Midnight Rain

Three more periods had passed then it was time for second, and final, lunch. I put my things in my locker before heading out of the building. Not a lot of people were outside which was fine by me. There were concrete steps on the side of the building that had large bushy trees around it. Shade was given off to most of the concrete. Sighing, I walked towards it and laid on my back looking up at the blue skin that was being blocked by the tree limbs. The tree branches would move in the breeze and the sun would cast its unwanted shine into my eyes making me squint. After about three and a half minutes of getting tired of squinting, I let my eyes fall and I thought about life before California.

Idaho was barren and unstable for the most part. Most of it was rivers and valleys. It was a rather boring stare minus the Fridays nights I would spend at the movies with Ana; there was never really much to do. Most of the guys within a five hundred mile radius either worked or grew up on a farm so they were out of the question. I had never noticed their odd accents until I say a woman on a game show that was from a few towns over from the one I used to live in; as I had been watching it with Uncle Bill- that is until he burned dinner.

I remembered my parents. My Mother always smelled of some sort of tropical elegant perfume. Her eyes had sparkled when I came home with straight A’s one year on my report card. Granted I was only a child but she was proud never the less. My Father, I was sure, had a soft side hidden some where under his hard exterior.

“Amanda?” A males voice asked. I groaned mentally. I knew who it was. There was no denying it or getting away from it. It was the same smooth voice that had irritated me all though out English. It was always one of my favorite subjects but now I’m not too sure. People all around me acted like I was from a different planet and it bugged the hell out of me. Since my anxiety still hadn’t let up and I was medicated; I would be fighting a battle and losing.

“You know your laying around the area that my group of friends and I sit, right?” He asked, sitting next to my side. I heard people coming up the stares of the concrete. They were laughing and I already knew that one of them was probably shaking their heads and smiling. There was always that hard ass in each group. It wasn’t any different back home; so there was no reason why it wouldn’t be here.

“Oh, who is this beautiful lady?” I heard another males voice ask. I heard Brian cough over his laughter. I kept my eyes closed and my face blank. I was trying to crawl my way into the back of my head to find a memory that I had of Ana and myself at a happier point in time.

“Her name’s Amanda. She moved here from Idaho.” I heard Brian say. I had a feeling that he was smirking but I didn’t say anything.

“Does she speak?” The guy that was now sitting next to me said. I could sense the curiosity and the sarcasm. I wanted them to go away. I wanted them to stop talking. To leave me be with my memories. I wanted to be any where but here.

I sat up and turned to face Brian and his friends; which had fell silent after noticing me. I looked at Brian’s friend. I thought I saw him in the hall way at some point during the day trying to score more then likely. His black hair looked thin, went to the end of his neck and he had a fringe. I saw three silver hoops in his face. He had one that looked like a bull ring and then he had what my uncle had only with silver hoops; one on each side. His eyes were a mint green; making his light skin tone look brilliant against his mesmerizing eyes and dark hair. I let my eyes fall to the floor.

“I’ll leave.” I muttered standing up. I felt Brian grab my ankle before I could walk away. I turned to him and sighed.

“Please stay.” Brian pleaded. I looked at him to see that smirk on his face. I felt my anxiety bubble more. The anxiousness never left my veins. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. It was a bad side affect to my medication.

I sat back down and sighed rubbing my temples as I heard another voice ring out close to us. I looked up to see a guy with very short sandy blond hair. His complexion was lighter then Brian’s but darker then Brian’s other friend. He had a hoop in the side of his lip. Behind a pair of black aviators I could tell was a set of hazel eyes. Just to confirm my suspension, when he took them off I nodded. I had been correct by his eye color. He smiled warmly at his friend and then his eyes landed on me, or so it felt like it. I was now looking at the salt embedded into the concrete.

“Hey Brian. Hey Zack.” Said the guy with the one lip ring. He sat Between Zack and Brian with a smile plastered on his face. I don’t know what there was to be so happy about, but I kept my mouth shut.. I now knew the smart ass was Zack. I made a mental note to avoid sitting over here for the remainder of the school year.

“Hi Matt.” It was Zack that spoke. His voice wasn’t as smooth as Brian’s; it was smoother. I now knew the other guy as Matt. I could still feel this Matt character’s eyes burning small holes into my skin.

“Who are you?” Matt asked. There was curiosity in his voice like it was with everyone else today. I looked up at him blinked a few times before going back to looking at the salt in the concrete. I could feel Brian’s eyes burn into my skin, Zack’s not too far behind. I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn’t like to be looked at by many people. All morning I wanted to vomit and they were just making it worse at the moment.

