Chasing Echoes

Banner By Mackie

I curled the last strand of my hair before unplugging the curling iron and pinning half up leaving the rest to fall where it wanted. As I applied the light pink lip gloss I was Mazz come up behind me in a purple dress and smile. I wish I could smile and be happy tonight, but it was Joe’s engagement party.

They had been engaged for months and where now just having a party for some reason. In a week Allison Heartly would become Mrs. Joseph Jonas. They decided to do the wedding quick so they could play the pregnancy off as something that happened after they were married. Since the Jonas Brothers were just so pure. If only the world knew what I knew.

“You ok?” Mazz asked looking at me.

“I think I have to be.” I said putting the cap on my lip gloss. “In a week they’ll be married and I’ll be alone.”

“Sweetie you have Shia.” Mazz reminded me.

Ever since the night Shia proposed and I tuned him down. Then we went back to the bus found out Joe and Allison where engaged and Shia ran out of there, we hadn’t talked much. I wanted it to work I really did but I think the magic was gone between us. At this point I was just holding on so I wouldn’t be alone after I watched Joe go off and marry Allison.

“Yeah, I do.” I said and I knew Mazz could hear the sadness in my voice.

“Hey babe you ready to go?” Shia asked popping his head in.

“Yes,” I said and grabbed my clutch and walked out of the bathroom.

“You look beautiful.” Shia kissed my head and held my hand tight as we walked out the door to the car.

“Thanks,” I said and just looked down at the ground.

Here we go.

---

I stood alone in a room of people who kept congratulation Joe and Allison. Sure most of them where my friends but every time someone walked by me they just shot me a sympathy look and kept walking. It didn’t help that as soon as we got here Shia had ran off with Nick and Kevin. Mazz was no where to be found either.

“Hey hunny,” I heard Denise voice from behind me and I turned around to her smiling face. “You ok?”

“I’m fine.” I lied and took a drink from my Champaign.

“I can tell,” Denise laughed and took my glass away from me. “I know this is hard for you and with all the looks you’re getting I’m sure it doesn’t help.”

“Not really,” I shrugged and looked over at the happy couple.

“I always figured it would be you with Joe, not Allison.” Denise said.

“I keep hearing that and I’m truly sick of it!” I said a little loud then I intended to, causing a couple people to look over. “Sorry Denise.”

“It’s ok.” Denise smiled at me. “If you want to you can sneak out the back. I promise not to tell.”

“Thanks.” I laughed lightly and hugged her.

I picked up my drink and started to walk out of the room where the party was being held but I stopped and looked back at the happy couple. Joe did look really happy with Allison and I guess I would just have to accept that. I took another drink from my glass and walked towards the exist when I saw an open door with soft music coming from it.

I walked towards the room curiously and saw it was a little church. Looking around I made sure no one was in it and then walked into it. I set down on the first bench in front of the pastors’ chair.

As a closed my eyes memories of Joe and flashed threw my mind like a home movie. As the memories danced threw my mind it felt like I was reliving everything over again, our first kiss, first dance, and first time.

Someone hand gripped my shoulder and I jumped out of skin, turned to find Joe standing next to where I was setting. He didn’t say a word he just walked and set down next to me. I didn’t know what to say or even do, but he broke the silents.

“This day has been madness.” Joe said quietly. “I honestly have no ideas what I’m doing.”

“You’re getting married.” I reminded him.

“Yeah,” Joe said and picked up my glass.

“You can have the rest if you want.” I said referring to my glass of Champaign. “I don’t mind.”

“I’m good.” Joe said and set it back down on the bench. “I always though it would be you.”

“Joe, don’t.” I sighed. “I’ve heard it enough today.”

“Let me finish.” Joe said softly and slid his hand in mine. “I always though it would be you, because we always loved each other. All the fighting I did for us and I actually think I had you convinced for moment that we where going to end up together. I messed it up like always, and I hurt you more then I ever have. Don’t say you’re not hurt because it’s written all over you’re face. I love you, Kourtney. As much as I do I don’t think its enough to keep leading you on, it’s not fair as much as I wanna hold onto you, I can’t.”

This was goodbye I could tell. As much as I didn’t wanna hear it I knew it was coming. I felt hot tears falling out of my eyes but I didn’t wipe them away. I thought maybe if I didn’t move and just stayed still he wouldn’t continue and we could just stop time. I kept wishing to go back in time to when we first met, to redo it all.

“I’m sorry for every thing really. I wish I never hurt you, but maybe this is how it’s suppose to be. Maybe you right maybe we're just not meant to be.” Joe wisphered the last part

“You’re starting to sound like me.” I laughed a little.

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” Joe laughed a little as well. “I’m stuck in the past of us while you’re moved on to you’re future.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t turn out how you wanted.” I said and started crying harder. “I’m sorry I’m not the same person you fell in love with on roof.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Joe said and pulled me to him. “You’re still that girl, and every time we’re together I see her. I’m just killing her more and more every time I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you to.” I said putting my head on his shoulder.

