for it's whole life. This time, it was Gerard's arms holding me back.

"I love Fran...I love Fran" I repeated. My body was shaking against his, probably causing him pleasure, but giving me excruciating pain right down to the tips of my toes. The tingled and stung when I felt his arm grip around me tighter, as if sucking the air right out of my lungs.

"Come on Frankie, y'know that's not true" He mumbled, his words getting tangled with each other when he spoke. More hot tears rolled down my pasty cheeks and all I willed for right now was to be free, get away from this school, this town, this country. I'm fed up of being someone's play doll.

Suddenly, the bathroom door flung open and hit the opposite wall with a loud bang. I looked straight at the person standing there and I swear I've never felt my heart rise with glee so much in my life; if it rose any higher it would be out, on the floor twitching away. I tried to make a run for it then, but I couldn't. All that happened was a stupid scene, my legs and arms flailed around everywhere as if i was running on the spot. Infact, I was. Gerard held me back and started kisses my bare collar bone.

"Get off of him, Gerard" I whimpered when I heard Mikey's voice. He was there, my best friend Mikey, come to save the day. Or so to speak. I hung limply in Gerard's stone grip and just waited for Mikey to tear me away. Which, If you looked at it would seem very unlikely considering the difference in size of both brothers. Gerard worked out, Mikey didn't, no further explanation needed.

"Gee please" I whispered, craning my neck for him to hear my words. His free hand was making small circles on the back of my neck. My eyes were daring to roll back in ecstasy but I remembered my words, I hated this man who had me trapped.

Instead, I pleaded with my eyes on Mikey who was looking just as scared as I felt. It was obvious Gerard was doing something wrong, my cheeks were inflamed and my eyes were still spilling fresh tears.

As if by magic, I felt no strong pulse around my stomach anymore, no arm gripping tightly around my waist. Gerard had let go. My feet scuffed as I lunged forward and into Mikey. He held me and laced his fingers with mine. "You should be ashamed" Mikey spat before tugging at my hand.

"Hang on" I whispered and nodded to the door. Mikey narrowed his eyes at me before cautiously walking out the room, only enough so that he couldn't see anymore. I made sure he had disappeared before I rushed back to Gerard. My hand twitched sharply, before it slapped hard over his cheek. My lips meshed against his, I prised them open and ran my tongue over his. My eyes closed and for a minute, I felt as if I was in sickly heaven.

When I broke away, I hovered over his mouth. Our breathing mingled together, he still had his eyes closed. "I fucking hate you" I whispered and pulled away, turning to run from the room.

Had Gerard tangled me up so much that I was now turning into the spiteful person that he was?

Maybe.