Bite Me

Decisions Made

Dear online journal,
Wow, this takes some getting used to but as I have researched, every slayer has kept some sort of journal. Mine just happens to be online. It is now the last week in May and pretty soon in a few more days, Erelin will be graduating high school. Bev wants to throw her a big party after work one day. We will be shutting down the doors early for once at work.

About my mother, I haven’t had too many nightmares about her. Brendon had told me one day that maybe now I am coming to peace with what happened to her. I found some of her old journal writings online that someone had posted. Someone had to have known her or in my case, someone had to have known about the other slayers as well to pass down their knowledge. How else would it have wound up online?

Anyhow, those are questions for another day. I knew my mother loved me because as I read her journals and she mentions me a lot. She was so worried on what would happen to me if something happened to her and if I was a potential slayer. She hoped I would lead a normal life away from vampires. No where in her journals did it mention anything about what vampire was after her that ended up killing her. She listed several big battles that she had fought but nothing that could lead me to her killer. Mom also mentioned about how close she was to her boyfriend and that she loved him. She knew he would watch over me and protect me from harm. So where is he now?

Oh, and about Pete and I, we haven’t really seen each other as much in the last month and a half. It has been really strange because for awhile he was always there watching me. It didn’t matter if I was out alone or with the boys slaying he, was there lurking to make sure I wasn’t in any danger. Sometimes I would run into him but now it is getting rare. I do miss him. Well at least talking to him. I think my heart always will miss him which leads me to Jason.

Jason is a very sweet and caring guy who I can go out and have fun with but he isn’t right for me. Or I guess I should say that I am not the girl for him. I have kept being a slayer from him but it is taking its toll on me not telling him the truth. I know he is crazy about me but I don’t feel the same. That’s why I have to break things off with him Saturday at Erelin’s party. When he kisses me I don’t feel that spark you should feel towards the one you love.
Pete and Nick have been the only two guys in my life that I have truly felt that spark with. Once again I let my heart interfere with my head. I have to leave L.A. I am going to go crazy if I stay here. Maybe after Erelin’s party I will take a temporary leave for awhile to get away from the drama in my life. I should probably speak to Bev about that so she can find a temporary supervisor while I am away. You would think I can move on from Pete but I can’t.
He’s always there in some way whether a dream or a thought.

That is another thing. Pete invades my dreams sometimes. I don’t think he knows it or realizes it sometimes but it seems our dreams clash at times. I have seen his nightmares. At first it scared me some of the things he has dreamed but they make me understand him a little better and why he chooses to not be with me. He figures he is protecting me from something. I can’t say I need protecting or that I agree with him but I know why he chooses to do some of the things he does. Anyway this journal session is over now for Bev is calling me.