Midnight Rain

I wasn't sure if I had did the right thing or not by giving Zack a clue. I considered it to be apart of the mystery known as me. Part of me wanted to open up to this boy and tell him everything about that night in great detail. The other part of me knew I could never do that because they would react in the same way that everyone else did back home. They would stare at me like I was a freak show. No one talked to me or came anywhere near me. It was an awful feeling but the feeling that knowing that it was own doing made the matters, and my mental state, worse.

"I'm not sure that I understand." Zack whispered in my ear. My spine felt cold and I muffled the sigh I wanted to release. I felt Zack rest his cheek on my shoulder making me flinch. I wasn't sure if this kid had a death wish or not. Much to my own suprise it didn't bother me like it would have if it was my Uncle or if it was any of the people before me; but not Zack. That scared the shit out of me.

"That's the point." I whispered back glancing down at his green eyes that peered up at me in questioning. I felt him wrap his arm around me pulling me back to where I was rested against his chest. This form of physical contact seemed queer on my tongue. I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. It was strange to think that I stopped that normal movement in my own parents.

"How could that be the point?" He asked just above a whisper. "I ask you a simple question and you give me a confusing answer." I could hear the chuckle in his voice. The old leather of his jacket made my body turn cold. I snuggled against him more; just to get some body heat going.

"I'm not a simple person." I said with a shrug. I felt him nod his head in understanding. I had a feeling he was going to drop the subject and he did. I looked up and Brian looked at me for a few moments before smiling. I gave him a half smile.

You're letting yourself slip.

No I'm not.

Yes. Don't you see? You let a clue slip to Zack and your snuggled against him. You've made eye contact with him. You smiled, half way, to Brian. You're screwing up!

The voice screamed at me in anger. The voice was low and rough as it had always been. It was a voice that had been with me for as long as I could remember. He was never happy with me; I was always doing something incorrect to upset him. Maybe if I act like nothing's wrong then they won't suspect anything.

The voice scoffed. So they can end up dead? Killed by your own hands. What about Zack? The one you can't lie to?

I knew what he was getting at. If I let myself slip up any more then my secret will get out and everything that I would have worked for will blow up in my face. I was sure of it. I can control myself. I do have medication.

The voice was silenced. He would come out of no where at times and we would have a battle, him winning most of them, about me and what I'm doing wrong. It was like a recurring nightmare. I can't remember if he was talking to me inside my head the night I killed my parents. I had never asked. I was scared of the answer.

I hadn't realized that I had stared off into space until I heard someone start to speak to me. "You alright?" I could tell he tried to hid the concern in his voice but it didn't work too well for him. I looked at his green eyes, something the voice told me not to do, seeing the concern wash over his eyes. I bit my bottom lip slightly.

"I'm fine." I managed to get out with a small smile. I could see in his eyes that he didn't believe a word of it. To be frank, I didn't even believe myself. This was one of the main reasons why I would stay away from people. I never knew what was going to happen. I actually liked solitude it came with comfort knowing that there wasn't anyone around that I could hurt. "Really." I lightened my tone just a tad.

"If you're sure." Zack said quietly. I could hardly hear him. The concern and wonder never left his eyes. I wasn't sure if it ever would. I laid my head back down on his chest and looked up at the, now, black sky. I could see the stars shining around the moon. The sky seemed to have a blue tent to it. It reminded me of a picture I had painted once. Ana had hung it in her room because she liked it so much.

"Amanda right?" I looked up when I heard the feminine voice. I saw Lee sitting herself infront of me with a smile. I nodded my head not bothering to sit up. Zack was comfortable and I wasn't in the mood to move around.

"So how do you like Huntington Beach so far?" Lee asked smiling. She was eating out of a pack of gummy worms. She was eating a red, green and white one. I wasn't much of a candy person but from her perky personality, s far as I could tell, she was.

"It's alright I suppose." I shrugged my shoulders. I hadn't seen a lot of it and I was out with real people for the first time in years. It was queer to me since I still had yet to get used to their smiling faces and their warm welcomes. The people seemed nice; for now.

"There isn't much to do really; but there are some fun times." She said picking up another gummy worm from the pack and began to munch on it. I nodded my head. Lee seemed like a nice person. I wasn't sure about Val. She reminded me too much of Ana; so I would keep my distance. I didn't to remember my past so much around people that I wasn't sure what to think about.

"What would you do for fun back where you used to live?" Lee asked slightly bouncing in her spot. I made a mental note that she was rather cheerful and couldn't sit still for a little while.

"There was only the movie on Friday's. That's about it." I said in a monotone. I was very tired and As far as I knew I had a doctors appointment. Sighing I stood up and put my hands in my jeans pocket. "I'm going to head home." I said loud enough for everyone to hear me. They looked at me and smiled. I got byes from every one as I started my lone walk down the alley way back to Uncle Bill's; thinking about my appointment with my psychologist.