“I can honestly say this is the last time I’ll ever hurt you,” Joe said and I could tell he was about to cry as well. “In one week we'll be done with forever.”

“We’re not going to talk are we?” I asked crying harder and put my arms around him.

“I’m afraid not.” Joe said and twisted a couple strands of my hair and felt tears hit the top of my head as he buried his face in my hair. “It’s just to hard for me to be around you and not want you.”

“I love you.” I said crying harder and I felt my throat closing up.

“I love you to.” Joe said and brought my head up to look at him. “Forever and always.”

I closed my eyes and prayed this wouldn’t end. I wasn’t ready to let go, for the last two years we had fought but he was always there. After this he wouldn’t be. Kourtney and Joe would be over for good this time.

As I was about to speak I felt Joe’s lips against mine and I instantly replied. His hands went to my neck and into my hair pulling me in closer to him. As we kissed the tears mixed and started to fall harder from where we both were crying. To my dismay Joe started to pull back and let go of me.

“I just had to do that one more time. In a week I’ll be married and in 9 months I’ll be a dad.” Joe said and his voice kept going in and out. “I have something I need to give you though. It’s the last thing I have of you and I think you should have it.”

I watched him dig into his pocket and my vision started to blur up from all the crying. Even in the dimness of the church it sparked, the necklace Joe gave me when we first met. My snowflake necklace.

“Joe,” I started but my throat hurt making it hard to talk. “I can’t take it back.”

“I bought it for you.” He said and put it in my hand. “I just wanted you to have it back because this is my last chance to ever give it to you again. At lest this time you won’t throw it back at me.”

I heard a small chuckle from him and then his weight shifted as he got up. I looked up at him and saw him wiping his eyes on his sleeve. We just stood their looking at each other for a moment then Joe put his hands in his pocket and starts to walk toward the door.

“Bye Kourtney.” I heard him say and then the door closed softly leaving me alone.

I started to break down in a fit of tears as every emotion rushed over me. I was mad at myself for causing this and I was hurt that Joe had just given up on us. I knew this was coming one day I just didn’t think it was going to hurt this bad.

Finally I composed myself to where I could at lest walk out of here and back to my hotel were I could cry alone. I got up and walked slowly to the door, as I pulled it open I heard the party in full swing.

“Hey.” I heard Shia’s voice and saw him coming out of the party.

“Hey.” I said back and hugged him. “We need to talk.”

“I know,” Shia said and looked at the floor. “You’re still in love with him. I knew it from the begging I just though if I could steal you’re heart you would forget about him but it didn’t work.”

“I’m sorry.” I sad and felt tears coming again. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in our relationship but I think –”

“Kourtney, no.” Shia said cutting me off. “I cheated on you and not just once a few times. You don’t dissever that or me. I know you just wanna stay in this relationship to make me happy but you not happy. I want you to be happy and I can’t make you happy.”

I nodded in agreement. Shia was right. I wasn’t happy and I was just trying to make him happy. It sucked ending two relationships in one night and losing two people every close to me, but maybe this was suppose to happen.

I just had to accept everything coming my way and move on with my life. Tour ended tomorrow in LA and I would be done for a while. Maybe I would flight to Paris or Rome, maybe I would find myself again.

“I’m going to go so I can be gone when you get back to the hotel.” Shia said breaking my train of thought.

“You don’t have to.” I said looking up at him.

“But I want to.” Shia smiled and kissed my head. “It’s what right for both of us.”

“At lest let me walk you out.” I insisted and took his arm.

“Ok.” Shia smiled.

We didn’t say anything to each other as we walked out the doors into the cold night. Honestly I thinkwe he said all that need to be said. This was another relationship ending but this wasn’t heartbreak for either of us. We loved each other but as friends, and we both would be alright.

“Kourtney.” Shia said and pointed down the steps at a girl.

Instantly I recognized the girl on the step crying. It was my best friend. Mazz. I turned to looks at Shia and he nodded for me to go to her but handed me his jacket before hugging me then walking down the rest of the steps. I took off my heels then dashed down the steps to Mazz. She didn’t even look up at me, I didn’t care though. I just put Shia’s jacket around her should then hugged her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked hugging her.

“He broke up with me.” Mazz said ruffling to Nick, and I set their shocked.

Nick and Mazz had been together for over a year now going on two. They never fought or showed signs that the relationship was ending. I felt bad for her, we both we going threw the same thing.

“Why?” I asked holding onto her tighter while she cried on my shoulder.

“The fucking bitch Danielle,” Mazz cried harder.

“I’m so sorry.” I said and started to cry again because it hurt so bad watching her go threw the same thing I had.

I just set their holding onto her while we both cried. No matter how strong Mazz was she still broke just as easy as I did. I knew the whole Joe thing could wait till she was better and I got her threw this. She had been there for me so many times and now it was my turn to be there for her. We all each other had left.