Midnight Rain

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they regret the things that they have said. If it was to the wrong person or just the wrong thing to say at the moment; they still regret it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to regret telling Zack that I was going to fill him in on my dirty little secrete some day but I couldn’t bring myself to regret my choice of words at all. I wanted to keep my secret a secret but all I could do is want to have this intense connection with Zack; that meant no secrets.

I heard him mumble an alright. He ran his fingers though my hair giving me a tingling sensation on my scalp. I hugged his fitted body tighter to me and sighed. I could listen to the steady heartbeat that belonged to Zackary Baker all day if I really wanted too. He held me closer when he saw that the clouds were growing dark and they soon blocked the sun’s rays.

“Let’s get going.” Zack said patting my back. I took that as a silent gesture to stand up and brush off; in which I did. I brushed the grass (and possibly sand) from my body and Zack stood up and did the same. I stopped when I noticed that Zack was gazing me with a certain emotion in his brilliant green eyes. It was an emotion that I could not name nor had I ever seen it before in someone’s eyes as they looked at me. I felt compelled to ask what the look was about but I bit my tongue as simple words escaped his lips.

“What is it?” I asked just above a whisper. I grabbed Zack by the sleeve of his shirt when he tried to walk past me. He sighed and turned to look at me. He looked me in the eyes and I could still see that emotion in his eyes. He let his eyes drop before he turned him to the sky as if he was asking a question that I couldn’t hear.

“Have you ever wondered why the human body was the way that it was?” He asked looking at me while softly biting on his snake bites. He looked hopeful but I had no idea where he was going with this. I felt some thing bubble up in my stomach going all up through my chest. It wasn’t painful and I had no idea what it was.

I blinked a few times. I licked my lips before taking my bottom in between my teeth and biting down. I nodded a few times as Zack’s gaze fell back on my eyes. “Yes; yes I have. Many times.” I said scrunching up my eye brows together and squinting my eyes just a little.

“Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have?” He questioned raising his eye brows. I let my hand fall from his sleeve to his hand as I took it into my own and let my eyes drop to the grass. His hand was much bigger then my own. I was uneasy because I didn’t know where this conversation was heading.

“Yes.” My voice was small and soft. I knew he heard me because his grip tightened around my hand. I watched as his feet came closer to me. I let my eyes travel up his body before my eyes set on his. He was so close. Possibly too close for comfort? “Why are you so close?” I asked. I could hear my voice waver and it was so shaky I wasn’t sure how I wanted it to sound.

“I want to try something.” Zack whispered. I saw his hand come to my face and stroke my cheek before letting his hand go smoothly into my hair. I held back the whimper I wanted to let out. I thought he was going to hurt me. His face inched closer to me. His lips were but a mere centimeter away from mine. “Is this okay?” He asked. His hot breath masked around my face. It smelled like cigarettes and something sweet. I couldn’t find the words. I nodded slightly.

Within a blink of an eye his lips were grazing over mine. I wasn’t sure if you could call it a kiss or if you could call it something else. I didn’t know. He pressed his lips harder onto my own. I let my eyes shut. I picked up my hand and let my thumb glide over his exposed cheek. After a few seconds, despite the fact that it felt like years, he pulled away. I was slightly thankful there was no tongue involved. He smiled down at me before kissing the tip of my nose.

People say that when if have your first kiss and if it’s with the right person you feel a jolt of electricity. Other people say it’s like fireworks. The elderly say it’s magical and you never want it to end. I never felt that. I wasn’t sure what I felt. That was a big problem I had. I could never tell an emotion from the next. I had been emotionless in the ward for so long that I soon forgot the way each emotion felt in my body. This new emotion I had bubbling up in the pit of my stomach and up through my chest was unfamiliar. I couldn’t place it.

But if love is a manipulation of the mind and fear is only in your mind; where does that leave the other emotions?