Chasing Echoes

I span around in the chair as I waiting for Mike to finish the cut of the new song. Mike has cutting demos for the new album and we were working fast to get new songs and to make sure I had them down. Mike was sending me on tour, this time a world tour. I watched Mike pop the disk out and write on it in sloppy guy handwriting. We had recorded like 5 songs in the last week; Don't Walk Away, Josey, Homecoming, White Horse, and Everything I’m Not. I actually had some new material to sing when I went on tour which was good and I was super excited to get a hold of the new song Mike was writing, it was super good from the little glimpse I saw. It was a duet and I would be singing it with the lead singer of the opening act, unfortunately I didn’t know who the opening act was.

“I’ll be back I need to take this over to the producers and then get the lyrics for What Hurt’s The Most to the other group. Try not to start a fight or get in trouble.” Mike warned.

Mike had found out about Shia and Joe almost fighting and lest to saw he was less then impressed. Mike had actually called Shia’s agent the day everything ended up on Perez, and told him to have Shia issues a statement saying it was over between me and him. It never happened though so as far as the public knew Shia and I were still together. Mike was pissed though he said if Shia and Joe fought while I was still with Shia it would make me look bad. I didn’t care. I kind of hoped Shia and Joe would see each other again and Shia would beat the shit out of him.

“Kourtney Ann Ryan listen to me would you!” Mike yelled.

“Sorry. Zoned out but what did you say?” I asked looking up at him.

“I said I am taking this to the producers and to not get into any trouble.” Mike said picking up his things.

“I’ll try but I can’t promise anything.” I smirked.

“Oh god please don’t do anything that will end you up in rehab again.” Mike ran his hand threw his grey hair then walked out.

I smiled as Mike closed the door behind him and I looked around. Mike really cared for me I think that’s why he sent me to rehab truly I don’t ever remember him finding me the night I overdosed but I don’t remember much about that night. Only every thing bad that happened, that part will always haunt me. I ran a hand threw my messy brown hair and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I saw there was a messed call from Shia, I wasn’t surprised. Shia called me everyday since last week which was when I last saw him and we kissed. I hadn’t returned any of his calls though I didn’t have really I was always recording a new song or writing another, I hadn’t even seen Mazz expect for at home. I figured now would be the time to call him back since I wasn’t doing anything for the first time in a week. I went down to S in my phone and was about to hit call when I saw a text from Kevin appear on my phone; I hit open and forgot all about calling Shia.

Dollface! (: why don’t you meet me down at my studio and I’ll take you to lunch? – Kev.

Sure. I’ll be right down their. –Kourt.

I got up from my spin chair and grabbed my sunglasses off the table and then them on top of my head. I turned off the lights and locked the door behind me then took off walking down to the Jonas studio. On my way down to their studio I saw Mazz and Nick in her studio making out like always. I also saw Allison in her studio yelling at her producer from what I could tell. I rounded the hall to the Jonas studio and heard someone singing from their studio. I walked closer and quietly. Once I got to their door I pushed it open a little more and listened.

“I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought Id see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride

Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I’m gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye”

I looked in shock as I listened to Joe sing, he was alone and singing acoustically. I watched him move around singing the words on the paper in front of him. I felt like this was a privet show and the song was written for me, but really I was just some girl spying and the song was probably written for one of the many ex girlfriends Joe had. I smiled and closed my eyes as he sang the rest while he played the guitar.

“Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone
All alone, but here comes goodbye

Oh-oh-oh-oh

Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye”

I heard the guitar stop and Joe sigh and I knew the song was over. I was about to leave before he noticed me but it was too late. Joe’s chocolate eyes locked onto my ice blue ones and it took everything I had not to melt. It was like the first time all over and I hated felling like this. How weak I felt. It was like the past all over again. Joe put the guitar down and got out of the chair and walked towards me. Every instinct I had said to run and get as far away as I could but I never moved. I watching every step Joe took till we were standing about a foot apart. I felt his hand slide in and out of my hand then his finger tips slid up my arm causing me to shake a little and goose bumps to appear on my arms. I felt his finger tips stop at the top of my shoulder then draw tiny heart as his other hand slipped onto my cheek. His thumb rubbed my cheek slowly it’s like he was making sure I was real. I let my eyes travel up from his hand back to his eyes again. We stared each other down for what seemed like forever then his eyes pulled away and traveled down to my lips and didn’t move. I let my jaw drop and I tired to speak but my voice caught in my throat. I saw Joe hesitate but then start to lean down closer to me. Every part of me screamed no but I couldn’t scream it. I watched everything play out before my eyes and I panicked. I couldn’t do this again! I couldn’t go back to that weak pathetic person I was a year ago. Joe had a girlfriend and no matter how much I hated her I couldn’t do this to her. I watched Joe get closer and our noses touched and I could feel his hot breath on my lips. It would be so easy to just give in but I couldn’t.

“No” I said quietly and turned my head to the side. “I can’t do this again.”

“Kourtney.” Joe whispered practically begging.

I had never seen this needy pathetic side of Joe and I didn’t like it.

“No!” I screamed louder then I mean to and Joe jumped back.

I watched the pain flash in his eyes as he reached out for me but I just jerked away. I bit my lip and walked out the door and I felt Joe’s eyes glued to me the whole time. Once I had closed the door halfway I took off running down the hall towards my studio. I wasn’t paying attention and I hit someone and it caused me to hit the wall and land on the floor next to the person. Kevin. I looked at him and I saw worry flash on his face.

“Whoa what’s wrong?” Kevin asked trying to grab for me but I was already up.

“Nothing just nothing.” I said then took off running again towards my studio again.

I don’t think I had ever run that fast in my life, I felt like I was on the track team. I finally made it to my studio and threw the door open then closed it and leaned against it to catch my breath. I ran a hand threw my hair and bit my lip to keep tears from falling. I sighed and looked around to find Brian, Julia, Mazz, and Nick all looking at me with worried looks. Fuck My Life.