Chasing Echoes

Banner By: Vanessa

I chewed on the ends of my glasses as Mike went down through the list of things we needed to do. I needed another back up vocalist because of how the new songs were and Julia couldn’t do it alone. Also I needed an assistant to handle all my work and press events because I couldn’t do it alone anymore with how big I had became.

“Hey Baby.” Shia said as he busted threw the door on his skateboard.

I rolled my eyes at Shia and looked at his hand; it was broken again. Almost all the bruises from the fight had healed but a few cuts were still left on his face, all the major damage was in his hand. After we went to the hospital and got Shia’s hand check they informed us he would have to go back into surgery to get his hand fixed again. They had scheduled Shia’s surgery for the day I left for tour. I couldn’t post pone it which meant I would be left on the tour with Joe and without Shia to protect me.

Joe and I hadn’t seen each other since the party and that was 5 days ago. I was honestly scared of him. Joe was the last person I ever thought that would try and force me to do something I didn’t want to do, especially after what happened to me before. Joe I guess had tried to apologize by sending 300 roses to my apartment which Mazz got instead of me, she sent them right back to Joe.

“Shia out! We’re busy and what happened to the no boyfriend’s in the studio when working rule I enforced last year?” Mike sighed.

“Mike seriously I had Joe in the studio all the time.” After I said that I wanted to smack myself.

“Actually I should get going.” Shia said interrupting the awkward silence.

“Shia.” I sighed and got up.

“No, Kourtney I really have to so I’ll see you at my house tonight.” Shia said and held his hand up to keep distance between us.

“I’m going to go and let you two talk.” Mike said and then pushed Shia to the door.

Shia refused to look at me and I couldn’t blame him. After everything with Joe in some ways I did still love him, I always would. Joe had hurt me a lot and some stuff I couldn’t possibly ever forgive or forget as much as I wanted to. I think Shia always knew apart of me belonged to Joe, deep down I think that part of me killed him a little. I honestly wish I could let go of that little part Joe held, but I couldn’t, it hurt too much.

I snapped out of my thoughts to see Shia about to leave again. I cared about Shia a lot and I was falling for him but it just wasn’t that instant crazy in love type of thing I went through with Joe. I couldn’t bring myself to do fast again I needed slow and stable, that was Shia. I couldn’t let the one guy who loved me walk out the door I had to stop him. I had to say them 3 little words that scared me the most.

“I love you.” I said quietly.

Shia turned back to me and our eyes locked instantly. I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand, I laced our fingers. I put my other hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down to me.

“What did you say?” Shia asked looking down at me.

“I said I love you.” I smiled.

Shia smiled and leaned his for head down against mine; it felt like forever before his lips hit mine. Shia’s hand slipped out of mine and cupped my cheek while his other hand rested on my waist. I pulled back after a couple minutes of making out and looking into Shia blue eyes. I don’t know what came over me but I made a bold move and started to unbutton his shirt. Shia grabbed my hands before I even got to the second button, and then looked at me.

“You sure?” Shia asked. “I don’t want this to turn out as a mistake for you.”

“I’m sure.” I whispered and nodded.

Shia smiled then leaned down pressed his lips back against mine while letting go of my hand. I instantly went back to the buttons on his shirt while his good hand still cupped my cheek. Finally I got his shirt undone breaking the kiss to slid it off, then when back to the kiss. Shia messed with my shirt before finally getting it unbuttoned, pulling it down over my shoulders, reveling a black lacey bra. Shia slipped his hand into my hair and deepened the kiss.

After a while almost all our clothing was off but our underwear and we have moved to the couch. I was about to take Shia’s boxers off when the door opened. I pushed Shia off me out of instinct and looked at the door. Joe.

“Sorry.” Joe looked down at the floor as he closed the door.

“Jesus Christ.” Shia groaned and got back on the couch.

I felt Shia’s lip attach to my neck but I couldn’t focus anymore for some reason deep down inside I was worried about Joe. I know I have one gorgeous blue eyed boy willing to give me everything to me but I’m worried about the brown eyed heartbreaker.

