Dear Frankie, Join Me in This Love You Call Hate
Thirty
For a few minutes Gerard just stood there limp and heaving for oxygen, one hand propped by my head on the wall, the other hanging by his side. His hair was tickling my neck as it hung lowly.
"What does this mean?" I whispered, moving his head up to look at me. The hazel in his eyes had turned a very pale, almost cream colour, when they glistened in the reflection of the light streaming in from the window opposite.
He didn't move away from me, instead his feet shuffled on the ground closer and he said, "I don't know Frankie, but I know now what you wanted" He chuckled. My hand snapped up and shoved his chest hard, enough so that he stumbled backward and caught his balance by crashing into the other wall.
"Don't you fucking mock me" I hissed through gritted teeth. He seemed bemused and frightened almost. Nonetheless he straightened himself out and returned in front of me, chest rising slowly now, tongue flicking out to lick his lips. My eyes drew down to those lips and absentmindedly, I sucked on my own.
"Actions speak louder than words darling" He breathed onto my cheek as he left a few kisses down to my neck. Immediately, I let go of my lower lip with my teeth and could feel myself burning up.
I felt so frustrated, why had I let myself come out here and be fucked with? Fuck sake Frankie, why do you always have to follow the brain in your penis and not the heart? The brain tells you you're going to have a good time as it restrains in your pants, throbbing with excitment. Then there's the heart, telling you to not even walk out of that door.
Problems are meant for resolving, not for probing with and seeing how far they'll stretch until one of us explodes. "What just happened..." I started and prized Gerard away from my neck and scooting out from his grasp. "Did not just happen okay?"
"Oh but I think it did" He smirked.
"No" I snapped. "I told you I wanted nothing more from you, I hate you for what you've done. You fucked with my mind, you fucked with your brothers mind and you most definitely fucked with your own mind Gerard. Go get some help, get away from me and sort out your life. I'm a coward for ever thinking there was a spark between us, I regret every single breath I shared with you, every single touched you laid on me and every single word I ever spoke to you" My words dripped out venomously but I felt sure of myself and I knew that this was the truth.
"Then you'll regret what you're saying now then" He chuckled.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! Can't you get your damn mind to realise that this isn't a joke anymore!? Hear me out Gerard, you better be listening carefully because I'll only say this the once" I spat. His eyes stopped dead on mine and he resembled nothing more than a rabbit in the headlights.
"You.Are.Not.Worthy.Of.A.Relationship. You're not worthy of me, of Fran, of you're own brother..." My voice had dropped down to merely a whisper. "You're not worthy of life"
I had meant it to come out with so much power and meaning but the tears forming in my eyes and the odd one that rolled down my cheek told a different story. "You think you're not fucking with MY mind Franklin?! Why did you even come out here in the first place huh? Was it so you could have you sweet fuck and then throw it all back in my face? I never meant anything that happened since that first day, I don't even know why I approached you in the first place. Do you not realise how hard this is for ME? No, I don't think you do because all you can think about is your selfish self and how poor little Frankie has been hurt by big meanie Gerard Way. Well get this, Sugar I aint your playmate anymore, I don't want anything from you as much as you want the same from me" He paused for a second, just looking at me to make sure I was registering every word he was saying, and boy was I. "So...I'll just go kill my self now m'kay pumpkin?
"Why did you do it?" I called, stopping Gerard from walking any further away from me.
"What?" His head turned to look at me over his shoulder.
"I said, why did you do it? This? Why did you even waste your time?"
A pause. I could almost hear the saliva rolling down his throat as he swallowed.
"What does this mean?" I whispered, moving his head up to look at me. The hazel in his eyes had turned a very pale, almost cream colour, when they glistened in the reflection of the light streaming in from the window opposite.
He didn't move away from me, instead his feet shuffled on the ground closer and he said, "I don't know Frankie, but I know now what you wanted" He chuckled. My hand snapped up and shoved his chest hard, enough so that he stumbled backward and caught his balance by crashing into the other wall.
"Don't you fucking mock me" I hissed through gritted teeth. He seemed bemused and frightened almost. Nonetheless he straightened himself out and returned in front of me, chest rising slowly now, tongue flicking out to lick his lips. My eyes drew down to those lips and absentmindedly, I sucked on my own.
"Actions speak louder than words darling" He breathed onto my cheek as he left a few kisses down to my neck. Immediately, I let go of my lower lip with my teeth and could feel myself burning up.
I felt so frustrated, why had I let myself come out here and be fucked with? Fuck sake Frankie, why do you always have to follow the brain in your penis and not the heart? The brain tells you you're going to have a good time as it restrains in your pants, throbbing with excitment. Then there's the heart, telling you to not even walk out of that door.
Problems are meant for resolving, not for probing with and seeing how far they'll stretch until one of us explodes. "What just happened..." I started and prized Gerard away from my neck and scooting out from his grasp. "Did not just happen okay?"
"Oh but I think it did" He smirked.
"No" I snapped. "I told you I wanted nothing more from you, I hate you for what you've done. You fucked with my mind, you fucked with your brothers mind and you most definitely fucked with your own mind Gerard. Go get some help, get away from me and sort out your life. I'm a coward for ever thinking there was a spark between us, I regret every single breath I shared with you, every single touched you laid on me and every single word I ever spoke to you" My words dripped out venomously but I felt sure of myself and I knew that this was the truth.
"Then you'll regret what you're saying now then" He chuckled.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! Can't you get your damn mind to realise that this isn't a joke anymore!? Hear me out Gerard, you better be listening carefully because I'll only say this the once" I spat. His eyes stopped dead on mine and he resembled nothing more than a rabbit in the headlights.
"You.Are.Not.Worthy.Of.A.Relationship. You're not worthy of me, of Fran, of you're own brother..." My voice had dropped down to merely a whisper. "You're not worthy of life"
I had meant it to come out with so much power and meaning but the tears forming in my eyes and the odd one that rolled down my cheek told a different story. "You think you're not fucking with MY mind Franklin?! Why did you even come out here in the first place huh? Was it so you could have you sweet fuck and then throw it all back in my face? I never meant anything that happened since that first day, I don't even know why I approached you in the first place. Do you not realise how hard this is for ME? No, I don't think you do because all you can think about is your selfish self and how poor little Frankie has been hurt by big meanie Gerard Way. Well get this, Sugar I aint your playmate anymore, I don't want anything from you as much as you want the same from me" He paused for a second, just looking at me to make sure I was registering every word he was saying, and boy was I. "So...I'll just go kill my self now m'kay pumpkin?
"Why did you do it?" I called, stopping Gerard from walking any further away from me.
"What?" His head turned to look at me over his shoulder.
"I said, why did you do it? This? Why did you even waste your time?"
A pause. I could almost hear the saliva rolling down his throat as he swallowed.