“Amanda.” I said just above a whisper. My voice came out strained because it was forced. I saw them nod their heads because I could see their shadows that shown over the concrete due to the sun. I could also see the shadows of tree trunks and branches that seemed to always be blowing in the wind. The day was warming up but at least the concrete was cool; it was rough but cool.

“That’s a pretty name.” Zack said. I lifted my eyes to him long enough to see him wink then my eyes went back to the concrete. I was drawing random shapes with my fingers. I liked how the rough tiny rocks and pieces of what ever else was in there glided over my smooth finger tips. “So where’d you move here from?” Zack’s voice was calming in a way queer to me. I shook off the feeling.

“Idaho.” There wasn’t much to tell; that they know of. I had always gone to one school in my life so I never had to be fresh meat, per say, when every one else around me was in the same boat. Ana had made me feel welcome the first day wet met. No one could compare to her in my eyes. I don’t think I could ever be as close to any one as her and I was. It was uncanny at how well we knew each other.

“Did you like it there?” Matt asked this time. I could tell their voices apart. Brian’s voice was all out smooth. Zack’s was smoother then Brian’s and it made me feel calmer then what I was before he spoke. Matt’s, on the other hand, was deeper and rougher. It made me nearly flinch when he spoke because it reminded me of how my Father’s voice was. It took all I had to let my tears not spill over.

“I liked it.” I said forcing a slight smile to pass my lips. I twirled my finger around in strange motions, my finger growing hot from the friction. I stopped and laid my hand on my thigh. I licked my dry lips before biting down on my bottom lip, slightly. I could tell Brian was watching my movement or it could just be my paranoia.

“Then why’d you move?” Brian asked. I could hear him shifting in his spot. I bit my bottom lip harder. They were such easy questions with complicated answers. My life was simple up until that night and I knew that; well for the most part. I felt my eyes burn.
I held them back and nearly choked on the sob that wanted to travel from my bubbling stomach, up my throat and escape my lips with a rough, loud sound. No one could deny that I knew it was my fault that they were dead. Some people think that it’s their fault after a loved one had died. What happens when you kill your parents in cold blood? Where can you go from there? I was still figuring that part out.

“Personal reasons.” I said just above a whisper. I knew that if I looked up then they would see the water building from behind my eyes and would ask me even more questions that I couldn’t and wouldn’t answer. I didn’t want people’s sympathy. I didn’t deserve to be out with people. I deserved to be locked up. In the back of my head I heard a shrill scream coming from my Mother’s mouth. I closed my eyes. I took a scalpel and ran it down her leg, hardly applying pressure. Blood seeped out of her open wound. I could see where it tore through her leg muscle. I had a smile on my face laughing a laugh I had never heard escape my throat. Blood poured from the wound. I giggled. I grabbed her ankle and pulled her back to me. As I pulled her back, Mother’s nails were pulling up some wood from the floor as she was being pulled back. I put both of my hand on each side of the incision slowly ripping it open.

Blood was everywhere; on me, on her, on the floor. Her cries for mercy and for someone to help her got louder. The agony in her voice gave me an unknown feeling bubbling through my veins and syncing its self with the beating of my heart. I laughed hard getting at level with her leg running my chest over it. Blood was soaking my chest and shirt. I ran my face over it smelling it, tasting it and biting on her muscle. My Mother cried out in pain as I tore a chunk of muscle off with my teeth. I ran my long nails down my cheeks slowly, carefully. I was in complete ecstasy.

“Amanda?” I heard a faint voice say in a far off distance. I opened my eyes and saw Zack, Brian and Matt with worried look’s on their faces. I blink a few times as I looked up. “What is it? What’s wrong?” It was Zack that has said my name. I felt my anxiety and panic levels drop. I raised my eye brow questioning all three of them.

“You just sort of zoned out and then a few tears fell.” Matt noted pointing to my cheek. I blinked a few times and pressed my finger to my cheek and felt the liquid that I had, unintentionally, let fall from behind my eyes. I whipped my cheeks with the back of my hand. I wanted to run away from these people. I wanted to run away from this place. I wanted it to go back to how it used to be before I murdered my parents. I wanted everything to go back to normal.

“Amanda. Are you alright?” Brian asked softly. I saw his hand coming towards my shoulder. Out of reaction I slapped his hand away looking at him my eyes wide. I didn’t like to be touched. They had their space and I had mine. That’s the way it worked and it has been working for me for five and a half years so there was no reason to let my guard down. Right?

I opened my mouth to answer Brian’s question with a simple yes; then the bell ran cutting me off of my answer. I quickly got up and ran into the building leaving three very confused looking boys behind.