I put my hand on Shia’s chest and pushed him back while I got up. I put on my jeans and grabbed my tank top and threw on. I looked at Shia as I buttoned up my shirt, he looked upset with me.

“Kourtney don’t go chasing him.” Shia sounded like he was begging me.

“I’m not.” I lied.

“Yes, you are.” Shia sighed. “Please just stay here with me let him go!”

“I let him go a long time ago!” I shot back at Shia.

I regretted yelling at Shia, he looked taken back by the tone of my voice. I sighed and just grabbed my shoes off the floor then took off out the door, leaving Shia half naked in my studio. I took off towards the one place where it all began. I pushed open the door that leads to the familiar steps, then took off running up them till I got to the door that lead to it all.

I stood looking at the door debating if I should open it or not. I could leave it all and go back down to Shia, beg for him to forgive me, take me back. Or I could open this door let every memory I had with Joe come back. I took the second option and opened the door to my past.

I opened my eyes and saw Joe setting on the ledge looked down at traffic. I walked over near him quietly almost regretting even coming up here but something told me not to turn back. We needed to end this once and for all, we needed closure.

“What did you come up here for?” Joe asked not even turning to look at me.

“Honestly? I have no idea.” I said crossing my arms. “I shouldn’t even be talking to after what you almost did.”

“I apologized over and over.” Joe said flatly.

“Joe just because you apologize for it doesn’t make it ok!” I shouted.

“Then what do you want from me Kourtney?” Joe shot back. “Did you honestly not know it was me?”

I didn’t answer I just looked at the ground and shifted my weight. A part of me I think always knew it was him under the mask but I didn’t want to admit it, everything that night felt so good.

“That’s what I though.” Joe sighed.

“It doesn’t make it right Joe you still took advantage!” I screamed.

“Believe what you want Kourtney but you wanted just as much.” Joe argued.

We looked at each other in silent’s neither of us ready to give up and into each other. Joe got up slowly not letting his eyes move from mine as he stepped closer. He kept moving closer and closer. I didn’t know what to do because he was going to try and kiss me. After everything I couldn’t let him even though some little part of me was screaming for me to just kiss him. I couldn’t.

“I can’t play this game anymore Joe.” I said quietly pushing him back. “We’re not meant to be and never were.”

“How can you say that?” Joe asked looking at me. “Everything in our history leads to us being together! We’re meant to be!”

“Our history? Joe our history together is horrible! All you did was cheat on Taylor then ended up picking Taylor over me! So how in the hell does that lead up to us being meant to be?” I screamed in anger.

“God this feels like a flash back will you let Taylor go please it was a mistake. I let the mistake you made with Ed go now let mine go.” Joe sighed.

“What about Allison is she another mistake?” I asked glaring at him.

“I love Allison, but never the way I loved you.” Joe looked up at me hopeful.

“That it right their ‘the way you loved me’ you don’t love me. You use to, you just miss the memories.” I said and it almost hurt to say it.

“Kourtney don’t put words in my mouth or try an tell me how I feel!” Joe yelled. “I love you and always will.”

“Even if you do it’s not enough anymore Joe, I’m not leaving Shia. I love him.” I said and for some reason a part of me felt like I was lying. “We’re two different people now those two kids who met up on the roof have faded and we’ll never be them again. It’s time to end this Joe let it go for me please just give up. I’m happy without you for once in my life. Let me enjoy it.”

“I still believe we’re meant to be.” Joe said softly.

“Well I don’t.” I said then turned to walk away.

“It wasn't over, it still isn't over for me!” Joe yelled as I kept walking.

“Stop quoting Noah form the Notebook! We’re not Noah and Allie or anyone else! Good-bye Joe!” I yelled then slammed the door shut behind me as I walked out.

I sighed knowing that Joe wasn’t going to give up easily no matter how much I begged him. I still hadn’t forgiven him for what happened for my birthday and I was started to wonder if I ever could. Maybe if I just held onto that it would be the one thing to keep us apart for good. Even though that little part Joe held was still wishing for our Allie and Noah moment, I couldn’t give it. I wasn’t the Kourtney from two years ago that’s heart belonged to Joseph Adam Jonas. My heart now belongs to Shia LaBeouf.

At Lest I Think It Does.